Bananas (film) Quotes

Bananas (film) is a TV show that was first aired in 1970 . Bananas ended in 1970.

It features Jack Grossberg as producer, Marvin Hamlisch in charge of musical score, and Andrew M. Costikyan as head of cinematography.

Bananas (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Bananas (film) is 82 minutes long. Bananas (film) is distributed by United Artists.

The cast includes: Louise Lasser as Nancy, Woody Allen as Fielding Mellish, Arthur Hughes as Judge, Jacobo Morales as Esposito, René Enríquez as Diaz, and John Braden as Senator.

Bananas (film) Quotes

Woody Allen as Fielding Mellish

• (Unnamed) "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I've known Fielding Mellish for years and he's a warm, wonderful human being."
• (Woody Allen) "Uh, would the clerk read that statement back please?"
• (Unnamed) ""I've known Fielding Mellish for years and he's a rotten, conniving, dishonest little rat.""
• (Woody Allen) "Ok, I just wanted to make sure you were getting it."
• (Arthur Hughes) "You're out of order."

• (Woody Allen) "Doing a sociological study on perversion. I'm up to Advanced Child Molesting."

• (Woody Allen) "I move for a mistrial. Do you realize there's not a single homosexual on that jury?"
• (Arthur Hughes) "Yes there is."
• (Woody Allen) "Oh, really, which one? Is it the big guy at the end?"

• (Woody Allen) "When is the revolution?"
• (Jacobo Morales) "Six months."
• (Woody Allen) "Six months? I have a rented car."

• (Woody Allen) "I'm so depressed -- I'd kill myself if I thought that she would marry me."

• (Woody Allen) "That's very wise, you know? That's, I think, pithy."
• (Louise Lasser) "It was pithy. It had -- great pith."
• (Woody Allen) "Yeth. Pith."

• (Woody Allen) "Jesus, life is so cruel."
• (Woody Allen) "See what I mean?"

• (Woody Allen) "I love you, I love you."
• (Louise Lasser) "Oh, say it in French. Oh, please, say it in French."
• (Woody Allen) "I don't know French."
• (Louise Lasser) "Oh, please -- please."
• (Woody Allen) "What about Hebrew?"
• (Louise Lasser) "Oh."

• (Woody Allen) "Nancy -- you, think there's any possibility that maybe the two of us could get married?"
• (Woody Allen) "I mean, if you're gonna fool around with women's lib, you're gonna need somebody to support you."

• (Woody Allen) "I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts."

• (Woody Allen) "I'm not suited to this job. Where do I come off testing products? Machines hate me. I should be working at a job that I have some kinda aptitude for, like donating sperm to an artificial insemination lab."

• (Woody Allen) "I was a nervous child; I was a bed wetter. When I was younger, I, uh, I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself --"

• (Woody Allen) "You don't have hostility to the male sex, do you?"
• (Louise Lasser) "Oh, Women's Rights do not automatically mean castration."
• (Woody Allen) "Oooh, don't say that word. Now I've got to walk around like this for two days."
• (Louise Lasser) "Oh, I know. You know, I'm the same way on that word "appendicitis". Ooh."
• (Woody Allen) "Oooh, but "castration" --."
• (Louise Lasser) ""Castration", "appendicitis", either one."

• (Woody Allen) "I love Eastern philosophy. It's -- it's metaphysical, and redundant. Abortively pedantic."
• (Louise Lasser) "I know just what you mean."

• (Woody Allen) "Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for -- Hitler?"

• (Woody Allen) "Although the United States is a very rich country, and San Marcos is a very poor one, there are a great many things we have to offer your country in return for aid. For instance, there -- there are locusts. We have more locusts. There are locusts of all races and creeds. These, these locusts, incidentally, are available at popular prices. And so, by the way, are most of the women of San Marcos. Now then, despite the tiny size of our nation, few people realize that we lead the world in hernias. They also fail to realize that before Columbus discovered your country, he -- he stopped in San Marcos and contracted a disease which today can be cured with one shot of penicillin."

• (Woody Allen) "I've read Kierkegaard."
• (Louise Lasser) "Oh, well, he's Danish."
• (Woody Allen) "Yes -- he would be the first to admit it."

• (Woody Allen) "Blood. That should be on the inside."

• (Woody Allen) "I had a good relationship with my parents. They very rarely h- -- I think they hit me once, actually, in my whole childhood. They, they, uh, started beating me on the 23rd of December in 1942, and stopped beating me in the late Spring of '44."

• (Unnamed) "Remember, with a snake bite, you must SUCK the poison out, remember; you SUCK it out --"
• (Woody Allen) "I cannot, I cannot suck anyone who I am not engaged to --"
• (Snake Bite Lady) "Snake bite, Snake bite. I've been bitten by a snake."

• (Woody Allen) "You cannot bash in the head of an American citizen without written permission from the State Department."

• (Woody Allen) "You busy tonight?"
• (Norma) "Some old friends are coming over. We're gonna show some pornographic movies."
• (Woody Allen) "You need an usher?"

• (Woody Allen) "We fell in love. I fell in love; she just stood there."

René Enríquez as Diaz

• (René Enríquez) "And now, as is our annual custom, each citizen of San Marcos will come up here and present his Excellency with his weight in horse manure."
• (General Emilio M. Vargas) "Horse manure? I thought they were diamonds."
• (René Enríquez) "We are an agrarian country."
• (General Emilio M. Vargas) "Yes, but horse --"
• (René Enríquez) "You will fertilize your personal crops. Sometimes food is more valuable than gold."

• (Unnamed) "You are accused of killing over a thousand people in your term of office -- of torturing hundreds of women and children. How do you plead?"
• (René Enríquez) "Guilty -- with an explanation."

Louise Lasser as Nancy

• (Louise Lasser) "Would you like to volunteer for the Volunteers for San Marcos?"

• (Louise Lasser) "May I ask -- what do you do?"
• (Woody Allen) "I'm a products tester for a large corporation. I make sure products are safe and practical. Today I tested an exercise machine, and an electrically warm toilet seat for cold days."

• (Louise Lasser) "Have you ever been to Denmark?"
• (Woody Allen) "I've been, yes -- to the Vatican."
• (Louise Lasser) "The Vatican? The Vatican is in Rome."
• (Woody Allen) "Well, they were doing so well in Rome that they opened one in Denmark."

• (Louise Lasser) "You're immature, Fielding."
• (Woody Allen) "How am I immature?"
• (Louise Lasser) "Well, emotionally, sexually, and intellectually."
• (Woody Allen) "Yeah, but what other ways?"

• (Louise Lasser) "I want to go and work with pygmies in Africa -- and I want to work with lepers in a leper colony. I don't think that you --"
• (Woody Allen) "I'm willing to -- No, that's perfectly OK. I love leprosy. If that's what you're asking me -- I'm perfectly willing to -- I like leprosy, I like cholera. I like all the major skin diseases."

Jacobo Morales as Esposito

• (Jacobo Morales) "From this day on, the official language of San Marcos will be Swedish. Silence. In addition to that, all citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check. Furthermore, all children under 16 years old are now -- 16 years old."
• (Woody Allen) "What's the Spanish word for straitjacket?"

• (Jacobo Morales) "You have a chance to die for freedom."
• (Woody Allen) "Yes, well, freedom is wonderful. On the other hand, if you're dead, it's a tremendous drawback to your sex life."

• (Jacobo Morales) "Rebels are we, / Born to be free, / just like the fish in the sea."

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