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Dirty Work (1998 film) Quotes

Dirty Work (1998 film) is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Dirty Work stopped airing in 1970.

It features Robert Simonds as producer, Richard Gibbs in charge of musical score, and Arthur Albert as head of cinematography.

Dirty Work (1998 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Dirty Work (1998 film) is 81 minutes long. Dirty Work (1998 film) is distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

The cast includes: Chevy Chase as Dr. Farthing, Norm Macdonald as Mitch, Chevy Chase as Martin, Christopher McDonald as Travis Cole, Traylor Howard as Kathy, Artie Lange as Sam, Chris Farley as Jimmy, Don Rickles as Mr. Hamilton, Jack Warden as Pops, and Adam Sandler as Satan.

Dirty Work (1998 film) Quotes

Norm Macdonald as Mitch

  • (Norm Macdonald) "Note to self: Remember no matter how bad life gets, there is always beer."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "You know what prisoners do? In prison?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Well, at least I didn't get my nose bitten off by a Saigon whore."
  • (Unnamed) "Look. An alien."
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah. We'd better have sex with each other."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Note to self: Sam just looked at the screen."
  • (Artie Lange) "No, I didn't. I was just making sure that the reel had --."
  • (Unnamed) "Hey. This alien looks just like a hot guy."
  • (Unnamed) "You're right. We'd better have sex with him."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "There's two kinds of people in this world: Those who get stomped on and those who do the stomping."
  • (Traylor Howard) "Where'd you come up with that theory?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "That famous guy said it. What's his name? Uh -- Oh, yeah: Jesus."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Are those prostitutes? I mean, who are those girls?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Note to self: learn to fight."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Oh, and Dr. Farthing. He got over his gambling problem, but the bookies beat him to death anyway. So, he's dead. That's it. Bye."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Sam, tonight we make a wad of cash for doing something that comes natural to us, you know? Revenge. I'm telling you, we should open a revenge-for-hire business."
  • (Artie Lange) "I never heard of a revenge-for-hire business."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Exactly; we'd be the first. With every genius business idea, there's gotta be a first. Like, like the guy who first thought of delivering pizza to people's houses. Or, uh, the guy who invented crack."
  • (Artie Lange) "Who's gonna hire us?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Oh, Sam, I have a feeling that people are gonna pay us a lot of money to do their dirty work."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "I've never seen so many dead hookers in all my life."
  • (Unnamed) "Lord knows I have."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Dr. Farthing, what happened to your arm?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Well, it was either from sleeping on it the wrong way or bookmakers throwing me out of a speeding car."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Oh, my God. It's a picture of you and my mom. And you're having sex."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Note to self: Making love to blow-up doll is not as good as advertised."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Okay, settle down, prostitutes. Now, understand that you each get twenty dollars, and this requires no sex, no sex at all, regardless of what this character tells you."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "You fellas have a lot of growing up to do, I'll tell you that. Ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. Can you believe these characters? Way out of line. Way out of line. Have a good mind to go to the warden about this. You know what hurts the most is the -- the lack of respect. You know? That's what hurts the most. Except for the -- Except for the other thing. That hurts the most. But the lack of respect hurts the second most."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Hey, that's my shirt; you're wearing my shirt."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "UGH."
  • (Unnamed) "Here ya go."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "No, no, no, I was talking to someone else -- who is different -- than you."
  • (Frat Guy) "Hey, that was really funny, siccing the cops on us like that."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Really? I mean, don't get me wrong, I thought it was funny, but I'm surprised you guys did, because, uh, you got your asses kicked."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Are you a dirty car salesman?"
  • (Traylor Howard) "No, I'm a dirty accountant."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Hey, homeless guys."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "I'll tell ya what. I'll give you a dollar each if you'll go into this building here and run around yellin' and screamin'."
  • (Homeless Guy) "Uh, that's very nice, but I think what you probably need are, like, some psycho, out-of-control homeless guys?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Yeah, we're more the broken, spiritless, I've-lost-the-will-to-live type homeless guys."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "How about for two dollars?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Ha ha. You didn't count on my loyal army of prostitutes, did you?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Yeah, well, things could be worse, you know. I could have got my nose bit off by a Saigon whore."
  • (Chris Farley) "You bastard."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Hey, I'm just messin' with you, Jimmy. I saw you down there. Hey, Mazetti, get Jimmy a beer on me."
  • (Chris Farley) "Okay. It's all right."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Good news, Mr. McKenna."
  • (Jack Warden) "All right, boys. Bring on the whore."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "No, it's not a whore; we're gonna get you the fifty thousand dollars for your heart transplant."
  • (Jack Warden) "Well, that's good too."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Hey, hey. Hey, you remember in 5th grade when I was under the monkey bars and I sneaked a peek at your sister's underwear? Remember that? Hey, no no. I was sneaking a peek at my own sister's underwear."
  • (Artie Lange) "That's right. Yeah, and then remember in the 12th grade, you had sex with her?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Okay, enough reminisicing."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Looking at this picture still makes me horny. I mean wistful. It makes me wistful."

