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Anger Management (film) Quotes

Anger Management (film) is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Anger Management ended in 1970.

It features Jack Giarraputo as producer, Teddy Castellucci in charge of musical score, and Donald McAlpine as head of cinematography.

Anger Management (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Anger Management (film) is 106 minutes long. Anger Management (film) is distributed by Columbia Pictures (Theatrical).

The cast includes: Jack Nicholson as Dr. Buddy Rydell, John Turturro as Chuck, Jonathan Osser as Dave Buznik, Krista Allen as Stacy, January Jones as Gina, John C. Reilly as Older Arnie Shankman, Luis Guzmán as Lou, Jonathan Loughran as Nate, Heather Graham as Kendra, Kurt Fuller as Frank Head, Jack Nicholson as Buddy, Adam Sandler as David, Marisa Tomei as Linda, Harry Dean Stanton as Blind Man, Lynne Thigpen as Judge Brenda Daniels, and Isaac C. Singleton Jr. as Air Marshall.

Anger Management (film) Quotes

Jack Nicholson as Dr. Buddy Rydell

  • (Jack Nicholson) "Let me explain something to you, Dave. There are two kinds of angry people in this world: explosive and implosive. Explosive is the kind of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking their coupons. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and finally shoots everyone in the store. You're the cashier."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "No, no, no. I'm the guy hiding in the frozen food section dialling 911. I swear."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Now then we need to go over some ground rules. You are to refrain from any any acts of violence including verbal assault and vulgar hand gestures. You may not use rage enhancing substances, such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, crack cocaine, slippy-flippy's, jelly stingers, trick sticks, bing bangs or flying willards."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "How about fiddle-faddles?"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Under my supervision. Also, if you are unable to stop masturbating, please do so without the use of any pornographic images depicting quote, unquote 'angry sex.' That having been said, I'm a pretty good guy and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how much fun we can have together."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Geez, without slippy-flippies or angry masturbating I don't see how that's possible."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin, Dave. From now on, unacceptable."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "She said she was going out with a friend named Andrea."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "She doesn't have a friend named Andrea. Did she say Andrew?"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Oh, ah, yes Andrew -- the testicle with legs."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "So, Dave. Tell us about yourself. Who are you?"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Well, I'm an executive assistant for a major pet products company."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Dave, I don't want you to tell us what you do. I want you to tell us who you are."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Oh, alright, um -- I'm a pretty good guy. I like playing tennis on occasion."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Also, not your hobbies Dave. Just tell us who you are."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Maybe you could give me an example of what a good answer would be? Um --"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "What did you say?"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "You want Lou to tell you who you are?"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "No, I just, uh -- I'm a nice, easy going man, I might be a little indecisive at times --"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Dave, you're describing your personality. I just want to know -- who you are."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "I don't know what the hell you want me to say."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "-- You're on my side of the arm rest. We're not gonna have problems, are we?"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Dave assaulted a female flight attendant in mid-air."
  • (Krista Allen) "Nice."
  • (January Jones) "I bet you beat her good."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "I didn't beat anybody. I touched a woman --"
  • (John Turturro) "Liar, bulls***ter, you're a WOMAN BEATER. And you can't admit it, because you're a deluded piece of garbage."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "I don't know about all that but -- now I know why you're here."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Temper's the one thing you can't get rid of, by losing it."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Nate, didn't we decide that you shouldn't listen to the ballgame?"
  • (Jonathan Loughran) "Don't worry, Doctor B. It's just a regular season game. Not that important. See, Iverson just missed a layup at the buzzer, Sixers lose. Who gives a crap, huh? I mean it's just a silly game anyways."
  • (Jonathan Loughran) "Ooooohhhh the anger sharks are swimming in my head. YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT s***. YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT s***."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Stay with me. Stay with me. Repeat after me. Goosefraba."
  • (Jonathan Loughran) "Gooooose -- blah blah"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "No, not blah blah, Nate. Goosefraba."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "I SAID OVEREASY."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Now, why did I do that?"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Because I refused to spoon with you last night?"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "I want you to approach Miss Thing again --"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "No."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "-- with confidence. And if she says no this time, I will admit that I am a failure as a therapist and I will release you from my program."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "You'll release me from your program"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Okay --"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Just go over there and repeat the following verbatim. "I'm sorry I was so rude before but it's difficult for me to express myself when I am on the verge of exploding in my pants.""
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Huh?"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Get outta here."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Trust me Dave. If you were calm as well as witty, she will respond."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "I think witty went out the window with that whole pants-explosion thing."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "My offer stands."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "So if I repeat that crazy s*** you probably stole from a porno flick, you sick bastard, and get rejected, you'll release me from the program?"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Exactly."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "By the way, I like to sleep in the nude."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "In Europe, it's not considered unusual for three of four men to share a bed."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "That's why I'm proud to be an American."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "First it was a 5-second kiss, and then a little break because my beard gave her a tickle. She's cute, and then a 10-second frenchie."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "You had your crazy, corroded tongue in my girlfriend's mouth?"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Let's say hello to someone who's joining our quest to get the anger monkeys off our backs: Dave."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Hi. Good news, I fed my anger monkey a banana this morning and he's feeling much better."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Might I have your first name, Mr. Head, and tell me it isn't Dick."
  • (Kurt Fuller) "It's Frank."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Ah, Fran. Isn't that normally a girl's name?"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "You hear that frog?"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Take off your clothes, I have a relaxing technique I want to show you, it will be good for you."
  • (Adam Sandler) "You wanna see me naked Buddy?"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Are you a homophobe Dave?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "No, I'm a pulling-out-my-penis-in-front-of-you-aphobe."
  • (Jack Nicholson) "So Peanut likes the spicy humor. Maybe he'd enjoy the knee-slapper you told me earlier about the great Buddha."
  • (John C. Reilly) "Oh, what did you say about Buddha?"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Dave said, "How does a guy who weighs over six hundred pounds have the balls to teach people about self-discipline?""

