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Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery Quotes

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery is a television program that debuted in 1970 . Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery stopped airing in 1970.

It features Suzanne Todd; Demi Moore; Jennifer Todd; Mike Myers as producer, George S. Clinton in charge of musical score, and Peter Deming as head of cinematography.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery is 91 minutes long. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery is distributed by New Line Cinema.

The cast includes: Mike Myers as Austin Powers, Robert Wagner as Number Two, Seth Green as Scott Evil, Michael York as Basil Exposition, Elizabeth Hurley as Vanessa Kensington, Larry Thomas as Casino Dealer, Carrie Fisher as Therapist, Mindy Sterling as Frau Farbissina, Fabiana Udenio as Alotta Fagina, Paul Dillon as Paddy O'Brien, Will Ferrell as Mustafa, Charles Napier as Commander Gilmour, and Clint Howard as Johnson Ritter.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery Quotes

Mike Myers as Austin Powers

  • (Mike Myers) "That really hurt. I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot. Who throws a shoe? Honestly. You fight like a woman."
  • (Mike Myers) "This is my happening and it freaks me out."
  • (Mike Myers) "]"
  • (Mike Myers) "Does that make you HORNY?"
  • (Mike Myers) "It's freedom, baby, yeah."
  • (Mike Myers) "Yeah, and I can't believe Liberace was gay. I mean, women loved him. I didn't see that one coming."
  • (Mike Myers) "Excuse me, but you didn't happen to see --"
  • (Mike Myers) "-- anything at all."
  • (Mike Myers) "Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Judo chop."
  • (Mike Myers) "I won't bite -- hard."
  • (Mike Myers) "I think you're shagedelic baby. You're switched on. You're smashing."
  • (Mike Myers) "Dr. Evil, do you really expect them to pay?"
  • (Dr. Evil) "No, Mr. Powers. I expect them to die."
  • (Mike Myers) "Allow myself to introduce -- myself."
  • (Mike Myers) "That's Dr. Evil's cat."
  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "How can you tell?"
  • (Mike Myers) "I never forget a p***** -- cat."
  • (Mike Myers) "Pardon me for being rude, it was not me it was my food, it just popped up to say hello, but now it's gone back down below."
  • (Mike Myers) "Yeah, baby, yeah"
  • (Mike Myers) "Actually, my name is Austin Powers. Danger is my middle name."
  • (Mike Myers) "Who does Number Two work for? Who does Number Two work for?"
  • (Cowboy) "Yeah, that's it. You show that turd who's boss."
  • (Mike Myers) "Not the time to lose one's head."
  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "No."
  • (Mike Myers) "That's not the way to get ahead in life."
  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "No."
  • (Mike Myers) "It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong."
  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "Hmm."
  • (Mike Myers) "He'll never be the head of a major corporation."
  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "Okay, that'll do."
  • (Mike Myers) "Okay."
  • (Mike Myers) "Only two things scare me and one of them is nuclear war."
  • (Michael York) "What's the other?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Excuse me?"
  • (Michael York) "What's the other thing that scares you?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands."
  • (Mike Myers) "What exactly do you do, Mr. Number Two?"
  • (Robert Wagner) "That's my business. Now if you'll excuse, I have to go to the little boys' room."
  • (Mike Myers) "She's the village bicycle. Everyone's had a ride."
  • (Mike Myers) "It seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Not really. Kill the little bastard, see if I care."
  • (Seth Green) "But dad, we just had a breakthrough in group."
  • (Dr. Evil) "I had the group LIQUIDATED, you little s***. They were insolent."
  • (Mike Myers) "Au contraire baby, you can't resist me."
  • (Mike Myers) "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?"
  • (Michael York) "The shouting is a temporary side-effect of the unfreezing."
  • (Mike Myers) "Yes -- I'm having difficulty controlling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE."
  • (Mike Myers) "Smashing Baby. When this ship comes a' rockin', don't come a' knockin', baby."
  • (Mike Myers) "No, you're right to be suspicious. I shagged her."
  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "What?"
  • (Mike Myers) "I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah."
  • (Mike Myers) "That's not your mother, it's a man, baby."
  • (Mike Myers) "What say, you, we go out on the town and swing, baby? Yeah."
  • (Mike Myers) "Baseball, cold showers, baseball, cold showers."
  • (Mike Myers) "Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day. Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day."
  • (Mike Myers) "Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please."
  • (Quartermaster Clerk) "One Swedish-made penis enlarger."
  • (Mike Myers) "That's not mine."
  • (Quartermaster Clerk) "One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers."
  • (Mike Myers) "I'm telling ya baby, that's not mine."
  • (Quartermaster Clerk) "One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers."
  • (Mike Myers) "I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby."
  • (Quartermaster Clerk) "One book, "Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby", by Austin Powers."
  • (Mike Myers) "That ain't no woman. It's a man, man."
  • (Mike Myers) "That's fascinating, Vanessa. Listen, why don't we go in the back and shag?"
  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "What?"
  • (Mike Myers) "I've been frozen for 30 years. I've gotta see if my bits and pieces are still working."
  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "Excuse me?"
  • (Mike Myers) "My Wedding tackle."
  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "I'm sorry. Uh --"
  • (Mike Myers) "My meat and two veg. My twig and berries. H-ello, lads, are you still awake?"
  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "Mr. Powers -- Mr. Powers, please. I'd appreciate it if you could concentrate on our mission and give your libido a rest --"
  • (Mike Myers) "Relax, Vanessa, don't have a thrombo."
  • (Mike Myers) "Its time to swing, baby."
  • (Mike Myers) "Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich."

