Bottom (TV series) Quotes

Bottom is a Situation comedy that appeared on TV in 1991 on BBC Two. Bottom stopped airing in 1995.

Bottom aired for 18 episodes. Bottom is created by Ade Edmondson.

Bottom is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of Bottom is 30 minutes long.

The cast includes: Ade Edmondson as Eddie, Rik Mayall as Richie, Christopher Ryan as Dave Hedgehog, Steven O'Donnell as Spudgun, and Christopher Ryan as Dave.

Bottom Quotes

Ade Edmondson as Eddie

• (Ade Edmondson) "I got a free police baton."
• (Rik Mayall) "Whoo, interesting. Let's have a look."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Yeah, well, I can't quite lay my hands on it at the moment"
• (Ade Edmondson) "."
• (Rik Mayall) "Nasty."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Yeah, it's one of those new long ones as well. With the side handle. It's playing Merry Hell with my liver."

• (Ade Edmondson) "Nice. Very nice. Nice beard too."

• (Ade Edmondson) "That's it. I'm going to write to my M.P."
• (Rik Mayall) "Why?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Because I love her."
• (Rik Mayall) "Eddie. Tony Blair is a man."

• (Ade Edmondson) "I'd rather cut off my penis with a rusty bread knife."

• (Ade Edmondson) "What was your Red Indian name then? "Running Mouth"? "Sitting Down"? "Talking Bollocks"?"
• (Rik Mayall) ""Dances With The Wind"."
• (Ade Edmondson) "That'll be the curry again."

• (Ade Edmondson) "These saucy honeymoon undies are a bit on the cutting severe side."
• (Rik Mayall) "Don't you worry, Eddie, you could always take 'em off later. Or maybe I'll rip 'em off with my bare teeth;"
• (Rik Mayall) "oh no, it's not a girl, it's Eddie, it's Eddie. It's not a girl, it's Eddie, it's not a girl, it's Eddie. Oh God, I hope I don't get drunk."

• (Ade Edmondson) "You know, I think I might come back as a bra."
• (Rik Mayall) "What?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Well, all us Buddhists believe in reincarnation."
• (Rik Mayall) "When did you become a Buddhist?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "About 5 seconds ago. And may I say it has completely changed my life."
• (Rik Mayall) "But you can't come back as a bra. That's just stupid. You have to come back as something organic."
• (Ade Edmondson) "All right, all right, I'm only a beginner you know. Errr -- all right then, I'll come back as -- ah. Claudia Schiffer. She's seriously organic."

• (Ade Edmondson) "Hello."
• (Mormon) "Hello. Have you ever thought what a beautiful place the Earth is?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Yes, I have. Thank you."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Charming man."

• (Ade Edmondson) "All right then mortal. I can see you're eager to keep your life. How's about I offer you a straight deal?"
• (Rik Mayall) "A deal? Sure. No problem. Great."
• (Ade Edmondson) "How much money have ya got in the house?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Oh, none."
• (Ade Edmondson) "What about the three hundred pounds on top of the bathroom cabinet?"
• (Rik Mayall) "How do you know about that?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "God, I keep telling you mate. I'm Death, I know everything."
• (Rik Mayall) "Everything? What, even about the -- .?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Especially that you naughty boy."
• (Rik Mayall) "All right. I'll get the money, just don't tell anybody. You wait right here."

• (Unnamed) "Which one of you is Mr Hitler"
• (Ade Edmondson) "That would be me."
• (Unnamed) "Ooh, any relation?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Well -- I've got a mother."
• (Unnamed) "No, no, I meant to Adolf Hitler."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Yes that's her."

• (Ade Edmondson) "What's this? Annual membership to "Barbarella's Aerobic Fitness Centre"?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Nothing to do with me."
• (Ade Edmondson) "It's got "Richard Richard" written on it."
• (Rik Mayall) "Ah. Er --"
• (Ade Edmondson) ""Leotard"?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Well, er, Eddie, none of us are getting any younger. I just pop along every Wednesday afternoon and firm up."
• (Ade Edmondson) "What, you stand at the back of a room full of girls jiggling their bottoms up and down and "firm up"?"

• (Ade Edmondson) "Bloody Nora. Neil Kinnock's grandparents were homosexual Martians. He's kept quiet about that, hasn't he?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Mhmmmm"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Lucky I read that, I was going to vote Labour."

• (Ade Edmondson) "That, my friend, is Welsh money."
• (Rik Mayall) "They don't have any Welsh money."
• (Steven O'Donnell) "No wonder they all vote Labour."

• (Ade Edmondson) "My Great-Uncle Percy was in the trenches of the first world war. You know what he used to say?"
• (Rik Mayall) "What?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "AAH. BLOODY HELL. GERMANS. THOUSANDS OF 'EM. AAAH."

