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Bridget Jones's Diary (film) Quotes

Bridget Jones's Diary (film) is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Bridget Jones's Diary ended in 1970.

It features Patrick Doyle in charge of musical score, and Stuart Dryburgh as head of cinematography.

Bridget Jones's Diary (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of Bridget Jones's Diary (film) is 97 minutes long. Bridget Jones's Diary (film) is distributed by United International Pictures, Miramax, and Mars Distribution.

The cast includes: Renée Zellweger as Bridget, Colin Firth as Mark Darcy, Hugh Grant as Daniel Cleaver, Felicity Montagu as Perpetua, James Callis as Tom, Shirley Henderson as Jude, Neil Pearson as Richard Finch, Colin Firth as Mark, Lisa Barbuscia as Lara, Patrick Barlow as Julian, Gemma Jones as Pam Jones, Embeth Davidtz as Natasha, and Charmian May as Mr. Darcy.

Bridget Jones's Diary (film) Quotes

Gemma Jones as Pam Jones

  • (Gemma Jones) "Yes -- Now how many of you "have it oeuf" -- have it oeuf -- it's French -- All you do is put the egg in here like this -- and -- up, down, up, down --"
  • (Gemma Jones) "-- and voila. Ooh, mind the over-spray, dear."
  • (Gemma Jones) "Frankly darling, if I had the chance again I wouldn't have had children."
  • (Gemma Jones) "I must say the sex is still quite surprising. Do you know just the other day I was just dozing off and I felt this huge --"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Bye mum."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Ugh."
  • (Gemma Jones) "You'll never get a boyfriend if you look like you wandered out of Auschwitz."

Renée Zellweger as Bridget

  • (Shazzer) "f*** 'em. f*** the lot of 'em. Tell 'em they can stick f***ing Leevis up their f***ing asses."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Shazzer. Journalist. Likes to say "f***.""
  • (Shazzer) "Look, are you coming to f***ing Paris or not?"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Um, not."
  • (Shazzer) "No f***ing room, anyway."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Apparently, I used to run round naked in his paddling pool."
  • (Hugh Grant) "I bet you did, you dirty bitch."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "My mum, a strange creature from the time when pickles on toothpicks were still the height of sophistication."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Well, I meant it, but I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant -- After all, it's only a diary. Everyone knows diaries are just -- full of crap."
  • (Colin Firth) "Yes, I know that. I was just buying you a new one."
  • (Shazzer) "Exactly. I mean there's been all these bloody hints and stuff, but has he ever actually stuck his f***ing tongue down your f***ing throat?"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "No. Not once."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Now, I'll go home and -- de-bunny."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Here is the man we like to call Mr., uh,"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Titspervert. Titspervert."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Fitzherbert. Because -- that is his name."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Did I really run round your lawn naked?"
  • (Colin Firth) "Oh, yes. You were four and I was eight."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Well, that's a pretty big age difference. It's quite pervy really."
  • (Colin Firth) "Yes, I like to think so."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Wait a minute -- nice boys don't kiss like that."
  • (Colin Firth) "Oh, yes, they f***ing do."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Tell me, is it one in four marriages that end in divorce these days, or one in three?"
  • (Colin Firth) "One in three."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "I owe you an apology about Daniel. He said you ran off with his fiancée and left him brokenhearted."
  • (Colin Firth) "No, it was the other way around. My wife. My heart."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "So what do you think of the situation in Chechnya?"
  • (Hugh Grant) "I couldn't give a f***, Jones."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Thank you, Daniel, that is very good to know. But if staying here means working within 10 yards of you, frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's arse."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Great. I was wearing a carpet."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "That's why you always acted so strangely around him, and beat him to a pulp quite rightly."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Well done."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Have bottom size of Brazil."
  • (Interviewer) "What do you think about the El Nino phenomenon?"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "It's a blip. Latin music's on its way out."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Bugger off."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "How's it look?"
  • (Colin Firth) "Uh, great. It's, um, blue."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Blue?"
  • (Colin Firth) "No, but, blue is good. If you ask me there isn't enough blue food."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Oh, s***. It must be the string."
  • (Colin Firth) "Oh, it's string soup?"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Perhaps this is the mysterious Mr. Right I have been waiting my whole life to meet."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Maybe not."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "The only thing worse than smug married couple; lots of smug married couples."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Resolution number one: obviously, will lose twenty pounds. Number two: will find nice sensible boyfriend and not continue to form romantic attachments to alcoholics, workaholics, peeping-toms, megalomaniacs, emotional f***wits or perverts."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "I choose Vodka. And Chaka Khan."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "What are we going to do about this dinner, then?"
  • (Colin Firth) "We have blue soup to start, orange pudding to end, and, well, for a main course you have, uh, congealed green gunge."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "You once said you liked me just as I am and I just wanted to say likewise. I mean there are stupid things your mum buys you, tonight's another -- classic. You're haughty, and you always say the wrong thing in every situation and I seriously believe that you should rethink the length of your sideburns. But, you're a nice man and I like you. If you wanted to pop by some time that might be nice -- more than nice."
  • (Colin Firth) "Right, crikey."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Are you staying at your parents for New Years?"
  • (Colin Firth) "Yes. You?"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Ah, no. Was at a party in London last night, I'm afraid I'm a bit hungover."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Wish I could be home with my head in a toilet like all normal people --"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "-- ah. New Year's Resolution: drink less -- and quit smoking -- and quit talking total nonsense to strangers -- actually, quit talking, full stop."
  • (Colin Firth) "Yes. Well. Perhaps it's time to eat."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Where the f***'s the f***ing tuna?"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "This is Bridget Jones, with Sit Up Britain, searching for tuna."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs -- Dad -- Hi."

