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Better Off Dead (film) Quotes

Better Off Dead (film) is a television program that first aired in 1970 . Better Off Dead ended its run in 1970.

It features Gil Friesen as producer, Rupert Hine in charge of musical score, and Isidore Mankofsky as head of cinematography.

Better Off Dead (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Better Off Dead (film) is 97 minutes long. Better Off Dead (film) is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Curtis Armstrong as Charles De Mar, John Cusack as Lane Myer, Demian Slade as Johnny, Diane Franklin as Monique Junot, Taylor Negron as Mailman, Laura Waterbury as Mrs. Smith, Chuck Mitchell as Rocko, Yuji Okumoto as Yee Sook Ree, Kim Darby as Jenny Myer, and Aaron Dozier as Roy Stalin.

Better Off Dead (film) Quotes

Curtis Armstrong as Charles De Mar

  • (Curtis Armstrong) "This is pure snow. It's everywhere. Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?"
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "And dying when you're not really sick is really sick, you know. Really."
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn."
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "Buck up little camper, we'll beat that slope together."
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "Wait, wait a minute --"
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "Oh."
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "Oh. Ugh. Outrageous."
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "I think I just froze the left half of my brain."
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "Look. I can't move my right arm."
  • (John Cusack) "This isn't funny, Charles. If I don't have a dream, I have nothing."
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "Ah, come on. It's Christmas Eve. I could be home right now, drinking this monster eggnog my brother makes with lighter fluid."
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "Greendale is a bodaciously small town, Lane. A fly speck on the map; a rest stop on the way to the ski slope. I can't even get real drugs here."
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "The K-12 dude. You make a gnarly run like that and girls will get sterile just looking at you."
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy. I know high school girls."

John Cusack as Lane Myer

  • (John Cusack) "Monique, I just wanted to thank you -- for everything."
  • (John Cusack) "Merci buckets."
  • (John Cusack) "Look Charles, I gotta do this. If I don't, I'll be nothing. I'll end up like my neighbor Ricky Smith. He just sits around crocheting all day and snorting nasal spray."
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "He snorts nasal spray? Know where I can score some?"
  • (John Cusack) "ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME OR NOT?"
  • (John Cusack) "Johnny --"
  • (Demian Slade) "Four weeks, twenty papers, that's two dollars. Plus tip."
  • (John Cusack) "Gee Johnny, I don't have a dime."
  • (Demian Slade) "Didn't ask for a dime. Two dollars."
  • (John Cusack) "Well -- it's funny see -- my mom, had to leave early to take my brother to school and my dad to work cuz --"
  • (Demian Slade) "-- two dollars -- cash."
  • (John Cusack) "See -- the problem here is that -- my little brother, this morning, got his arm caught in the microwave, and uh -- my grandmother dropped acid and she freaked out, and hijacked a school bus full of -- penguins, so it's kind of a family crisis -- so come back later? Great."
  • (John Cusack) "I have great fear of tools. I once made a birdhouse in woodshop and the fair housing committee condemned it. I can't."
  • (Diane Franklin) ""I cannot do it" is your middle name."
  • (John Cusack) "Her?"
  • (Laura Waterbury) "Mm-hmm."
  • (John Cusack) "And him?"
  • (Laura Waterbury) "Mmmm-hm."
  • (John Cusack) "That makes sense."
  • (John Cusack) "What's that?"
  • (Chuck Mitchell) "Those are the keys to this establishment. I want you here at 6:00AM Saturday morning. Now, this place has to be swept and mopped up before the breakfast crew get here."
  • (John Cusack) "Uh, hello?"
  • (Diane Franklin) "Ah, bonjour."
  • (John Cusack) "Monique, hi."
  • (Diane Franklin) "Comment allez-vous?"
  • (John Cusack) "No thanks, I already had breakfast."
  • (John Cusack) "Gee, I'm really sorry your mom blew up, Ricky, guess she won't be able to eat any spicy foods for awhile."
  • (John Cusack) "She only speaks French, Roy. She doesn't speak imbecile."
  • (John Cusack) "Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky."

Diane Franklin as Monique Junot

  • (Diane Franklin) "I figured if we had nothing to say to each other he would get bored; go away. But instead he uses it as an excuse to put his testicles all over me."
  • (John Cusack) "Excuse me?"
  • (Diane Franklin) "You know, like octopus? Testicles?"
  • (John Cusack) "Ohhhh. Tentacles. N-T. Tentacles; big Difference."
  • (Diane Franklin) "So you won't tell anyone?"
  • (John Cusack) "What, that you're a Dodgers fan?"

Aaron Dozier as Roy Stalin

  • (Aaron Dozier) "Alright, who wants to hold my clipboard?"
  • (Aaron Dozier) "Well you'll make a fine little helper. What's your name?"
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "Charles De Mar."
  • (Aaron Dozier) "Shut up, geek."
  • (Aaron Dozier) "What's YOUR name?"
  • (Aaron Dozier) "You'd make a fine little helper. What's your name?"
  • (Curtis Armstrong) "Charles De Mar."
  • (Aaron Dozier) "Shut up, geek."

Kim Darby as Jenny Myer

  • (Kim Darby) "Hello Lane. How was your day?"
  • (John Cusack) "Beth broke up with me."
  • (Kim Darby) "Oh, heh, that's nice."
  • (Kim Darby) "Hello, Lane. How was your day?"
  • (John Cusack) "Beth broke up with me."
  • (Kim Darby) "Oh, that's nice."
  • (Kim Darby) "I got the recipe from a magazine. The mail got wet in the rain, so some of the pages ran together, but what I couldn't read I just -- improvised with my own little -- creative ideas. It's got raisins in it. You like raisins."
  • (Kim Darby) "It's real aardvark fur."
  • (Kim Darby) "It's got raisins in it -- you like raisins."

Yuji Okumoto as Yee Sook Ree

  • (Yuji Okumoto) "Truly a sight to behold. A man beaten. The once great champ, now, a study in moppishness. No longer the victory hungry stallion we've raced so many times before, but a pathetic, washed up, aged ex-champion."
  • (John Cusack) "Alright let's go."

Chuck Mitchell as Rocko

  • (Chuck Mitchell) "You look pretty stupid to me."
  • (John Cusack) "Thank you."

Laura Waterbury as Mrs. Smith

  • (Laura Waterbury) "Do you have Christmas in France?"
  • (Laura Waterbury) "Chrisss-maaas. Christmas."
  • (Laura Waterbury) "Ricky, do something to him."

Demian Slade as Johnny

  • (Demian Slade) "I want my two dollars."

Taylor Negron as Mailman

  • (Taylor Negron) "What's a little boy like you doing with big boy smut like this?"

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