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Anything Else Quotes

Anything Else is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Anything Else ended its run in 1970.

It features Letty Aronson as producer, and Darius Khondji as head of cinematography.

Anything Else is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Anything Else is 108 minutes long. Anything Else is distributed by DreamWorks.

The cast includes: Woody Allen as David Dobel, Christina Ricci as Amanda, Jason Biggs as Jerry Falk, Stockard Channing as Paula Chase, Woody Allen as Dobel, and Danny DeVito as Harvey Wexler.

Anything Else Quotes

Christina Ricci as Amanda

  • (Christina Ricci) "Okay. Okay, I slept with Ron Keller. But I didn't do it because I care about him."
  • (Jason Biggs) "No? What then? To punish him?"
  • (Christina Ricci) "No, I did it because I had to find out if there was something wrong with me. Because I can't sleep with you, the person that I love. I had to know if I was some kind of freak, or frigid. I had to know if I could even get aroused anymore and have an orgasm."
  • (Jason Biggs) "And can you?"
  • (Christina Ricci) "Yeah. It's good news. I can."
  • (Christina Ricci) "Don't be mad at me, but I ate."
  • (Jason Biggs) "You ate?"
  • (Christina Ricci) "I couldn't help it. I was starving when I got back from the audition, so I had a little sliver of that Sara Lee cream cheesecake. Then I had another one. You know what I'm like when I get started. Before I knew it, I'd finished the whole cake."
  • (Jason Biggs) "You ate the whole Sara Lee cream cheesecake?"
  • (Christina Ricci) "And then I figured, what the hell. I finished off the cold spaghetti in the refrigerator, and ate that last lobster tail and then I heated up some chicken pot pie."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Jesus, is there any furniture left in the house?"
  • (Christina Ricci) "That's wonderful. You'll really knock 'em dead out there. Idiots who are total losers in New York, go to L.A. and become millionaires."
  • (Christina Ricci) "Am I late?"
  • (Jason Biggs) "Not if we go by Rocky Mountain time."
  • (Christina Ricci) "Jerry, don't be mad. Don't be mad. And don't be mad at Ron, he was just trying to help."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Of course he was. Ron? How could I be upset at Ron? In fact, remind me please to put him on my Christmas list if I can figure out how to make a letterbomb."
  • (Christina Ricci) "Who do you need protection from?"
  • (Jason Biggs) "Burglars, rapists, the Gestapo."
  • (Christina Ricci) "You're the only one I've ever dated who knows exactly what to get me. That's because you have a special vision of me."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Ah, "No Exit" and "The Flies", Jean-Paul Sartre, that's amazing, thank you so much."
  • (Christina Ricci) "It was between that and O'Neill. I couldn't decided whose pessimistic nihilism would make you happier."
  • (Jason Biggs) "You know I think it was Tennessee Williams who said that "the opposite of death is desire". And I desired you from the first moment we met."
  • (Christina Ricci) "I've had a crush on you since we met. Couldn't you tell, the way I was ignoring you?"
  • (Jason Biggs) "Well, there was something compelling about your apathy."
  • (Christina Ricci) "I told you, shrinks don't work for me, I know how to fool them."

Stockard Channing as Paula Chase

  • (Stockard Channing) "Jesus, what a butterfingers."
  • (Stockard Channing) "Stop calling me Mrs. Chase. It's Paula. I'm not your god**** schoolteacher."