• (Ade Edmondson) "So, er, what did you do then?"
• (Falklands War Vet) "Well, I'd rather not talk about it."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Why? Is it embarrassing? s*** your pants, did you? Cry, did you?"
• (Falklands War Vet) "Quite the opposite, actually."
• (Ade Edmondson) "What, you sucked water in through your eyes?"

• (Ade Edmondson) "This is a sex shop isn't it?"
• (Unnamed) "Yes."
• (Ade Edmondson) "I'll have five quid's worth then."
• (Unnamed) "Very droll sir, I've never heard that one before."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Haven't you? Shall I tell it again?"
• (Unnamed) "No thank you sir, I'd rather have a pineapple inserted violently into my rectum."
• (Ade Edmondson) "You've been working here too long mate."

• (Ade Edmondson) "How's your sausage?"
• (Rik Mayall) "'s A bit personal, isn't it? Oh, I see, you mean my sausage."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Yes?"
• (Rik Mayall) "You're asking me about my sausage?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Sausage, yes?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Not my penis?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "No."
• (Rik Mayall) "Oh, thank heavens for that. Well, what can I tell you, Eddie, it's an absolute disaster. I just can't get the hang of this cooking lark. I mean, you put the sausage in the pan, you set it on fire, and what happens? It gets incinerated."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Well, maybe we should eat our flakes?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I see what you mean, yes. I think I'm getting "double entendre disease"."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Can I drink your juice?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Oh. Oh, yes. Yes, of course, go ahead. I think I'm going mad this morning."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Someone's giving our knocker a damn good banging. I'd better go see who it is."
• (Rik Mayall) "Righty 'o. I'll grab a hold of my sausage and give it a good seeing-to."

Rik Mayall as Richie

• (Rik Mayall) "Did you see the floats?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "I thought I flushed it."

• (Rik Mayall) "You know mate, if we ever get through to the other side of this one, if we ever get back to Blighty, I'm really gonna change the way I live -- find a piece of land, find a beautiful woman, hell, maybe even raise a few kids"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Aaaah quit dream'n skip, we're never going to pull through to the other side of this one"
• (Rik Mayall) "No you've got to dreeeeam Eddie. You've got to hold on to the dreeeeeam."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Can I ask you a question?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Shoot from the hip Eddie, that's always been your style."
• (Ade Edmondson) "WHY ARE WE TALKING SUCH COMPLETE AND UTTER BOLLOCKS?"

• (Rik Mayall) "Well, I just got to finish my sprouts Mexicain, and we're all set."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Sprouts Mexicain?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Sprouts Mexicain."
• (Ade Edmondson) "What's that?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Well, it's a -- sprouts, pinch of chili powder, jar of curry powder, hint of tabasco sauce; well, three bottles, actually. Not so much a hint, more a party political broadcast. And the secret ingredient: gun powder."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Sprouts ?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Yeah. They were left over from last Christmas."
• (Rik Mayall) "Ta ta-ta-ta ta-ta."
• (Ade Edmondson) "But it's October."
• (Rik Mayall) "Yes, yes, I know, they were a bit -- frisky. But the spices'll cover up any embarassment."
• (Rik Mayall) "Hey, they must be ready."

• (Rik Mayall) "Is there some sort of problem, officer?"
• ('Skullcrusher' Henderson) "I can't take this money. It's been forged."
• (Ade Edmondson) "No it's not."
• ('Skullcrusher' Henderson) "Yes it is. I'm the one who forged it."
• ('Skullcrusher' Henderson) "Look, that ain't the Queen, it's Danny LaRue."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Well, it's A queen."

• (Rik Mayall) "I've done it mentally. Boy, have I done it mentally. Look at that bicep. You're bloody lucky I didn't hit you with that one, mate."

• (Rik Mayall) "Bloo-dy bril-jant, Eddie. Yeah. Hey, got any more?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Mais oui, mon brave."
• (Rik Mayall) "What?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Certainement, mon general."
• (Rik Mayall) "Oh Christ, he's gone all Welsh on me again."

• (Rik Mayall) "Please, give me another chance."
• (Ade Edmondson) "No, I won't, if you don't leave Eddie alone."
• (Rik Mayall) "How did you know that we had fights?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "I am The Death, I know everything."
• (Rik Mayall) "Uh-oh -- Do you know that I have --"
• (Ade Edmondson) "I know that too, naughty boy."

• (Rik Mayall) "What else do we need for the beach?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Um, tetanus jabs?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Ooh yes. Better make an appointment to see doctor Wildthroat for a booster."
• (Ade Edmondson) "He's not a Doctor of Medicine, you know."
• (Rik Mayall) "Well, I know, yes, but he's cheap."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Gave you rabies last year."
• (Rik Mayall) "But it only cost three quid. Come on, Eddie, beggars can't be choosers."
• (Ade Edmondson) "No, but they can froth at the mouth and eat the furniture."

