Dracula: Dead and Loving It Quotes

Dracula: Dead and Loving It is a television program that debuted in 1970 . Dracula: Dead and Loving It stopped airing in 1970.

It features Mel Brooks as producer, Hummie Mann in charge of musical score, and Michael D. O'Shea as head of cinematography.

Dracula: Dead and Loving It is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Dracula: Dead and Loving It is 90 minutes long. Dracula: Dead and Loving It is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Leslie Nielsen as Dracula, Mel Brooks as Van Helsing, Steven Weber as Jonathan Harker, Peter MacNicol as Renfield, Gregg Binkley as Woodbridge, Lysette Anthony as Lucy Westenra, Mark Blankfield as Martin, and Megan Cavanagh as Essie.

Dracula: Dead and Loving It Quotes

Steven Weber as Jonathan Harker

• (Steven Weber) "Oh. This is; this is ghastly."
• (Mel Brooks) "Yes, you're right. We should have put newspapers down."

• (Steven Weber) "I can't, Mina, I'm British."
• (Mina Murray) "But so are these."

• (Steven Weber) "Are you saying that Count Dracula is our vampire?"
• (Mel Brooks) "Yes --. and no --"
• (Steven Weber) "Then what are you saying?"
• (Mel Brooks) "I'm saying no. But I'm leeeeaning towards yes."
• (Dr. Steward) "Then you're saying yes."
• (Mel Brooks) "No."
• (Dr. Steward) "Then you're saying no."
• (Mel Brooks) "Not necessarily."
• (Steven Weber) "You sound dubious."
• (Mel Brooks) "No -I'm positive."
• (Steven Weber) "Of what?"
• (Mel Brooks) "Of my theory."
• (Steven Weber) "And that would be?"
• (Mel Brooks) "The theory of Yes- or no."

• (Mina Murray) "Oh it makes me so happy to be at the Opera. I love this palace of art and beauty."
• (Steven Weber) "Johnathan: Oh yes my dear, the Opera is astonishing. The music is frothed with love, hate, sensuality and unbridled passion --. All the things in my life I've managed to suppress so far."

• (Steven Weber) "She's alive?"
• (Mel Brooks) "She's Nosferatu."
• (Steven Weber) "She's Italian?"

• (Steven Weber) "Oh, that's horrible. Is there no other way?"
• (Mel Brooks) "One other. We could cut off her head, stuff her mouth with garlic and tear off her ears."
• (Steven Weber) "Give me the stake."
• (Steven Weber) "No. No, I can't do it -- you do it."
• (Mel Brooks) "It must be done by one who loved her in life."
• (Steven Weber) "I only liked her."
• (Mel Brooks) "Close enough."

• (Mina Murray) "Without any reason, he put his hands on me."
• (Steven Weber) "But she told me to touch it."

• (Steven Weber) "Oh -- my -- GOD. There's so much blood."
• (Mel Brooks) "She just ate. Hit her again."
• (Steven Weber) "Oh no -- i can't --"
• (Mel Brooks) "How much blood can she have left?"
• (Mel Brooks) "She's almost dead."
• (Steven Weber) "She's dead enough."

Peter MacNicol as Renfield

• (Peter MacNicol) "Whatare you on about? What's all this then? Who are you people? I-I'll have you know that's my knee your Straddiling."
• (Peter MacNicol) "No, Stop. Stop it at once. Oh. Ah -- No, no this is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong, do you hear me, wrong. this is-"
• (Peter MacNicol) "WRONG ME. WRONG ME. WRONG MY BRAINS OUT."

• (Peter MacNicol) "Master -- I'm sorry."
• (Peter MacNicol) "There -- you're starting to look like your old self again."

• (Peter MacNicol) "Are you saying that Count Dracula is our vampire?"
• (Mel Brooks) "Yes --. and no --"
• (Peter MacNicol) "Then what are you saying?"
• (Mel Brooks) "I'm saying no. But I'm leeeeaning towards yes."
• (Steven Weber) "Then you're saying yes."
• (Mel Brooks) "No."
• (Steven Weber) "Then you're saying no."
• (Mel Brooks) "Not necessarily."
• (Peter MacNicol) "You sound dubious."
• (Mel Brooks) "No -I'm positive."
• (Peter MacNicol) "Of what?"
• (Mel Brooks) "Of my theory."
• (Peter MacNicol) "And that would be?"
• (Mel Brooks) "The theory of Yes- or no."

