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Ed Wood (film) Quotes

Ed Wood (film) is a television program that first aired in 1970 . Ed Wood stopped airing in 1970.

It features Tim Burton, and Denise Di Novi as producer, Howard Shore in charge of musical score, and Stefan Czapsky as head of cinematography.

Ed Wood (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Ed Wood (film) is 126 minutes long. Ed Wood (film) is distributed by Buena Vista Pictures.

The cast includes: Vincent D'Onofrio as Orson Welles, Martin Landau as Bela Lugosi, Bill Murray as Bunny Breckinridge, G. D. Spradlin as Reverend Lemon, Sarah Jessica Parker as Dolores Fuller, Jeffrey Jones as Criswell, Mike Starr as Georgie Weiss, Patricia Arquette as Kathy O'Hara, Rance Howard as Old Man McCoy, George Steele as Tor Johnson, and Juliet Landau as Loretta King.

Ed Wood (film) Quotes

Martin Landau as Bela Lugosi

  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "What are you drinking, Bela?"
  • (Martin Landau) "Formaldehyde"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Straight up or on the rocks?"
  • (Martin Landau) ""All right, lets shoot this f***er.""
  • (Martin Landau) "Now that was a premiere."
  • (Martin Landau) "I'm not getting near that god**** thing. One of them burned me in "The Return of Chandu"."
  • (Martin Landau) "This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in. Your selection is quite shoddy. You are wasting my time."
  • (Martin Landau) "I think she's a honey. Look at those jugs."
  • (Martin Landau) "They don't want the classic horror films anymore. Today it's all giant bugs. Giant spiders, giant grasshoppers -- Who would believe such nonsense?"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Listen, hit the bars, work some parties, and get me transvestites. I need transvestites. All right. Bye."
  • (Martin Landau) "Eddie, what kind of a movie is this?"
  • (Martin Landau) "god****, it's cold."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "It'll warm up once you're in it."
  • (Martin Landau) "f*** YOU. You come out here."
  • (Martin Landau) "Children. I love children."
  • (Nurse) "Oh my goodness, you gave me the willies. You look like that Dracula guy."
  • (Martin Landau) "My name is Bela Lugosi -- and I wish to commit myself."
  • (Nurse) "For what reason?"
  • (Martin Landau) "I have been a drug addict for twenty years. I NEED HELP."
  • (Unnamed) "Trick or treat."
  • (Martin Landau) "Aren't you scared, little boy? I'm going to drink your blood."
  • (Trick-or-Treating Kid) "You're not a real vampire. Those teeth don't frighten me."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "How 'bout these?"
  • (Martin Landau) "Hey -- How d'you do that?"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Dentures."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Lost my pearlies in the war."
  • (Martin Landau) "They were mythic. They had a poetry to them."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Yes."
  • (Martin Landau) "And you know what else? The women -- the women preferred the traditional monsters."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "The women? Huh?"
  • (Martin Landau) "The pure horror, it both repels, and attracts them, because in their collective unconsiousness, they have the agony of childbirth. The blood. The blood is horror."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "You know, I never thought of that."
  • (Martin Landau) "Take my word for it. If you want to make out with a young lady, take her to see "Dracula"."
  • (Martin Landau) "Home? I have no home. Hunted -- despised -- living like an animal. The jungle is my home. But I will show the world that I can be its master. I shall perfect my own race of people -- a race of atomic supermen that will conquer the world."
  • (Martin Landau) "Pull the string. Pull the string."
  • (Martin Landau) "Karloff? Sidekick? f*** YOU. Karloff did not deserve to smell my s***. That limey cocksucker can rot in Hell for all I care."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "What happened?"
  • (Martin Landau) "How dare that asshole bring up Karloff? You think it takes talent to do Frankenstein? It's all makeup and grunting."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Bela, I agree with you 100%. Now, "Dracula," that's a role that requires talent."
  • (Martin Landau) "Of course. Dracula requires presence. It's all in the eyes, and the voice, and the hands --"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "That's right. That's right. You seem a little agitated. You wanna to go outside and get some air?"
  • (Martin Landau) "Bulls***. I'm ready now. Roll the camera."

