A Fish Called Wanda Quotes

A Fish Called Wanda is a television show that debuted in 1970 . A Fish Called Wanda ended in 1970.

It features Michael Shamberg as producer, John Du Prez in charge of musical score, and Alan Hume as head of cinematography.

A Fish Called Wanda is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom, and United States. Each episode of A Fish Called Wanda is 108 minutes long.

The cast includes: Kevin Kline as Otto, John Cleese as Archie, Jamie Lee Curtis as Wanda, Kevin Kline as Otto West, Maria Aitken as Wendy, Michael Palin as Ken, and Tom Georgeson as George.

A Fish Called Wanda Quotes

Kevin Kline as Otto

• (Kevin Kline) "Touch his dick, and he's dead."

• (Kevin Kline) "Asshole."

• (Kevin Kline) "When you say "friendly", what are we talking about here? Cordial? Courteous? Supportive? What?"
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "I don't know. Let's just see what happens."
• (Kevin Kline) "So, "friendly" might include actual -- what, penetration?"

• (Kevin Kline) "Oh, I'm so very, very, very ssssssssssss -- f*** YOU."

• (Kevin Kline) "Don't call me stupid."
• (Maria Aitken) "Why on earth not?"

• (Kevin Kline) "Don't call me stupid."
• (Maria Aitken) "Why on earth not?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Oh, you English are so superior, aren't you? Well, would you like to know what you'd be without us, the good ol' U.S. of A. to protect you? I'll tell you. The smallest f***ing province in the Russian Empire, that's what. So don't call me stupid, lady. Just thank me."
• (Maria Aitken) "Well, thank you for popping in and protecting us."
• (Kevin Kline) "If it wasn't for us, you'd all be speaking German. Singing "Deutschland, Deutschland über alles -- ""

• (Kevin Kline) "I love robbing the English, they're so polite."

• (Kevin Kline) "You really like animals don't you, Ken? What's the attraction."
• (Michael Palin) "Well, you can t-t-trust them and they don't sh-sh-sh-sh"
• (Kevin Kline) "s*** on you?"
• (Michael Palin) "Show off all the t-time."

• (Kevin Kline) "Look, you obviously don't know anything about intelligence work, lady. It's an X-K-Red-27 technique."
• (Maria Aitken) "My father was in the Secret Service, Mr. Manfredjinsinjin, and I know perfectly well that you don't keep the general public informed when you are "debriefing KGB defectors in a safe house.""

• (Kevin Kline) "You spineless bimbo."

• (Kevin Kline) "s***. f***ing Limey cement."

• (Kevin Kline) "I'm, uh, Harvey. Manfred -- jen -- sen -- den."

• (Kevin Kline) "Don't call me stupid."

• (Kevin Kline) "What does he want you to do? Send her flowers? Do her shopping? Show her a good time? Rub her out? Rub her out?"
• (Kevin Kline) "HE'S GOING TO KILL HER. HA HA HA."
• (Michael Palin) "Shut up."
• (Kevin Kline) "f*** off or I'll kill you. LIMEY FRUITS. So the old lady's gonna m-m- meet with an accident, eh K-K-Ken?"
• (Michael Palin) "Shh."
• (Michael Palin) "What's; what's so funny?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Nothing, it's just that wasting old ladies isn't NICE."
• (Michael Palin) "Well it's better than b-b-buggering people."
• (Kevin Kline) "I'll bet you a pound you don't kill her."
• (Michael Palin) "Alright."
• (Kevin Kline) "Alright. I love watching your ass when you walk. Is that beautiful or what? Don't go near him. He's mine. A pound says you won't kill her. Ha ha."

• (Kevin Kline) "Ok -- Ok -- DISAPPOINTED. Son of a bitch. What do you have to do in this world to make people trust you?"
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Shut up."
• (Kevin Kline) "People are always taking advantage of me."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Shut up and think."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "What are you doing?"
• (Kevin Kline) "I'm thinking."

• (Kevin Kline) "Avoid the green ones. They're not ripe yet."

• (Airline Employee) "Aisle or window, smoking or non?"
• (Kevin Kline) "What was the part in the middle?"

• (Kevin Kline) "So the old lady's gonna m-m-m-meet with an accident eh K-K-K-K-Ken?"

