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Austin Powers in Goldmember Quotes

Austin Powers in Goldmember is a TV show that was first aired in 1970 . Austin Powers in Goldmember ended its run in 1970.

It features Suzanne Todd; Jennifer Todd, John Lyons, Eric McLeod, and Demi Moore; Mike Myers as producer, George S. Clinton in charge of musical score, and Peter Deming as head of cinematography.

Austin Powers in Goldmember is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Austin Powers in Goldmember is 98 minutes long. Austin Powers in Goldmember is distributed by New Line Cinema.

The cast includes: Michael Caine as Nigel Powers, Mike Myers as Austin Powers, Beyoncé as Foxxy Cleopatra, Michael York as Basil Exposition, Robert Wagner as Number 2, Seth Green as Scott Evil, Diane Mizota as Fook Mi, Carrie Ann Inaba as Fook Yu, Mindy Sterling as Frau Farbissina, and Verne Troyer as Mini-Me.

Austin Powers in Goldmember Quotes

Seth Green as Scott Evil

  • (Dr. Evil) "Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call -- Preparation H."
  • (Dr. Evil) "What?"
  • (Seth Green) "Why don't you just call it operation ass-cream, you ass."
  • (Dr. Evil) "I'm sorry, did you say you want some ice cream?"
  • (Seth Green) "Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass-cream."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Perhaps later."
  • (Robert Wagner) "Dr. Evil, I love your plan."
  • (Dr. Evil) "You do?"
  • (Mindy Sterling) "Yah. It's a really good plan."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Yes Frau, on the whole Preparation H feels good."
  • (Dr. Evil) "What is it now?"
  • (Seth Green) "No, I totally agree with you. Preparation H does feel good -- on the hole."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Are those sharks with laser beams attached to their heads?"
  • (Dr. Evil) "Cool. You mean that I actually have frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads?"
  • (Seth Green) "I hate you."
  • (Seth Green) "I hate you."
  • (Seth Green) "I don't even know you but I hate you too."
  • (Seth Green) "And I ESPECIALLY hate you."
  • (Seth Green) "You'll pay. YOU'LL ALL PAY."
  • (Dr. Evil) "I'd just like to point out that no one else in my gene pool runs like a girl."

Mike Myers as Austin Powers

  • (Mike Myers) "You're insane, Goldmember."
  • (Goldmember) "And that's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it."
  • (Goldmember) "KC and the Sunshine Band."
  • (Mike Myers) "I am a sexy beast."
  • (Mike Myers) "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto."
  • (Mike Myers) "You really are a fat bastard."
  • (Fat Bastard) "You know, that hurts my feelings. I tried going on a diet, you know. The Zone, you know, "Carbs are the enemy," eh?"
  • (Fat Bastard) "But the portions were so wee I ate the delivery man."
  • (Mike Myers) "You know, Dr. Evil, I have always thought you were crazy, but now I can see you're nuts."
  • (Mike Myers) "I thank you."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Using my time machine I shall travel back to 1975, pick up Goldmember and bring him back to the future. And the best part of this plan is -- no one can stop me. Not even -- Austin Powers."
  • (Mike Myers) "Not so fast. You're surrounded, Doctor Evil."
  • (Dr. Evil) "s***."
  • (Fat Bastard) "I've been tryin' to go legit."
  • (Mike Myers) "Of course --"
  • (Fat Bastard) "But when you're an overweight child, in a society that demands perfection, your sense of right and wrong, fair and unfair will always be tragically skewed --"
  • (Mike Myers) "Did you just soil yourself?"
  • (Fat Bastard) "Maybe."
  • (Fat Bastard) "It did sound a little wet, there didn't it? Right at the end. Oooh. Heh heh heh. Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic. Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up. Oh that could gag a maggot. It smells like hot sick ass in a dead carcass. Even stink would say that stinks. You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?" That, plus crap."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Quid pro-quo, Mr. Powers."
  • (Mike Myers) "Yes, squid pro row."
  • (Mike Myers) "What do you know about my father's where -- about -- s?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Nice to mole you -- meet you. Nice to meet you, Mole."
  • (Mike Myers) "Don't say mole."
  • (Beyoncé) "Now stop."
  • (Mike Myers) "I said mole."
  • (Beyoncé) "Stop."
  • (Number Three) "Bye."
  • (Mike Myers) "Mole."
  • (Mike Myers) "Mole."
  • (Mike Myers) "Mole."
  • (Michael York) "Oh, shut up."
  • (Mike Myers) "Moley, moley, moley, moley, moley."
  • (Steven Spielberg) "So, Austin, what did you think of the opening credits?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Well, I can't believe Sir Steven Spielberg, the grooviest film maker in the history of cinema, is making a movie about my life. Very Shagadelic, baby, yeah."
  • (Mike Myers) "Having said that, I do have some thoughts."
  • (Steven Spielberg) "Really? Well, my friend here thinks it's fine the way it is."
  • (Mike Myers) "Well, no offense, Sir Stevie, but you gotta have mojo babe, yeah. Hit it."
  • (Mike Myers) "Like I'd ever let Goldmember get away."
  • (Beyoncé) "Austin? Goldmember's getting away."
  • (Goldmember) "Would you like a shmoke und a pancake?"
  • (Mike Myers) "A what?"
  • (Goldmember) "A shmoke und a pancake. You know, a flapjack und a shigarette? No? Shigar und a waffle? No? Pipe und a crepe? No? Bong und a blintz? No? Well, then there ish no pleashing you."
  • (Mike Myers) "That's not right --"
  • (Mike Myers) "Mr. Roboto is lying to us."
  • (Beyoncé) "Tell me something I don't know."
  • (Mike Myers) "I open-mouth kissed a horse once."
  • (Beyoncé) "Say what?"
  • (Mike Myers) "That's something you don't know."
  • (Mike Myers) "Mole. Bloody mole. We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face. I want to c-u-u-t it off, ch-o-o-p it off, and make guacamole."