Artie Lange as Sam

  • (Artie Lange) "I'm guessing by the looks of that popcorn machine she threw you out for good."
  • (Artie Lange) "Hey, doc, what happened to your foot?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "What I don't understand is -- when you owe a bookie a lot of money, and he, say, blows off one of your toes, you still owe him the money. Doesn't seem fair to me. Especially when he's gonna kill me in four days anyway."
  • (Artie Lange) "How about we kick every one of your asses, and then we go up and kick Cole's ass too?"
  • (Artie Lange) "So, you mean to tell me that that sweet girl's grandmother runs a whorehouse out of the building we're about to destroy?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Yeah, I feel awful doing this to Kathy."
  • (Artie Lange) "Hey, uh, Mitch, you're really starting to like this Kathy, aren't ya?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Nooooooo."
  • (Artie Lange) "Mitch, I know you, man. When you say "no" like that, you really mean yes."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "What are ya talking about?"
  • (Artie Lange) "Watch, I'll show you. Mitch, uh, did you ever rob a bank?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "No."
  • (Artie Lange) "Did you ever climb Mount Everest?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "No."
  • (Artie Lange) "Did you ever say that you can see why women find Sean Connery sexy?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Nooooooo.; Okay, so I like Kathy a little bit. Man, I hate the fact that we have to destroy her grandmother's building."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "But we have to."
  • (Artie Lange) "Yep."
  • (Artie Lange) "Well, Mitch, looks like we got ourselves a fight, huh?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Great, it's fightin' time. Can I be on their side?"

Jack Warden as Pops

  • (Jack Warden) "You didn't tell him, did you?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Oh, no, no."
  • (Jack Warden) "Thanks."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "But look, I still want to, and I, I can't promise you that I won't."
  • (Jack Warden) "I'm just getting my photo album. What are you so jumpy about?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "I don't know. Maybe it's your, your lifelong pattern of random assault."
  • (Jack Warden) "Let me take you to Vegas, baby. You know what they say, it ain't over till the fat lady checks into a cheap hotel with Pops."
  • (Jack Warden) "I'm in whore heaven."
  • (Jack Warden) "Back then we didn't have these fancy birth control methods. Like pulling out."

Traylor Howard as Kathy

  • (Traylor Howard) "So -- Would you like to come in for some coffee?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "No no. Uh, I can't. I have to lift weights? What?"
  • (Traylor Howard) "What havoc are you planning to wreak now?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Kathy. What are you doing here?"
  • (Traylor Howard) "Um, actually I was looking for you. I saw how you and your friend saved that woman's house."
  • (Traylor Howard) "Guess it turns out you can use your powers for good as well as evil."
  • (Traylor Howard) "You guys are brothers?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Well, it's a long story --"
  • (Artie Lange) "My dad boned his mom."
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Okay, it's a short story."

Chevy Chase as Martin

  • (Chevy Chase) "I know there's really nobody to blame for this but myself, well, I don't know, maybe the Buffalo Bills, the Boston Red Sox, or Mr. T or, or the Jets --"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "Wait a minute, Mr T.? Are you telling me that you bet on the fight in Rocky III, and that you bet against Rocky?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Hindsight is twenty-twenty, my friend."
  • (Homeless Guy) "And then when you jumped on that security guard's back and you were yelling in his ear, "The CIA put a chip in my brain." I was laughing so hard, I almost s*** my pants."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Almost."
  • (Chevy Chase) "For six hundred dollars, I can sell you a perfectly good hospital bed."
  • (Artie Lange) "Are you crazy? I don't need a bed."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Playing hardball, are you? Okay, five fifty."

Adam Sandler as Satan

  • (Adam Sandler) "We eat the pig and then together we burn. Burn."
  • (Gary Coleman) "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Satan?"
  • (Adam Sandler) "Come with me. You belong with me. Burn. Burn. BURN."

Chris Farley as Jimmy

  • (Chris Farley) "WAKE UP SLUT. Well, well, well, we meet again -- NOSE BITER. TIME TO PAY THE FIDDLER, WHORE."
  • (Chris Farley) "They say in the land of the blind, the man with one eye is king, well in the land of the skunk the man with half a nose is king."
  • (Chris Farley) "And there's the Saigon whore that bit my nose off."

Christopher McDonald as Travis Cole

  • (Christopher McDonald) "Mitch, Sam. What a pleasant surprise."
  • (Artie Lange) "Yeah. Where's our money?"
  • (Christopher McDonald) "What money?"
  • (Norm Macdonald) "You owe $50,000 for getting the building at 99 Franklin Street condemned. We want it now."
  • (Christopher McDonald) "But, Mitch, I don't even own the building at 99 Franklin. Well, I told you I did, but I lied. Good luck trying to prove it."
  • (Artie Lange) "Son of a bitch."
  • (Christopher McDonald) "You see, once you stopped my bulldozer from leveling that old lady's house, I couldn't just let you get away with it. So I figured out a way for you to help me and hurt you at the same time. I guess I showed you guys a thing or two about dirty work."
  • (Artie Lange) "Yeah, whatever, but we're not leaving here 'til we get our fifty grand."

Don Rickles as Mr. Hamilton

  • (Don Rickles) "So there you are, tubby. Look like a bucket of lard on a bad day. You baby gorilla. Why don't you work in a zoo, and stop bothering people? Got a call yesterday from Baskin Robbins. They said that they're down to only five flavors. You're swelling up as I talk to you."

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