Woody Allen as David Dobel

  • (Woody Allen) "Let me tell you, Falk. We live in perilous times. You got to keep alert for these things. You don't want your life to wind up as black-and-white newsreel footage scored by a cello in a minor key."
  • (Woody Allen) "As you go through life, Falk, there will be no shortage of people who will tell you how to live. They'll have all the answers for you, what you should do, what you shouldn't do. Don't argue with them. You know, say "Yes, that's a brilliant, brilliant idea," and then do what you want. And whenever you're right, strive for originality. But if you have to steal, steal from the best. Oh, oh, and if you take very good care of your styptic pencil and dry it after every shave, it will last longer than most relationships that you're in."
  • (Woody Allen) "The thing I'm going to miss the most is the kids. The kids are, are wonderful kids and they're bright, you know. You should see the creative ways they smuggle weapons past the metal detectors, it's amazing."
  • (Woody Allen) "Since the beginning of time people have been, you know, frightened and, and unhappy, and they're scared of death, and they're scared of getting old, and there's always been priests around, and shamans, and now shrinks, to tell 'em, "Look, I know you're frightened, but I can help you. Of course, it is going to cost you a few bucks -- " But they can't help you, Falk, because life is what it is."
  • (Woody Allen) "I took the liberty a couple weeks ago of ordering you a little present."
  • (Jason Biggs) "What?"
  • (Woody Allen) "Well, they're having a sale here on surplus Russian Army riffles."
  • (Jason Biggs) "What?"
  • (Woody Allen) "Well suppose you're home one night, you know, in bed masturbating and some guys try to break in. You need protection."
  • (Jason Biggs) "No. I just dial 9-1-1."
  • (Woody Allen) "Have you ever dialed 9-1-1? It's like trying to get a mortgage."
  • (Woody Allen) "You have to learn to take it apart and put it together blindfolded, you know, cause you may have to do it some day in the dark."
  • (Jason Biggs) "You expecting Nazis and a blackout?"
  • (Woody Allen) "You think quantum physics has the answer? I mean, you know, what purpose does it serve for me that time and space are exactly the same thing? I mean I ask a guy what time it is, he tells me 6 miles? What the hell is that?"
  • (Woody Allen) "I promised students of my class I'm gonna take them to the Caravaggio exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum. You know, I try to give them a little culture now and then so they don't beat each other to death with bicycle chains all the time."
  • (Woody Allen) "You know, there's great wisdom in jokes, Falk, really. There's an old joke about a prizefighter who's in the ring, and he's getting killed, he's getting his brains beat out; and his mother's in the audience, and she's watching him getting beaten up in the ring, and there's a priest next to her, and she says 'Father, father, pray for him, pray for him.' The priest says 'I will pray for him, but if he could punch it would help.' There's more insight in that joke, into what I call the giant so-what, than most books on philosophy."
  • (Woody Allen) "You chose psychoanalysis over real life? Are you learning disabled?"
  • (Woody Allen) "Never trust a guy who fumbles for the check, you know he who wants to get the check, gets it."
  • (Woody Allen) "I broke up with this girl, and they put me with a psychiatrist who said, "Why did you get so depressed, and do all those things you did?" I said, "I wanted this girl and she left me." And he said, "Well, we have to look into that." And I said, "There's nothing to look into. I wanted her and she left me." And he said, "Well, why are you feeling so intense?" And I said, "Cause I want the girl." And he said, "What's underneath it?" And I said, "Nothing." He said, "I'll have to give you medication." I said, "I don't want medication. I want the girl." And he said, "We have to work this through." So, at that point, I took a fire extinguisher from the casement and struck him across the back of his neck."
  • (Woody Allen) "You've been with a shrink for years, and yet you're too guilty to say goodbye to this inept little homunculus who poses as your manager."
  • (Woody Allen) "He looked at us and said to the other guy "Jews start all wars.""
  • (Woody Allen) "-- and the next thing I knew they made some crack about my religion which I found in poor taste."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Religion? You're an atheist."
  • (Woody Allen) "Yes, I'm an atheist, but I resented the fact however obliquely that they implied that Auschwitz was basically just a theme park."
  • (Woody Allen) "The pill makes her crazy? Falk, she is crazy. The Pentagon should use her hormones for chemical warfare."
  • (Woody Allen) "Last night I was home alone in my apartment and I conjured up a threesome with me, Marilyn Monroe and Sophia Loren, and it was very very erotic. As a matter of fact if I'm not mistaken, it was the first time those two great actresses ever appeared in anything together."
  • (Woody Allen) "What you don't know, won't hurt you, it'll kill you. Like if they tell you you're going to shower but they turn out not to be showers."