• (Kevin Kline) "You know your problem? You don't like winners."
• (John Cleese) "Winners?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Yeah. Winners."
• (John Cleese) "Winners, like North Vietnam?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Shut up. We didn't lose Vietnam. It was a tie."
• (John Cleese) "I'm tellin' ya baby, they kicked your little ass there. Boy, they whooped yer hide REAL GOOD."

• (Kevin Kline) "You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, f***-face, dickhead, asshole."
• (John Cleese) "How very interesting. You're a true vulgarian, aren't you?"
• (Kevin Kline) "You are the vulgarian, you f***."

• (Kevin Kline) "Nice fish, Ken. You know what Nietzsche said about animals? "They were God's second blunder.""
• (Michael Palin) "Well, you t-t-t-tell him from me that I kuh-kuh, I kuh-kuh --"

• (Kevin Kline) "You're a very attractive man, Ken. You're -- smart, you've got wonderful bones, great eyes, and you dress really interestingly."
• (Michael Palin) "What you?"
• (Kevin Kline) "We could have a lot of fun together, you and I. And I think we'd be really good for each other. What do you say?"
• (Michael Palin) "You must be j-j-j --"
• (Kevin Kline) "May I kiss you, Ken?"
• (Michael Palin) "No, you f***ing can't."

• (Kevin Kline) "I love watching your ass when you walk. Is that beautiful or what? Don't go near him, he's mine."

• (Kevin Kline) "Ken. Ken. Wait, wait, Ken. Kenny. I -- may I call you Kenny?"
• (Michael Palin) "Remember Wanda."
• (Kevin Kline) "I got the deal of a lifetime. Fifty-fifty, you and me, what do you say. Okay, okay, okay, sixty-forty. That's my final offer."
• (Michael Palin) "REVENGE."
• (Kevin Kline) "Wait, I got an idea. You take it all. Yeah, here's my boarding pass, Ken."
• (Michael Palin) "I'm gonna, I'm gonna k-ka, kill you."
• (Kevin Kline) "Okay, fine, Ken. Come at me, give me your best shot. Go on, Ken. You don't have the guts, admit it."
• (Kevin Kline) "Okay, you have the guts, good -- wait."
• (Michael Palin) "Death."
• (Kevin Kline) "Okay, I'm-sorry-I-ate-your-fish, okay? I'm-sorry."
• (Michael Palin) "Revenge."
• (Kevin Kline) "Jesus, I said I'm sorry. What the fu-?"
• (Kevin Kline) "AAAAHHHH."
• (Michael Palin) "Got him."

• (Kevin Kline) "What is this? "Hump a Limey" week?"

• (Kevin Kline) "Pork away pal. f*** her blue."

Jamie Lee Curtis as Wanda

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "I was dealing with something delicate, Otto. I'm setting up a guy who's incredibly important to us, who's going to tell me where the loot is and if they're going to come and arrest you. And you come loping in like Rambo without a jockstrap and you dangle him out a fifth-floor window. Now, was that smart? Was it shrewd? Was it good tactics? Or was it stupid?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Don't call me stupid."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Oh, right. To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Apes don't read philosophy."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up."

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "What about my tits?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Does he get to handle them?"
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Yes, he does. That's my forecast and I'll stand by it."
• (Kevin Kline) "Would this also involve -- nuzzling?"
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Yes, I think three million dollars is worth a bit of nuzzling. Fifty percent chance of that."
• (Kevin Kline) "Sucking?"
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "I thought you weren't jealous?"
• (Kevin Kline) "I'm not. I don't believe in jealousy, it's for the weak. One thing though. Touch his dick and he's dead."

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "I looked at the clock -- because I was saying to myself -- It's five to seven, where could he be going with that sawed off shotgun?"

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Archie? Do you speak Italian?"
• (John Cleese) "I am Italian. Sono italiano in spirito. Ma ho sposato una donna che preferisce lavorare in giardino a fare l'amore appassionato. Uno sbaglio grande. But it's such an ugly language. How about -- Russian?"

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "I want you to know something Otto."
• (Kevin Kline) "What?"
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Even if you were my brother I'd still want to f*** you."