Hugh Grant as Daniel Cleaver

  • (Hugh Grant) "Now these are very silly little boots, Jones. And this is a very silly little dress. And, um, these are, f*** me, absolutely enormous panties."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Jesus. f***."
  • (Hugh Grant) "No, no. Don't apologize. I like them. Hello, Mummy."
  • (Hugh Grant) "I'm sorry, I have to have another look. They're too good to be true."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "No --"
  • (Hugh Grant) "They're nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm wearing something similar myself."
  • (Hugh Grant) "f*** me, I love Keats."
  • (Hugh Grant) "Uhh -- Jesus. All right."
  • (Colin Firth) "All right?"
  • (Hugh Grant) "Enough."
  • (Colin Firth) "Enough enough."
  • (Hugh Grant) "Wanker."
  • (Hugh Grant) "I've been going crazy. I can't stop thinking about you, and thinking about what an idiot I've been. Christ, is that blue soup?"
  • (Hugh Grant) "I'll shin you."
  • (Hugh Grant) "Come on Bridget, we belong together; you, me, poor little skirt. If I can't make it with you then I can't make it with anyone."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "That's not a good enough offer for me."
  • (Hugh Grant) "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."
  • (Colin Firth) "Oh, God. I'm sorry."
  • (Colin Firth) "I really am sorry. I-I will pay."
  • (Hugh Grant) "Had enough Darcy?"
  • (Colin Firth) "Not quite, if that's all right by you."
  • (Unnamed) "Happy birthday to you --"
  • (Unnamed) "Happy birthday to you."
  • (Colin Firth) "Happy birthday dear what's-his-name --"
  • (Hugh Grant) "Happy birthday to you --"
  • (Hugh Grant) "If you have to travel alone, travel in style."
  • (Hugh Grant) "There once was a young woman from Ealing, / Who had a particular feeling. / She lay on her back, / And opened her crack, / And pissed all over the ceiling."

