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Black Books Quotes

Black Books is a Situation comedy that debuted in 2000 on Channel 4. Black Books stopped airing in 2004.

Black Books lasted 18 episodes. It features Nira Park as producer, and Jonathan Whitehead as composer. Black Books is executive produced by William Burdett-Coutts (promoter). Black Books is created by Dylan Moran.

Black Books is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of Black Books is 25 minutes long. Black Books is produced by Big Talk Productions and distributed by Channel 4.

Black Books Quotes

  • (Bernard) "Why would I want to do that, when I can do this?"
  • (Bernard) "They keep coming. THEY'RE LIKE A NEST OF PIGS."
  • (Bernard) "I love my thumbs."
  • (Unnamed) "Flipper Dolphin Steaks."
  • (Unnamed) "Veterans of Disorder."
  • (Bernard) "No Doctors. Doctors are Satanists. That's why they write Ambulance backwards."
  • (Unnamed) "No Anecdotage."
  • (Bernard) "He doesn't know the alphabet. He can't read"
  • (Bernard) "at all."
  • (Fran) "Shh, Manny. It's the beetroot talking."
  • (Manny) "You have a heart of stone."
  • (Fran) "I always thought of it as a piece of Flint."
  • (Unnamed) "No giggling."
  • (Bernard) "Natural Selection favours the loud and aggressive, no offense, but genetically you are a cul-de-sac."
  • (Bernard) "Lies. Subterfuge. Seething Corruption."
  • (Bernard) "I have spoken."
  • (Unnamed) "No Chatting, No Smiling, Absolute Silence."
  • (Bernard) "You nearly hurt me in the shoulder, there."
  • (Manny) "What's the "L" for?"
  • (Bernard) "Ludwig, you know, like Beethoven."
  • (Manny) "Ludwig? Why would your parents --"
  • (Bernard) "Whores will have their trinkets."
  • (Bernard) "This one's good, you'll laugh, you'll cry, it'll change your life."
  • (Bernard) "Don't you DARE use the word "Party" as a verb in my shop."
  • (Unnamed) "Don't."
  • (Bernard) "She remembers, and I'm not allowed to."
  • (Bernard) "And what am I supposed to do while you're doing the Underpants Charleston with this insane, blind tart?"
  • (Fran) "Say Peanuts."
  • (Bernard) "Enjoy. It's dreadful, but it's quite short."
  • (Fran) "Buy this."
  • (Bernard) "What is it?"
  • (Fran) "It's a thing."
  • (Fran) "It'll be great seeing them all again, it'll be like being back at school."
  • (Bernard) "You hated being at school, you had a terrible time."
  • (Fran) "I never told you about that."
  • (Bernard) "You didn't have to, I just look at your life now and work backwards."
  • (Bernard) "This isn't Waterstones."
  • (Manny) "I wish I'd never been born."
  • (Bernard) "The little man in my hair is getting very annoyed."
  • (Bernard) "I can feel pieces of my brain falling away like a wet cake."

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