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Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Quotes

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . Ace Ventura: Pet Detective stopped airing in 1970.

It features James G. Robinson as producer, Ira Newborn in charge of musical score, and Julio Macat as head of cinematography.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective is 86 minutes long. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Jim Carrey as Ace Ventura, Sean Young as Lois Einhorn, Courteney Cox as Melissa, John Capodice as Aguado, Mark Margolis as Mr. Shickadance, Rebecca Ferratti as Sexy Woman, Randall "Tex" Cobb as Man, Alice Drummond as Mrs. Finkle, Troy Evans as Roger Podacter, Bill Zuckert as Mr. Finkle, Tone Loc as Emilio, Udo Kier as Ronald Camp, Noble Willingham as Riddle, Raynor Scheine as Woodstock, and David Margulies as Doctor.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Quotes

Jim Carrey as Ace Ventura

  • (Jim Carrey) "LOOO-HOOO-ZUH-HER."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Obsess much?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "351, 351, Rover sit. Ha. Ha."
  • (Jim Carrey) "How can I be getting zis vork done wit all de shouting? Control de shouting?"
  • (Unnamed) "Who's That?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Heinz Getwellvet. I am trainer of dolphins. You want to talk to de dolphin, you talk to me."
  • (Unnamed) "What happened to the regular trainer?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Vat happened to him? Vat happened to me? Seven years I am wit Siegfried."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Ve are making de dolphins disappear, und den Roy is coming wit de vite tiger und ze shtuffing in de pants und den I'm gone."
  • (Unnamed) "Where is Snowflake?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Why do you care about Snowflake? Do you know him? Does he call you at home?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Do you have a dorsal fin? To train ze dolphin you must zink like ze dolphin. You must be getting inside ze dolphin's head. I am saying to Snowflake, "Akay --. Akay Akay Akay?" und he is saying "AKay Akay." und he is up on ze tail "Eeeeeeeeee." und you can quote him."
  • (Troy Evans) "Alright, it's almost time for Coach Shula's press confrence, uh, lets let Heinz do his work?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Go to de conference, go to it."
  • (Jim Carrey) "You're certain you had to open this door."
  • (John Capodice) "Yeah, I'm certain."
  • (Sean Young) "What's the point, Ventura?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Only this."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Half time."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Good night, everybody. You've been a wonderful audience, I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress."
  • (Jim Carrey) "What the -- That's it. Einhorn is Finkle. Finkle is Einhorn. Einhorn is a man."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Oh, my GOD. Einhorn is a man."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Hmmm, unconscious. Exactly as I planned."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Receipts, what about receipts? There's gotta be receipts."
  • (Jim Carrey) "I'm ready to go in, coach, just give me a chance. I know there's a lot of riding on it, but it's all psychological. Just gotta stay in a positive frame of mind."
  • (Jim Carrey) "I'm gonna execute a button-hook pattern, super slo-mo."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Let's see that in an instant replay."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Heads up. Good defense. Good defense."
  • (Jim Carrey) "It's ALIVE. IT'S ALIVE."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Excuse me, yes. HDS coming through. I've got a package people"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Captain's Log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the -- nearest decimal point. We've -- traveled back in time to save an ancient species from -- total annihilation. SO FAR -- no -- signs of aquatic life, but I'm going to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I'm going to find it. I've -- GOT TO, MISTER."
  • (Jim Carrey) "I have to have money to buy food. I have to have a dolphin to get the money. I don't see a dolphin around here, do you?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Your gun is digging into my hip."
  • (Jim Carrey) "WOW., Ray Finkle's house, I can't wait to meet him"
  • (Bill Zuckert) "Ray ain't coming home"
  • (Jim Carrey) "But your wife said you expect him home any minute"
  • (Bill Zuckert) "She expects him home any minute, see the engine's running but there's nobody behind the wheel. Eight years ago our son escaped from Shady Acres Mental Hospital in Tampa, and they're still bugging us to pick up his stuff."