Beyoncé as Foxxy Cleopatra

  • (Beyoncé) "Sha-zam."
  • (Beyoncé) "Hey. What's kickin', Basil?"
  • (Michael York) "A lot is kicking, Foxxy."
  • (Beyoncé) "Well, the future better get ready for me. 'Cause I'm Foxxy Cleopatra, and I'm a WHOLE LOTTA WOMAN."

Mindy Sterling as Frau Farbissina

  • (Mindy Sterling) "I have some news. It's your son. He wants to take over the family business."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Scotty does?"
  • (Mindy Sterling) "He's gotten so evil, he's even started losing his hair."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Lower the globe."
  • (Mindy Sterling) "LOWER THE GLOBE."
  • (Dr. Evil) "OW. Ow."
  • (Goldmember) "Scheisse."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Well, congratulations, numbnuts. You've succeeded in turnin' me into a frickin' jack-in-the-box. Get it off. Get it off. It's dark, it's dark."

Robert Wagner as Number 2

  • (Robert Wagner) "Oy gewalt."
  • (Robert Wagner) "While you were in space, I created a way for us to make huge sums of legitimate money, and still maintain the ethics and the business practices of an evil organization. I have turned us into talent agency; the Hollywood Talent Agency."
  • (Goldmember) "Dr. Evil, we still have the ultimate insurance policy. May I present to you, the very sexual, the very toite, Austin Power's fahza."
  • (Dr. Evil) "His what?"
  • (Robert Wagner) "His fahza, Dr. Evil."
  • (Dr. Evil) "His farger? What's a farger?"
  • (Goldmember) "His fahza. You know, the fahza."
  • (Dr. Evil) "You know Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch. Okay, perv boy?"
  • (Goldmember) "Fahza, his dad, dad is fahza."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Oh, his dad. His fa-ther"

Michael Caine as Nigel Powers

  • (Michael Caine) "Ow --"
  • (Mike Myers) "What's wrong with your neck?"
  • (Michael Caine) "I took a Viagra, got stuck in me throat, I've had a stiff neck for hours."
  • (Mike Myers) "I thank you."
  • (Michael Caine) "So, little fella, I'm curious. Is everything in proportion?"
  • (Michael Caine) "You know, your bobby dangler, giggle stick, your general-two-colonels, master of ceremonies -- Yeah, don't be shy, let's have a look."
  • (Michael Caine) "My lord. You're a tripod. What you been feeding that thing, eh? It looks like a baby's arm holding an apple. Good thing is, if you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand."
  • (Michael Caine) "All right Goldmember. Don't play the laughing boy. There's only two things I hate in this world: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch."
  • (Goldmember) "What? Take the fahza away. Dutch hater. And now, it is time to say goodbye. Dr. Evil's orders. Which, for you, is Bad News Bears."
  • (Goldmember) "Walter Matthau."
  • (Michael Caine) "Easy peasy, lemon-squeasy. What, is this your first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes; You try to attack me, one at a time, and I knock you both out with a single punch. Ready? Go."
  • (Michael Caine) "Judo chop. Judo chop."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Oh, he's good."
  • (Michael Caine) "Do you know who I am?"
  • (Michael Caine) "Have you got any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years?"
  • (Michael Caine) "I mean, look at you. You don't even have a name tag. You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down?"
  • (Goldmember) "Look. My vinky was a key."
  • (Michael Caine) "Only a bloody Dutchman --"
  • (Michael Caine) "Got an issue? Here's a tissue."

Verne Troyer as Mini-Me

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Diane Mizota as Fook Mi

  • (Diane Mizota) "Austin Powers. You're so great and so sexy."
  • (Mike Myers) "Thanks, baby. Now what's your name?"
  • (Diane Mizota) "Fook Mi."
  • (Mike Myers) "Can you kiss your mother with that mouth?"
  • (Diane Mizota) "No. Fook Mi. Like this."
  • (Mike Myers) "Oh. Your name's Fook Mi."
  • (Diane Mizota) "Would you like a drink?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Actually I have a private bar --"
  • (Carrie Ann Inaba) "Here you go."
  • (Mike Myers) "Fook Mi, that was fast."
  • (Carrie Ann Inaba) "Fook Yu."
  • (Diane Mizota) "Do we make you sleepy?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Well, you make me many things but sleepy's not one of them."

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