Deadwood (TV series) Quotes

Deadwood is a Western (genre) that was first aired in 2004 on HBO. Deadwood ended its run in 2006.

Deadwood aired for 3 seasons and 36 episodes. It features David Schwartz as theme composer. Deadwood is executive produced by David Milch, and Gregg Fienberg; Mark Tinker. Deadwood is created by David Milch.

Deadwood is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Deadwood is 48-60 minutes long. Deadwood is produced by Roscoe Productions, Red Board Productions, and Paramount Television; HBO. Spinoffs for this show include Deadwood: The Movie.

Deadwood Quotes

• (Al Swearengen) "You would not want to be staring like that at me."

• (Al Swearengen) "If I bleat when I speak it's because I just got f***in' fleeced."

• (Calamity Jane) "Them what gets cured by Calamity Jane STAYS f***in' cured."

• (E.B. Farnum) "Lying? I?"

• (E.B. Farnum) "Be brief."
• (Calamity Jane) "Be f***ed."

• (Al Swearengen) "My oath on this; everyday that the widow sits on her ass in New York City, looks west at sunset, and thinks to herself "God bless you ignorant cocksuckers in Deadwood who strive mightily and have little money, to add to my ever increasing fortune," she'll be safe from the whiles of Al Swearengen."

• (E.B. Farnum) "Madam, in the chambers of my heart beats a love for every crooked timber of this s***box of a structure, this building. This building, its warped floorboards and --"
• (Richardson) "Fie."
• (E.B. Farnum) "Why, even in Richardson, my chef, my eyes see a beloved household pet somehow walking upright; see in Richardson a half-witted child, nonetheless adored."

• (Al Swearengen) "In life you have to do a lot of things you don't f***ing want to do. Many times, that's what the f*** life is -- one vile f***ing task after another."

• (Doc Cochran) "When you giggle you leak piss."

• (Joanie Stubbs) "Will you keep a girl company?"
• (Ellsworth) "I will, but I'm expensive."

• (Al Swearengen) "What's your name, it's Jack, ain't it?"
• (Jack McCall) "Yes, sir. You buy me a drink, I'll make my mark."
• (Al Swearengen) "Stick around camp, Jack- I'll make mine for you."
• (Jack McCall) "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?"
• (Al Swearengen) "Means there's a horse waiting for you outside you'll want to get on before somebody murders you who gives a f*** about right and wrong- or I do."
• (Al Swearengen) "It's the paint, Jack. Right outside my joint."
• (Al Swearengen) "Run for your f***ing life."

• (Cy Tolliver) "You're tough to be a friend to."
• (Francis Wolcott) "You make a good point."

• (Calamity Jane) "I won't be a drunk where he's buried, and I can't stay sober."

• (E.B. Farnum) "Some ancient Italian maxim fits our situation, whose particulars escape me."
• (Francis Wolcott) "Is the gist that I'm s*** out of luck?"
• (E.B. Farnum) "Did they speak that way then?"

• (Al Swearengen) "They butt into other people's business; and make the business of other's their own; these bought-out, no good cocksuckers."
• (Tom Mason) "Hickok, you talkin' bout?"
• (Al Swearengen) "Oh, f***in' big shot he is."
• (Unnamed) "Big f***in' shot, when he's standing in front of you."
• (Al Swearengen) "One in his ear from behind, I'd like to see how f***ing tough he was."

• (Al Swearengen) "You want a blow job while I talk to you?"
• (Unnamed) "No."
• (Al Swearengen) "I wasn't offering personally."

• (Francis Wolcott) "Including youth, Mr. Manuel? And why not beauty? Not credibly restored, perhaps, but as a new non-negotiable term? Would you not have, too, your brother Charlie resurrected? Would you stipulate your envy of him being purged? Surely, you insist that Charlie retain certain defects; his ineffable self-deceptions, for example, which were your joy in life to rebuke, and purpose, so far as you had one. I suppose you would see removed those qualities which caused you to love him, and the obliviousness to danger which allowed you to shed his blood."
• (Francis Wolcott) "I want to talk to Bullock."
• (Cy Tolliver) "Get the f***ing doc. I could have cooled that out."
• (Francis Wolcott) "On my order, Mr. Tolliver, Lee will burn this building, mutilating you before, during or after, as I specify, or when he chooses unless I forbid."
• (Cy Tolliver) "Oh, my full attention is at your disposal."

• (Wild Bill Hickok) "You know the sound of thunder, Mrs. Garret?"
• (Alma Garret) "Of course."
• (Wild Bill Hickok) "Can you imagine that sound if I asked you to?"
• (Alma Garret) "Yes, I can, Mr. Hickok."
• (Wild Bill Hickok) "Your husband and me had this talk, and I told him to head home to avoid a dark result. But I didn't say it in thunder. Ma'am, listen to the thunder."

• (Calamity Jane) "I'm drunk. Correct. What the f*** is it to you?"

• (Seth Bullock) "Any more gunplay gets answered. You call the law in Sampson, you don't get to call it off just cause you're liquored up and popular on payday."

• (Al Swearengen) "God rest the souls of that poor family -- and p*****'s half price for the next 15 minutes."

• (Francis Wolcott) "I am a sinner that does not expect forgiveness. But I am not a government official."

• (Wild Bill Hickok) "Sure you wanna quit playing, Jack? The game's always between you and getting called a c***."
• (Tom Nuttall) "Meeting adjourned, fellas, take it outside."
• (Wild Bill Hickok) "That dropped eye of yours looks like the hood on a c*** to me, Jack. When you talk, your mouth looks like a c*** moving."
• (Jack McCall) "I ain't gonna get in no gun fight with you, Hickok."
• (Wild Bill Hickok) "But you will run your c*** mouth at me. And I will take it, to play poker."

