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Carry On Matron Quotes

Carry On Matron is a TV program that was first aired in 1970 . Carry On Matron completed its run in 1970.

It features Peter Rogers as producer, Eric Rogers (composer) in charge of musical score, and Ernest Steward as head of cinematography.

Carry On Matron is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of Carry On Matron is 87 mins long. Carry On Matron is distributed by The Rank Organisation.

The cast includes: Hattie Jacques as Matron, Kenneth Williams as Sir Bernard Cutting, Charles Hawtrey as Dr. Francis A. Goode, Terry Scott as Dr. Prodd, Margaret Nolan as Mrs. Tucker, Bernard Bresslaw as Ernie Bragg, Sid James as Sid Carter, Bill Maynard as Freddy, Joan Sims as Mr. Tidey, and Valerie Shute as Miss Smethurst.

Carry On Matron Quotes

Bernard Bresslaw as Ernie Bragg

  • (Bernard Bresslaw) "My mum had me on top of a bus."
  • (Sid James) "I'm glad he told us that, makes the job much easier."
  • (Bernard Bresslaw) "Number 73, it was. Bang in the middle of Brixton High Street."
  • (Sid James) "Alright, alright, so you're a born traveller. Now will you shut up for a minute and listen."
  • (Sid James) "Now, as far as I can see, the only way we can get into the basement, here, is through the front door of the hospital, there."
  • (Bill Maynard) "Can't be right."
  • (Sid James) "Why not?"
  • (Bill Maynard) "Number 73 don't go to Brixton."

Joan Sims as Mr. Tidey

  • (Joan Sims) "Well, what's happened?"
  • (Hattie Jacques) "I'm afraid it was another false alarm, Mr Tidey. You may as well go back to work."
  • (Joan Sims) "Go back to work? It was due three weeks ago."
  • (Joan Sims) "Well I'm sorry but babies tend to arrive when they feel like it. There's nothing we can do about it."
  • (Joan Sims) "That's a fine state of affairs, innit eh? We'd soon be in a right old mess if we ran the railways like that."
  • (Hattie Jacques) "I was under the impression that you did."

Charles Hawtrey as Dr. Francis A. Goode

  • (Charles Hawtrey) "As a matter of fact I was talking to my wife only the other day. "Hamlet," I said -- I call her Hamlet because she thinks she's a Great Dane. Isn't it silly?"
  • (Kenneth Williams) "Dr Goode, I am not interested in your wife."
  • (Charles Hawtrey) "That's a funny thing. Neither am I."

Hattie Jacques as Matron

  • (Hattie Jacques) "I'm a simple woman with simple tastes, and I want to be wooed."
  • (Kenneth Williams) "Ooh, you can be as 'wude' as you like with me."
  • (Hattie Jacques) "By the way; your mail."
  • (Kenneth Williams) "Yes, I am. And I can prove it, d'you hear. Prove it."

Terry Scott as Dr. Prodd

  • (Terry Scott) "Name, please?"
  • (Valerie Shute) "Smethurst."
  • (Terry Scott) "Oh yes, I have some good news for you, Mrs Smethurst."
  • (Valerie Shute) "Miss Smethurst."
  • (Terry Scott) "Oh, in that case I have some bad news for you."
  • (Terry Scott) "Mrs. Tucker, isn't it? Now what can I do for you?"
  • (Margaret Nolan) "Well, I came to see you three months ago, because I was a little bit worried about my husband being able to have a baby."
  • (Terry Scott) "Yes, that's right, he's a bit older than you, isn't he?"
  • (Margaret Nolan) "Eighty-eight."
  • (Terry Scott) "Yes."
  • (Margaret Nolan) "Well, if you remember, you suggested it might be a good idea to take in a lodger, you know, someone nearer my own age."
  • (Terry Scott) "Yes, well, purely off the record, of course."
  • (Margaret Nolan) "Well, it worked. I'm pregnant."
  • (Terry Scott) "Oh. What about your husband?"
  • (Margaret Nolan) "Oh, he's tickled pink."
  • (Terry Scott) "And what about the lodger?"
  • (Margaret Nolan) "Well, that's the trouble. She's pregnant too."

Kenneth Williams as Sir Bernard Cutting

  • (Kenneth Williams) "I've got a problem."
  • (Charles Hawtrey) "Haven't we all got a problem?"
  • (Kenneth Williams) "I can't do it lying down."
  • (Charles Hawtrey) "Oh dear, you have got a problem."

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