Elf (film) Quotes

Elf (film) is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Elf stopped airing in 1970.

It features Jon Berg, and Todd Komarnicki; Shauna Robertson as producer, John Debney in charge of musical score, and Greg Gardiner as head of cinematography.

Elf (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Elf (film) is 95 minutes long. Elf (film) is distributed by New Line Cinema.

The cast includes: Will Ferrell as Buddy, James Caan as Walter, Amy Sedaris as Deb, Peter Dinklage as Miles Finch, Ed Asner as Santa, Zooey Deschanel as Jovie, Daniel Tay as Michael, Kyle Gass as Eugene, Mary Steenburgen as Emily, Peter Billingsley as Ming Ming, and Bob Newhart as Papa Elf.

Elf (film) Quotes

Bob Newhart as Papa Elf

• (Bob Newhart) "Oh, hello. You're, uh, you're probably here about the story."
• (Bob Newhart) "Elves love to tell stories. I-I'll bet you didn't know that about elves. There's, uh, probably a lot of things you didn't know about elves. Another, another interesting, uh, elfism, uh, there are only three jobs available to an elf. The first is making shoes at night while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps."
• (Disgruntled Cobbler Elf) "Lazy bum. Couldn't even make a clog."
• (Bob Newhart) "You can bake cookies in a tree."
• (Bob Newhart) "As you can imagine, it's, uh, dangerous having an oven in an oak tree during the dry season."
• (Unnamed) "I want to make shoes."
• (Bob Newhart) "But the third job, some call it, uh, "the show" or "the big dance," it's the profession that every elf aspires to. And that is to build toys in Santa's workshop."

• (Bob Newhart) "Come here, little one. Poppy wants to see you."

Mary Steenburgen as Emily

• (Mary Steenburgen) "We can't just throw him out in the snow."
• (James Caan) "Why not? He loves the snow. He's told me 15 times."

• (Mary Steenburgen) "Oh, that's good."
• (Will Ferrell) "Good?"
• (Mary Steenburgen) "Good."
• (Will Ferrell) "Good."

• (Mary Steenburgen) "So, Buddy, how'd you sleep?"
• (Will Ferrell) "Great. I got a full 40 minutes."

• (Mary Steenburgen) "You like sugar, huh?"
• (Will Ferrell) "Is there sugar in syrup?"
• (Mary Steenburgen) "Yes."
• (Will Ferrell) "Then YES."

Will Ferrell as Buddy

• (Will Ferrell) ""I'm sorry I ruined your lives, and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR.""

• (Will Ferrell) "First we'll make snow angels for a two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookiedough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle."

• (Will Ferrell) "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."

• (Will Ferrell) "SANTA. OH MY GOD. SANTA'S COMING. I KNOW HIM. I KNOW HIM."

• (Will Ferrell) "Hi."
• (Amy Sedaris) "Hi."
• (Will Ferrell) "Do you remember me?"
• (Amy Sedaris) "I do. I didn't recognize you."
• (Will Ferrell) "I know I'm in work clothes."

• (Will Ferrell) "I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins."

• (Will Ferrell) "Sorry, sorry. I think your car is pretty."

• (Will Ferrell) "It looks like a Christmas tree."

• (Will Ferrell) "Francisco. That's fun to say. Francisco -- Frannncisco -- Franciscooo --"

• (Will Ferrell) "Reach out in front of you and take a sip. Don't look."
• (Will Ferrell) "Well?"
• (Zooey Deschanel) "It tastes like a crappy cup of coffee."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "It IS a crappy cup of coffee."
• (Will Ferrell) "No, it's the world's BEST cup of coffee."

• (Leon the Snowman) "Why the long face, Buddy?"
• (Will Ferrell) "It seems I'm not an elf."
• (Leon the Snowman) "Of course you're not an elf. You're six-foot-three and had a beard since you were fifteen."

• (Will Ferrell) "You did it. Congratulations. "World's Best Cup of Coffee." Great job, everybody. It's great to meet you."

• (Will Ferrell) "Did you have to borrow a reindeer to get down here?"
• (Peter Dinklage) "Hey, jackweed, I get more action in a week than you've had in your entire life. I've got houses in L.A., Paris and Vail. In each one, a 70 inch plasma screen. So I suggest you wipe that stupid smile off your face before I come over there and SMACK it off. You feeling strong, my friend? Call me elf one more time."
• (Will Ferrell) "He's an angry elf."

• (Will Ferrell) "Oh, I forgot to give you a hug."

• (Will Ferrell) "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?"

• (Will Ferrell) "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup."