• (E.B. Farnum) "God damned quagmire of piss and bull s***."

• (Al Swearengen) "Don't forget to kill Tim."

• (Al Swearengen) "Underarms clean? c***s braided?"

• (Al Swearengen) "Sometimes I wish we could just hit 'em over the head, rob 'em, and throw their bodies in the creek."
• (Cy Tolliver) "But that would be wrong."

• (Reverend H.W. Smith) "Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted, to understand, than to be understood, to love, than to be loved -- and the rest I forget."

• (Ellsworth) "Well'm, I've got myself a working gold claim."
• (Joanie Stubbs) "Well, sir, is that a damn fact?"
• (Ellsworth) "A hell of a working gold claim, and if we knew each other better I'd throw "f***ing" in there somewhere."
• (Joanie Stubbs) "If you did I'd try to catch it."
• (Ellsworth) "A working f***ing gold claim, Joanie, and thank you for allowing me my full range of expression."

• (Seth Bullock) "1,000, now. If anyone in that tent, or the building we put up, turns a playing card or pours a drink or offers a woman's services, you get the title back and keep our f***in' money."
• (Al Swearengen) "What makes you talk to me in that tone of voice?"
• (Seth Bullock) "I'm makin' a counter offer."
• (Al Swearengen) "You come into camp, rent my lot, within six hours you blow in a guy's eye with Wild Bill Hickok backin' your play. Next day, I'm supposed to sell you the lot, put you in business, without askin' who the f*** you are or what the f*** you're doin' here?"
• (Seth Bullock) "As far as what happened in the street, with Bill Hickok bein' involved, that was a turn of events."
• (Al Swearengen) "A what?"
• (Seth Bullock) "It was a turn -- of events."
• (Al Swearengen) "Oh, a turn of events. Your partner calls it a coincidence. So, what with this coincidence and turn of events starin' me in the f***in' face and five other f***in' things I'm supposed to be payin' attention to, I still make you a sensible proposal and you answer by insulting me in my own joint."
• (Sol Star) "Seth didn't mean to insult you, Mr. Swearengen."
• (Al Swearengen) "You stay out of this. You don't know nothin' about this. You weren't here and you don't have his proxy, so why don't you do whatever you people do when you're not running your mouths off or cheatin' people out of what they earn by Christian work."
• (Seth Bullock) "You don't want to be talkin' that way."
• (Al Swearengen) "Oh, don't tell me how to talk in my own f***in' place. Now, here's my counter offer to your counter offer; go f*** yourself."
• (Sol Star) "Seth --"
• (Al Swearengen) "Get him -- away from me."

• (Cy Tolliver) "Cy Tolliver, Mr. Wolcott, how do you do? And, what do you drink?"
• (Francis Wolcott) "Kentucky bourbon, if you've got it."
• (Cy Tolliver) "Pour Mr. Wolcott a bourbon, Jack, and tell him it's from Kentucky."

• (E.B. Farnum) "Separate rooms, I'll arrange that by tomorrow, but today I can't fix it, unless you kill a guest."

• (Al Swearengen) "What was your purpose at Doc's?"
• (Jewel) "I'm knocked up."

• (Al Swearengen) "Welcome to f***ing Deadwood."

• (Calamity Jane) "Maybe I will have a f***in' drink, for sociability's sake and 'cause I'm a f***in' drunk."
• (Joanie Stubbs) "What's your preference?"
• (Calamity Jane) "That it ain't been previously swallowed."

• (Hugo Jarry) "And you, Mr. Wolcott, I find you the most severe disappointment of all."
• (Francis Wolcott) "Often to myself, as well."

• (Al Swearengen) "Wild Bill Hickok and those two guys that walked past you downstairs save the squarehead kid; tell Ned to stick around so they see what the kid has to say about him."
• (Unnamed) "Wild Bill Hickok?"
• (Al Swearengen) "And Ned throws down --"
• (Unnamed) "Against Wild Bill Hickok?"
• (Al Swearengen) "Against Hickok and this other cocksucker who draws almost as fast, so it's a toss-up who blew Ned's head off."

• (E.B. Farnum) "Hickok's half-women friend's off somewheres on a tear. The orphan square head's in the widow's care. The widow feels put upon. She's asked me to find her some help. I suggested the gimp."

• (Reverend H.W. Smith) "This is God's purpose, but not knowing the purpose is my portion of suffering."
• (Doc Cochran) "If this is His will, He is a son of a bitch."

• (Al Swearengen) "Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair or f***ing beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man -- and give some back."

• (Reverend H.W. Smith) "When I read the Scriptures, I do not feel Christ's love as I used to."
• (Calamity Jane) "Aw, is that so? That is too bad. Join the f***in' club of most of us."

• (Al Swearengen) "Wave a penny under the Jew's nose; if they got living breath in them, brings them right around."

• (Al Swearengen) "You do no wanna be a dirt-worshipping heathen from this f***ing point forward,"
• (Al Swearengen) "pardon my French."
• (Joanie Stubbs) "Oh, I speak French."

• (Mr. Wu) "San Francisco Cocksucker."

• (Jack McCall) "Should we shake hands or something, relieve the atmosphere? I mean how stupid do you think I am?"
• (Wild Bill Hickok) "I don't know. I just met you."

• (Al Swearengen) "Wo-wo-wo-woah, you got a stage to catch or somethin'? Slow -- the f*** -- up."

• (Calamity Jane) "You with that ugly f*** by your own free will, Doc?"
• (Doc Cochran) "Yes, yes I am. I'd rather be lucky than smart."

• (Wild Bill Hickok) ""Montana" OK with you?"
• (Seth Bullock) "Only nickname I ever had was "Sloth.""
• (Wild Bill Hickok) "Don't seem to fit ya."

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