Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now Quotes

Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now is a Comedy film that first aired in 2003 on HBO. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now completed its run in 1970.

Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now is created by Ellen DeGeneres.

Each episode of Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now is 60 min. long. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now is distributed by HBO.

Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now Quotes

• (Ellen DeGeneres) "-- That woman in the shampoo commercial; she's happy. She's -- she's too happy."

• (Ellen DeGeneres) "I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now."

• (Ellen DeGeneres) "We're doin all these things so we can squeeze things together so we can save time, and I don't know about you, but I don't have anymore time, I have less time. But let's just say we could save up a whole chunk of time and set it aside, you know what we'd do with it? Nothing. Nothing at all. Isn't that the point, to be able to do nothing at all? We're not guaranteed that later-on chunk of time, all we have is here and now, and that's why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination is not the problem, it is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying, "Stop, slow down. You move too fast -- " -- Procrastinate now, don't put it off."

• (Ellen DeGeneres) "Oh, she tripped, no she's running. I thought she tripped, but she's running. She stoped, she did trip. YOU TRIPPED."
• (Ellen DeGeneres) "She tripped."

• (Ellen DeGeneres) "Even when we say, "How are you?" we don"t mean, "How are you?"; we don't care. Just give us a "fine" or a "good"; a one syllyble answer and move along. And don"t even say "pretty good". That's a follow-up question: "pretty good" "something happen? -- I don"t -- have -- time to -- ""

• (Ellen DeGeneres) "We stock up on popcorn and candy like we're crossing the Sierras, don't we? "I'll have a couple of soft pretzels, a hot dog, Milk Duds, Snocaps. Is that the largest popcorn you've got there, that bucket? You don't have a barrel or anything like that? Do you have a donkey or a pack mule or anything?; Oh, and a Diet Coke.""

• (Ellen DeGeneres) "It's turned into a mini people's choice awards. Hasn't it? And you find out right away who wins or loses.: You're having a pleasant conversation with what you think is a good friend. You hear the click. They tell you to hold on. You're confident they're going to come back to you. And then they come back and they say, "I've got to take this other call." And you know what that means what they just said to the other person? "Let me get rid of this other call.""

• (Ellen DeGeneres) "What's with this sudden choice of disorders we get right now? When I was a kid, we just had crazy people. That's it, just crazy people."

• (Ellen DeGeneres) "We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, "I have a problem with procrastination, too." I said "Really? -- Get my sandwich.""

• (Ellen DeGeneres) "When there's time for whistling, there's a lot of time on a show."

• (Ellen DeGeneres) "They do these teases to get you to watch late on. They're so incredibly cruel: 'It could be the most deadly thing in the world and you may be having it for dinner. We'll tell you what it is tonight at 11:00.'"

• (Ellen DeGeneres) "Chances are if you need both of your hands to do something, your brain should be in on it, too."

• (Ellen DeGeneres) "At least if there's static or something you have a warning. You have an indication that you're going to lose the call. Actually, there's nothing worse than it being crystal-clear reception and you've been rambling on for who knows how long, only to find out that it cut off who knows how long ago."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.