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Canadian Bacon Quotes

Canadian Bacon is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Canadian Bacon stopped airing in 1970.

It features Elmer Bernstein, and Peter Bernstein in charge of musical score, and Haskell Wexler as head of cinematography.

Canadian Bacon is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Canadian Bacon is 90 minutes long. Canadian Bacon is distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Gramercy Pictures.

The cast includes: Kevin J. O'Connor as Roy Boy, Rhea Perlman as Honey, John Candy as Boomer, Bill Nunn as Kabral, G. D. Spradlin as R.J. Hacker, President of Hacker Dynamics, Richard E. Council as U.S. President, Richard E. Council as Russian President, Kevin Pollak as Smiley, and Brad Sullivan as Gus.

Canadian Bacon Quotes

Richard E. Council as U.S. President

  • (Secretary of State) "We were thinking, what could be a bigger threat than aliens invading from space?"
  • (General Panzer) "Ooh boy. Scare the s*** out of everyone. Even me, sir."
  • (Richard E. Council) "Jesus, is this the best you could come up with? What about, ya know, international terrorism?"
  • (General Panzer) "Well, sir, we're not going to re-open missile factories just to fight some creeps running around in exploding rental cars, are we, sir?"
  • (Richard E. Council) "It's time to turn off that war machine, and turn on our children."
  • (Richard E. Council) "The American people, Mr. Smiley, would never ever buy this."
  • (Kevin Pollak) "Mr. President, the American people will buy whatever we tell them to."
  • (Richard E. Council) "You're in charge of the world, now. Don't be such a sore winner."
  • (General Panzer) "What do you want to do, sir? About Russia, sir?"
  • (Richard E. Council) "Yeah, why don't we call up and find out who's in charge over there this week."
  • (Richard E. Council) "Mr. President, please. Is this why you called us here? We already gave up. You won. We are too busy trying to perfect universal indoor plumbing."

Kevin J. O'Connor as Roy Boy

  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "You ever see The Dirty Dozen?"
  • (John Candy) "That was a cool movie."
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "Man, that was real cool."
  • (John Candy) "Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, Ernest Borgnine --"
  • (Bill Nunn) "Jim Brown."
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "Uh, Telly Savalas, Clint Walker --"
  • (Bill Nunn) "Jim Brown."
  • (John Candy) "Trini Lopez."
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "Cool."
  • (Bill Nunn) "Trini Lopez? I never could figure that one out, man. What in the hell was he doing in The Dirty Dozen, man? If I was putting together a group of murderers and cutthroats, Trini Lopez would not be in the starting lineup."
  • (John Candy) "That's why he dies first."
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "Yeah, don't they all die?"
  • (John Candy) "They all don't die."
  • (Bill Nunn) "Jim Brown dies."
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "Hey man, what do you expect? Of all The Dirty Dozen, this black guy's supposed to sneak in behind enemy lines and pretend he was a Kraut? Ugh?"
  • (John Candy) "Uh-huh?"
  • (Bill Nunn) "That's not it, man. It's just the black guy always dies. Think about it, man. Unforgiven, Alien, Rocky 4, The Shining --"
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "Star Trek 2, Forrest Gump, Witness --"
  • (John Candy) "Annie Hall. Not Annie Hall --"
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "No, Night Of The Living Dead."
  • (John Candy) "That's the one."
  • (Bill Nunn) "And what about that brother in Jurassic Park, man?"
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "Oh, that was cool."
  • (John Candy) "There was two black guys who died in that one. That was a twofer. You must be really pissed off at that one."
  • (Bill Nunn) "I'm telling you, man. The black guy always dies first."
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "How come you never see any black guys playing hockey?"
  • (Bill Nunn) "Now do you think it's easy to just gradually take over every professional sport? Let me tell you something, man. Brothers have started figuring out this ice thing. Hope you enjoyed it."
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "Are you sure we're in Canada?"
  • (Rhea Perlman) "You smell anything?"
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "No."
  • (Rhea Perlman) "Exactly. Canada."
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "I want to call the American embassy."
  • (John Candy) "All I said was "Canadian beer sucks.""
  • (Bill Nunn) "People. People. Can't we all just get along?"

