Crimes and Misdemeanors Quotes

Crimes and Misdemeanors is a television program that first aired in 1970 . Crimes and Misdemeanors stopped airing in 1970.

It features Robert Greenhut as producer, Franz Schubert in charge of musical score, and Sven Nykvist as head of cinematography.

Crimes and Misdemeanors is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Crimes and Misdemeanors is 104 minutes long. Crimes and Misdemeanors is distributed by Orion Pictures.

The cast includes: Woody Allen as Cliff Stern, Mia Farrow as Halley Reed, Joanna Gleason as Wendy Stern, Martin Landau as Judah Rosenthal, Sam Waterston as Ben, Alan Alda as Lester, Mia Farrow as Halley, Jerry Orbach as Sol Rosenthal, Claire Bloom as Miriam Rosenthal, Jerry Orbach as Sharon Rosenthal, and Daryl Hannah as Chris.

Crimes and Misdemeanors Quotes

Alan Alda as Lester

• (Alan Alda) "If you play your cards right, you could have my body."
• (Mia Farrow) "Wouldn't you rather leave it to science?"

• (Alan Alda) "I told you I'm putty in your hands."
• (Mia Farrow) "What am I gonna do with a handful of putty?"

• (Alan Alda) "If it bends, it's funny, if it breaks it's not funny."

• (Alan Alda) "If it bends, it's funny. If it breaks, it isn't."

Woody Allen as Cliff Stern

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Joanna Gleason as Wendy Stern

• (Clifford Stern) "A strange man -- defecated on my sister."
• (Joanna Gleason) "-- why?"

Mia Farrow as Halley Reed

• (Mia Farrow) "After all, he is an American phenomenon."
• (Clifford Stern) "Yeah, but so is acid rain."

• (Mia Farrow) "He wants to produce something of mine."
• (Clifford Stern) "Yeah. Your first child."

• (Mia Farrow) "He was very eloquent on the subject of love, didn't you think?"
• (Clifford Stern) "I wish I had met him before I got married. It would've saved me a gall bladder operation."

• (Mia Farrow) "Don't get discouraged. You have your own personal vision."

• (Mia Farrow) "I never say no to champagne -- or caviar."

Martin Landau as Judah Rosenthal

• (Martin Landau) "It's pure evil, Jack. A man kills for money and he doesn't even know his victims."

• (Martin Landau) "If you want a happy ending, you should go see a Hollywood movie."

• (Martin Landau) "And after the awful deed is done, he finds that he's plagued by deep-rooted guilt. Little sparks of his religious background which he'd rejected are suddenly stirred up. He hears his father's voice. He imagines that God is watching his every move. Suddenly, it's not an empty universe at all, but a just and moral one, and he's violated it. Now, he's panic-stricken. He's on the verge of a mental collapse-an inch away from confessing the whole thing to the police. And then one morning, he awakens. The sun is shining, his family is around him and mysteriously, the crisis has lifted. He takes his family on a vacation to Europe and as the months pass, he finds he's not punished. In fact, he prospers. The killing gets attributed to another person-a drifter who has a number of other murders to his credit, so I mean, what the hell? One more doesn't even matter. Now he's scott-free. His life is completely back to normal. Back to his protected world of wealth and privilege."

• (Martin Landau) "She's not an insect. You don't just step on her."

• (Martin Landau) "I remember my father telling me, "The eyes of God are on us always." The eyes of God. What a phrase to a young boy. What were God's eyes like? Unimaginably penetrating, intense eyes, I assumed. And I wonder if it was just a coincidence I made my specialty ophthalmology."

Claire Bloom as Miriam Rosenthal

• (Testimonial Speaker) "We're all very proud of Judah Rosenthal's philanthropic efforts. His endless hours of fund raising for the hospital, the new medical center, and now, the ophthalmology wing, which until this year had just been a dream. But it's due to Rosenthal our friend that we most appreciate. The husband, the father, the golf companion. Naturally if you have a medical problem you can call Judah --"
• (Claire Bloom) "You're blushing darling."
• (Testimonial Speaker) "-- day or night, weekends or holidays. But you can also call Judah to find out which is the best restaurant in Paris; or Athens. Or which hotel to stay at in Moscow. Or the best recording of a particular Mozart symphony --"
• (Jerry Orbach) "My father's so nervous about having to get up to speak."
• (Daryl Hannah) "I know, I know. I knew he was nervous when you didn't eat any of those cocktail weenies at the hors d'oeuvres."
• (Claire Bloom) "He was so courageous all week. Then suddenly tonight, stage fright. Really Judah, you were fine until you got home from work today."

Sam Waterston as Ben

• (Sam Waterston) "But the law, Judah. Without the law, it's all darkness."

• (Sam Waterston) "It's a human life. You don't think God sees?"
• (Martin Landau) "God is a luxury I can't afford."

Jerry Orbach as Sharon Rosenthal

• (Jerry Orbach) "Whether it's the Bible or Shakespeare, murder will out."
• (Martin Landau) "Who said anything about murder?"
• (Jerry Orbach) "You did."

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