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Down Periscope Quotes

Down Periscope is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Down Periscope ended its run in 1970.

It features Robert Lawrence (producer) as producer, Randy Edelman in charge of musical score, and Victor Hammer (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

Down Periscope is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Down Periscope is 93 minutes long. Down Periscope is distributed by 20th Century Fox.

The cast includes: Rob Schneider as Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal, Jonathan Penner as Seaman Buckman, Bruce Dern as Rear Admiral Yancy Graham, and Jonathan Penner as Seaman Stanley 'Spots' Sylvesterson.

Down Periscope Quotes

Rob Schneider as Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal

  • (Stepanek) "Sit on it and rotate, sir."
  • (Rob Schneider) "What? What did you say, sailor? You can't say that."
  • (Rob Schneider) "He can't say that."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Pascal, down. Down. Heel."
  • (Stepanek) "By the Uniform Code of Military Justice that constitutes gross insubordination, punishable by one month in a brig. I'm ready to go, sir."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Board the boat. I like a challenge."
  • (Stepanek) "You'll throw me off within a week. I'm a dedicated pain in the butt, sir."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Stepanek."
  • (Stepanek) "What?"
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "If I throw you off -- it'll be in the middle of the Atlantic. Board the damn boat."
  • (Seaman Nitro 'Mike') "1-A -- cold. 1-B -- cold. 1-C --"
  • (Seaman Nitro 'Mike') "Hot."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Let me guess. Our electrician."
  • (Rob Schneider) "Yes, sir."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Lt. Lake, prepare to surface."
  • (Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer) "Surface?"
  • (Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer) "I mean, aye Sir."
  • (Rob Schneider) "Sir. Respectfully -- I can't condone your decision to surrender this quickly."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "I'm proud of you, Marty."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Howard, once we're on the surface, run on one screw only."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Rig for red."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "And send somebody forward with a drop light and a role of duct tape."
  • (Rob Schneider) "Jesus, Buckman. This stuff's been on the Stingray since Korea. This can expired in 1966."
  • (Jonathan Penner) "What's the matter, sir? It still tastes like creamed corn."
  • (Rob Schneider) "Except it's deviled ham."
  • (Jonathan Penner) "Now that would be a problem."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Mr. Pascal, let's go to Charleston Harbor and blow something up."
  • (Rob Schneider) "Now we're talking."
  • ("Sonar" Lovacelli) "Are we really gonna blow something up, sir?"
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Oh no, Sonar. We just use flares."
  • (Rob Schneider) "Now, about my transfer -- I mean, this post could seriously jeopardize my chances for advancement. I mean -- I am this close to Command, sir. If I could --"
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Forget it. You think you are the only one embarrassed to be here? You think this is the command I've dreamed about? Look, we are all in this together, mister. And you and your career are in the hands of those very assholes -- including this one. Have I made myself clear?"
  • (Rob Schneider) "Yes, sir."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Dismissed."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "You're kind of young for an XO, aren't you?"
  • (Rob Schneider) "Excellence knows no age, Sir."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Uh-huh. Speaking of age, what do you think about our boat, Pascal?"
  • (Rob Schneider) "I feel I need a tetanus shot just from looking at it. The only thing holding her together, are the bird droppings, sir."
  • (Rob Schneider) "Buckman. There was a fingernail in my food, ya fatass moron. Yesterday, it was a Band-Aid."
  • (Jonathan Penner) "Sorry, sir. The Band-Aid was holding the fingernail on."
  • (Rob Schneider) "What else do you put in your sauce, Buckman?"
  • (Jonathan Penner) "It's an old family recipe, sir. It's a secret."
  • (Rob Schneider) "Oh, my God. There's cockroaches in the flour. Your cigar ash is in the spaghetti."
  • (Rob Schneider) "Sonar Technician Second Class, E.T. Lovacelli, sir. Goes by the nickname "Sonar.""
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Welcome aboard, Sonar."
  • ("Sonar" Lovacelli) "Uh, 'scuse me, sir. This is an actual Navy submarine? Not a float in a parade or something?"
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Afraid so, Sonar."
  • ("Sonar" Lovacelli) "Huh -- isn't that odd?"
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Don't tell me; deaf as Beethoven."
  • (Rob Schneider) "Oh, no. Great ears, sir. Watch what you say around him, he hears everything. His last C.O. thought he was a security risk."
  • ("Sonar" Lovacelli) "Uh, excuse me, sir. I don't hear everything. And I'm quite trustworthy too."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Right."

