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BASEketball Quotes

BASEketball is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . BASEketball ended its run in 1970.

It features Ira Newborn in charge of musical score, and Steven Mason as head of cinematography.

BASEketball is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of BASEketball is 103 minutes long. BASEketball is distributed by Universal Pictures.

The cast includes: Yasmine Bleeth as Jenna Reed, Trey Parker as Coop, Ernest Borgnine as Ted Denslow, Trevor Einhorn as Joey, Trevor Einhorn as Joey Thomas, and Robert Vaughn as Baxter Cain.

BASEketball Quotes

Yasmine Bleeth as Jenna Reed

  • (Yasmine Bleeth) "What Joey really needs to know, is where are you going to be next year?"
  • (Joseph R. Cooper) "Right here, and the next year, and the year after that, right up until Joey grows up -- and gets a driver's license, and starts going out with girls -- meets the right one, forgets about baseketball altogether."
  • (Joseph R. Cooper) "Goes home, does some pushups, f***s the sleeve of his favourite jacket --"
  • (Yasmine Bleeth) "What?"
  • (Joseph R. Cooper) "Huh?"
  • (Joseph R. Cooper) "With that new liver he'll be peeing like a champ in no time."
  • (Yasmine Bleeth) "That's kidneys, Coop."
  • (Yasmine Bleeth) "Excuse me, driver? Can you go any faster?"
  • (Dale Earnhardt) "Can I go any faster?"
  • (Dale Earnhardt) "HANG ON."
  • (Yasmine Bleeth) "I've been the director of the Dream Come True foundations since October."
  • (Joseph R. Cooper) "The ones that grant wishes to sick a dying kids, right?"
  • (Yasmine Bleeth) "Oh, well we like to think of them as health challenged and survival impaired."
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "Hey kid, think fast."
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "He's a little slow on the hands."
  • (Yasmine Bleeth) "He's blind, Doug."
  • (Robert Stack) "The police have pieced together numerous theories on Coop's whereabouts."
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "I have no f***ing clue where the hell he is. For all I care he could be hanging by his neck in his f***ing closet."
  • (Robert Stack) "Scenario One: He's hanging by his neck in his f***ing closet."
  • (Yasmine Bleeth) "You want to know where Coop is? Just look for the most heinous, vile, and horrible exploitation of children on the planet."
  • (Robert Stack) "Scenario Two: Coop went to Disney World."
  • (Yasmine Bleeth) "Joey, look who's here."
  • (Trevor Einhorn) "My biological father?"

Robert Vaughn as Baxter Cain

  • (Robert Vaughn) "Do you think Shaq got rich playing in Orlando? Hardly, he made his fortune moving to L.A. You know how much he makes now?"
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "As much as he made playing in college?"
  • (Robert Vaughn) "What? No, a lot more. Big money, and you can too."
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "Would I have to quit baseketball?"
  • (Robert Vaughn) "What? No, I need you to get Coop to go along."
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "He'd have to quit baseketball too?"
  • (Robert Vaughn) "Ehhh -- ahh --"
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "Did I just fart?"
  • (Robert Vaughn) "When I see one of baseketball's hottest stars with less than 20 dollars in his pocket, driving an American car and sharing a small house with two other guys, you know what that says to me?"
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "Homos?"

Trevor Einhorn as Joey Thomas

  • (Joseph R. Cooper) "What is something you really want?"
  • (Trevor Einhorn) "Chelsea Clinton."
  • (Joseph R. Cooper) "That's a tough order, dude."
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "You'd have a better shot at Bill."
  • (Trevor Einhorn) "I've always dreamed of big game hunting. How about killing an endangered species? Like a bald eagle or a giant panda."
  • (Yasmine Bleeth) "Well Joey I don't think that's really in the true spirit of the foundation."
  • (Trevor Einhorn) "Well then how about poisoning a reservoir? I know. How about throwing flesh-eating fish into a public swimming pool?"
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "I don't think you're quite getting the point, dude."

Trey Parker as Coop

  • (Trey Parker) "Ya know sometimes I forget why I play the game. I do it because of Mr. October."
  • (Yasmine Bleeth) "You mean the guy from the Chippendales Calendar?"
  • (Trey Parker) "No that was Dwayne Zachemore --"
  • (Trey Parker) "I mean who ever it was --"
  • (Trey Parker) "It's Coop and Remer."
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "We graduated with Britney."
  • (Dr. Kaiser) "You graduated?"
  • (Trey Parker) "Of course we graduated, cock; Beer?"
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "Man this place looks like a Dockers commercial."
  • (Trey Parker) "Oh hey, Stef."
  • (Stephanie) "Coop. Remer."
  • (Trey Parker) "You wanna beer?"
  • (Stephanie) "Oh, my God, you guys haven't changed since High School."
  • (Trey Parker) "Oh, cool."
  • (Stephanie) "No, it isn't."
  • (Trey Parker) "Cock. Hey, Skidmark Steve, cool. You still hangin' out, playin' Nintendo?"
  • (Skidmark Steve) "Well, if you must know, I'm in my second year of med school and I'm training for the Summer Games. What are you two up to?"
  • (Trey Parker) "Just hanging out. Playing Nintendo. Cock."
  • (Trey Parker) "Dude, I'm not gonna cave in. End of story, dude."
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "Dude?"
  • (Trey Parker) "Dude."
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "Dude."
  • (Trey Parker) "Dude."
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "Dude."
  • (Trey Parker) "Dude."
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "Dude."
  • (Douglas "Swish" Reemer) "Dude."
  • (Trey Parker) "Well, I guess you've got a point there."

Ernest Borgnine as Ted Denslow

  • (Ernest Borgnine) "I would like everyone to leave the room, so I could have a private moment with Coop."
  • (Ernest Borgnine) "Now that we're alone Coop, there's something I want to tell you. Remember when you had the crabs and the only thing that made you feel better was this lotion? Well I found another use for it. It feels so good, it makes me want to sing. Just like that night we spent in that tattoo parlour in Chicago, come on baby. I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts. And I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car, too sexy by far."
  • (Ernest Borgnine) "Now your kids with your loud music, and your Dan Fogleberg, your Zima, hula hoops and pac-man video games, don't you see? People today have attention spans that can only be measured in nanoseconds."

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