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Date Night Quotes

Date Night is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Date Night completed its run in 1970.

It features Shawn Levy, and Tom McNulty as producer, Christophe Beck in charge of musical score, and Dean Semler as head of cinematography.

Date Night is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Date Night is 88 minutes long. Date Night is distributed by 20th Century Fox.

The cast includes: Steve Carell as Phil Foster, Tina Fey as Claire Foster, James Franco as Taste, Mila Kunis as Whippit, Mark Ruffalo as Brad Sullivan, Leighton Meester as Katy, Mark Wahlberg as Holbrooke, Kristen Wiig as Haley Sullivan, Taraji P. Henson as Detective Arroyo, Jimmi Simpson as Armstrong, and Ray Liotta as Joe Miletto.

Date Night Quotes

Steve Carell as Phil Foster

  • (Wendy) "You have no idea, what it is like to be a teenage girl having your first period under Taliban rule."
  • (Steve Carell) "That is true."
  • (Steve Carell) "And neither do you. Mmm, but --"
  • (Mark Ruffalo) "Hey, Phil, can I get a hand -- oh -- out in the room."
  • (Steve Carell) "Yes, yes, yes, yes please, yes, thankyou. Okay. Excuse me ladies."
  • (Steve Carell) "Oh my god."
  • (Tina Fey) "You have your period now?"
  • (Wendy) "Yeah."
  • (Steve Carell) "This gun sucks."
  • (Steve Carell) "I'd do it again you know?"
  • (Tina Fey) "What, tonight? No, it was very dangerous."
  • (Steve Carell) "No, not tonight. Us. You, me, the kids, all of it. I'd do it again. I'd choose you every time."
  • (Steve Carell) "Hey, zip your face."
  • (James Franco) "Zip my face? Are you serious?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "Yeah, he said "zip your face""
  • (James Franco) "That's your best line? That's your best tough guy line?"
  • (Steve Carell) "You heard me. Zip your face."
  • (James Franco) "Why don't you just zip your vagina, Raymond Burr."
  • (Steve Carell) "I have no idea how to respond to that. F you."
  • (James Franco) "F me? F you."
  • (Steve Carell) "F YOU."
  • (James Franco) "F YOU, MAN. What are you doing here?"
  • (Steve Carell) "F YOU, mother-effer."
  • (Steve Carell) "Wow. Where'd you get all this stuff?"
  • (Mark Wahlberg) "Radio Shack."
  • (Steve Carell) "Seriously?"
  • (Mark Wahlberg) "No, Phil, not seriously."
  • (Mark Wahlberg) "What's wrong with him?"
  • (Steve Carell) "Arf, they're locked. You locked that one too. Good call. I would've done that."
  • (Steve Carell) "You put your junk in reverse."
  • (Steve Carell) "-- And will you, for the love of God, put on a f***ing shirt?"
  • (Steve Carell) "Oh my God. The bald and crazy gay couple date. s*** my pants, we forgot our gay couple dinner."
  • (Steve Carell) "We are going to die."
  • (Tina Fey) "I don't want the kids to live with your mother."
  • (Steve Carell) "What?"
  • (Tina Fey) "She's awful."
  • (Steve Carell) "Honey, listen to me. You are a beautiful, strong woman. You are the mother of my children. Now, I want you to go in there and pop that coochie."
  • (Tina Fey) "Pop the coochie."
  • (Steve Carell) "Just pop it out."
  • (Tina Fey) "So we can go home."
  • (Steve Carell) "Let's go pop it. Come on."
  • (Tina Fey) "For the kids."
  • (Steve Carell) "We were in here earlier having dinner with our friend Sam.I.Am."
  • (Claw Hostess) "You mean Will.I.Am?"
  • (Tina Fey) "Is that what you call him? That's weird, I don't like that."
  • (Steve Carell) "But you guys are happy."
  • (Mark Ruffalo) "No, Phil, we're not."
  • (Steve Carell) "No, no. No, you guys are really happy."
  • (Mark Ruffalo) "No, Phil, we're really not."
  • (Steve Carell) "Even though your pecs make me want to kill myself, and your girlfriend is so hot it's like looking through a shimmering jet engine, I believe there is a real person in there."
  • (Steve Carell) "Oh my god, if I knew anything about Will.I.Am, I'd be really psyched right now."
  • (Steve Carell) "I say, we sit back and relax and enjoy a spread of their finest fruits of the sea."
  • (Steve Carell) "Or, I will just suck on a napkin. Holy mama, look at these prices."
  • (Tina Fey) "If we are gonna pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid."
  • (Steve Carell) "No, no, no, no, no. I can't do this."
  • (Tina Fey) "Yeah, you can. Because you are a beautiful and amazing man, and the father of my children, and you are gonna get in there and work that pole like a runaway."
  • (Steve Carell) "He turned the gun sideways. That's a kill shot."
  • (Steve Carell) "Claire, look at me. Look at me. I've got this. I have got this. Count to three."
  • (Tina Fey) "What?"
  • (Steve Carell) "Just count 'em down."
  • (Tina Fey) "No, that doesn't work with grown-ups. That doesn't work with people with guns."
  • (Steve Carell) "Trust me."
  • (Tina Fey) "All right. I have had enough. My kids are gonna have me up in 90 minutes, so this s*** ends now. I'm gonna count to three, and every one of you boys is gonna put down your guns."
  • (Jimmi Simpson) "Is she serious?"
  • (Tina Fey) "One."
  • (DA Frank Crenshaw) "I think she's serious."
  • (Tina Fey) "Two."
  • (Ray Liotta) "She's kidding, right?"
  • (Tina Fey) "Three."

