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Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead Quotes

Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead is a TV program that debuted in 1970 . Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead stopped airing in 1970.

It features Robert Newmyer as producer, David Newman (composer) in charge of musical score, and Tim Suhrstedt as head of cinematography.

Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead is 102 minutes long. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead is distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures.

The cast includes: Keith Coogan as Kenny Crandell, Joanna Cassidy as Rose Lindsey, Christina Applegate as Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell, Christopher Pettiet as Zach Crandell, Danielle Harris as Melissa Crandell, Robert Hy Gorman as Walter Crandell, Eda Reiss Merin as Mrs. Sturak, Jeff Bollow as Mom, Josh Charles as Bryan, Jeff Bollow as Mole, Jayne Brook as Carolyn, and John Getz as Gus.

Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead Quotes

Christina Applegate as Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell

  • (Christina Applegate) "I'm right on top of that Rose."
  • (Christina Applegate) "One of us has to get a job."
  • (Keith Coogan) "Well I'm not gonna."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Well we don't have a choice. We'll flip for it"
  • (Christina Applegate) "Mama Celeste face up, I go to work, Mama Celeste face down, we're selling carnations on a freeway off ramp."
  • (Christina Applegate) "You couldn't even mow the lawn today, you're worthless. I am doing EVERYTHING around here AND I'm trying to get ready for a date. When are you going to start helping me you lazy little punk?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "Melissa, it was your turn to take out the trash this week."
  • (Danielle Harris) "Well I couldn't fit it into my schedule."
  • (Dr. Permutter) "Is he your son too?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "No, he's my stepson."
  • (Keith Coogan) "Yeah, that's why we don't always get along."
  • (Christina Applegate) "I am NOT working at the big top from hell for pocket money. My mom's away and I have my brothers and sister to take care of and nobody's going to hire a kid to do anything that's not disgusting."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Look, we are a family of felons. Our summer freedom's going to be a winter prison unless I get some help around here. I want the house spick-and-span by Saturday night or I'm turning us all in. Are you with me?"
  • (Keith Coogan) "Guys, what do you say?"
  • (Danielle Harris) "Yeah."
  • (Keith Coogan) "Yeah? Come on, guys, what do you say?"
  • (Danielle Harris) "YEAH."
  • (Keith Coogan) "YEAH. We're with you, Sue, ROCK AND ROLL."
  • (Christina Applegate) "You have a lot of deliveries today?"
  • (Josh Charles) "I am the stork of fast food."
  • (Christina Applegate) "You guys spent over $3,000 of the company's petty cash?"
  • (Christopher Pettiet) "Uh -- yeah."
  • (Christina Applegate) "You're grounded. Until Mom returns, you are ALL grounded. How could you steal from me? You never would have stolen money from Mom."
  • (Christopher Pettiet) "That's because Mom never had that much."
  • (Keith Coogan) "Now, wait a minute, Swell. They didn't steal. They "borrowed". They were following your irresponsibility."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Oh, shut up Kenny. I am in deep s*** here."
  • (Danielle Harris) "Then quit your job. You were never good at it anyway."
  • (Christina Applegate) "I can't quit now. I'm an embezzler. I am officially an embezzler. Rose or someone is gonna find that money gone and when they do, they'll lock me up and throw away the key."
  • (Robert Hy Gorman) "Nah, the judge will probably go easy on you considering that you're a minor."
  • (Christina Applegate) "What do you want from me? You want me to call Mom back? Because I can."
  • (Keith Coogan) "No."
  • (Christina Applegate) "You want to call Aunt Pat or go crawling to one of Mom's semi-wretched friends?"
  • (Keith Coogan) "No."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Alright. We don't need a warden, we don't need somebody telling us when to eat and sleep and vacuum. We can still have a great summer, we just have to work together."
  • (Christina Applegate) "I feel so guilty, I should've been nicer."
  • (Keith Coogan) "Yeah, she was a great baby sitter."
  • (Christina Applegate) "She must've had it on her."
  • (Danielle Harris) "Well it's ours. Go back and get it from the old hag."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Oh yeah, we'll just go down there and say "excuse me, we left our money on dead baby sitter". No way."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Did you burn something?"
  • (Keith Coogan) "Yeah, well, maybe if you'd called and told me you were gonna be, like -- three-and-a-half hours late, I could've planned my dinner better."
  • (Christina Applegate) "I had to work late, OK?"
  • (Keith Coogan) "You still should've called. I sat and I waited. I went ahead and I fed the kids. I worked all day on that casserole."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Sorry."
  • (Keith Coogan) "You haven't even said how nice the house looks. You're off at the office all day doing interesting office things. I'm stuck here cooking and cleaning and mowing the lawn, helping Melissa with her fastball, being a role model for Zach, spending quality time with Walter, doing your party s***. You've got the car and you don't even take me anywhere anymore. And when was the last time we went out to dinner together, huh? You know what, I'm sick and tired of not being appreciated."
  • (Christina Applegate) "I appreciate you."
  • (Keith Coogan) "Eat s***."
  • (Christina Applegate) "I don't believe this. I have to get up at 5:30 every morning so I can beat rush hour traffic into the city and go sit behind a desk for eight hours a day and miss Oprah Winfrey everyday on my summer vacation. And then, I get to drive home in gridlock IN A VOLVO with no air conditioning just so I can take care of you guys and put food on the damn table. It's a rat race and it sucks, Kenny. So what do you want, a medal?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "Oh come on, you don't have to do all this. I mean, I never asked you to whisk the couch."
  • (Keith Coogan) "Well, it needed it."