Sarah Jessica Parker as Dolores Fuller

  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "You people are insane. You're wasting your lives making s***. Nobody cares. These movies are terrible."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Well, I see the usual cast of misfits and dope addicts are here."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Ed, what's my motivation?"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "You're the file clerk. You're running into the next room and you run into Janet."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "But are we good friends or is she just a casual acquaintance?"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Dolores, I have five days to complete this picture. Don't get goofy on me."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "How can you just walk wound like that in front of all these people?"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Well hon, nobody's bothered but you. Look around."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Ed, this isn't the real world. You've surrounded yourself with a bunch of WEIRDOS."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Oh say it a little louder, I don't think Bela heard you."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "I met Bela Lugosi."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Why, I thought he was dead."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "No, he's very much alive. Well, sort of."

Bill Murray as Bunny Breckinridge

  • (Bill Murray) "What about glitter? When I was a headliner in Paris, audiences always liked it when I sparkled."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "No."
  • (Bill Murray) "Cat's Eyes."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "No."
  • (Bill Murray) "Well, I'm going to need some antennae."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "No. You're the ruler of the galaxy. Show a little taste."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Look, he's got some nice things to say here. "The soldiers' costumes are very realistic." That's positive."
  • (Bill Murray) "Rave of the century."
  • (Bill Murray) "Guess where I'm going next week."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "I don't know. Where?"
  • (Bill Murray) "Mexico. Guess what I'm doing when I get there."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "I don't know. Lie on a beach."
  • (Bill Murray) "Wrong. I'm getting my first series of hormone injections. And when thos girls kick in, they're going to take out my organs, and make me a woman."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Are you serious?"
  • (Bill Murray) "It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. But it wasn't until I saw your movie that I realized: I have to take action. GOODBYE PENIS."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Could you please keep it down?"
  • (Bill Murray) "Oh, what does that old queen know?"

George Steele as Tor Johnson

  • (George Steele) "Better than wrestling."
  • (George Steele) "Mister Bunny, what's wrong? I heard you were becoming a lady."
  • (Bill Murray) "Oh, that. Mexico was -- a nightmare. We got into a car accident -- he was killed. Our luggage -- was stolen. The surgeon -- turned out to be -- a quack. If it hadn't been for these men --"
  • (Bill Murray) "I don't know -- how I would have -- survived,"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "I'm a movie director."
  • (George Steele) "Movies? You mean like the Mickey Mouse?"

Jeffrey Jones as Criswell

  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Greetings, my friends. You are interested in the unknown. The mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing you the full story of what happened. We are giving you all the evidence based only on the secret testimony of the miserable souls who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, places. My friends, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Can your heart stand the shocking facts of the true story of Edward D. Wood Jr.?"
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Bela, would you like a wine?"
  • (Martin Landau) "No. I never drink -- wine."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Hey Cris, how'd you know we'd be living on Mars by 1970?"
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "I guessed. I made it up."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "It's horses***."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Really --"
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Eddie, there's no such thing as a psychic. People believe my folderol because I wear a black tuxedo."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "It's that easy?"
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Eddie, we're in show biz. It's all about razzle-dazzle. Appearances. If you look good and you talk well, people will believe anything."
  • (Vampira) "Why couldn't we do this in the church?"
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Because Brother Tor couldn't fit in the sacred tub."
  • (Jeffrey Jones) "Eddie, we're in show biz. It's all about razzle-dazzle. Appearances. If you look good, and you talk well, people will swallow anything."

Vincent D'Onofrio as Orson Welles

  • (Vincent D'Onofrio) "Visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your life making someone else's dreams?"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Do you know that I've even had producers re-cut my movies?"
  • (Vincent D'Onofrio) "I hate when that happens."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "And they always want to cast their buddies. It doesn't even matter if they're right for the part."
  • (Vincent D'Onofrio) "Tell me about it. I'm supposed to do a thriller for Universal. They want Charlton Heston as a Mexican."