• (Peter MacNicol) "Yes MASTER."

• (Peter MacNicol) "My God. What on earth are you doing to the furniture?"

• (Peter MacNicol) "Yes, I'm schh-eduled to meet Count Dracula."
• (Unnamed) "Dracula."
• (Unnamed) "Dracula."
• (Unnamed) "Dracula."
• (Unnamed) "-- Schh-eduled?"

• (Peter MacNicol) "Master. Master --. I mean -- Mister. Mister."

• (Peter MacNicol) ""Wrong me. Wrong me. Wrong me.""

• (Peter MacNicol) "I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything."
• (Peter MacNicol) "I saw everything."

• (Peter MacNicol) "Oh. Dropped my fork."
• (Dr. Steward) "Mr. Renfield, what are you doing down there?"
• (Peter MacNicol) "Fork found."
• (Peter MacNicol) "Sorry for the delay."
• (Dr. Steward) "My God, man. You're eating insects right from the ground."
• (Peter MacNicol) "What makes you say that?"
• (Dr. Steward) "I can see one trying to get out of your mouth."
• (Peter MacNicol) "Out of my mouth?"
• (Dr. Steward) "Yes, out of your mouth. Your very own mouth and it's wiggling about."
• (Peter MacNicol) "Don't be ridiculous. Wiggling."
• (Dr. Steward) "I'm not ridiculous at all. It's wiggling all over the place. Poor thing is fighting for its life."
• (Peter MacNicol) "I don't know what you're talking about. If you insist on ranting like this, I'm going to leave."
• (Dr. Steward) "Me, ranting? You're the ranter."
• (Peter MacNicol) "Hello, little darling."
• (Peter MacNicol) "Don't be afraid."
• (Peter MacNicol) "I won't hurt you. All I want is your life."

• (Dr. Steward) "I was just telling Ma -- what was that?"
• (Peter MacNicol) "Huh?"
• (Dr. Steward) "You just grabbed something from the table."
• (Peter MacNicol) "I did not."
• (Dr. Steward) "Yes you did, I saw you, you put it in your mouth. I think it was an insect."
• (Peter MacNicol) "Oh, that was a raspberry."
• (Dr. Steward) "Raspberry? We're not serving raspberries."
• (Peter MacNicol) "Then it must have been a raisin. I guess it fell off the muffin. See? There's one missing."
• (Dr. Steward) "How silly of me. It must have been my imagina -- there, you did it again."
• (Peter MacNicol) "Huh?"
• (Dr. Steward) "You just put a bug in your mouth. I think it was a spider."
• (Peter MacNicol) "I did not."
• (Dr. Steward) "Yes, you did."
• (Peter MacNicol) "I did not."
• (Dr. Steward) "Yes, you did."
• (Dr. Steward) "I tell you I saw you snatch a spider right of the air and eat it."
• (Peter MacNicol) "A spider?"
• (Peter MacNicol) "How absurd."

• (Peter MacNicol) "No. Not ANOTHER enema."

Leslie Nielsen as Dracula

• (Lover at Picnic) "Would you care for some wine?"
• (Leslie Nielsen) "I never drink wine -- oh, what the hell. Let me try it."

• (Leslie Nielsen) "Arrogant mortal. You are in my world now and you will never leave this attic alive. I will destroy you, and then I will possess she whom you love the most. And there is not a single thing in the world you can do to stop me."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "Ow."

• (Leslie Nielsen) "I must move the coffin or the chandelier."

• (Leslie Nielsen) "Oh, it's night-time. I was having a daymare."

• (Leslie Nielsen) "You will be my bride throughout eternity. We'll share the endless passion of immortal love."
• (Megan Cavanagh) "Oh I can't wait."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "NOT YOU."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "You will be my bride throughout eternity, we'll share the endless passion of immortal love."

