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American Wedding Quotes

American Wedding is a television show that first aired in 1970 . American Wedding completed its run in 1970.

It features Chris Moore (film producer) as producer, Christophe Beck in charge of musical score, and Lloyd Ahern as head of cinematography.

American Wedding is distributed by Universal Studios.

The cast includes: Seann William Scott as Steve Stifler, Jason Biggs as Jim, Alyson Hannigan as Michelle, Eddie Kaye Thomas as Paul Finch, Thomas Ian Nicholas as Kevin Myers, John Cho as John, Seann William Scott as Stifler, Angela Paton as Grandma, January Jones as Cadence Flaherty, Eric Allan Kramer as Bear, Fred Willard as Harold Flaherty, Amanda Swisten as Fraulein Brandi, and Nikki Schieler Ziering as Officer Krystal.

American Wedding Quotes

Eddie Kaye Thomas as Paul Finch

  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "But, as they say, "We'll always have Paris.""
  • (Unnamed) "And the pool table."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "And the car."
  • (Unnamed) "And the two-room suite I have upstairs."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Come on you."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Stifler, why in the world are you focused on me ?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Because I'm surprised to see you don't have tits."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Stifler's Mom --"
  • (Unnamed) "You've got to know I'm over you, Finchy."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Well, as they say, we'll always have Paris."
  • (Unnamed) "And the pool table."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "And the car."
  • (Unnamed) "And the two-room suite I have upstairs --"
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Oh, man. Let's go."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Voltaire can suck on my balls."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Now, Jim, let me handle this. These are my people."
  • (Seann William Scott) "They're gay?"
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "No, you bleating imbecile. They have style, they're cultured, they're sophisticated."
  • (Seann William Scott) "So, they're gay."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Grandmother-f***er."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Mother f***er."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Yes I am."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Oh, you son of a bitch."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Oh, Stifler's Mom."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Grandmotherf***er."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Motherf***er."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Yes, I am."

Seann William Scott as Steve Stifler

  • (Seann William Scott) "It's on like Donkey Kong, beeyotch."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Shhiittt, I got a frosted ass crack. Hey Finch, you want this for here, or to go?"
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) ""A witty saying proves nothing," -Voltaire."
  • (Seann William Scott) ""Suck my dick." -Ron Jeremy."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Told ya that guy wanted to f*** me."
  • (Seann William Scott) "You hooked up with one other girl for what, ten seconds and you passed up sex with Nadia, f***ing stupid. You're like a blind man picking out his favorite porno."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Jim's getting married, isn't he? Holy f***in' s***. This is major. Do you have the slightest idea of how important this is? We get to have a bachelor party. Yes. We celebrate the death of Jim with a party in his honor. Chicks and boobs. Tits and ass. Titties, ta-tas, casabas, bazoongas all up in our friggin' faces. Come on, buck up fellas. Show some enthusiasm. It's gonna be f***in' great. Oh, my god."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Dick. 'f***ing hate not hating you."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "I did f*** your mom."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Twice --"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Hoo -- That's better f***er."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Dickhead. You do not send s*** to my office at school."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Oh, hey, Stifler. Why don't you come in and make yourself comfortable?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Your letter made a great impression on Coach Marshall when he read it. Let me just refresh your memory, partner. 'Dear Steve, I will be forever in your debt if you teach me to dance like you did in the gay bar'."
  • (Jason Biggs) "I put serious thought into that letter."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. Uh-huh. Uh-huh."
  • (Seann William Scott) "It's time for me to boom-boom with the bridesmaids, Finch-f***er. 'Cause I'm gonna hang out with my wang out, and rock out with my cock out."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Observe the f***in' Stifmeister, what is his defining characteristic?"
  • (Jason Biggs) "He uses the F-word excessively?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Thanks man."
  • (Seann William Scott) "My dick looks like a corn dog and I've got cake all over my balls."
  • (Seann William Scott) "What is this, a dance off?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Are you saying I'm impolite?"
  • (Jason Biggs) ""Impolite" would be an improvement."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Gonna hava sex witha Caadence."
  • (Seann William Scott) "I eat the s*** here."
  • (Seann William Scott) "f***in' right, doggie."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Well polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Happy "f*** Day", Ass Mouth."
  • (Seann William Scott) "I'm gonna be like, "You like this s*** Momma?" And then she'll be like, "f***in' right doggie. Suck on my nipples like, like you're milkin' a cow.""
  • (Seann William Scott) "If you'll excuse me, I have some s*** to attend to."