Eda Reiss Merin as Mrs. Sturak

  • (Eda Reiss Merin) "Time for little boys to be in bed."
  • (Christopher Pettiet) "Can't you see I'm in the middle of a date?"
  • (Eda Reiss Merin) "And time for little trollops to go home."
  • (Eda Reiss Merin) "T.V. rots your brains."

Christopher Pettiet as Zach Crandell

  • (Christopher Pettiet) "We told you to talk to her. We didn't want you to send her to the glue factory."
  • (Christina Applegate) "I didn't kill her, Zach. She died in her sleep."
  • (Danielle Harris) "Probably choked on her whistle."
  • (Christopher Pettiet) "Cynthia, you're my moon goddess."
  • (Christopher Pettiet) "It was petty cash, YOU were spending petty cash."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Zach, I bought a pair of boots and a magazine, you bought a home entertainment center."

Jeff Bollow as Mom

  • (Jeff Bollow) "Zach. Put it back. If you need money, ask first."
  • (Christopher Pettiet) "Okay then, can I have ten dollars?"
  • (Jeff Bollow) "Forget it."
  • (Jeff Bollow) "Kenny, get back here, RIGHT NOW."
  • (Keith Coogan) "I'll do it later, Mom, I promise."
  • (Jeff Bollow) "Isn't your mom leaving for like, months?"
  • (Keith Coogan) "Oh s***, you're right."
  • (Keith Coogan) "BYE MOM, HAVE A BLAST."
  • (Jeff Bollow) "Right."
  • (Keith Coogan) "ROCK AND ROLL."
  • (Jeff Bollow) "Park it yourself, Metallica breath."
  • (Jeff Bollow) "Where is the babysitter?"

Josh Charles as Bryan

  • (Josh Charles) "I'd respect your privacy more if you weren't so secretive."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Well I'd tell you more if you didn't want to know so much."
  • (Josh Charles) "Not exactly your dream job, eh?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "Got that right. You think I woke up this morning and said, 'Gee, I'd love to scrub fat vats. I'd love to smile and work with raw meat'?"

Robert Hy Gorman as Walter Crandell

  • (Robert Hy Gorman) "She doesn't look dead."
  • (Christopher Pettiet) "That's because it just happened. So you can't really tell, like on "MacGyver"."
  • (Robert Hy Gorman) "Alaska -- Alaska -- Alaska container -- Alaska -- spill."
  • (Robert Hy Gorman) "Hey. I was watching that."
  • (Eda Reiss Merin) "TV rots your brains."
  • (Eda Reiss Merin) "Go to your room. I expect a complete report tomorrow morning on the life of the aardvark."
  • (Robert Hy Gorman) "Doesn't look like Julia's."
  • (Keith Coogan) "Shut up, quizzoid, and eat."
  • (Robert Hy Gorman) "I fell off the roof."
  • (Christina Applegate) "What was he doing on the roof, Kenny?"
  • (Keith Coogan) "I don't know, I wasn't with him, but I should've been. I mean not on the roof, but I should've been keeping an eye on him, spending quality time with him, reading Green Ham and Eggs to him or some s*** like that."