• (Leslie Nielsen) "Time for you to join me. Come, Renfield."
• (Peter MacNicol) "Yes, Master -- Yes -- Ohhhh."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "Renfield -- I meant for you to use the drainpipe"
• (Leslie Nielsen) "I fly -- You don't."
• (Peter MacNicol) "Yes, master -- You fly -- I don't -- Yes, yes --"

• (Leslie Nielsen) "Children of the night -- What a mess they make."

• (Leslie Nielsen) "Essie -- Essie -- Your eyelids are growing heavy You will sleep -- sleep."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "Mina -- Mina, open your eyes."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "Arise, Mina."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "Walk to the door."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "Mina -- you are in the closet. Open the door, and come out."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "Now walk to the Terrace Door. Watch out for the foot --"
• (Leslie Nielsen) "Stool. Stand up."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "Not you. Sit."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "No, not you, you sit."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "You stand."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "No. Sit."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "No, you stand."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "You walk to the Terrace Door and you go back to sleep. Watch out."

• (Leslie Nielsen) "Renfield, you were having a nightmare."
• (Peter MacNicol) "A nightmare? But it was so real, so vivid. Two voluptuous women; grinding, heaving. I don't know how to describe it --"
• (Peter MacNicol) "Have you ever been to Paris?"

• (Leslie Nielsen) "You vill tell Doctor Seward there is a message for him in the lobby -- and you will remember nothing of what I tell you."
• (Usherette) "Hello, can I help you sir?"
• (Leslie Nielsen) "Can I help you sir?"
• (Leslie Nielsen) "What's wrong with you, why did you not tell him?"
• (Usherette) "About what?"
• (Leslie Nielsen) "About the message."
• (Usherette) "For whom?"
• (Leslie Nielsen) "Never mind. I vill tell him myself. And for your miserable performance, you will receive no tip."
• (Usherette) "No tip?"
• (Leslie Nielsen) "Ah. That, you remember."

Mel Brooks as Van Helsing

• (Dr. Steward) "I don't understand it. he's covered in blood and there's not a drop on you."
• (Mel Brooks) "I have been to many stakings- you have to know where to stand. You know, everything in life is location, location, location --"

• (Mel Brooks) "Where did her blood go? There's nothing on the pillow case, or her nightgown."
• (Mel Brooks) "Can you explain zhat?"
• (Mel Brooks) "Can you explain zhat?"
• (Dr. Steward) "No, I can't explain zhat."
• (Steven Weber) "I can't explain zhat, either."
• (Mel Brooks) "No one can explain zhat."

• (Mel Brooks) "Count Dracula. Hmm, curious. Are you descended from Vlad Tepes? The first Dracula?"
• (Dr. Steward) "Tepes?"
• (Mel Brooks) "Ya. It means 'The Impaler.' He was a blood-thirsty butchah. He inflicted unspeakable tortures on the peasants: cutting off their hands and feet, gouging out their eyes and then impaling them on iron spikes."
• (Leslie Nielsen) "They had it coming."

• (Mel Brooks) "Three tiny puncture Marks on her Throat --"
• (Dr. Steward) "Three?"
• (Mel Brooks) "Two. Two tiny Puncture marks on her throat."

• (Mel Brooks) "Foushta."

• (Dr. Steward) "Count Dracula, allow me to introduce Professor Abraham Van Helsing of London University. He's a doctor of rare diseases as well as theology and philosophy."
• (Mel Brooks) "And gynaecology."
• (Dr. Steward) "Oh, I didn't know you had your hand in that, too."

Lysette Anthony as Lucy Westenra

• (Lysette Anthony) "I know you've always wanted me, and I've always wanted you. Finally we can be together."
• (Steven Weber) "But Lucy, I'm engaged to Mina -- and you're dead."
• (Lysette Anthony) "I'm not dead. I'm undead."
• (Steven Weber) "Yes, well, I'm not unengaged."

Mark Blankfield as Martin

• (Mark Blankfield) "You'll stay in here 'til you rot."
• (Mark Blankfield) "Well, you're free to go."
• (Peter MacNicol) "Why? How?"
• (Mark Blankfield) "Good behavior."
• (Peter MacNicol) "But I've only been here for a moment."
• (Mark Blankfield) "For that moment, you were very good."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.