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Chains (Blackadder) Quotes

Chains (Blackadder) is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Chains stopped airing in 1970.

The cast includes: Rowan Atkinson as Blackadder, Stephen Fry as Lord Melchett, Tim McInnerny as Lord Percy Percy, Hugh Laurie as Prince Ludwig, Tony Robinson as Baldrick, and Patsy Byrne as Nursie.

Chains (Blackadder) Quotes

Stephen Fry as Lord Melchett

  • (Stephen Fry) "As private parts to the gods are we. They play with us for their sport."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Will I never see England more? Her roaring fields, her swooping swallows --"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "-- And her playful sheep."

Tim McInnerny as Lord Percy Percy

  • (Tim McInnerny) "Welcome Edmund. Did you -- miss me?"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "I certainly did. Many was a time, Percy, I say to myself, 'I wish Percy was here' --"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "-- being tortured instead of me."
  • (Unnamed) "Lord Percy."
  • (Tim McInnerny) "Yes?"
  • (Unnamed) "It's up to you. Either you can shut up or have your head cut off."
  • (Tim McInnerny) "I'll shut up."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh I don't know, I've looked everywhere."
  • (Tim McInnerny) "Perhaps they're not hiding -- at -- all. Perhaps they've been kidnaped."
  • (Unnamed) "Nonsense. But only Edmund said 'only real idiots get kidnaped'."
  • (Unnamed) "Where did he vanish? Simply vanished."
  • (Tim McInnerny) "Like an old oak table."
  • (Unnamed) "Vanished, Lord Percy, not varnished."

Hugh Laurie as Prince Ludwig

  • (Hugh Laurie) "Oh, what joy. See how you collapse before me you great and corruptible English nobs. So proud of your great, big 'stiff upper lips'."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "But if you gentlemen were to tell me a way to, let us say, gain access to your Queen, I might just be able to commute your deaths to a life sentence."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Are you suggesting we betray her?"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Oh yes."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "All right."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Blackadder, what are you saying? What of loyalty, honor, self-respect?"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "What of them?"
  • (Stephen Fry) "Nothing."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Forgive me, Herr Blackadder -- I have been neglecting my duties as a host. Please accept my a-po'-lo'-gies."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "I accept nothing from a man who imprisons his guests in a commode."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Do you remember when you were in Cornwall, at the monastery, there was an old shepherd wizh whom you used to talk?"
  • (Stephen Fry) "Good Lord. Timkins?"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Yes. I was one of his sheep."
  • (Stephen Fry) "His sheep? Not --"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Yes."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Flossy?"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Yes."
  • (Stephen Fry) "But didn't we --"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Yes, Lord Melchett. Baaaaaa."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Unless she pays up, you die. Howwibly."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "She will pay up. And then within a week, you die. Howwibly howwibly."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "You find yourself amusing, Blackadder."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "I try not to fly in the face of public opinion."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Y'know, I think, I think that a week from now, you'll be less in the mood for being amusing."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "At least when I am in the mood, I can be amusing."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "I shall return and wreak my rewengey."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "No you won't, you will die and be buried."

