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Ed (TV series) Quotes

Ed is a TV show that debuted in 2000 on NBC. Ed ended in 2004.

Ed was on for 4 seasons and 83 episodes. Ed is created by Jon Beckerman.

Ed is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Ed is 42 minutes long. Ed is produced by Worldwide Pants Incorporated .

The cast includes: Lea Thompson as Ed Stevens, Dan Lauria as Carol Vessey, Marvin Chatinover as Dr. Walter Jerome, Mike Starr as Kenny Sandusky, Michael R. Genadry as Mark Vanacore, and Gregory Harrison as Nick Stanton.

Ed Quotes

Lea Thompson as Ed Stevens

  • (Unnamed) "I've always wondered where that phrase came from; speak of the devil."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Well, according to ancient legend, if you said the devil's name three times -- he would appear."
  • (Unnamed) "According to ancient legend? Dude, you got that from "Beetlejuice"."
  • (Lea Thompson) "I said some things I shouldn't have."
  • (Dan Lauria) "Well, sometimes that's how friends get closer."
  • (Lea Thompson) "It's very good Shirley."
  • (Unnamed) "Are you coming on to me?"
  • (Lea Thompson) "I am a lawyer, I own a bowling alley. Two separate things."
  • (Lea Thompson) "I was wondering, how much power does the prom queen actually wield? Could you have like, say, bombed Belgium?"
  • (Unnamed) "Mr. Stevens, where's your attorney?"
  • (Lea Thompson) "Actually, Your Honor, I'm representing myself in this matter."
  • (Unnamed) "Haven't you heard the saying, "He who represents himself has a fool for a client?""
  • (Lea Thompson) "Yes sir, I have, and I tried my best to convince me not to hire me to represent myself, but I simply refused to listen to me."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Quack quack. That's all I got -- beer's over there."
  • (Lea Thompson) "It says here you went to Tufts University."
  • (Mike Starr) "It's in Massachusetts."
  • (Lea Thompson) "I know -- you graduated with a 3.7? And then you went to nursing school. Kenny, you're a nurse?"
  • (Mike Starr) "Pediatric nurse."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Why do you work in a bowling alley?"
  • (Mike Starr) "Life is a journey."
  • (Lea Thompson) "The fact of the matter is you can't live without me."
  • (Dan Lauria) "What?"
  • (Lea Thompson) "That's right you could move away to Guam, Borneo, Harrisberg Pennsylvania, god knows where, the truth is you'll be making a beeline right back to Stuckeyville. You know why?"
  • (Lea Thompson) "Capital "E" lower case "d"."
  • (Lea Thompson) "We're circling each other like Venezuelan flamingoes engaged in a complex mating dance."
  • (Lea Thompson) "The first time I ever laid eyes on you was ninth grade. Mr. O'Roarke's Biology class. I looked across the room and you were pouring water into a test tube. You were wearing a blue shirt with white criss-crossed strings right down the sides. And the moment I saw you -- I just went --"
  • (Lea Thompson) ". Carol, from the day I came back here to Stuckeyville and I walked into your classroom to ask you out, and all the other times I asked you out, it seemed you just kept telling me the same thing over and over and over again. That I didn't fall in love with you, but rather some high school kid's fixated version of you. And I went and I thought about it -- and I thought about it and I thought about it and I thought about it and I thought about it. And I decided -- you're right. I didn't fall in love with you. I fell in love with that girl wearing that blue shirt with the white criss-crossed strings down the side that I never said a single word to in high school. So I decided to be with Frankie. So I went to look for you, I went to look for you to tell you. I looked all over. I looked at the Smiling Goat, I looked at your high school, I looked at your house, I looked all over, all over. And a funny thing happened. Everywhere I went -- I saw us. Laughing, crying, arguing. And I realized, yeah, maybe I fell in love with that girl wearing the blue shirt with the white criss-crossed strings down the sides in high school. But now -- now -- I love you. I love you; I love every part of you. And we have to be together."
  • (Lea Thompson) "In the criminal justice system, Bonnie Hane's day is divided into two separate yet equally important parts: prosecuting offenders, and having lunch. This -- is her story."
  • (Unnamed) "They gave him two weeks' notice."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Who did? God?"
  • (Unnamed) "Hey, guys. Hey, you gotta see this. Kenny's about to stop a bowling ball with his head."
  • (Lea Thompson) "You don't see that every day."
  • (Lea Thompson) "'Tis a beautiful night."
  • (Dan Lauria) "'Tis indeed."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Way to pick up on the 'tis."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Hi."
  • (Dan Lauria) "I don't think I can handle you being adorable right now."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Sorry, I can't turn that off."
  • (Unnamed) "Ten bucks if you go over to that guy and ask him where the lettuce is -- only, you don't say lettuce."
  • (Lea Thompson) "What do I say?"
  • (Unnamed) "Letoos."
  • (Unnamed) "I'll give you six bucks to hug the giant chicken."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Six bucks? As you know the traditional wager is ten bucks."
  • (Unnamed) "But I've only got six."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Forget it --. Wait. I'll give you ten bucks to hug the giant chicken."
  • (Unnamed) "Hey, ten bucks --"
  • (Lea Thompson) "I'm not really in the mood."
  • (Unnamed) "No, you're gonna like this one, it's conceptual."
  • (Lea Thompson) "-- Okay."
  • (Unnamed) "Ten bucks -- if you give me ten bucks."