Jimmi Simpson as Armstrong

  • (Jimmi Simpson) "I'm a cop."
  • (Police Officer) "Not anymore, you're not."
  • (Jimmi Simpson) "I will give you three seconds to give us back the flash drive.."
  • (Tina Fey) "What, okay, the three seconds game? Sorry, sir. But, you know, I play this every day with my kids."
  • (Steve Carell) "She invented that thing."
  • (Tina Fey) "That's not scary."
  • (Jimmi Simpson) "One --"
  • (Tina Fey) "This is a different version."

Tina Fey as Claire Foster

  • (Tina Fey) "I love you Phil, but your plans are the worst."
  • (Cabbie) "Look here, you two need to get your married-people-stuff together when my life is not at stake, okay?"
  • (Tina Fey) "Why is it so bright out here? It's supposed to be dark and seedy. Give a 40 year old stripper-slash-mom a break."
  • (Tina Fey) "Now you get up there and work that pole like a Russian immigrant."
  • (Tina Fey) "That's Will.i.am, from Fergie."
  • (Tina Fey) "Get that bird away from me."
  • (Tina Fey) "What are we going to do? We can't go home, we can't go to the police --"
  • (Steve Carell) "Okay, okay, okay. Miletto, he wants the Tripplehorns, why? Because they have the flash drive. All right, what if they gave him the flash drive back?"
  • (Tina Fey) "Why would they do that?"
  • (Steve Carell) "Because we're going to find them and we're going to make them do it. Once Miletto has the flash drive, this thing ends."
  • (Tina Fey) "Okay, I like that. I am completely with you. I just have to ask you one question, and do not judge me. What is a flash drive?"
  • (Steve Carell) "Seriously?"
  • (Tina Fey) "Phil, I can't --"
  • (Steve Carell) "Okay, it's a little storage disk that you stick in the side of a laptop."
  • (Tina Fey) "Oh, it's a computer sticky thing? That's -- in my office, we call it a computer sticky thing."
  • (Unnamed) "Do you accept a collect call from --"
  • (Tina Fey) "''Oh my god, this phone smells like urine.''"
  • (Leighton Meester) "Yes, yes. I accept."

Taraji P. Henson as Detective Arroyo

  • (Taraji P. Henson) "Mr. Miletto, Mr. District Attorney, you two are under arrest for conspiracy, obstruction of justice, racketeering,"
  • (Taraji P. Henson) "I'm pretty sure prostitution, and a few other goodies I'll find on this."
  • (Taraji P. Henson) "Get them out of here."
  • (Taraji P. Henson) "So what's your story?"
  • (Tina Fey) "Just a boring married couple from New Jersey."

Mark Wahlberg as Holbrooke

  • (Mark Wahlberg) "I met her in Tel Aviv, doing some consulting for the Mossad. She is a sweet girl."
  • (Steve Carell) "She seems really sweet. That was very nice of her to ask us to have sex."

Kristen Wiig as Haley Sullivan

  • (Kristen Wiig) "And he knows that if I have five glasses of wine, I'm gonna try to make out with a black guy."
  • (Tina Fey) "You're still doing that, huh?"
  • (Kristen Wiig) "Yes."

Mila Kunis as Whippit

  • (Mila Kunis) "I'm Whippit."
  • (Tina Fey) "Whippit, like the dog?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "No. Like when you suck nitrous out of a whipped cream can."
  • (Tina Fey) "Okay. Okay."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Stupid skank."
  • (Tina Fey) "Oh, my God. Do you have any contact with your mother at all?"

Mark Ruffalo as Brad Sullivan

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

James Franco as Taste

  • (James Franco) "Oh, this is going to be about what a loser I am. How I can't do anything right. I buy the wrong soda, the wrong beer, the wrong nipple clamps."
  • (Mila Kunis) "THOSE CLAMPS HURT ME."
  • (James Franco) "You don't even look at me. I have to beg you to have sex with me, like it's a gift. And forget about the anal. FORGET ABOUT THE ANAL."
  • (Steve Carell) "Ohhhh, kay."
  • (James Franco) "Forget about it."
  • (Tina Fey) "Oh, it's forgotten."

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