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "What about my tits?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Does he get to handle them?"
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Yes. That's my forecast. I'll stand by that."

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "What have you found out?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Not a lot."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "You realise he's in court tomorrow?"
• (Kevin Kline) "I know. I know that."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "So nothing, huh?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Nix. Zip. Diddly. Bupkis."
• (Kevin Kline) "Niente."

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Let's make love."
• (John Cleese) "Well, if you absolutely insist --"

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "You just wanted to get me into bed."
• (John Cleese) "I fell in love with you."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "How come you dumped me then."
• (John Cleese) "I wasn't rich enough, remember."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Say something in Russian."
• (John Cleese) "No."

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "I'll be right back, take your clothes off."

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "What are you thinking, Archie?"
• (John Cleese) "I'm just trying to think of one good reason why I should take you to South America with me."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "How about -- because I have the key to the safety deposit box?"
• (John Cleese) "That's a --"
• (John Cleese) "-- good reason."

• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "I'm sorry about my brother, Ken. I know he's insensitive. He's had a hard life. Dad used to beat him up."
• (Michael Palin) "Good."

Michael Palin as Ken

• (Michael Palin) ""K-k-k-k-Ken." You bastard. Hey, I've lost my stutter. It's gone. I can speak. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

• (Michael Palin) "Otto t-t-tried to k-k-kiss me."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "I thought he might."

• (Michael Palin) "Otto. You owe me a pou-p-pou --"

• (Michael Palin) "Rev-enge."
• (Kevin Kline) "It's K-K-K-Ken. C-c-c-coming to k-k-k-kill me. How you gonna c-c-c-catch me, K-K-K-Ken?"

John Cleese as Archie

• (John Cleese) "All right, all right, I apologise."
• (Kevin Kline) "You're really sorry."
• (John Cleese) "I'm really really sorry, I apologise unreservedly."
• (Kevin Kline) "You take it back."
• (John Cleese) "I do, I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future."
• (Kevin Kline) "OK."

• (John Cleese) "Your brother didn't bring you here this time, did he?"
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "No."
• (John Cleese) "He's no idea?"
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "He doesn't have a clue."
• (John Cleese) "What?"
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "He's so dumb --"
• (John Cleese) "Really?"
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "-- he thought that the Gettysburg Address was where Lincoln lived."

• (John Cleese) "You are the sexiest, most beautiful girl I have ever seen -- in my entire life."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Get me my drink."

• (John Cleese) "I Wendy- I Wanda- I wonder --"

• (John Cleese) "I used to box for Oxford."
• (Kevin Kline) "Oh, yeah? Well --"
• (Kevin Kline) "-- I used to kill for the CIA."

• (John Cleese) "We need to talk."
• (Tom Georgeson) "You tell those pigs to f*** off."
• (John Cleese) "f*** off, pigs."
• (John Cleese) "Did you hear what I said? f*** off."

• (John Cleese) "I used to box for Oxford."
• (Kevin Kline) "Oh, yeah?"
• (Kevin Kline) "I used to kill for the CIA."

• (John Cleese) "How could a bright and smart girl like you have a brother who is so --"
• (Kevin Kline) "Don't call me stupid."

• (John Cleese) "You make me feel free."
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Free?"
• (John Cleese) "Wanda, do you have any idea what it's like being English? Being so correct all the time, being so stifled by this dread of, of doing the wrong thing, of saying to someone "Are you married?" and hearing "My wife left me this morning," or saying, uh, "Do you have children?" and being told they all burned to death on Wednesday. You see, Wanda, we'll all terrified of embarrassment. That's why we're so -- dead. Most of my friends are dead, you know, we have these piles of corpses to dinner. But you're alive, God bless you, and I want to be, I'm so fed up with all this. I want to make love with you, Wanda. I'm a good lover; at least, used to be, back in the early 14th century. Can we go to bed?"
• (Jamie Lee Curtis) "Yeah."

• (John Cleese) "You're going to shoot me?"
• (Kevin Kline) "Yep, 'fraid so, ol' chap. Sorry."

Maria Aitken as Wendy

• (Maria Aitken) "Your father has finally gone completely mental."

Tom Georgeson as George

• (Tom Georgeson) "Unbe-f***-alievable."

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