Robert Wagner as Number Two

  • (Dr. Evil) "You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here. What do we have?"
  • (Robert Wagner) "Sea Bass."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Right."
  • (Robert Wagner) "They're mutated sea bass."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Are they ill tempered?"
  • (Robert Wagner) "Absolutely."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Oh well, that's a start."
  • (Robert Wagner) "Over the last thirty years, Virtucon has grown by leaps and bounds. About fifteen years ago, we changed from volatile chemicals to the communication industry. We own cable companies in thirty-eight states."
  • (Robert Wagner) "In addition to our cable holdings, we own a steel mill in Cleveland."
  • (Robert Wagner) "Shipping in Texas."
  • (Robert Wagner) "Oil refineries in Seattle."
  • (Robert Wagner) "And a factory in Chicago that makes miniature models of factories."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Gentlemen, I have a plan. It's called blackmail. The Royal Family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world. Either the Royal Family pays us an exorbitant amount of money, or we make it seen that Prince Charles has had an affair outside of marriage and therefore would have to divorce."
  • (Robert Wagner) "Prince Charles did have an affair. He admitted it, and they are now divorced."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Right, people you have to tell me these things, okay? I've been frozen for thirty years, okay? Throw me a frickin' bone here. I'm the boss. Need the info."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Okay no problem. Here's my second plan. Back in the 60's, I had a weather changing machine that was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a "laser." Using these "lasers," we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the "Ozone Layer." Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is unless the world pays us a hefty ransom."
  • (Robert Wagner) "That also already has happened."
  • (Dr. Evil) "s***. Oh hell, let's just do what we always do. Hijack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage. Yeah? Good. Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that a breakaway Russian Republic called Kreplachistan will be transferring a nuclear warhead to the United Nations in a few days. Here's the plan. We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for -- ONE MILLION DOLLARS."
  • (Robert Wagner) "Don't you think we should ask for more than a million dollars? A million dollars isn't exactly a lot of money these days. Virtucon alone makes over 9 billion dollars a year."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Really? That's a lot of money."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Okay then, we hold the world ransom for --"
  • (Dr. Evil) "One -- Hundred -- BILLION DOLLARS."

Elizabeth Hurley as Vanessa Kensington

  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "What's your plan?"
  • (Mike Myers) "First, I plan to soil myself. Then I'm going to regroup and come up with a new plan. Any thoughts?"
  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever. If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you."
  • (Mike Myers) "What's your point, Vanessa?"
  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the nineties. You know, a lot's changed since 1967."
  • (Mike Myers) "No doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound."
  • (Elizabeth Hurley) "Always wanting to have fun, Austin. That's you in a nutshell."
  • (Mike Myers) "No, this is me in a nutshell."
  • (Mike Myers) "Help. I'm in a nutshell. How did I get into this nutshell? Look at the size of this bloody great big nutshell. What sort of shell has a nut like this? This is crazy."

