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Diary of a Mad Black Woman Quotes

Diary of a Mad Black Woman is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . Diary of a Mad Black Woman completed its run in 1970.

It features Reuben Cannon as producer, Camara Kambon in charge of musical score, and David Claessen as head of cinematography.

Diary of a Mad Black Woman is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Diary of a Mad Black Woman is 116 minutes long. Diary of a Mad Black Woman is distributed by Lionsgate.

The cast includes: Tyler Perry as Madea, Kimberly Elise as Helen, Shemar Moore as Orlando, Lisa Marcos as Brenda, Cicely Tyson as Myrtle, Steve Harris as Charles, and Gary Anthony Sturgis as Jamison.

Diary of a Mad Black Woman Quotes

Kimberly Elise as Helen

  • (Kimberly Elise) "He put me out of the house."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Who house?"
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Our house."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Exactly, how's a man throw a woman out of her own house? No man would ever do that to me, he'd put me out half of the house, I'll go live in the other half."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "What?"
  • (Shemar Moore) "I'm just sittin' here, tryin' to think of a way to say this to you."
  • (Shemar Moore) "I'm in love with you."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "How do you know that?"
  • (Shemar Moore) "I don't know how to explain it to you."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Try."
  • (Shemar Moore) "Helen, if I'm away from you for more than an hour, I can't stop thinking about you. I carry you in my spirit. I pray for you more than I pray for myself. I've got it so bad for you I'd -- I'd go to the grocery store and buy your feminine products, I swear I would."
  • (Shemar Moore) "And see? And that -- that -- That smile. Helen, when you smile like that, my world -- It's all right."
  • (Shemar Moore) "I am in love with you."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "September 19th. Dear Diary, as I sit here thinking about picking up the pieces of what used to be my life, I realized something. Every room in this house holds a painful memory for me. Even though he's suffering, something somewhere in me wants him to suffer more. A few months and a divorce can take you through just as many emotions as 18 years in a marriage. And I'm starting to feel all of them at once. But the one that is clear is rage. Signed, a Mad Black Woman."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Orlando, what's going --"
  • (Shemar Moore) "I know you don't believe in fairy tales. But, if you did, I'd want to be your knight in shining armor. You've been through so much. I don't want to see you hurt anymore. Now I may not be able to give you all that your used to. But I do know I can love you past your pain. I don't want you to worry about anything. You just wake up in the morning, that's all you have to do and I'll take it from there. There's one condition. You have to be my wife."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Charles, you're not leaving."
  • (Steve Harris) "You're right. You are."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "I just want you to know that old Helen is gone, and you will NEVER speak to me like that again."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Your kids? Your boys?"
  • (Kimberly Elise) "I wanted children, Charles, and had you not been with those whores, we would have them. You got me all stressed out, my hair falling out, my weight up and down, can't keep anything down, TWO MISCARRIAGES. You took life from me and you never even said I'm sorry."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Do you see what you left me for? This is what you left me for. Look at it. She didn't give a damn about you Charles, she told them to let you die."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "What happened to her?"
  • (Tyler Perry) "Life."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Are you hungry?"
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Oh, maybe you should go into the kitchen and get yourself something to eat, huh?"
  • (Steve Harris) "Christina --"
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Christina."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Christina's gone. Your little tramp didn't leave her any money to pay her, so she just left, like your slut. She packed up all her things, and a few of yours, and split. In fact, she cleaned out your bank account."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Isn't that just too much? You tried to keep it from me, and she just took it all. Huh? Huh? You are like so many men, Charles, you'd rather leave with trash than make it work with something good. You're a coward."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Bathe him, feed him, clothe him they say, what about me?"
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Women love hard."
  • (Brian) "And men don't?"
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Not like women do."
  • (Brian) "We may not love as easy but when we love, we love hard."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "I'm not bitter. I'm mad as hell."