Jason Biggs as Jim

  • (Jason Biggs) "Michelle, I'm going to ask you something I've never asked before."
  • (Alyson Hannigan) "Is it kinky?"
  • (Jason Biggs) "Alright, Stifler. Um, this -- this is a little, uh, difficult to explain. Look, you're -- you're okay. You're okay. I -- I -- I mean, uh -- I mean, I like you."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Yeah, great. You can blow me after practice. I'm working, dude."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Well, dude."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Come on. Work it. Hustle."
  • (Jason Biggs) "See my mom didn't know that there was a misunderstanding."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Push it. Move it. Come on."
  • (Jason Biggs) "You're not invited."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Hold."
  • (Seann William Scott) "Dude, how the hell do you even think you're getting married? I've been looking out for your sex life since high school."
  • (Jason Biggs) "You what?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Ohhhh. Ohh. The first tits this guy ever saw were because of me. The first girl he ever hooked up with was at my party at my cottage. That girl is the girl he's marrying. The Stif-man showed him the way. Can I get a 'Hallelujah'?"
  • (Football Team) "Hallelujah, Stifler."
  • (Seann William Scott) "But, my f***ers, this mofo right here does not want the Stifmeister, the grand f***ing facilitator to attend the wedding. Who sucks donkey dick?"
  • (Football Team) "Jim sucks donkey dick."
  • (Jason Biggs) "The answer is no. Okay? I'm sorry."
  • (Seann William Scott) "I can dance."
  • (Jason Biggs) "What?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "I can dance."

Alyson Hannigan as Michelle

  • (Alyson Hannigan) "Wow, Steve Stifler just gave a rose to a girl and meant it. It's like, monkeys learning to use tools for the first time."
  • (Alyson Hannigan) "Jim, he's not doing it to be nice; he's doing it to bone Cadence."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think; I think that underneath all the "f***s" and "s***s" and "blow me's", there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's -- that's what I think."
  • (Alyson Hannigan) "Oh, Jim -- you gotta stop masturbating -- it's melting your brain."
  • (Alyson Hannigan) "Love isn't just a feeling. It's shaving your balls."
  • (Unnamed) "Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it "making love"?"
  • (Alyson Hannigan) "I don't know. I just call it "boning"."
  • (Unnamed) "Boning? Well, when-when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not -- um -- boning, how does he make you feel?"
  • (Alyson Hannigan) "Horny, like I wanna bone."
  • (Unnamed) "But-but, we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear."
  • (Alyson Hannigan) "Oh, you've never tried it?"
  • (Unnamed) "I certainly have. I have. I've boned -- from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion."
  • (Alyson Hannigan) "How did a little perv like you, turn into such a great guy?"
  • (Jason Biggs) "How did a little nympho like you, turn into such a great girl?"
  • (Alyson Hannigan) "I'm still a nympho."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Well, I'm still a perv."
  • (Alyson Hannigan) "So Finch, what will you do with your fancy NYU diploma?"
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "I'll frame it. Then I'll write my memoirs."

Thomas Ian Nicholas as Kevin Myers

  • (Thomas Ian Nicholas) "You're a hero."
  • (Seann William Scott) "p***** is p*****."
  • (Thomas Ian Nicholas) "Guys, what are you doing here?"
  • (John Cho) "The old bitch sucked, so we ditched her."
  • (Thomas Ian Nicholas) "Gentlemen, to the next step --"
  • (Jason Biggs) "Oh will you stop with that "next step" bulls***."
  • (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "Put down your glass."

Amanda Swisten as Fraulein Brandi

  • (Amanda Swisten) "Master vas busy putting mop in my fanny."

Nikki Schieler Ziering as Officer Krystal

  • (Nikki Schieler Ziering) "Well Mr. Belvedere, its gonna be one f***ed up wedding."
  • (Eric Allan Kramer) "Absolutely."

Angela Paton as Grandma

  • (Angela Paton) "Focus."

Eric Allan Kramer as Bear

  • (Eric Allan Kramer) "SO Stiffy, What do you think?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "What the f*** Buffalo Bill?"
  • (Eric Allan Kramer) "What? Too much pink?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "It puts the dress in the drawer and does as it's told."
  • (Eric Allan Kramer) "Oh now that's f***ed up -- THAT'S f***ED UP."

Fred Willard as Harold Flaherty

  • (Fred Willard) "We're gonna need a mop."

January Jones as Cadence Flaherty

  • (January Jones) "So, can I see the ring?"
  • (Seann William Scott) "Nope. Promised to keep it safe. It's not leaving my pocket."
  • (January Jones) "Okay, Frodo."

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