Communication Problems Quotes

Communication Problems is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . Communication Problems completed its run in 1970.

The cast includes: Joan Sanderson as Mrs. Richards, Connie Booth as Polly, Ballard Berkeley as Major Gowen, John Cleese as Basil Fawlty, Prunella Scales as Sybil Fawlty, and Andrew Sachs as Manuel.

Communication Problems Quotes

Andrew Sachs as Manuel

• (Andrew Sachs) "I know nothing."

• (Andrew Sachs) "See, I know nothing."
• (John Cleese) "I'm gonna sell you to a vivisectionist."

• (Andrew Sachs) "Ah, your horse. It win. It win."
• (John Cleese) "Shhh-shh-shh, Manuel. You; know; nothing."
• (Andrew Sachs) "You ALWAYS say, Mr. Fawlty, but I learn."
• (John Cleese) "What?"
• (Andrew Sachs) "I learn. I learn."
• (John Cleese) "No-no-no-no-no."
• (Andrew Sachs) "I get better."
• (John Cleese) "No-no. No-no, you don't understand."
• (Andrew Sachs) "I do."
• (John Cleese) "No, you don't."
• (Andrew Sachs) "Hey, I do understand that."

Joan Sanderson as Mrs. Richards

• (Joan Sanderson) "Girl, there's no paper in my room. Why don't you check these things? That's what you're being paid for, isn't it?"
• (Connie Booth) "We don't put it in the rooms."
• (Joan Sanderson) "What?"
• (Connie Booth) "Well, we keep it in the lounge."
• (Joan Sanderson) "In the lounge?"
• (Connie Booth) "I'll get you some. Do you want plain ones or ones with our address on it?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "Address on it?"
• (Connie Booth) "How many sheets? Well, how many are you going to use?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "Manager."

• (Joan Sanderson) "Now, listen to me. I'm not satisfied, but I've decided to stay here; however, I shall expect a reduction."
• (John Cleese) "Why? Because Krakatoa's not erupting at the moment?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "No, because the room is cold, the bath is too small, the view is invisible, and the radio doesn't work."
• (John Cleese) "No, the radio works. You don't."
• (Joan Sanderson) "What?"
• (John Cleese) "I'll see if I can't fix it, you scabby old bat."
• (John Cleese) "I think we got something then."
• (Joan Sanderson) "What?"
• (John Cleese) "I think we got something then."
• (Joan Sanderson) "What ARE you doing?"
• (Andrew Sachs) "Que?"
• (John Cleese) "Madam, don't think me rude, but, may I ask, do you by any chance have a hearing aid?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "A what?"
• (John Cleese) "A HEARING AID."
• (Joan Sanderson) "Yes, I do have a hearing aid."
• (John Cleese) "Would you like me to get it mended?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "Mended? It's working perfectly all right."
• (John Cleese) "No, it isn't."
• (Joan Sanderson) "I haven't got it turned on at the moment."
• (John Cleese) "Why not?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "The battery runs down."

• (Joan Sanderson) "What are you talking about, you silly little man?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "What is going on here? I ask him for my room and he tells me the manager is a Mr. Watt, aged forty."
• (Andrew Sachs) "No, no, no, no. FAWLTY."
• (Joan Sanderson) "He's faulty? What's wrong with him?"
• (Connie Booth) "It's all right, Mrs. Richards. He's from Barcelona."
• (Joan Sanderson) "The manager's from Barcelona?"
• (Andrew Sachs) "No, no, no, he's from-a Swanage."
• (Connie Booth) "And you're in 22."
• (Joan Sanderson) "What?"
• (Connie Booth) "You're in Room 22. Manuel, take these cases up to 22, will you?"

• (Joan Sanderson) "Are you blind? They were on my head all the whole time, didn't you see?"
• (Connie Booth) "Yes."
• (Joan Sanderson) "Didn't God give you eyes?"
• (Connie Booth) "Yes, but I don't use 'em 'cause it wears the batteries out."

John Cleese as Basil Fawlty

• (John Cleese) "Is this a piece of your brain?"

• (John Cleese) "A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed."