John Candy as Boomer

  • (John Candy) "All right. Enough of this Dirty Dozen stuff."
  • (John Candy) "Hey, did anyone see "Dirty Dancing"? Now that was a good movie."
  • (John Candy) "If life hands you a lemon, you gotta crush it into lemonade."
  • (John Candy) "There's not a locked door in the whole country."
  • (RCMP Officer at Headquarters) "Welcome to Canada."
  • (John Candy) "Hold it right there, Canuck."
  • (RCMP Officer at Headquarters) "Who are you?"
  • (John Candy) "I'm your worst nightmare. I'm a citizen with a constitutional right to bear arms."
  • (John Candy) "I'll tell ya another thing: their beer sucks."
  • (Highway Patrolman) "Ah, Americans. Welcome to Ontario, sportsman's paradise."
  • (John Candy) "Isn't it though."
  • (John Candy) "Y'know, it's a free country. If he doesn't like it here, he can swim across the river to Canada. Lotta work there."
  • (John Candy) "The capital Toronto."
  • (RCMP Officer at Headquarters) "No, the capital of Canada is Ottawa."
  • (John Candy) "Yeah, right. Do we look that stupid? Ottawa."
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "Nice try, Dudley."
  • (John Candy) "There it is, men. Toronto."
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "It's beautiful. Like no other city I've ever seen. It's like Albany. Only cleaner."
  • (John Candy) "What about Jurassic Park? Two black guys died in that movie. That's a twofer."

G. D. Spradlin as R.J. Hacker, President of Hacker Dynamics

  • (G. D. Spradlin) "The American public's attention span is about as long as your dick."
  • (G. D. Spradlin) "Here he is now. The man that a thin majority of you chose to be the president of the United States."

Brad Sullivan as Gus

  • (Brad Sullivan) "These Canadians suffer from a serious inferiority complex. That's why they built this: The Canadian National Tower. World's largest free-standing structure."
  • (Brad Sullivan) "Ha ha ha, there it is. Like I care."
  • (Brad Sullivan) "Canadians are always dreaming up a lotta ways to ruin our lives. The metric system, for the love of God. Celsius. Neil Young."

Kevin Pollak as Smiley

  • (General Panzer) "Why don't we just go up there with a strike force and knock out their infrastructure quicker than you can say collateral damage?"
  • (Kevin Pollak) "No."
  • (Richard E. Council) "Oh no, no."
  • (General Panzer) "Why not?"
  • (Richard E. Council) "Yeah, yeah, why not?"
  • (Kevin Pollak) "Because a war with Canada would be over in a matter of days. Do you remember Grenada? They didn't even wake Reagan up."
  • (General Panzer) "Didn't have to."
  • (Kevin Pollak) "And all we found there were a bunch of rich American med school rejects and a couple Cuban construction workers"
  • (General Panzer) "That's liberal bulls***. Cuba had a division in there."
  • (Kevin Pollak) "What about Panama? A couple of days of blasting Def Leppard over loud speakers and Noriega ran out weeping. And Iraq, ha. They were supposed to have this big bad army."
  • (General Panzer) "They had the biggest cannon, invented by a Canadian."
  • (Kevin Pollak) "In 72 hours after we invade they're begging for a Big Mack."
  • (General Panzer) "They stopped us a hundred miles short of Baghdad and we just sat there waving our dicks in the desert."
  • (Kevin Pollak) "Mr. President do you want more of that, or 50 years of Cold War prosperity because Joe Schmo American is scared s***less the world's gonna end before the next commercial."
  • (Richard E. Council) "Well, I think I like Mr. Smiley's approach."

Bill Nunn as Kabral

  • (RCMP Officer at Headquarters) "I don't know what you're talking aboot, eh?"
  • (Bill Nunn) "Aboot. It's ABOUT. And what's with this 'eh' business?"
  • (Kevin J. O'Connor) "We have ways of making you pronounce the letter O, pal."

Rhea Perlman as Honey

  • (Rhea Perlman) "Kabral, what does this look like to you?"
  • (Bill Nunn) "Got me. I never saw a white one that size."
  • (Rhea Perlman) ""Best wishes, Gordon Lightfoot." Eeew."
  • (Unnamed) "Attention, please. Attention, please. This is the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Would you come down from the tower, please."
  • (Rhea Perlman) "If you say "please" one more time, I'm gonna let you have it."

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