Tyler Perry as Madea

  • (Tyler Perry) "I'll be at church when they get a smoking section."
  • (Bailiff) "Your honor, Case #456790: The People Vs. Mabel Simmons & Helen McCarter; Criminal trespassing, Reckless endangerment, Criminal possession of a handgun, Assault with a deadly weapon, Suspended license, Expired registration, Reckless driving, and a broken tailight."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Girl, I know it ain't who I think it is."
  • (Judge Ephriam) "I know you didn't say Mabel Simmons. Madea?"
  • (Tyler Perry) "How you doin', uh, Judge Mablean? It's good to see; Ooh, your hair's pretty. Girl, look at you. You're lookin' good. How you been? Hey --"
  • (Judge Ephriam) "You're still at it?"
  • (Tyler Perry) "This ain't even my fault. See, what happened was --"
  • (Judge Ephriam) "Just save it. Who's here for the defense?"
  • (Brian) "Brian Simmons, on behalf of Mrs. McCarter and Mrs. Simmons, your honor."
  • (Judge Ephriam) "Brian."
  • (Brian) "How you doing, Judge Ephriam?"
  • (Judge Ephriam) "Brian, I am getting tired of seein' your aunt."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Getting tired of seein' you."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Girl, that man owe you 64 billion, 283 million, 974 trillion, 5 thousand, and 20 dollars and 82 cents."
  • (Brian) "It won't happen again."
  • (Judge Ephriam) "Yeah, I'll bet. Bail is set at $5,000 for Mrs. McCarter, property of cash. But as for you, Madea, I'm placing you under house arrest."
  • (Tyler Perry) "You ain't gonna put me on no house arrest, honey. I ain't gonna deal with that."
  • (Judge Ephriam) "It's either that or prison. What's your choice?"
  • (Tyler Perry) "I'll take the house arrest."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Love is stronger than any addiction, baby; hell, it is one."
  • (Joe) "Who dat is at the door?"
  • (Tyler Perry) "Shutup Joe I got this."
  • (Joe) "I'm gettin' tired of all these people comin' ova here late at night, I'ma hafta put my foot down."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Kunta Kinte put his foot down and it got chopped off. now shut the hell up and go back to sleep."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Who is"
  • (Tyler Perry) "Dol-say and gab-anna, who 'dat is?"
  • (Tyler Perry) "I remember this dude made me so mad, I didn't even know how mad I was until I went to his funeral."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Why were you so mad at him?"
  • (Tyler Perry) "Because he hit me. Yes he hit me -- and I didn't even know how mad I was until I saw him in his casket, he's 8 feet under."
  • (Cicely Tyson) "6 feet, that's how they bury people, Madea, 6 feet under."
  • (Tyler Perry) "That's what I'm trying to say, I thought I was over what he did to me until I saw him at the funeral, I was so mad I BEAT HIM DOWN 2 more feet."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Rip it."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Rip it?"
  • (Tyler Perry) "Rip it."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Rip it."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Rip it. Rip it."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Rip it. Rip it."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Rip it."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Rip it."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Rip it real good. Rip it."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Wait a minute. What is this going to solve?"
  • (Tyler Perry) "Nothing. It's just gonna make you feel better."
  • (Joe) "You know, I was watching the Animal Planet channel and they say that when a coyote is trapped, it will eat its own foot off to get out of the trap. You want some hot sauce? In your case it wouldn't be a coyote, it would be an elephant. A big old giraffe."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Say one more thing, Joe."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Say one more thing. I don't hear you. You're quiet, can I buy a vowel?"
  • (Tyler Perry) "Half of everything in this house belongs to her, which half you want? You want this half or you want this half?"
  • (Tyler Perry) "Every time I try to read the Bible -- and Jesus -- the one with all the words in red -- I open my Bible to that New Testimony and see all that red and I just give up. Jesus was talkin' way too much."
  • (Tyler Perry) "You can get it one of two ways. You can get it from his checking account voluntarily, or his insurance policy. Involuntary manslaughter. Which one is it gon' be?"
  • (Tyler Perry) "Mmmhmm -- How long you do that fo'?"
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Eighteen years."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Okay."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Let's see how much he owes ya then."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Eighteen years. Cooking. Cleaning. Havin' sex wit him when he wanted it, was it good?"
  • (Kimberly Elise) "No."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Major deduction."

Lisa Marcos as Brenda

  • (Lisa Marcos) "I know Tae Kwan Do."
  • (Tyler Perry) "And I know whoop your ass."
  • (Lisa Marcos) "I know tae kwon do."
  • (Tyler Perry) "and I know whoop yo oss."
  • (Tyler Perry) "Oh hell no."
  • (Lisa Marcos) "Yeah, you better keep runnin'."

Cicely Tyson as Myrtle

  • (Cicely Tyson) "You know I know this man put a hurtin' on you baby, but you've got to forgive him. No matter what he done, you've got to forgive him; not for him, but for you."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Forgive him for me?"
  • (Cicely Tyson) "When some body hurts you they take power over you, if you don't forgive them then they keeps the power. Forgive him baby and after you forgive him, forgive youreself."
  • (Cicely Tyson) "You've got to stand on your own two feet."
  • (Kimberly Elise) "I don't think I'm strong enough."
  • (Cicely Tyson) "Of course you are, you've got the strength God gave all women to survive. You just have to tap into it."
  • (Cicely Tyson) "What's that thing on the dog?"
  • (Kimberly Elise) "A flea and tick thing, Mama."
  • (Cicely Tyson) "It don't look like no flea and tick thing. Madea. What's this thing on the dog?"
  • (Joe) "I've got Viagra."
  • (Cicely Tyson) "Oh yeah? Well I've got mace."

Shemar Moore as Orlando

  • (Shemar Moore) "Why you being so mean, woman?"
  • (Kimberly Elise) "Why you being so nice, man?"

Steve Harris as Charles

  • (Steve Harris) "Even though I almost destroyed it, I know you still have a heart."

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