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Brain Donors Quotes

Brain Donors is a television program that debuted in 1970 . Brain Donors stopped airing in 1970.

It features Gil Netter as producer, Ira Newborn in charge of musical score, and David M. Walsh as head of cinematography.

Brain Donors is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Brain Donors is 79 minutes long. Brain Donors is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: John Turturro as Roland T. Flakfizer, Bob Nelson as Jacques, John Savident as Lazlo, John Turturro as Flakfizer, Mel Smith as Rocco Melonchek, Mel Smith as Rocco, Teri Copley as Tina, Nancy Marchand as Lillian Oglethorpe, John Savident as Laslow, and George de la Pena as Volare.

Brain Donors Quotes

John Turturro as Roland T. Flakfizer

  • (John Turturro) "Some day you'll have my children. In fact, they're in the car if you want them."
  • (John Turturro) "If there's anything I can ever do for you -- forget it, because I don't do those kinds of things."
  • (John Turturro) "Aren't those numbers going by a little fast?"
  • (Mel Smith) "You're probably just a speed reader."
  • (John Turturro) "Lillian, I could make love to you right here."
  • (Nancy Marchand) "Roland, let's keep this professional."
  • (John Turturro) "Fine. I'll charge you fifty bucks a pop."
  • (John Turturro) "I didn't know the meaning of the word "no," but he had it down pretty good."
  • (John Turturro) "I'm all out of American currency. Here, take a fistful of Romanian fifties."
  • (John Turturro) "Sorry, two's company, and three's an adult movie."
  • (John Turturro) "Behind every great man there is a woman, and thank heaven I have Lillian Oglethorpe because, quite frankly, I enjoy the shade."
  • (John Turturro) "Money's no object. It isn't mine."
  • (John Turturro) "So, do you enjoy being a cab driver?"
  • (Mel Smith) "Nah. As soon as I get my driver's license, I'm quitting."
  • (John Turturro) "Dear Lillian, soon I hope to take you on a Carribbean cruise, where we can hold hands on a soft summer's evening and watch that old Jamaican moon. Why that old Jamaican will be mooning us, I have no idea."
  • (John Turturro) "Miss, these seats are dreadful. They're facing the stage."
  • (John Turturro) "And she looks like she's about fifteen."
  • (John Savident) "No, no, no."
  • (John Turturro) "Okay, fourteen then. In fact I know she's fourteen, because I was dating her a year ago."
  • (John Turturro) "Let's step outside and settle this like men."
  • (John Savident) "We are outside."
  • (John Turturro) "OK, let's step inside and settle it like women."

Mel Smith as Rocco Melonchek

  • (Mel Smith) "We'll have to perform a full rectum-ology."
  • (John Turturro) "Fondue, an epidemic. drop those pants -- Not you, the patient."
  • (Doctor) "I thought you were cardiologists --"
  • (Mel Smith) "Uh, well, they're all connected, we enter the rectum and head north."
  • (John Turturro) "Why do you think we have such long instruments?"
  • (Mel Smith) "I don't feel a thing. This woman is dead."
  • (John Turturro) "You're holding his wrist."
  • (Mel Smith) "Then this man is dead."
  • (Mel Smith) "You're lying."
  • (John Turturro) "Of course I am, but hear me out."
  • (Mel Smith) "What a charming little animal."
  • (Nancy Marchand) "Do you know dogs, Mister Melonchek?"
  • (Mel Smith) "Know dogs? I used to be a chef in a Korean restaurant."
  • (Mel Smith) "Charity work. I gather these for those less fortunate than myself who can't afford pornography."

George de la Pena as Volare

  • (George de la Pena) "Do you realize what I was doing at the age of seven?"
  • (John Turturro) "I can imagine and you must be thankful you didn't go blind."
  • (George de la Pena) "I was dancing professionally."
  • (John Turturro) "Whatever you call it. Flogging the carrot, polishing the cuestick, choking the chicken, clearing the snorkel --"
  • (George de la Pena) "My dance shoes are in the Louvre in Paris."
  • (John Turturro) "Big deal. Last year I left a raincoat in Cleveland."

John Savident as Laslow

  • (John Savident) "Ah. Your suite."
  • (John Turturro) "You're pretty terrific yourself."
  • (John Savident) "Ah hah. So you were the doctors."
  • (Mel Smith) "No we're not them. We're somebody else. The men you're looking for are our identical twin brothers, and you'll never see us together, 'cause we love the same women."

Teri Copley as Tina

  • (Teri Copley) "Was that the doorbell?"
  • (John Turturro) "That wasn't you?"

Bob Nelson as Jacques

  • (Bob Nelson) "Are you Roland T. Flakfizer?"
  • (John Turturro) "That all depends. Do I owe you money?"
  • (Bob Nelson) "No."
  • (John Turturro) "In a drunken stupor, did I promise to marry you?"
  • (Bob Nelson) "No."
  • (John Turturro) "Then I'm your man."
  • (Bob Nelson) "What about me?"
  • (John Turturro) "To show you no fairness, Rocco and I will also split your salary 50/50."
  • (Bob Nelson) "Thanks."
  • (John Turturro) "That should you keep you out of a high income bracket. Come to think of it, that you should keep you out of any income bracket."

Nancy Marchand as Lillian Oglethorpe

  • (Nancy Marchand) "Then it's settled. I am so excited."
  • (John Turturro) "You're excited? Feel these nipples."

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