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Funny Quotes From The Tonight Show

The Tonight Show is the holy grail of late night TV. It's been around for decades and will continue to last for decades more. The weird feud between Leno and Conan was...weird, but the franchise continues to strive. However, Leno's ratings aren't what they use to be and his contract will not be renewed. He will be replaced in 2014.

Below are some funny quotes from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

It's so cold in Washington, DC, it took 15 minutes to jump-start Dick Cheney's heart.
Jay Leno
I like Dick Cheney, because he's perpetually pissed off.
Dennis Miller
It was so cold in California today, Scott Peterson has said he's actually looking forward to going to Hell.
Jay Leno
He saw something below sea level. Yeah, his approval rating.
Jay Leno, on George W. Bush visiting the south after Katrina
I think it's just a case of monkey see, monkey do.
Jay Leno, on the remakes of King Kong
Men, do you have vaginal dryness?
Jay Leno, reading an ad headline
This is why poor countries hate us!
Jay Leno, on a jewel-encrusted Mr. Potato Head
A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he called Bush's dad. How embarrassing, when world leaders start calling your father.
Jay Leno
According to doctors, George Bush has the lowest heartbeat ever recorded by someone in the White House. Well, second lowest. Dick Cheney got his down to zero a couple of times.
Jay Leno
An Israeli man's life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man's heart in a heart transplant operation. The guy is doing fine, but the bad news is, he can't stop throwing rocks at himself.
Jay Leno
More talk show quotes:
Colbert Report
Daily Show
Late Night
Late Show
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