Jonathan Penner as Seaman Buckman

  • (Jonathan Penner) "Hey, Nitro, isnt't that one of my chickens?"
  • (Seaman Nitro 'Mike') "No, it's a, uh, parrot, uhh, from the Carribean."
  • (Jonathan Penner) "Well, don't let it fly away. That's supper."
  • (Seaman Nitro 'Mike') "Arr."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Stepanek, what are you doing?"
  • (Stepanek) "As little as possible, sir. I'm a detriment to the entire operation. Total morale crusher."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "You know, of course, that the submarine service is entirely volunteer. All you have to do is quit."
  • (Stepanek) "My old man won't let me."
  • (Stepanek) "He's an admiral. Thinks sub duty will shape me up. Ha."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Well, I'm afraid you leave me no choice, son, but to relocate you."
  • (Stepanek) "Really?"
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Really."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Buckman."
  • (Jonathan Penner) "Yes, Sir?"
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Thank you, Buckman. That'll be all."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "All right, everybody, it's time to kick this pig. Leave Graham squealing from the feeling."
  • (Planesman 1st Class Jefferson 'R.J.' Jackson) "Squeaking from the freaking."
  • (Jonathan Penner) "Oinking from the boinking."
  • (Jonathan Penner) "You ever hear of the mile deep club?"
  • (Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer) "You ever hear of the salad bar?"
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "All right, ladies and gentlemen. We have fulfilled every requirement of this mission except one: Norfolk. Presently, there are several ships positioned outside the harbor to intercept us. To get in, we're gonna have to use a tactic that is somewhat bizarre, and extremely risky. If any of you feel it's not worth it, please let me know now."
  • (Jonathan Penner) "Uh, actually, sir, I think we prefer to go with the bizarre and risky. It's worked for us so far."

Bruce Dern as Rear Admiral Yancy Graham

  • (Bruce Dern) "Submarine Stingray, this is Submarine Orlando. It has been confirmed: you are targeted."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Submarine Orlando, this is Submarine Stingray, Stingray One speaking. We acknowledge the kill and congratulate everyone aboard that boat."
  • (Bruce Dern) "Well, thank you, Captain."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "However -- at the time of your transmission, I had already fired two torpedoes."
  • (Bruce Dern) "What?"
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "You can probably hear them in the water, and though we are dead, our fish are already on their way to the Naval station dummy ship. They hit, we still win --"
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Har har."
  • (Bruce Dern) "Now, call me a prude if you want, but I don't think it's good policy for the Navy to hand over a billion-dollar piece of equipment to a man who has "Welcome Aboard" tattooed on his penis."
  • (Bruce Dern) "It's good to see you again, Doge. It's been about four years?"
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Something like that, sir. Not since we were both at Kings Bay."
  • (Bruce Dern) "Well, you are about to join the elite of the submarine fleet. The very best the United States Navy has to offer."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Damn good feeling, sir."
  • (Bruce Dern) "As a matter of fact, there she is now. Your new boat."
  • (Bruce Dern) "U.S.S. Stingray, SS-161."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "That? This can't be my boat, sir."
  • (Bruce Dern) "Oh, it most certainly is. Balao-class, refitted 1961."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Balao-class? But that's a diesel sub. This is a joke, right? The Navy doesn't even use diesels anymore."
  • (Bruce Dern) "They do now, she's been recommissioned."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Well, no disrespect to the USS Rustoleum here, but I'd be better off in the Merrimack. I was trained to command a nuclear boat."
  • (Bruce Dern) "Are you refusing to take command?"
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "No, sir."
  • (Bruce Dern) "Good. Meet your crew here tomorrow morning, 0700."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Are they also left over from World War II, sir?"
  • (Bruce Dern) "No, Captain. They've been handpicked -- by me."
  • (Bruce Dern) "I expect you to abide by the rules of this War Game."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "Since when did the rules ever matter to you, Sir?"
  • (Bruce Dern) "You watch yourself, Dodge. You are addressing a superior officer."
  • (Lt. Comd. Dodge) "No -- Merely a higher ranking one. CATCH US IF YOU CAN."

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