  • (Jim Carrey) "That's a lovely dog you have there Sir. Mind if I pet him?"
  • (Randall "Tex" Cobb) "I don't give a rat's ass."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Alllrighty then."
  • (Jim Carrey) "That was a close one ladies and gentleman. Unfortunately in every contest, there must be a loser. Loo-hoo-ser-her."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Come to me jungle friends."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Finkle and Einhorn, Finkle and Einhorn, Finkle and Einhorn, Finkle and Einhorn, Finkle and Einhorn, Finkle and Einhorn, Finkle, Einhorn, Einhorn, Finkle, Einhoen and Finkle, Finkle and Einhorn."
  • (Jim Carrey) "I gotta go guys. I gotta date with your mothers."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Holy testicle Tuesday."
  • (Sean Young) "What the hell is he doing here?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "I came to confess. I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Do not go in there. Pheeww."
  • (Jim Carrey) "All righty then."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Yummy."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Yes, yes, oh yes. Can you feel that buddy? I have exorcised the demons. This house is clean."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Gee, Chuck, the date started out good. Just before we got to the party she seemed to tense up."
  • (Jim Carrey) "My esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino, has just brought some new evidence to my attention. Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. But if I am mistaken -- if the Lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be -- then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I have ever seen."
  • (Jim Carrey) "That's why Roger Podacter is dead. He found Captain Winkie."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Where's Dan Marino?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Marino, why?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Because he's about to join Snowflake. I've got to know where he is."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Excuse me. I'd like to "ass" you a few questions."
  • (Tone Loc) "Ace, this is not the time. If Einhorn comes down here and sees me talking to you or your ass, I'm history."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Come to me my animal friends."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Melissa, it's Ace."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Ace, where are you?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "I'm in Psychoville and Finkle's the mayor."
  • (Jim Carrey) "This is double-paned sound-proof glass. There is no way that neighbor could've heard Roger Podacter scream on the way down with that door shut. The scream she heard came from inside the apartment before he was thrown over the balcony and the murderer closed the door before he left. Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh? Huh? Huh?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "I have exorcised the demons -- this house is clear."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Snowflake. Here Snowflake. I've got a little snack for you."
  • (Jim Carrey) "No problem, it gets flooded, we'll just wait a few seconds."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Or we could try it now."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Gee, let me think. Um sure."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Please don't kill me. I'll never tell anyone. Kill him, he's the one you want."
  • (Dan Marino) "No, no kill him."
  • (Jim Carrey) "No kill him. He held the ball wrong, remember? Come on, look at the guy."
  • (Dan Marino) "Cry-baby."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Jock."
  • (Dan Marino) "Whimp."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Muscle-head."
  • (Sean Young) "SHUT UP."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Lovely party. Pity I wasn't invited."
  • (Dan Marino) "Hey Ace?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Yeah, Dan?"
  • (Dan Marino) "You got anymore of that gum?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "That's none of your damn business and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs."
  • (Dan Marino) "You're a weird guy, Ace. A weird guy."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Why don't come to take a look inside? C'mon. C'mon."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Go ahead. Snoop around."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Well? Are you satisfied?"
  • (Mark Margolis) "Just don't let me catch you with an animal here, that's all."
  • (Jim Carrey) "All right. Take care now. Bye-bye, then."
  • (Jim Carrey) "L-oser."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Excuse me sir, but do you have a mint? Perhaps some Binaca?"