• (Will Ferrell) "Who the heck are you?"
• (Gimbel's Santa) "What are you talkin' about? I'm Santa Claus."
• (Will Ferrell) "No, you're not."
• (Gimbel's Santa) "Uh, why of course I am. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho."
• (Will Ferrell) "Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?"
• (Gimbel's Santa) "Um, Happy Birthday of course. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. How old are you son?"
• (Kid with Santa) "Four."
• (Gimbel's Santa) "You're a big boy. What's your name?"
• (Kid with Santa) "Paul."
• (Gimbel's Santa) "Now what can I get you for Christmas?"
• (Will Ferrell) "Don't tell him what you want, he's a liar."
• (Gimbel's Santa) "Let the kid talk."
• (Will Ferrell) "You disgust me. How can you live with yourself?"
• (Gimbel's Santa) "Just cool it, Zippy."
• (Will Ferrell) "You sit on a throne of lies."
• (Gimbel's Santa) "Look, I'm not kiddin'."
• (Will Ferrell) "You're a fake."
• (Gimbel's Santa) "I'm a fake?"
• (Will Ferrell) "Yes."
• (Gimbel's Santa) "How'd you like to be dead, huh? Ho, ho, just kidding."
• (Will Ferrell) "You stink."
• (Gimbel's Santa) "I think you're gonna have a good Christmas, all right."
• (Will Ferrell) "You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa."

• (Will Ferrell) "He's an angry elf."

• (Will Ferrell) "I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands."

• (Gimbel's Manager) "This, is the North Pole."
• (Will Ferrell) "No it isn't."
• (Gimbel's Manager) "Yes it is."
• (Will Ferrell) "No it isn't."
• (Gimbel's Manager) "Yes it is."
• (Will Ferrell) "No it's not. Where's the snow?"

• (Will Ferrell) "So, how'd you get here?"
• (Mailroom Guy) "Work release."
• (Will Ferrell) "Mm --"
• (Will Ferrell) "Oh, syrup and coffee? Why didn't I think of that; can I try some?"
• (Mailroom Guy) "Be my guest."
• (Will Ferrell) "Very generous of you. Mm --"
• (Will Ferrell) "I love syrup. Oh, love it."

• (Will Ferrell) "I think you're really beautiful and I feel really warm when I'm around you and my tongue swells up."
• (Will Ferrell) "So -- do you wanna eat food?"

• (Will Ferrell) "Can I listen to your necklace?"

• (Gimbel's Manager) "There's no singing in the North Pole."
• (Will Ferrell) "Yes there is."

• (Will Ferrell) "My finger has a heartbeat."

• (Will Ferrell) "Wow, you're fast. I'm glad I caught up to you. I waited 5 hours for you. Why is your coat so big? So, good news; I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog? You probably have. How was school? Was it fun? Did you get a lot of homework? Huh? Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too? --"
• (Daniel Tay) "Go away."

• (Will Ferrell) "He must be a South Pole elf."

• (Will Ferrell) "Oh, I forgot to give you a hug."

• (Will Ferrell) "SON of a NUTcracker."

• (Will Ferrell) "i love you. i love you. I LOVE YOU."

• (Will Ferrell) "That's shocking."

• (Unnamed) "Hey Buddy wanna pick some snowberries?"
• (Will Ferrell) "Not now Arctic Puffin."

• (Will Ferrell) "It's just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture."

• (Will Ferrell) "Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas Carol."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "No way."
• (Will Ferrell) "The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "Thanks, but I don't sing."
• (Will Ferrell) "Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "I can sing, I just choose not to sing. Especially in front of other people."
• (Will Ferrell) "If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "Actually, there's a BIG difference."
• (Will Ferrell) "No there's not. Wait --"
• (Will Ferrell) "I'm singing/I'm in a store/and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing./I'm in a store/and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing."
• (Gimbel's Manager) "HEY. There's no singin' in the North Pole."
• (Will Ferrell) "Yes there is."
• (Gimbel's Manager) "No there's not."
• (Will Ferrell) "We sing all the time."
• (Gimbel's Manager) "No you don't."
• (Will Ferrell) "Especially when we build toys."
• (Will Ferrell) "See?"

• (Will Ferrell) "Have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS."

• (Will Ferrell) "Does somebody need a hug?"

• (Will Ferrell) "This place reminds me of Santa's Workshop. Except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me."

• (Will Ferrell) "Watch out, the yellow ones don't stop."

• (Will Ferrell) "Did you hear that?"
• (Daniel Tay) "You are so weird."

• (Unnamed) "Bye Buddy, hope you find your dad."
• (Will Ferrell) "Thanks, Mr. Narwhal."

• (Will Ferrell) "You sit on a throne of lies."