Jayne Brook as Carolyn

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Keith Coogan as Kenny Crandell

  • (Keith Coogan) "Um -- what should we do with her body?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "Call an ambulance, call the cops, I don't know. Well -- I mean they're gonna come and get her and they're gonna ask us a lotta questions --"
  • (Keith Coogan) "They'll probably blame us."
  • (Christina Applegate) "They'll definitely call Mom."
  • (Danielle Harris) "SHE'LL blame us."
  • (Keith Coogan) "Yeah, she'll hop the next flight home and then be in our faces."
  • (Christina Applegate) "I don't want Mom to come home."
  • (Christopher Pettiet) "I don't either."
  • (Danielle Harris) "No way."
  • (Robert Hy Gorman) "Me too."
  • (Keith Coogan) "Don't you ever go outside?"
  • (Robert Hy Gorman) "Nope, no TV, and no prizes."
  • (Keith Coogan) "f***."
  • (Keith Coogan) "What?"
  • (Keith Coogan) "Oh, how ya doin Mom? Yeah, no everythings fine. No, Mrs. Sturak's not here. She um, she went to the yarn store. Yeah, she's crocheting this massive doily for the couch. I -- I gotta go Mom."
  • (Keith Coogan) "This place is a crock. We're never gonna make it through the summer. Man, I'm gonna hold up at Lizard's."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Oh, that's real brotherly of you Kenny. Always taking the easy way out. Don't you have any pride?"
  • (Keith Coogan) "No."
  • (Danielle Harris) "I got an idea. When our food runs out, we can eat Elvis."
  • (Keith Coogan) "What are we going to do for cash for the next two months?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "What about a garage sale?"
  • (Keith Coogan) "We live in the boonies."
  • (Christina Applegate) "What about calling Dad?"
  • (Keith Coogan) "Dad doesn't care."
  • (Christopher Pettiet) "What about blackmailing Dad?"
  • (Danielle Harris) "What about donating blood? Don't they pay you for that?"
  • (Keith Coogan) "You have to be over 18."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Well, there goes our great summer."
  • (Keith Coogan) "Stay away from her, she's in one of her Terminator moods."

Danielle Harris as Melissa Crandell

  • (Danielle Harris) "You promised to sign me up for baseball."
  • (Jeff Bollow) "Little League will be there next year."
  • (Danielle Harris) "So will Australia."
  • (Danielle Harris) "We have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn to tidy up the garage."
  • (Danielle Harris) "How come you gotta go?"
  • (Jeff Bollow) "Because, I have had a very rough 37 years, and I need a break."
  • (Danielle Harris) "You promised you'd sign me up for baseball."
  • (Jeff Bollow) "Little League will be there next year."
  • (Danielle Harris) "So will Australia. I wish Dad was around."
  • (Jeff Bollow) "No you don't."
  • (Danielle Harris) "When our food is gone, we can eat Elvis."

Joanna Cassidy as Rose Lindsey

  • (Joanna Cassidy) "Why don't you go on home, have a glass of wine and put some cucumber slices on your eyes, you'll feel much better."
  • (Christina Applegate) "Well, I'm all out of cucumbers."
  • (Joanna Cassidy) "Sue Ellen, every girl over twenty-five should have a cucumber in the house."
  • (Joanna Cassidy) "Where is Carolyn?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "Mouse brown hair, gives you a headache? Talks like she's chewing her face?"
  • (Joanna Cassidy) "That's her."
  • (Joanna Cassidy) "Sue Ellen, have you ever had a 48 hour orgasm?"
  • (Christina Applegate) "No, I've never been to Santa Barbara."
  • (Joanna Cassidy) "Don't feel overwhelmed, just do one thing at a time."

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