Rowan Atkinson as Blackadder

  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Yes, what is it?"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "I said, what is it, not hit me hard on the head with a --"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Get out, get out libidinous swine. And take that horse-slut painted strumpet with you. May you both rot in the filth of your own fornication."
  • (Unnamed) "And what did you say to him?"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Say, Madam? I said nothing. I simply pulled up my tights and jumped out of the privy window."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh Edmund, you're so naughty."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Well, I try, Madam. And then, ten minutes later when I've got my breath back, I try again."
  • (Unnamed) "And me, did you miss me Edmund?"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Madam, life without you is like a broken pencil."
  • (Unnamed) "Explain --"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Pointless."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "For "young man," read "young idiot." Look, anyone stupid enough to let some mustachioed dago come up to them in a corridor, say "Excuse me Meester," and hit them over the head with a big stick deserves everything they get."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "No speako dago. I demand to see the British Ambassador, understand?"
  • (Unnamed) "Necesito silencio para comenzar."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "We are proud of our comic serving-wench voice, aren't we? Just because you can say 'Zur' instead of 'Sir, it seems at all social gatherings that tedious little turd who keeps putting on amusing voices."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "BE QUIET."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "What else have you got in your outstandingly inventive repertoire, I wonder? Aaah, a brilliant drunk Glasweigan, no doubt. An hilarious black man: 'See you Jimmy, where am dat watty-melon?' I can't wait for your side-splitting poof and that funny little croaky one who isn't anyone in particular, but is such a scream. And most of all, I like the one you do all the time, that fatheaded German chamber pot standing in front of me."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Who the hell are you sausage breath?"
  • (Unnamed) "You do not remember me then Blackadder?"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "I don't believe I've had the pleasure."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, on the contrary. We have met many times, although you knew me by another name. Do you recall a mysterious black marketer and smuggler called Otto with whom you used to dine and plot and place a biscuit game at an old pizzel in Dover."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "My God."
  • (Unnamed) "Yes. I -- was the waitress."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "I don't believe it, you, Big Sally?"
  • (Unnamed) "makes a voice like a girl Will you have another piece of pie my Lord?"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Wait I went to bed with you didn't I?"
  • (Unnamed) "For my country, I am ready to make any sacrifice."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Yes, well I'm not. That must have been paralytic."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Well, as you know, Madam, I've had experience of this dreadful situation. Only last year my aunt came to me to beg for help in the ransom of my Uncle Osric."
  • (Stephen Fry) "Well, did you know something of the dreadful pain involved?"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Indeed I do. Then I can suggest no better answer than the one I gave to her."
  • (Unnamed) "Which was?"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Get stuffed."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Oh, fire, fire. Ah good. Right. So let's recap. Um -- if I admit that I am in love --"
  • (Unnamed) "No. No."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Sorry, head over heels in love with Satan and all his little wizards, then you will remove my testicles with a blunt instrument --"
  • (Unnamed) "Una guadaña, una guadaña."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "-- resembling some kind of gardening tool but we can't quite -- um -- and roast them over a large fire."
  • (Unnamed) "Si, Si."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Whereas if I don't admit that I'm in love with Satan and -- and -- all his -- his little wizards, y-you will hold me upside down in a vat of warm marmalade."
  • (Unnamed) "Y."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "And remove my testicles with a blunt -- oh I see. Well, well, in that case, I love Satan."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "We told him that if the queen was having a party, that Nursie always goes as a cow. From that moment, he was doomed. All we had to do was escape, return, and kill the cow."
  • (Unnamed) "How could you be sure it was not Nursie?"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Because, lady, Ludwig was a master of disguise. Whereas Nursie is a sad, insane old woman with an udder fixation. All we had to do was kill the one that looked like the cow."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "One thing, Ludwig, just before you go --"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Yes?"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Were you ever bullied at school?"
  • (Hugh Laurie) "What do you mean?"
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "Well, all this ranting and raving about power, there must be some reason for it."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Nonsense, no, no, at my school having dirty hair and spots was a sign of maturity."
  • (Rowan Atkinson) "I thought so. And I bet your mother made you wear shorts right up until your final year."
  • (Hugh Laurie) "Shut up. SHUT UP. When I am King of England, no one will ever dare call me Shorty Greasy Spot-Spot again."

Patsy Byrne as Nursie

  • (Unnamed) "Unfortunately, apart from my nose getting a little prettier, nothing much has changed around here. Your animal still isn't housetrained. Your friend's still unemployed. And Nursie's one stick short of a bundle."
  • (Patsy Byrne) "Moo."

Tony Robinson as Baldrick

  • (Unnamed) "Well, what are you supposed to be?"
  • (Tony Robinson) "A pencil case."

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