• (Rik Mayall) "Okay. Une, Due, trois and Achtungh."
• (Rik Mayall) "How's it going?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Like a dream mate."
• (Rik Mayall) "You mean the kind of dream where you can't do push ups?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "That's the one."

• (Rik Mayall) "Well it wasn't my fault I got so terribly ill I had to order you to cancel your birthday party."
• (Ade Edmondson) "You weren't ill, you just ate a tin of curry powder and painted your face green. I knew it was a hoax because the paint washed off when that enema backfired."

• (Rik Mayall) "That's Tight-mouthed Larry, the bookmaker."
• (Ade Edmondson) "He's not very tight-mouthed today, is he?"

• (Rik Mayall) "Cor what a magnificent bird"
• (Christopher Ryan) "Where?"

• (Rik Mayall) "Let's just be economical with the truth, errrm, something, buck, yeah hot young buck."
• (Ade Edmondson) "What about badger?"
• (Rik Mayall) "No, no I'm more a sort of --"
• (Ade Edmondson) "HEDGHOG."
• (Rik Mayall) "No fox. That's good, no that is good."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Stoat."
• (Rik Mayall) "Foxy Stoat? Yeah. It's gotta a ring to it -- foxy stoat seeks --"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Pig."
• (Rik Mayall) "Foxy Stoat Seeks Pig. Oh Shut up Eddie."

• (Rik Mayall) "Ooh, condoms."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Well, we can take last year's, can't we?"
• (Rik Mayall) "But have we got any left?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Yeah. All of 'em."
• (Rik Mayall) "Thank God for that. I hate going to the chemist's. Keep thinking my Mum will find out. I mean, buying johnnies is just a constant embarrassment."
• (Ade Edmondson) "What do you mean, you've only done it once. That was back in 1977."
• (Rik Mayall) "Hey, hey, it's a bloody convincing performance, though. That shop assistant could've sworn I was French."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Yeah, maybe that's why you came out with 50 tubes of pile cream as well."
• (Rik Mayall) "Yes, well, maybe my mime was a little indistinctive, yes, but you know, I mean, it was worth the daytrip to Birmingham just to find a chemist who didn't know us, you know. I mean, it might have been a long way round just to buy a threepack of johnnies we never use, but I'll tell you what: there's been no piles in this house since 1977."

• (Rik Mayall) "So Spudgun -- why do they call you Spudgun?"
• (Steven O'Donnell) "Well, gimme a potato and I'll show you why."
• (Ade Edmondson) "No, Richie. You don't want to see that."
• (Rik Mayall) "Oh, well, why do they call you Hedgehog?"
• (Christopher Ryan) "Gimme a hedgehog and I'll show you why."

• (Rik Mayall) "So Spudgun, tell me about this road sign; sounds great."

• (Rik Mayall) "Oh, I love carnival time. Look at that policeman over there."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Which one?"
• (Rik Mayall) "The one jumping up and down, waving his arms."
• (Ade Edmondson) "The one that's on fire?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Yeah."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Now well, he's got no one to blame but himself, it was him who started it all by appealing for calm."
• (Rik Mayall) "Is it?"
• (Rik Mayall) "Provocative bastard."

• (Rik Mayall) "Ew, I nearly kissed you on the knob then."

• (Rik Mayall) "May I say, what a SMASHING blouse you have on?"

• (Rik Mayall) "I've got an excellent idea."
• (Ade Edmondson) "What is it?"
• (Rik Mayall) "PANIC. AAAAAAAAAAAAH."

• (Rik Mayall) "Have you hollowed out your pumpkins?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "I BEG YOUR PARDON? Oh, oh, you mean the vegetable?"

• (Rik Mayall) "Quick, sprinkle a bit of water all over the place so it looks like we've been crying a lot."

• (Rik Mayall) "What was it Shakespeare used to say?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Um -- "Hello, my dear. I'm a playwriter, you know. Come on, give us a snog"."
• (Rik Mayall) "No, Eddie."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Um -- "Where's my quill? Bloody Hell, I bought five yesterday. Where do they all go?""
• (Rik Mayall) "No, really. What was it he used to say?"
• (Ade Edmondson) ""What do you mean, it's crap? There's eight bodies at the end, and he gets to shag his Mum.""

• (Rik Mayall) "All right, all right. Take it easy you bitch."
• (Rik Mayall) "I mean, Your Bitchness -- I mean Lady Bitch of, oh God Eddie, what do you call them?"
• (Ade Edmondson) "Jugs, what do you call them?"

• (Rik Mayall) "I had to sell a kidney to buy this lot."
• (Ade Edmondson) "Well, they didn't want mine."
• (Rik Mayall) "Well, they're not much good pickled are they. Mind you, Sarsons showed some interest."

Steven O'Donnell as Spudgun

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