Courteney Cox as Melissa

  • (Courteney Cox) "That was pretty impressive, what you did at the apartment."
  • (Jim Carrey) "You don't have to tell me. I was there."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Pleasure to meet you."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Did you have any trouble getting in?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I swear if you do anything to embarass me in front of Camp --"
  • (Jim Carrey) "What? Like this?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Aye, Captain Stubing. How are Gopher and Doc? Permission to come aboard, sir."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Ace?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Thought I left, didn't ya?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Ok, I'm really gonna go this time."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You know, you're just mad because your stupid little pebble theory didn't work out and you don't know how to express your anger."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Oh yeah? And you're ugly."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Ace, get out of the tank."
  • (Jim Carrey) "I just can't do it, Captain. I don't have the power."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I said, get out of the tank now."
  • (Jim Carrey) "For God's sake, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool man."
  • (Courteney Cox) ""Replacement Kicker Having a Great Year." "Ready For Super Bowl, All-Star Kicker Boasts.""
  • (Jim Carrey) ""Field Goal Sails Wide. Dolphins Lose Super Bowl.""
  • (Courteney Cox) "The "Kick Heard Round The World." That was Finkle. The Dolphins lost by one point."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Poor guy."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Poor guy with a motive, baby."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Have you ever heard of FAN?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Free Animals Now. Started in 1982, by Chelsea Gamble, daughter of the famous industrialist Fisher Gamble. Over half a million members from Florida to Finland. No. Who are they?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "You really love animals, don't you?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "If it gets cold enough."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Why did it have to happen now, two weeks before the Superbowl?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "You know what? I'm not even going to talk to you. Would you please leave."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Why? So you can beat him?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Fatty."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You're unbelievable. Hiring you was the biggest mistake I ever made."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Well, why don't you cry about it. Saddlebags."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Ace, Where are you?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "I'm in Psychoville and Finkle's the Mayor."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Would you like an ashtray?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Hmm-mmm. I don't smoke. It's a disgusting habit."

Noble Willingham as Riddle

  • (Noble Willingham) "I don't give a good god**** about that fish. Fillet it and fast food it if'ya want'to. All I give a damn about's winning the Super Bowl. My athletes have got to have their heads in the right place. s***, Roger, you been in this business a long time. You know how superstitious these players are."
  • (Noble Willingham) "I've got a quarterback who puts his socks on backwards. Has since high school. I've got a line backer who has not washed his jockey strap in two years because he thinks flies are lucky."
  • (Noble Willingham) "How in the hell do you lose a five hundred pound fish?"
  • (Noble Willingham) "What?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "I'm sorry sir, I was just going to say, that it's not a fish, it's a mammal."
  • (Noble Willingham) "Thank you, Miss Jacques Cousteau."

John Capodice as Aguado

  • (John Capodice) "Hey Ventura, Ventura. Make any good collars lately, or were they leashes."

Udo Kier as Ronald Camp

  • (Udo Kier) "I'll have the plumbing checked immediately, Mr. Ace."
  • (Jim Carrey) "See that you do. If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed."
  • (Udo Kier) "Who is he, a friend?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "No, this is my date. He's a lawyer."
  • (Udo Kier) "Well, does he have a name, or should I call him "lawyer?""
  • (Courteney Cox) "No, this is Ace -- um, Tom Ace."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Tom Ace. Pleasure to meet you Sir and may I congradulate you on all your success -- you smell TEREFFIC. I was just telling Melissa that one of the first things we learned back at -- Stanford Law -- was the modern proliferation of food poisoning claims against wealthy, private homeowners. In fact, if one were so inclined, one could make quite a lucrative law practice on little else. How is everyone feeling tonight?"
  • (Udo Kier) "Very, very well, thank you."
  • (Udo Kier) "I'm so Sorry Mr. Ace, I'll have the plumbing checked immediately."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Well I hope so, had I been drinking out of the toilet, I might have been killed."
  • (Udo Kier) "They're wonderful, aren't they?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Yes, they certainly are."
  • (Udo Kier) "No matter what's going on in my life, I can always watch them swim and be totally at peace."