Seth Green as Scott Evil

  • (Dr. Evil) "All right guard, begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Close the tank."
  • (Seth Green) "Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away."
  • (Dr. Evil) "No no no, I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?"
  • (Seth Green) "I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Scott, you just don't get it, do ya? You don't."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers"
  • (Seth Green) "What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?"
  • (Dr. Evil) "I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death."
  • (Seth Green) "Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, "Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French" or whatever. And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, "Just back off." And they're all, "Get out." And we're like, "Make me." It was cool."
  • (Seth Green) "I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me."
  • (Carrie Fisher) "He doesn't really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that."
  • (Dr. Evil) "No actually the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He's quite wily, like his old man."
  • (Dr. Evil) "Son, wouldn't you like to see what daddy does for a living?"
  • (Seth Green) "Blow me."
  • (Dr. Evil) "What?"
  • (Seth Green) "Show me."
  • (Seth Green) "It's no hassle --"
  • (Dr. Evil) "Sh."
  • (Seth Green) "But --"
  • (Dr. Evil) "Sh."
  • (Seth Green) "I'm --"
  • (Dr. Evil) "Sh."
  • (Seth Green) "All I'm say --"
  • (Dr. Evil) "Sh."
  • (Seth Green) "There gonna get a --"
  • (Dr. Evil) "Sh."
  • (Seth Green) "I'm --"
  • (Dr. Evil) "Sh."
  • (Seth Green) "I'm just --"
  • (Dr. Evil) "Sh."
  • (Seth Green) "Would --"
  • (Dr. Evil) "Sh --. Knock-knock."
  • (Seth Green) "Who's there?"
  • (Dr. Evil) "Sh."
  • (Seth Green) "But --"
  • (Dr. Evil) "Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh. Sh. even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh." Now, I have a whole bag of "sh." with your name on it."

Will Ferrell as Mustafa

  • (Will Ferrell) "You shot me."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You shot me right in the arm."

Fabiana Udenio as Alotta Fagina

  • (Fabiana Udenio) "Some sake, Mr. Cunningham?"
  • (Mike Myers) "Sake it to me baby."
  • (Fabiana Udenio) "In Japan, men come first and women come second."
  • (Mike Myers) "Or sometimes not at all."
  • (Fabiana Udenio) "How dare you break wind before me."
  • (Mike Myers) "I'm sorry I didn't realize it was your turn."

Larry Thomas as Casino Dealer

  • (Larry Thomas) "17."
  • (Robert Wagner) "Hit me."
  • (Larry Thomas) "You have 17, sir."
  • (Robert Wagner) "I like to live dangerously."
  • (Larry Thomas) ":21. Very good, sir."
  • (Larry Thomas) ":5."
  • (Mike Myers) "I'll stay."
  • (Larry Thomas) "I suggest you hit, sir."
  • (Mike Myers) "I also like to live dangerously."
  • (Larry Thomas) "20 beat your 5 sir. I'm sorry, sir."
  • (Mike Myers) "Well I must admit, cards aren't my bag, baby."

Mindy Sterling as Frau Farbissina

  • (Mindy Sterling) "Send in the FEMBOTS."

Charles Napier as Commander Gilmour

  • (Charles Napier) "I'm off to London, Eng-a-land."
  • (Charles Napier) "Good God. He's back."
  • (Clint Howard) "In many ways, Bob's Big Boy never left, sir. He's always offered the same high-quality meals at competitive prices."
  • (Charles Napier) "Shut up."

Michael York as Basil Exposition

  • (Michael York) "Austin, the Cold War is over."
  • (Mike Myers) "Finally those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh? Eh comrades? Eh?"
  • (Michael York) "Austin -- we won."
  • (Mike Myers) "Oh, smashing, groovy, yay capitalism."
  • (Michael York) "You have a lot of explaining to do."
  • (Mike Myers) "I'm sorry, Basil. I thought she was a man."
  • (Michael York) "Dammit, man. You're talking about my Mother."
  • (Mike Myers) "Well, you have to admit, she is rather man-ish."
  • (Michael York) "Austin."
  • (Mike Myers) "Well, no offense, but if that is a woman it does look like she was beaten with an ugly stick."

Paul Dillon as Paddy O'Brien

  • (Dr. Evil) "Patty O'Brien: ex-Irish assassin. His trademark?"
  • (Dr. Evil) "A superstitious man, he leaves a tiny keepsake on every victim he kills. Scotland Yard would love to get their hands on that piece of evidence."
  • (Paul Dillon) "Aye. They're always after me lucky charms."
  • (Paul Dillon) "What? Why does everyone always laugh when I say that? They are after me lucky charms. What?"
  • (Mindy Sterling) "It's a television commercial. With this cartoon leprechaun, and all of these children are trying to chase him, "Hey, leprechaun, leprechaun man, we want to get your lucky charms." Oh. And there are these little tiny pieces of mashmallow just stuck right in the cereal. So when the kids eat them they think, "Oooh this is candy, I'm having fun.""

Carrie Fisher as Therapist

  • (Carrie Fisher) "We have some new-comers here today. Please say hello to Scott and his father Mr -- Ev-ille?"
  • (Dr. Evil) "Evil, Actually, Dr. Evil."
  • (Unnamed) "Hello, Scott. Hello, Dr. Evil."
  • (Seth Green) "Hi, everybody."

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