• (Pom Pom) "You don't look so good, Buddy, are you okay?"
• (Will Ferrell) "I'll be okay, I just need a glass of water --"
• (Pom Pom) "Ahhhhhh."
• (Pom Pom) "Buddy? Buddy."

• (Carolyn) "Your costume is pretty."
• (Will Ferrell) "Oh, it's not a costume. I'm an elf. Well, technically, I'm a human, but I was raised by elves."
• (Carolyn) "Oh. I'm a human -- raised by humans."

• (Gimbel's Manager) "Why are you smiling like that?"
• (Will Ferrell) "I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite."

• (Will Ferrell) "Good news. I saw a dog today."

• (Will Ferrell) "I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel."

James Caan as Walter

• (James Caan) "What do you want? Some money?"
• (Will Ferrell) "No. I just wanted to meet you and thought maybe you might want to meet me."
• (James Caan) "Who wouldn't wanna meet you?"

• (James Caan) "You get the hell out of here."
• (Will Ferrell) "Where do you want me to go?"
• (James Caan) "I don't care where you go. I don't care that you're an elf. I don't care that you're nuts. I don't care that you're my son. Get out of my life. Now."

• (James Caan) "I think we should call security."
• (Amy Sedaris) "Good idea."
• (Will Ferrell) "I like to whisper too."

Peter Billingsley as Ming Ming

• (Foom Foom) "It was quick thinking yesterday with that "Special Talents" thing."
• (Peter Billingsley) "I feel bad for the guy. I just hope he doesn't get wise."
• (Foom Foom) "Well, if he hasn't figured out he's a human by now, I don't think he ever will."

• (Peter Billingsley) "I hate to do this to you, but do you think you could help me pick up the slack on those Etch-A-Sketches?"
• (Foom Foom) "No problem."
• (Peter Billingsley) "I appreciate it, Buddy is killing me. I've already got Lum Lum and Choo Choo pulling doubles."

• (Peter Billingsley) "It's alright, Buddy. Just how many Etch-A-Sketches did you get finished?"
• (Peter Billingsley) "Come on, Buddy, how many?"
• (Will Ferrell) "I made, uh -- 85."
• (Peter Billingsley) "85? That puts you -- 915 off the pace."
• (Will Ferrell) "Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toy-maker in the world. I'm a Cotton-Headed Ninnymuggins."

Ed Asner as Santa

• (Ed Asner) "I've been to New York thousands of times."
• (Will Ferrell) "Really?"
• (Ed Asner) "Mm-hmm."
• (Will Ferrell) "What's it like?"
• (Ed Asner) "Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn't free candy."
• (Will Ferrell) "Oh."
• (Ed Asner) "Second, there are, like, thirty Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. But the real one's on 11th. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show", that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at presents before Christmas."

• (Ed Asner) "I'm getting too old for this."

• (Ed Asner) "I need an elf's help."
• (Will Ferrell) "I -- I'm not an elf, Santa. I can't do anything right."
• (Ed Asner) "Buddy, you're more of an elf than anyone I ever met and the only one who I would want working on my sleigh tonight."

• (Ed Asner) "That's another thing -- Buddy you should know that your father -- he's on the naughty list."
• (Will Ferrell) "Nooooo."

Daniel Tay as Michael

• (NY 1 Reporter) "Well, more proof that Santa is in the park because we have his book."
• (Daniel Tay) "What's your name."
• (NY 1 Reporter) "Charlotte Denon. New York 1."
• (Daniel Tay) "D, D, Charlotte Denon wants a Tiffany engagement ring and for her boyfriend to stop dragging his feet and commit already."

• (Daniel Tay) "Whoa. Where did you say you were from again?"

Zooey Deschanel as Jovie

• (Zooey Deschanel) "You missed."

• (Zooey Deschanel) "Why were in the women's locker room?"
• (Will Ferrell) "I heard you singing."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "Are you sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was naked?"
• (Will Ferrell) "I didn't know you were naked."

• (Gimbel's Manager) "6-inch ribbon curls honey."
• (Zooey Deschanel) "That's impossible."
• (Gimbel's Manager) "6 INCHES."

Kyle Gass as Eugene

• (Kyle Gass) "What about this: a tribe of asparagus children, but they're self-conscious about the way their pee smells."

Peter Dinklage as Miles Finch

• (Peter Dinklage) "Call me an elf."
• (Will Ferrell) "You're an elf."

• (Peter Dinklage) "No tomatoes. Too vulnerable. Kids, they're already vulnerable."
• (James Caan) "See, I told you guys. I told them the same thing --"
• (Peter Dinklage) "And no farms. Everyone's pushing small town rural. A farm book would just be white noise."

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