James Callis as Tom

  • (James Callis) "Well done Bridge, four hours of careful cooking and a feast of blue soup, omelette and marmalade. I think that deserves a toast, don't you? To Bridget, who cannot cook, but who we love"
  • (James Callis) "just as she is."
  • (Shirley Henderson) "To Bridget, just as she is."
  • (James Callis) "FIGHT. Come on then, it's a real fight."
  • (James Callis) "Whose side are we on?"
  • (Shazzer) "Mark's, of course. He never dumped Bridget for some naked American."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "But he did shag Daniel's fiancée and left him broken-hearted."
  • (James Callis) "You're right, it's a tough one to call."
  • (James Callis) "Come the f*** on, Bridget."

Colin Firth as Mark Darcy

  • (Colin Firth) "Natasha, this is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. Bridget works in a publishing house and she used to play around naked in my paddling pool."
  • (Colin Firth) "I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences -- But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are."
  • (Colin Firth) "I like you, very much."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Ah, apart from the smoking and the drinking, the vulgar mother and -- ah, the verbal diarrhea."
  • (Colin Firth) "No, I like you very much. Just as you are."
  • (Colin Firth) "All right Cleaver, outside."
  • (Hugh Grant) "I'm sorry? Outside? Should I bring my dueling pistols or my sword?"
  • (Colin Firth) "I should have done this years ago."
  • (Hugh Grant) "Done what?"
  • (Colin Firth) "This."
  • (Hugh Grant) "Ow. f*** me, that really hurt. What the f*** do you think you're doing?"
  • (Colin Firth) "This."
  • (Colin Firth) "Bridget."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Mark -- What are you doing here?"
  • (Colin Firth) "I was just wondering if you were available for Bar Mitzvahs and Christenings in addition to Ruby Weddings."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "I thought you were in America."
  • (Colin Firth) "Well I was -- but I realized I had forgotten something here."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Which was?"
  • (Colin Firth) "Well, I realized that I had forgotten to -- kiss you goodbye, do you mind?"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Umm -- not really, no. So -- does this mean you're not going to America?"
  • (Colin Firth) "No -- not."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Does this mean you're staying here?"
  • (Colin Firth) "It would seem so --"
  • (Colin Firth) "Friends of yours?"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Oh, haha -- never seen them before in my life."
  • (Colin Firth) "Mother, I do not need a blind date. Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster who drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney, and dresses like her mother."
  • (Colin Firth) "That's not a sand piper, Bridget, it's a snowy plover."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Sand pipers, plovers, albatrosses. Do I look like a bloody entomologist?"
  • (Colin Firth) "Ornithologist --"

Lisa Barbuscia as Lara

  • (Lisa Barbuscia) "I thought you said she was thin."

Patrick Barlow as Julian

  • (Patrick Barlow) "Careful, you ham-fisted cow."
  • (Patrick Barlow) "Careful, you ham-fisted c***."

Embeth Davidtz as Natasha

  • (Embeth Davidtz) "Bizarre what some men find attractive."
  • (Embeth Davidtz) "So how autobiographical is your work, Salman?"
  • (Salman Rushdie) "You know, its an amazing thing, nobody has ever asked me that question."

Charmian May as Mr. Darcy

  • (Charmian May) "I like a woman with an arse you can park a bike in and balance a pint of beer on."

Shirley Henderson as Jude

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Neil Pearson as Richard Finch

  • (Neil Pearson) "Neville, what the f*** is going on? She's supposed to be sliding down the pole, not climbing up it."
  • (Neil Pearson) "Why do you wanna work on television?"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "I've got to leave my job because I shagged my boss."
  • (Neil Pearson) "Fair enough. Start on Monday."

Felicity Montagu as Perpetua

  • (Felicity Montagu) "Anyone going to introduce me?"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Ah. Introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark is a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel raced ex-wife. Perpetua is a fat-ass old bag who spends her time bossing me around."
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Maybe not."
  • (Felicity Montagu) "Anyone going to introduce me?"
  • (Renée Zellweger) "Ah, Perpetua. This is Mark Darcy. Mark is a top barrister. Comes from Grafton Underwood. Perpetua is one of my work colleagues."

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