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Beethoven (film) Quotes

Beethoven (film) is a TV program that debuted in 1970 . Beethoven completed its run in 1970.

It features Joe Medjuck as producer, Randy Edelman in charge of musical score, and Victor J. Kemper as head of cinematography.

Beethoven (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Beethoven (film) is 87 minutes long. Beethoven (film) is distributed by Universal Studios.

The cast includes: Bonnie Hunt as Alice Newton, Sarah Rose Karr as Emily Newton, Laurel Cronin as Devonia Pest, Nicholle Tom as Ryce Newton, Dean Jones as Dr. Varnick, Charles Grodin as George Newton, Charles Grodin as George, Bonnie Hunt as Alice, Oliver Platt as Harvey, Stanley Tucci as Vernon, Christopher Castile as Ted Newton, Patricia Heaton as Brie, and David Duchovny as Brad.

Beethoven (film) Quotes

Oliver Platt as Harvey

  • (Oliver Platt) "I really don't like it when you tease the dogs."
  • (Stanley Tucci) "What are you, some kind of animal lover?"
  • (Oliver Platt) "I'm so excited. That was my very first felony. I've committed a lot of misdemeanors but I do believe that was my very first felony."

Charles Grodin as George Newton

  • (Charles Grodin) "My family likes you more than they like me. Why? All you do is drool and shed and eat."
  • (Charles Grodin) "This is ridiculous. It's a dog, he doesn't have preferences. You could call him Ding-Dong Head and he wouldn't know the difference."
  • (Charles Grodin) "You'd better think of something to name him 'cause when I come home and he's destroyed my house, I wanna know what to call him."
  • (Charles Grodin) "Come to our house, we'll barbecue."
  • (Patricia Heaton) "Barbecue? Okay, let's live dangerously."
  • (Charles Grodin) "Our food may not be great but it's not dangerous."
  • (Unnamed) "Have you always been a dog lover?"
  • (Charles Grodin) "Um, well, maybe not. Not as much as-as now, thank you."
  • (Charles Grodin) "I really don't like our dog."
  • (Bonnie Hunt) "I really don't like those people, George. I don't trust them. I don't want their money. I know my opinion doesn't matter, but I'm not interested in expanding. If I had been home instead of helping you impress those morons, Emily wouldn't have fallen in the pool. And I'm not re-entering the work force, George. You're gonna have to do this on your own. And you will. Somehow, you'll make your fortune. And tucked away behind you deep in the shadows will be me and the kids."
  • (Charles Grodin) "That's how you see me. Suddenly, I'm a lousy husband and father. Everything was just fine until Beethoven came into our lives. I've tried to be patient, but I've had it. The dog has to go."
  • (Bonnie Hunt) "I'm proud of Beethoven. Those two idiots insulted your kids, they treated me like dirt, and he was the only one of us who had the nerve to give them the ride they deserved. I'm going to bed."
  • (Charles Grodin) "My dream's going down the drain, and you're worried about a dog."
  • (Bonnie Hunt) "Your family's going down the drain, and you're worried about a dream."
  • (Charles Grodin) "We're goldfish people, we're antfarm people. We're not dog people."
  • (Charles Grodin) "Honey, it was an accident."
  • (Bonnie Hunt) "So what?"
  • (Charles Grodin) "We can't throw out the option of having a babysitter just because we had a bad one. We'll find somebody really responsible to look after the kids."
  • (Bonnie Hunt) "Over my dead body."
  • (Charles Grodin) "My dad had to take my dog to the vet's to be put down and I hated him for it."
  • (Charles Grodin) "Any kind of weirdness and Beethoven is gone."
  • (Bonnie Hunt) "Weirdness? What should I watch for, hon? Wearin' my clothes around the house?"

Sarah Rose Karr as Emily Newton

  • (Sarah Rose Karr) "Dog killer."
  • (Sarah Rose Karr) "I told you he was lying."
  • (Charles Grodin) "What the hell are you trying to pull?"
  • (Sarah Rose Karr) "I love you, too. Thanks Beethoven, you saved my life but you better go home now.Mom said to stay in the back yard."

Dean Jones as Dr. Varnick

  • (Dean Jones) "You're a very foolish man, Mr. Newton. You should have left well enough alone."
  • (Dean Jones) "You have no right to be in here. Out, all of you."
  • (Charles Grodin) "Where's my dog?"
  • (Dean Jones) "I don't have to answer your questions. You ordered that dog destroyed, and it was done. Now get out."
  • (Dean Jones) "You hit me, l'll have you put in jail for assault and battery."
  • (Dean Jones) "Here for his shots?"
  • (Charles Grodin) "Yes."
  • (Dean Jones) "Well he'll be a little groggy this evening."
  • (Charles Grodin) "That'll be nice."

Bonnie Hunt as Alice Newton

  • (Bonnie Hunt) "Just change your pants, George."
  • (Charles Grodin) "I'm gonna change my pants, Alice. But if I change my pants, I gotta change my jacket. If I change my jacket, I gotta change my shirt. If I change my shirt, I gotta change my tie. I hafta change my belt. I gotta change my shoes. I gotta change my socks."
  • (Bonnie Hunt) "Just change your pants, George."
  • (Bonnie Hunt) "I don't think words for parts of the body make very good names."
  • (Sarah Rose Karr) "He's got one of those, I looked."
  • (Bonnie Hunt) "I'm sure he does but I don't think Daddy would want to stand on the porch at night yelling that out."
  • (Sarah Rose Karr) "But that's what you call Uncle Richard."

Laurel Cronin as Devonia Pest

  • (Laurel Cronin) "Now, we don't want you to get into trouble, so we'll this be our little secret."
  • (Nicholle Tom) "I'd like to call my mother please."
  • (Laurel Cronin) "Your mother?"
  • (Nicholle Tom) "Immediately."
  • (Laurel Cronin) "She must have snuck out while I was watching Ted and Ryce. It was hot out, so I guess she wanted to take a little swim."
  • (Bonnie Hunt) "And where were YOU while this was happening?"
  • (Laurel Cronin) "I was where I was supposed to be, inside watching the other two. If Emily stayed where I put her, none of this would ever happened."
  • (Laurel Cronin) "If you ask me, what these children need is a little discipline."
  • (Bonnie Hunt) "What these children need is their mother."
  • (Bonnie Hunt) "You're fired."

David Duchovny as Brad

  • (David Duchovny) "We want to get in bed with Newton Auto Air Freshners."

Nicholle Tom as Ryce Newton

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Christopher Castile as Ted Newton

  • (Christopher Castile) "Do you have any kids?"
  • (Patricia Heaton) "We have a career."

Patricia Heaton as Brie

  • (Patricia Heaton) "Oh I just love these big dumb animals."
  • (Bonnie Hunt) "I bet you do."

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