Patricia Arquette as Kathy O'Hara

  • (Patricia Arquette) "Eddie's the only fella in town who doesn't pass judgment on people."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "That's right. If I did, I wouldn't have any friends."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Say, let's get married."
  • (Patricia Arquette) "Huh?"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Right now. Let's go to Vegas."
  • (Patricia Arquette) "But, Eddie, it's pouring and the car top is stuck."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Phooey. It's only a five hour drive and it'll probably stop by the time we get to the desert. Heck, it'll probably stop by the time we get around the corner. Let's go."

G. D. Spradlin as Reverend Lemon

  • (G. D. Spradlin) "Mr. Wood, what do you think you're doing."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "I'm directing."
  • (Ed Reynolds) "Not like that you're not."
  • (G. D. Spradlin) "Remove that getup immediately. You shame our lord."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Mr. Reynolds."
  • (Ed Reynolds) "Yes."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "We are going to finish this picture just the way I want it -- because you cannot compromise an artist's vision."
  • (G. D. Spradlin) "But it's OUR money."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "And you're gonna make a bundle, but only if you shut up and let me do things my way."
  • (Ed Reynolds) "Before we start shooting, Mr. Wood, we have a few questions."
  • (G. D. Spradlin) "Yes. The script contains numerous references to graverobbing. Now we find the concept of digging up consecrated ground to be highly offensive. It is blasphemy."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "What are you talking about, it's the premise of the movie. It's the title of the movie for Christ sakes."
  • (G. D. Spradlin) "But Mr. Wood."
  • (Ed Reynolds) "Yes, about that title. It strikes us as very inflammatory. Why don't we change it to Plan 9 from Outer Space."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Huh. That's ridiculous."

Mike Starr as Georgie Weiss

  • (Mike Starr) "So, what was the important news you couldn't tell me on the phone, again?"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Well, I started thinking about what you were saying about how your movies need to make a profit. Now, what is the one thing, if you put it in a movie, it'll be successful?"
  • (Mike Starr) "Tits."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "No, better than that. A star."
  • (Mike Starr) "Kid, you must have me confused with David Selznick. I don't make major motion pictures; I make crap."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Yes, but if you take that crap and put a star in it, then you've got something."
  • (Mike Starr) "Yeah. Crap with a star."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Is there a script?"
  • (Mike Starr) "f*** no. But, there's a poster."
  • (Mike Starr) "Why would Lugosi wanna do a sex-change flick?"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Because he's my friend."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "I like to dress in women's clothing."
  • (Mike Starr) "You're a fruit?"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "No, not at all. I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them."
  • (Mike Starr) "You're not a fruit?"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "No, I'm all man. I even fought in W.W.2. Of course, I was wearing women's undergarments under my uniform."
  • (Mike Starr) "Look, look, look, when I said that you could have the western territories, I didn't mean all 11 states. I meant California, Oregon, and, uh, what's that one on top --"
  • (Mike Starr) "Washington. Yeah, yeah. Oh, really? Well, screw you."

Rance Howard as Old Man McCoy

  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "-- and then, Dr. Vornoff falls into the pit, and his own octupus attacks and eats him. The end."
  • (Rance Howard) "Whew. That's quite a story."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Yes."
  • (Rance Howard) "So, uh, you made the movie, and now you wanna make it again?"
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "No. We shot ten minutes of the movie, and now we're looking for completion funds."
  • (Rance Howard) "Oh, son, you're too vague."
  • (Rance Howard) "BILLY BOB. You're cuttin' em too lean."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Mr. McCoy. How can I make you happy?"
  • (Rance Howard) "Okay. Two things. Number one: I want the movie to end with a big explosion. Sky full of smoke."
  • (Edward D. Wood, Jr.) "Yes. But it ends with Dr. Vornoff falling into the pit."
  • (Rance Howard) "Not any more. Number two: I got a son. Little slow, but a good boy, and somethin' tells me he'd make a helluva leadin' man."

Juliet Landau as Loretta King

  • (Waiter) "Hi, would you like some water?"
  • (Juliet Landau) "No. No water. No liquids. I'm terribly allergic to them."

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