• (John Cleese) "Could you verify that, Major?"
• (Ballard Berkeley) "What? Well, what, old boy?"
• (John Cleese) "The-the-the -- the money I gave you last night? Oh, you know, "for my wife's present." You remember, I gave it to you just before you went to the theater."
• (Ballard Berkeley) "The theater?"
• (John Cleese) "Well, yes -- You-you-you-you remember. Hm? Hm?"
• (John Cleese) "The money I won on the horse."
• (Ballard Berkeley) "A horse?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "What are you whispering? What are you saying?"
• (Ballard Berkeley) "He says he won it on a horse."
• (Joan Sanderson) "Won it on a horse."
• (John Cleese) "It doesn't matter. Do you remember me giving it to you?"
• (John Cleese) "Oh, think, please, think."
• (Ballard Berkeley) "What was the question again?"

• (John Cleese) "If you give us any more trouble I shall visit you in the small hours and put a bat up your nightdress."

• (John Cleese) "Hello, Mrs. Richards, how lovely to see --"
• (John Cleese) "Your beautiful vase that you bought yesterday has just arrived. Now, remind me: the money that you have there; is it yours or mine?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "I told you. It's mine."
• (John Cleese) "Your absolutely sure?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "Yes. I am."
• (John Cleese) "But you're still ten pounds short?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "Yes."
• (John Cleese) "Ah, Polly, uh, give Mrs. Richards this, would you?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "What's that?"
• (John Cleese) "This is MINE."

• (John Cleese) "Tie's a bit bright, isn't it, Major?"
• (Ballard Berkeley) "What?"
• (John Cleese) "For a memorial service?"
• (Ballard Berkeley) "Why -- I didn't like the chap."

Prunella Scales as Sybil Fawlty

• (Prunella Scales) "Basil, don't. Don't."
• (Joan Sanderson) "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I haven't got it turned up enough."
• (Prunella Scales) "Basil."
• (John Cleese) "I SAID -- WE SHOULD GO --."
• (Joan Sanderson) "Oh. Oh, my head. My head."
• (John Cleese) "Has it come away?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "Oh."
• (Prunella Scales) "Did you bang your head?"
• (Joan Sanderson) "Yes, yes."
• (Prunella Scales) "Oh dear, let me have a look."
• (John Cleese) "You'd better go and lie down before something ELSE happens."
• (Prunella Scales) "Shut up, Basil."
• (Joan Sanderson) "Why don't you call the police?"
• (Prunella Scales) "Well, we will, the moment we've searched the rooms."
• (Joan Sanderson) "My money's been taken."
• (Prunella Scales) "Yes, yes, I know. Try not to speak."
• (John Cleese) "Is this a piece of your brain?"
• (Prunella Scales) "Shut up, Basil."
• (Joan Sanderson) "Eighty-five pounds."
• (Prunella Scales) "Take my arm."
• (Joan Sanderson) "I don't need your arm, thank you. I can get down the stairs perfectly all right by myself."
• (John Cleese) ""Down" the stairs? Oh, well, don't stop when you get to the basement. Keep straight on -- give my regards to the earth's core."

• (Prunella Scales) "If I find out the money on that horse was yours, you know what I'll do, Basil."
• (John Cleese) "You'll have to sew 'em back on first."

• (Prunella Scales) "You seem very jolly, Basil."
• (John Cleese) "Hm?"
• (Prunella Scales) "You seem very jolly."
• (John Cleese) "Jolly?"
• (Prunella Scales) "Yes, jolly. Sort of happy."
• (John Cleese) "Oh, happy. Yes, I remember that. No, not that I noticed, dear. Well, I'll report it if it happens, though."
• (Prunella Scales) "Well, you look happy to me, Basil."
• (John Cleese) "No, I'm not, dear."
• (Prunella Scales) "All that dancing about, singing and rubbing your hands."
• (John Cleese) "No, just my way of getting through the day, dear. The, uh, Samaritans were engaged."

Ballard Berkeley as Major Gowen

• (Ballard Berkeley) "Going to have a flutter, Fawlty?"
• (John Cleese) "No. No, no, no, no, no."
• (Prunella Scales) "No, Basil doesn't bet anymore. Do you, dear?"
• (John Cleese) "No, I don't, dear, no. No, that particular avenue of pleasure has been closed off."
• (Prunella Scales) "And we don't want it opened up again, do we Basil?"
• (John Cleese) "No, YOU don't, dear."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.