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A Prairie Home Companion (film) Quotes

A Prairie Home Companion (film) is a TV program that was first aired in 1970 . A Prairie Home Companion ended in 1970.

It features Robert Altman as producer, Garrison Keillor in charge of musical score, and Edward Lachman as head of cinematography.

A Prairie Home Companion (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of A Prairie Home Companion (film) is 106 minutes long. A Prairie Home Companion (film) is distributed by Picturehouse (company).

The cast includes: Woody Harrelson as Dusty, Lindsay Lohan as Lola Johnson, John C. Reilly as Lefty, Meryl Streep as Yolanda Johnson, Maya Rudolph as Molly, Lily Tomlin as Rhonda Johnson, and Kevin Kline as Guy Noir.

A Prairie Home Companion (film) Quotes

Maya Rudolph as Molly

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

John C. Reilly as Lefty

  • (John C. Reilly) "What do you get when you cross holy water with castor oil?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "I don't know, Lefty. What do you get?"
  • (John C. Reilly) "A religious movement."
  • (John C. Reilly) "The blind man's seeing eye dog pissed on the blind man's shoe. The blind man said "Here Rover, here's a piece of beef for you." His wife said "Don't reward him, you can't just let that pass." The blind man said "I gotta find his mouth so I can kick him in the ass.""
  • (John C. Reilly) "Bad jokes, Lord, I love 'em. / Bad jokes, can't get enough of em. / O-o-o-whee, / Bad jokes for me."
  • (John C. Reilly) "Did you know that diarrhea was hereditary?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "No, I didn't."
  • (John C. Reilly) "Yeah, it runs in your genes."

Meryl Streep as Yolanda Johnson

  • (Meryl Streep) "Duct tape will not make an honest man out of you."
  • (Meryl Streep) "How about just a moment of silence?"
  • (Garrison Keillor) "Silence on the radio -- I don't know how that works."
  • (Meryl Streep) "Isn't that a Carter Family song?"
  • (Lindsay Lohan) "Who?"
  • (Meryl Streep) "The Carter Family. Like us, only famous."

Lily Tomlin as Rhonda Johnson

  • (Lily Tomlin) "Oh, it's big. It's movin' like monkeys."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "Hey, that was a terrific eulogy you gave old man Soderbergh at his memorial service."
  • (Garrison Keillor) "Thank you."
  • (Kevin Kline) "Too bad the old coot couldn't have been there to hear it."
  • (Meryl Streep) "Yeah -- and to have missed it by just a few days."

Lindsay Lohan as Lola Johnson

  • (Lindsay Lohan) "What if you die some day?"
  • (Garrison Keillor) "I will die."
  • (Lindsay Lohan) "Don't you want people to remember you?"
  • (Garrison Keillor) "I don't want them to be told to remember me."
  • (Lindsay Lohan) "She shot that bastard in the heart, And ruined his nice suit."
  • (Lindsay Lohan) "This isn't really going to be your last show, is it?"
  • (Garrison Keillor) "Every show is your last show. That's my philosophy."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "Thank you, Plato."

Woody Harrelson as Dusty

  • (Woody Harrelson) "Did you hear about the Viagra shipment that got stolen?"
  • (John C. Reilly) "No. Who do they think did it?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Well, they don't know, but they're on the look out for hardened criminals."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Hey, uh -- hey, Lefty. What did the elephant say to the naked man?"
  • (John C. Reilly) "What'd he say?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?"
  • (Woody Harrelson) "When God created woman / He gave her not two breasts but three. / When the middle one got in the way, / God performed surgery. / Woman stood before God / With the middle breast in hand / Said,"What do we do with the useless boob?" / And God created man."
  • (Woody Harrelson) "Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow was already taken."
  • (Al, Stage Manager) "About that obscene song you sang last week --"
  • (Woody Harrelson) ""I'll give you my moonshine if you show me your jugs?""

Kevin Kline as Guy Noir

  • (Kevin Kline) "And her hair. It was what God had in mind when he said "Let there be -- ""
  • (Al, Stage Manager) "Hair, right?"
  • (Kevin Kline) "A lot of good people up there on the stage. A lot of them. I mean, I'm a man of the world like yourself. But these folks put their lives into this."
  • (Axeman) "Now they can put their lives into something else. That's the beauty of the world. There's always something to put your life into, isn't there? It's like the scripture tells us, you have to lose your life before you can find it."
  • (Kevin Kline) "They got old, babe. They started thinking about ease and comfort. Then I figure, they saw a brochure about an island with palm trees and an azure sky and miles of sand, and they thought: ''Hey. Ah. Ah. We don't have to suffer through these miserable Minnesota winters. We don't have to freeze our butts off waiting for our bus to come, our bus has come. It's here. We'll leave the business to the kids and we'll head for paradise and to hell with it.'' Only trouble is, the kids had already gone down to paradise ahead of them. So then, a big corporation down in Texas offered then a gazillion dollars for it. Texans. Sure. They talk funny and their eyes don't focus and their flesh is rotting and falling of, but hey. You know. So what? Yeah, nobody's perfect and, Uh -- Money is money, so the Soderbergs took the dough. End of story. Do you have any tweezers?"
  • (Kevin Kline) "The show had been on the air since Jesus was in the 3rd grade."
  • (Axeman) "The plaster around the proscenium is beautiful. We should really be taping this."
  • (Kevin Kline) "It's a live radio show."
  • (Axeman) "Videotape, for historical purposes."
  • (Kevin Kline) "She had a Mount Rushmore t-shirt on, and those guys never looked so good. Especially Jefferson and Lincoln. Kind of bloated but happy."

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