Jonathan Osser as Dave Buznik

  • (Jonathan Osser) "Why couldn't you have told her something else? I was at the bank. I was at the store. I ate bad guacamole and couldn't stop s***ting. Any of those things would have been fine."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Flirting is cheating's ugly cousin Buddy, I am not a cheater."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Let me just ask you one question."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Who's the pretty girl in the mirror there?"
  • (Lexus Man) "What mirror where?"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Look everybody, Pana Banana's got a heinie. He's got a heinie."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Oh my goodness. Bobby Knight. You're in this group?"
  • (Bobby Knight) "Yea, this is my first day."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "It's my first day also."
  • (Bobby Knight) "I hope this class cures me."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Working on the anger problem?"
  • (Bobby Knight) "Anger? Isn't this sexaholics anonymous?"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Oh. No I think that's down the hall."
  • (Bobby Knight) "Well to HELL WITH THIS. I'm going home."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "I'm feeling very angry right now, because I have only one bed and no couch."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "By the way, his name's not fat-s***-cat. It's Meatball. And he's eating your crab cakes right now."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Hi Nancy."
  • (Unnamed) "What are you doing in the ladies room Dave?"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "I heard you have cleaner seats than we do, so I wanted to see for myself."
  • (Unnamed) "Not after I'm through with them."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "I feel pretty / oh, so pretty / oh, so pretty and witty and --"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "gay --"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "I want to have children with you. Children. With your eyes and your lips and my -- last name. That's all I want."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "I'm sorry I was so rude before -- but -- it's difficult for me -- to -- express myself -- when I am on the verge of -- exploding in my pants."
  • (Heather Graham) "You are too cute."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Get the f*** out of here."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Kendra, even though I'd love to see you take that bra off because it represents a team I've hated my entire life, you gotta keep it on."
  • (Heather Graham) "Why?"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Because I've got a girlfriend."
  • (Heather Graham) "I'm not a child Dave. If you think I'm a porker, then just come right out and say it."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "No no no, I don't think you're a porker."
  • (Heather Graham) "Well then why when the idea of sleeping with me comes up, you all of a sudden have "a girlfriend.""
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Because I do, I do. I do have a girlfriend."
  • (Heather Graham) "Said the liar to the beached whale."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "You're not a beached whale. If anything, you could even afford to gain a few pounds."
  • (Heather Graham) "Oh, so now I'm too skinny for you?"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "No, no, no, no I didn't mean that."
  • (Heather Graham) "Is this what you want, Dave?"
  • (Heather Graham) "If I put on a few pounds, would you be able to stifle your vomit long enough to have sex with me?"
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Holy s***."

