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Branch Wars Quotes

Branch Wars is a TV program that debuted in 1970 . Branch Wars ended its run in 1970.

Branch Wars Quotes

  • (Dwight Schrute) "The eyes are the groin of the head."
  • (Karen Filippelli) "I am the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin, Utica branch. Turns out it's a pretty easy gig when your boss isn't an idiot and your boyfriend's not in love with somebody else."
  • (Stanley) "I wasn't really planning on leaving. All I wanted was a raise. How on Earth did Michael call my bluff? Is he some sort of secret genius?"
  • (Stanley) "Sometimes I say crazy things."
  • (Oscar) "Besides having sex with men, I would say the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me."
  • (Michael Scott) "What is that?"
  • (Michael Scott) "Dwight, are you peeing?"
  • (Dwight Schrute) "I'm peeing in this empty can."
  • (Jim Halpert) "Oh, my God."
  • (Michael Scott) "Oh, come on, man. That is disgusting, Dwight."
  • (Dwight Schrute) "You said we couldn't make any more stops. I really had to go."
  • (Michael Scott) "Oh, God."
  • (Jim Halpert) "Michael, watch the road."
  • (Dwight Schrute) "Hey, you're making me spray."
  • (Michael Scott) "I'm going to kill you, man."
  • (Jim Halpert) "Michael, Michael, pull over."
  • (Michael Scott) "That is just so disgusting."
  • (Dwight Schrute) "I think I cut my penis on the lid."
  • (Michael Scott) "Utica. Utica. Utica."
  • (Jim Halpert) "All right, Great Scott, if you found that choking hazard poster, just head on home."
  • (Michael Scott) "We've got something far better, their crown jewel. Their industrial copier."
  • (Jim Halpert) "Isn't that thing huge?"
  • (Dwight Schrute) "It's enormous, but it's got wheels. We're wheeling it down the hall into the stairwell. Get the car ready, keep the engine running."
  • (Jim Halpert) "No. That is a terrible idea. Don't do this."
  • (Michael Scott) "My hip bone. We're wedged between the copier and the railing. I'm stuck. Oh, my left hip."
  • (Dwight Schrute) "Leave us, Jim. Leave us. Save yourself."
  • (Michael Scott) "Help us. No. Don't leave us. We need help, Jim."
  • (Jim Halpert) "Okay, first of all, stop using my name. And second of all --"
  • (Michael Scott) "You've got to move out."
  • (Jim Halpert) "Damn it, guys."
  • (Michael Scott) "Would you move over just a little bit?"
  • (Dwight Schrute) "I'm losing control of my bladder."
  • (Michael Scott) "How can I get you to stay?"
  • (Stanley) "Money."
  • (Michael Scott) "Yeah. We all want money. But there is none in the budget. So, tell me why you're really leaving."
  • (Stanley) "Money."
  • (Michael Scott) "Mo' money, mo' problems, Stanley. You of all people should know that. Let me ask you this, if I were --"
  • (Stanley) "Money."
  • (Michael Scott) "There's a guy. There's a guy."
  • (Dwight Schrute) "There's a security guard coming by. Hello. We're warehouse workers. Would you like more proof?"
  • (Unnamed) "Okay."
  • (Michael Scott) "Oh, my God. That was very close."
  • (Dwight Schrute) "I can see the security guard's eyes."
  • (Jim Halpert) "No. No. Don't do anything to them."
  • (Dwight Schrute) "I have to do something to his eyes."
  • (Jim Halpert) "Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Karen's back."
  • (Dwight Schrute) "Is it Karen?"
  • (Michael Scott) "Take her to a motel. Make love to her, Jim."
  • (Jim Halpert) "No. I'm not doing that."
  • (Michael Scott) "Just say you want to get back together."
  • (Jim Halpert) "No. I'm not doing that."
  • (Michael Scott) "It doesn't have to mean anything. Just do it for Stanley. Come on, Jim. Just climb on top of her and think about Stanley. Oh, God."
  • (Michael Scott) "You cannot take the hilarious black guy from the office. Stanley is part of what makes this branch so extraordinary. The bluesy wisdom, the sassy remarks, the crossword puzzles, the smile, those big, watery, red eyes. I don't know how George Bush did it when Colin Powell left."
  • (Michael Scott) "We are in the stairwell."
  • (Dwight Schrute) "We are climbing some stairs. I am breathing heavily."
  • (Jim Halpert) "Okay, you know what? You really don't need to be updating me as much as you're updating me."
  • (Michael Scott) "Why is she trying to take Stanley from us?"
  • (Stanley) "I think it's because of my sales record."
  • (Michael Scott) "That could not possibly be it."
  • (Andy Bernard) "The Finer Things Club is the most exclusive club in this office. Naturally, it's where I need to be. The Party Planning Committee is my backup and Kevin's band is my safety."

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