Marvin Chatinover as Dr. Walter Jerome

  • (Unnamed) "Dr. Jerome, what's going on?"
  • (Marvin Chatinover) "Many things, Dr. Burton, many things. The universe is expanding, the art of cinema is dying, and my daughter Melissa is marrying a Moroccan. The man wears a fez."
  • (Marvin Chatinover) "What a marvelous piece of craftsmanship. Whoever forged this diploma must really take pride in his work. I mean, it looks just like the real thing."
  • (Unnamed) "I disagree, Dr. Jerome."
  • (Marvin Chatinover) "You don't get to disagree, you knuckle-dragging cretin."

Dan Lauria as Carol Vessey

  • (Dan Lauria) "Oh, God, this is gonna sound so stupid. All right. Nick and I were having breakfast at my house."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Came over for breakfast. Gotcha."
  • (Dan Lauria) "No, Ed. He did not come over. He was there. He slept there."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Crashed on your couch. Gotcha."
  • (Dan Lauria) "No, Ed. He slept with me."
  • (Lea Thompson) "You sleep with Nick? Eeeeewwwwwwwwwww."
  • (Dan Lauria) "My one chance at something vaguely resembling happiness, and you destroyed it."
  • (Lea Thompson) "What?"
  • (Dan Lauria) "You ruined my wedding, and -- and you made me lose Dennis."
  • (Lea Thompson) "How could I have ruined your wedding? I wasn't even there."
  • (Dan Lauria) "Of course you were there. You're always there. Because no matter what I try to do Ed Stevens is always there."
  • (Lea Thompson) "I -- I don't know -- I don't know what you're so upset about."
  • (Dan Lauria) "Ed, do you want to know why Dennis walked out of the wedding?"
  • (Lea Thompson) "Why?"
  • (Dan Lauria) "I'll tell you why. I'll -- I'll tell you why. Because he thought I was looking around the church for you. He thought I was looking for Ed Stevens."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Were you?"
  • (Dan Lauria) "Yeah. Yeah, I was."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Why Carol?"
  • (Dan Lauria) "Because you never stop. It's been this way ever since you came back to Stuckeyville. You didn't even know me. Ed, you did not even know me, and yet you made it your life's work to just, to wear me down. It's like, it's like you crawled into my skull, and you found a nice, comfy little place to rest, and you refuse to leave. No matter what I said, no matter what I did, you just never stopped coming after me. You, you just never stopped."
  • (Lea Thompson) "You never wanted me to stop. And you wanted me to stop. It's true Carol. I did all these things. I dressed up as a knight. I sang. I danced. I threw waffles at your bedroom window. I hired a skywriter. I got up on a horse named Crazy Jimmy, and you loved it. You loved it. And you hated it. Because you didn't think you deserved it. And you know what Carol? You were right. What, what are you doing?"
  • (Dan Lauria) "I don't know. I don't know."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Carol, look at me. I'm dying. I gotta get off this ride."
  • (Dan Lauria) "Here we are; Chez Stevens."
  • (Lea Thompson) "I prefer Casa Del Stevens."
  • (Dan Lauria) "My mistake."
  • (Dan Lauria) "I can never decide if you're totally adorable or totally creepy."
  • (Dan Lauria) "Mr. Calculus Teacher Man is in the hay-ouse."
  • (Dan Lauria) "Does anyone have any questions for Mr. Stevens?"
  • (Dan Lauria) "Warren?"
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah, I was just wondering, umm -- when you invite a client over to your office for the first time, and they see that it's, like -- in a bowling alley, or whatever -- umm -- are they ever, like, "Thanks, but I think I'm gonna find a lawyer whose office is not in a bowling alley," or --"
  • (Lea Thompson) "It happens. Sometimes."

Gregory Harrison as Nick Stanton

  • (Gregory Harrison) "A mailman? That's just -- unbelievable."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Well, Nick -- what can I tell you? Neither rain, nor sleet, nor gloom of night could stop him from having sex with my wife."
  • (Gregory Harrison) "I tell you -- if I were you I'd just put the whole damn thing behind me. Get out there, find yourself a fine new woman."
  • (Lea Thompson) "Well, Nick -- you know, as it turns out, I already have."
  • (Gregory Harrison) "Then what's the problem?"
  • (Lea Thompson) "She's in love with a pompous jackass."
  • (Gregory Harrison) "Oh, man -- I've been there. I feel for ya."

Michael R. Genadry as Mark Vanacore

  • (Unnamed) "What's so exciting?"
  • (Michael R. Genadry) "Uh -- they're making Superman into a movie."
  • (Unnamed) "Didn't they already do that?"
  • (Michael R. Genadry) "No."
  • (Michael R. Genadry) "Down is up, left is right, and Logic is on a ski vacation with his buddy Reason."

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