Sean Young as Lois Einhorn

  • (Sean Young) "I need some refreshments, Dan. Would you like some refreshments, Dan? I'll be right back, Dan."
  • (Sean Young) "Ventura, when I get out of that bathroom, you better be gone."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Is it number one or number two? I just want to know how much time I have."
  • (Sean Young) "DIE ANIMAL BOY."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Quick Decision"
  • (Sean Young) "Listen, pet dick. How would you like me to make your life a living hell?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then."
  • (Sean Young) "And somebody get me some coffee."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Tonight on Miami Vice, Crockett gets the boss some coffee."
  • (Sean Young) "Who let Dr. Dolittle in?"
  • (Sean Young) "You've done some fine detective work -- 'Ace'."
  • (Jim Carrey) "I'm sorry. Could you please speak in to my good ear? I thought I heard you call me Ace."
  • (Sean Young) "Shoot him. Shoot him."
  • (Tone Loc) "Hold your fire."
  • (Tone Loc) "Don't shoot."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it."
  • (Tone Loc) "She's not joking."
  • (Sean Young) "He kidnapped Snowflake. He killed Roger Podator and was going to kill Dan Marino and meeeeee."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Ho ho ho Hooooooooooooo. Fiction can be fun, but I find the reference section a little more enlightening. For instance, if you were to look up the NFL's "All Time Bonehead Plays," you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed the 26 yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII."
  • (Jim Carrey) "What you wouldn't read about was how Ray Finkle lost his mind was committed to a mental hospital only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino for whom he blamed the entire thing."
  • (John Capodice) "What the hell are you talking about?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN., She's Ray Finkle, she's a man."
  • (Sean Young) "He's lying. SHOOT HIIIIMMM."
  • (Sean Young) "Alright, Ventura. Make it quick."
  • (Jim Carrey) "I found a rare stone at the bottom of Snowflake's tank. It belonged to a 1984 AFC Championship ring. It would have been a Super Bowl ring, but Ray Finkle missed the big kick. Blames the whole thing on Marino. We're talking mental institute escapee. I saw the guy's room. Cozy if you're Hannibal Lecter."

Randall "Tex" Cobb as Man

  • (Randall "Tex" Cobb) "What do you want?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "HDS, sir, and how are you this afternoon? All righty, then. I have a package for you."
  • (Randall "Tex" Cobb) "Sounds broken."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Most likely, sir. I'll bet it was something nice, though."
  • (Randall "Tex" Cobb) "Who are you?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. I've been sent in with a special play. Quarter back sneak"

Mark Margolis as Mr. Shickadance

  • (Mark Margolis) "Ventuuurrraaa."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Yes, Satan? Oh, I'm sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else."
  • (Mark Margolis) "Never mind the wisecracks, Ventura --"
  • (Mark Margolis) "-- you owe me rent."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Mr. Shickadance, I told you; you're my first priority. I'm on a very big case right now. Check this out."
  • (Jim Carrey) "That's a true Albino pigeon. Some rich guy lost it. He's offering a $25,000 reward. As soon as I find this bird, you're paid."
  • (Mark Margolis) "I heard animals in there, Ventura. I heard 'em again this mornin' scratchin' around."
  • (Jim Carrey) "I never bring my work home with me, sir."
  • (Mark Margolis) "Oh yeah? What's all this pet food for?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Fiber."
  • (Mark Margolis) "Ventura."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Yes Satan."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Ohh, I thought you were someone else."

Bill Zuckert as Mr. Finkle

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Raynor Scheine as Woodstock

  • (Raynor Scheine) "What's the password?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "New England clam chowder."
  • (Raynor Scheine) "Is that the red or the white?"
  • (Jim Carrey) "Ah, I can never remember that. White."
  • (Jim Carrey) "Yes."

David Margulies as Doctor

  • (David Margulies) "Has he always had a history of mental illness?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "For as long as I've known him."

Alice Drummond as Mrs. Finkle

  • (Alice Drummond) "It was all that Dan Marino's fault, everyone knows that. If he had held the ball, laces out, like he was supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. Would you like a cookie, son?"

Rebecca Ferratti as Sexy Woman

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