Jason Biggs as Jerry Falk

  • (Jason Biggs) "She's so sexy. Look at her body language. All verbs."
  • (Jason Biggs) "OK. Where's the rifle? I need the rifle. I'm going to blow my brains out."
  • (Christina Ricci) "Oh, don't be so middle class. I did it as much for you as for me."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Just how crazy are you huh? Is there more? Do you hear voices on the radio or worship snakes?"
  • (Woody Allen) "You are a member of one of the most persecuted minorities in history. The rifle's on me."
  • (Jason Biggs) "It's not here, so where could it be? There's no such thing as a diaphragm repair shop."
  • (Jason Biggs) "It's exactly as Dobel says, there is truly a paucity of veridical talent in the world."
  • (Christina Ricci) "When will I get to meet this polymath?"
  • (Jason Biggs) "I feel like committing suicide, but I've got so many problems, that wouldn't solve them all."
  • (Jason Biggs) "The routine is fine, this guy's just in the wrong profession."
  • (Danny DeVito) "That's what I told him. I said, "Look, Danny, you've been around for such a long time. You think there's a reason you never really made it?""
  • (Jason Biggs) "No tact. None."
  • (Danny DeVito) "I said to him, I said, "A man buys a suit. He says he's happy with the suit. Then he goes around the corner, he sees another suit. Suddenly he doesn't want the suit he's got, he's not happy with it. He wants a new suit, he's not happy with the old one.""
  • (Jason Biggs) "-- Right. Yeah, hey listen, I'm actually a little busy right now. Can I give you a ring back please?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "Look. I was up to NBC, there is nothing doin' up there. Not right now. Things being equal, they'll change. Right now, they're not equal. Look, I would like to have lunch with you this week. I need a business thing done. We have to talk. I got a little business thing I want to talk to you about."
  • (Jason Biggs) "What kind of business? What do you mean "business"? What do you want to talk; -?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "It's nothing to get anxious about. It's about the future. Goodbye."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Dobel, you're a madman."
  • (Woody Allen) "Yeah, that's what they said in Germany. You know there were actually groups in Germany called "Jews for Hitler"? They were deluded, they thought he'd be good for the country. They trusted a naked bus driver, never trust a naked bus driver."
  • (Jason Biggs) "The doctor had better sex examining her than I've had in six months."
  • (Jason Biggs) "What are you preparing for? The end of civilization?"
  • (Jason Biggs) "Hey, what did you do? I wanted to grab the check."
  • (Woody Allen) "No you didn't."
  • (Jason Biggs) "What do you mean, no I didn't? Yes I did. I was grabbing the check, I wanted to take care of it."
  • (Woody Allen) "Never trust a guy who fumbled for a check. You know, he who wants to get the check gets it. As you go through life when you really want to get the check you will find a way to get it."
  • (Unnamed) "Tell me about your dream. The Cleveland Indians all got jobs at Toys R Us?"
  • (Jason Biggs) "Yeah. So what can it possibly mean? Look, I can't keep wasting my hour here describing lunatic dreams. I have a date with Amanda. I can't keep running around town on the sly and live like this. Amanda can handle it, but I need help. What do I do? I have to extricate myself from Brooke. It'll break her heart. She wants to marry me."
  • (Unnamed) "What comes to mind about the Cleveland Indians?"
  • (Jason Biggs) "What's happening here, what's going on?"
  • (Woody Allen) "I have it under control -- Nothing that can't be done with the help of twelve stevedores and some oxen."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Okay, alright, I want out of this relationship."
  • (Christina Ricci) "Jerry, Jerry don't say that. Don't say that, you know I need you."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Need me? How can you need me when all of these positive feelings happen with everybody but me?"
  • (Jason Biggs) "And as he says, the issue is always fascism."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Dobel says the crimes of the Nazis were so enormous that if the entire human race were to vanish as a penalty it could be argued that it would be justified."
  • (Jason Biggs) "And he's still not convinced that the slaughter of six million Jews is enough to satisfy the anti-semetic impulses of the majority of the world."
  • (Jason Biggs) "I was just saying how strange life is, how it's full of inexplicable mystery."
  • (Cab Driver) "Well, you know, it's like anything else."
  • (Jason Biggs) "Do you love me?"
  • (Christina Ricci) "What a question. Just because I pull away when you touch me?"

Danny DeVito as Harvey Wexler

  • (Danny DeVito) "I ran into Dick Mallory. He's working with a comic who needs material. I naturally told him your price. I said, you know, I told him what you get. The kid works dirty. A lot of bathroom jokes. I said, 'Look. Jerry Falk is a professional. If what you need is bathroom jokes, he can do them.'"
  • (Jason Biggs) "Harvey?"
  • (Danny DeVito) "What's the matter with your voice?"

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