Krista Allen as Stacy

  • (Krista Allen) "Uh, we're in the adult film industry, and, we're lovers."
  • (January Jones) "Yeah."
  • (Krista Allen) "So Gina was having sex with this guy Meelo which was totally cool cause it was in the script."
  • (January Jones) "So we invited him back to the house because we like a little variety --"
  • (Krista Allen) "I look up and see Gina kissing Meelo on the MOUTH which is not cool, because it violates our threesome code of ethics."
  • (January Jones) "So Stacy bit my toe off."
  • (Krista Allen) "Then Meelo starts yelling, calling me a crazy skank --"
  • (January Jones) "And nobody talks to my bitch that way."
  • (Krista Allen) "That's right."
  • (January Jones) "So I stapled his lip SHUT."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Well, we've all -- been there."
  • (Krista Allen) "Who is that guy?"
  • (January Jones) "I think it's Bill Clinton."

Lynne Thigpen as Judge Brenda Daniels

  • (Lynne Thigpen) "You think you can help him?"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "Yep. And if I can't, I'll tear him apart with my bare hands."

John Turturro as Chuck

  • (John Turturro) "Here's my phone number."
  • (Jonathan Osser) ""You're gonna die, bitch"?"
  • (John Turturro) "Oh, sorry. That's a letter I'm writing to Geraldo Rivera."
  • (John Turturro) "Yeah? And I'm sure I just heard him mutter some kind of anti-Semitic remark."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "Are you Jewish?"
  • (John Turturro) "I could be, but no. Half Irish, half Italian, half Mexican."
  • (John Turturro) "I think Eskimos are smug."
  • (John Turturro) "After I got back, I went through a rough time. Drinkin' booze, shootin' holes in the ceilin', screamin' myself to sleep -- Finally, my parents said I had to move out."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "So I'm guessing that's when you decided to shack up with your aunt."
  • (John Turturro) "Don't get cute, wise ass -- But, yes."
  • (John Turturro) "I'm in a mood, Dave. A bad mood, a very bad mood. I was fired from my ice cream truck job today. No more Fudgicles."
  • (John Turturro) "What, do you think you're better than me, 'cause you got both your nuts?"

Luis Guzmán as Lou

  • (Luis Guzmán) "Eskimos seem nice."
  • (Luis Guzmán) "I have a question: Why is it that Chuck here thinks he could smoke?"
  • (John Turturro) "Cause I do whatever I want whenever I want, you little Spanish fruit topping."
  • (Luis Guzmán) "Honey, at least I didn't make my aunt pregnant."

John C. Reilly as Older Arnie Shankman

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Harry Dean Stanton as Blind Man

  • (Harry Dean Stanton) "Happy now, asswipe?"

Marisa Tomei as Linda

  • (Marisa Tomei) "How 'bout a kiss?"
  • (Jack Nicholson) "I'd love a kiss."
  • (Jonathan Osser) "I think she's talkin' to me. And, uh, I think I can handle it."

Isaac C. Singleton Jr. as Air Marshall

  • (Isaac C. Singleton Jr.) "This is a difficult time for our Country."

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