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Bewitched (2005 film) Quotes

Bewitched (2005 film) is a TV show that was first aired in 1970 . Bewitched stopped airing in 1970.

It features Nora Ephron, and Douglas Wick; Lucy Fisher; Penny Marshall as producer, George Fenton in charge of musical score, and John Lindley (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

Bewitched (2005 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Bewitched (2005 film) is 102 minutes long. Bewitched (2005 film) is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Nicole Kidman as Isabel Bigelow, Will Ferrell as Jack Wyatt, Steve Carell as Uncle Arthur, Michael Caine as Girl, Kristin Chenoweth as Maria Kelly, Amy Sedaris as Gladys Kravitz, Richard Kind as Abner Kravitz, Carole Shelley as Aunt Clara, Heather Burns as Nina, Michael Caine as Nigel Bigelow, Jason Schwartzman as Ritchie, David Alan Grier as Jim Fields, and Stephen Colbert as Stu Robison.

Bewitched (2005 film) Quotes

Will Ferrell as Jack Wyatt

  • (Will Ferrell) "Your home -- is with me."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Let's make love in a hot-air balloon; let's make love in a candy factory; let's make love in a petting zoo --"
  • (Nicole Kidman) "I have to undo this --"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Let's make love at Sea World on the back of a killer whale."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm going to be killed by a fictional character."
  • (Steve Carell) "Yes, you are."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Endora, you rancid fruit bag, get out of my room."
  • (Will Ferrell) "How would you like to be on a television show?"
  • (Nicole Kidman) "An actress?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Yeah, if I can act, you can act."
  • (Book Soup Cafe Waitress) "Amen."
  • (Will Ferrell) "You know what? I think those people over there just finished their plate of hummus."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Watch the road."
  • (Steve Carell) "Hey, is it Porsche, or Porsha?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "I'm a tool?"
  • (Jason Schwartzman) "Yeah, but a good tool. Like a jack-saw."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Umm -- This is terrible."
  • (Steve Carell) "I know. I just -- love to blend."
  • (Valet) "Miss, could you direct me to your car."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Oh, she doesn't need a car, she has a broomstick."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Where art thou dog? Thy canine lover? / Where is thy hot breath on the nape of my neck? / We shall form a bond, man and beast. / You will lick my face and I shall lick your snout."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Er guys, I swear I'm not doing this on purpose."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Am I gonna get pregnant? Because I cannot get pregnant right now."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Party at my house."
  • (Will Ferrell) "So, were your parents in the witch business?"
  • (Nicole Kidman) "Both of them. My mother fixed the 1986 World Series."
  • (Stephen Colbert) "Someone make a note of that."
  • (Will Ferrell) "This tastes awful."
  • (Steve Carell) "I know. I just like to blend."

Jason Schwartzman as Ritchie

  • (Jason Schwartzman) "Will you stop it? You're being the mayor of p*****town."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I don't want to be the mayor of p*****town."
  • (Jason Schwartzman) "I want you to get out there and be the sheriff of Ballsville."
  • (Jason Schwartzman) "That's it. You're fired."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "Doesn't matter -- I quit. Yeah, so you better call my agent."
  • (David Alan Grier) "You don't have an agent."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "Then call my cable man."

Nicole Kidman as Isabel Bigelow

  • (Nicole Kidman) "Thank God you didn't have a great Dane."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "Yes, I'm watching it. What's a "dick?""
  • (Nicole Kidman) "It's perfect."
  • (Realtor) "Oh, great."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "I'll take it."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "Your life is total instant gratification, Daddy."
  • (Michael Caine) "It's fantastic, isn't it?"
  • (Nicole Kidman) "No. No, it's not. Because how do you know that anyone really loves you for yourself? It's like those rich men who are never sure why women sleep with them."
  • (Michael Caine) "But women sleep with them, so it's not really a problem."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "Isn't there a spell that can make you stop crying?"
  • (Michael Caine) "No, darling, there isn't."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "He's idiotic, and yet I find him completely charming. It's been like that since the beginning. Only now, I also hate him."
  • (Michael Caine) "Love."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "Daddy, what am I gonna do?"
  • (Michael Caine) "Go home."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "Where's that?"
  • (Michael Caine) "Wherever you've been the happiest."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "I'm gonna be an actress in a television series."
  • (Kristin Chenoweth) "She's going to play Samantha on Bewitched."
  • (Michael Caine) "Bewitched?"
  • (Michael Caine) "That's an insult to our way of life."
  • (Kristin Chenoweth) "Your dad is a hoot."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "I don't know why we're doing this, but it's fun."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "Oh, we're going to kiss aren't we?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "I thought so. But, thanks for ruining the moment Miss Narrator."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "Yes, I'm watching it, and you're right, he is a great big male reproductive organ."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "I am through with just snapping my fingers and getting my way."
  • (Coffee Shop Waitress) "Uh, no breakfast after 11."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "Oh."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "My absolutely last thing."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "I can't just walk back in there now."
  • (Will Ferrell) "Once you show up in a golf cart, believe me, all is forgiven. I've done it a lot of times."

Amy Sedaris as Gladys Kravitz

  • (Amy Sedaris) "Abner, come look. The new neighbors are movin' in."
  • (Richard Kind) "Not now, Gladys, I'm busy."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "Aaaah"
  • (Will Ferrell) "Ah, yes, now I'm going to -- carry you across the threshold"
  • (Nicole Kidman) "Don't you think the front yard looks a little bare?"
  • (Will Ferrell) "No, I don't."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "But I think it could use a little something."
  • (Will Ferrell) "I-I-It's fine the way it is, honey."
  • (Amy Sedaris) "Abner. A tree just appeard in the front yard."

Kristin Chenoweth as Maria Kelly

  • (Kristin Chenoweth) "I love that show. Is that the one with the genie?"
  • (Kristin Chenoweth) "When my first husband left me I was so angry I wanted to cut his brake cables -- but instead we ended up having sex on the elliptical machine."
  • (Kristin Chenoweth) "Oh, and when you go out with a guy be sure he has a brother or a friend who is single before you call me."

Heather Burns as Nina

  • (Heather Burns) "There must be a solution."
  • (Nicole Kidman) "No, there isn't. We're at The Coffee Bean, and there is -- no -- solution."
  • (Heather Burns) "We have to make him quit. If we get naked pictures of him and pictures of farm animals, I could photoshop them."
  • (Kristin Chenoweth) "That's an excellent idea."
  • (Heather Burns) "Let's set fire to his trailer. Let's just do it."
  • (Heather Burns) "We could electrocute him. There's ton of wires around here."

Carole Shelley as Aunt Clara

  • (Carole Shelley) "Well what's your idea Little Miss Doubtful?"
  • (Heather Burns) "Well, I have a taser."
  • (Kristin Chenoweth) "Nina."
  • (Heather Burns) "I think we should taser him and throw him into the shark tank at Seaworld."

Steve Carell as Uncle Arthur

  • (Steve Carell) "Do you want the long version or the short version? And I have to warn you, the long version is in Aramaic."

Michael Caine as Nigel Bigelow

  • (Michael Caine) "Hey there. I have Hepatitis C."

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