(Article is below...)

Failure to Launch Quotes

Failure to Launch is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Failure to Launch ended in 1970.

It features Scott Rudin as producer, Rolfe Kent in charge of musical score, and Claudio Miranda as head of cinematography.

Each episode of Failure to Launch is 97 minutes long. Failure to Launch is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Zooey Deschanel as Kit, Sarah Jessica Parker as Paula, Justin Bartha as Ace, Matthew McConaughey as Tripp, Bradley Cooper as Demo, Patton Oswalt as Techie Guy, Katheryn Winnick as Melissa, Terry Bradshaw as Al, Kathy Bates as Sue, Stephen Tobolowsky as Bud, Adam Alexi-Malle as Mr. Axelrod, and Tyrel Jackson Williams as Jeffrey.

Failure to Launch Quotes

Bradley Cooper as Demo

  • (Bradley Cooper) "And yet, in America, we're shunned for our lifestyle."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "When we should be celebrating our lifestyle. We are men who still live at home."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Yes."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "We're not here to apologize about who we are, and how we do it, and who we live with."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "No."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "I'm looking around this table, hombres, and I see three winners. And to every one of those out there who sees something different, I say bring it on."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "What are you gonna do now?"
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "I don't know. I'm in unchartered waters here, boys."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Deception's a poison. It's like margarine."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "You were bitten by a chuckwalla. That shouldn't have happened. It's a reptile of peace. I have a theory. This isn't the first time that nature's lashed out at you like this. I believe it's because your life is fundamentally at odds with the natural world."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Huh?"
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Therefore, nature rejects you."

Justin Bartha as Ace

  • (Justin Bartha) "So, is Kit short for Katherine?"
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "Yes. Is Ace short for -- Ace-a-rooney?"
  • (Justin Bartha) "And at least I'm not sponging off my parents so I can afford to get laid on every continent."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Whoa, whoa -- I'm a ramblin' man, I'm a tumble weed, I'm a seeker of truth."
  • (Justin Bartha) "The point is, my friend, you are afraid of love."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Bulls***. No, no, no, no, no, man. I'm not afraid of love. I love love. Look, I've had a lot of girlfriends, right? And sometimes I'm the rebound guy. Other times, when I get lucky, I'm the "explore new areas of your sexuality" guy. But every single time, we have fun. Thank you. I have fun, they have fun. It's good for me, it's good for them. And I would argue that it's damn good for civilization as a whole."

Sarah Jessica Parker as Paula

  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Oh, Tripp is just cruising through the steps. In fact, I think tomorrow I'm gonna let him teach me something."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Hey, hey."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "Hey, Paula. Good news. It's Champagne Thursday."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "It's Friday."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "Uh, yeah, Thursday came twice this week."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "For the third straight week."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "There's talk of making it permanent."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Oh, kind of like Daylight Saving's Time?"
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "Right, but for booze."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Oh, my God. I am the worst person in the world."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "Oh, hey, you're home. Great."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "I have to break up with Tripp. I'm -- I'm terminating my contract, and -- I can't do it."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "What's his real name, anyway?"
  • (Unnamed) "I don't know. I just clean their teeth and chop their balls off."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "The tall one just got fired from Kinko's."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Based on the initial personality assessment, I think that I can have your son moved out of this house and living in his own by June fifteenth."
  • (Terry Bradshaw) "Hallelujah."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "I'm so glad you're here."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Can I have a minute alone with him."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Emotional crisis day is so critical. I cry, he cries. It totally bonds us. So how long do you think he's going to sleep for?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "I'm Paula."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "I'm Tripp."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "You know, usually I don't sleep with someone on the first date."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "I don't think this counts as a first date."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "It would be a date if you asked me to have a drink tonight."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "You wanna have a drink tonight?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Can't."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "How about lunch tomorrow?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Hey, I mean, come on. Look at you. You're smart, you're attractive, you love the original "Star Wars" trilogy because it's all about storytelling, and myth, before C.G.I. ruined everything. I mean, come on. What girl wouldn't want to be with you?"
  • (Patton Oswalt) "A shocking number, actually."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Well, you know what? It's their loss. You show me a guy who loves Empire and I'll show you a guy who's not afraid of his imagination. Like when Luke gets to the cave and he asks Yoda what's in there and Yoda says --"
  • (Patton Oswalt) "-- Only what you take with you."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "But he goes in anyway, because he's not afraid of his own mind."
  • (Patton Oswalt) "He's walking the path of the Jedi, that's why."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "That's you. You're Luke."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "I had a nice time."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "I did, too."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Good."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "I had fun."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Good."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "Shut up. Shut up you crazy bastard bird bitch."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Hey, Kit."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "What? Hi. Can you guys see me?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Yeah."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Yeah."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "Oh, great."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "What?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Dinner and a show."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Goodnight."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Goodnight."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "So do it. Buy a crummy old boat. Who cares, as long as you're out there."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Well, I'm working on it. Thing is, you gotta be ready. I mean, it's a big commitment. And if you're not ready, you just end up, well, a lonely guy with a big boat payment."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Who says you have to be lonely?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Who's laughing now?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Come on, Tripp. Please, you don't understand."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "You're right. Now, hold on. I don't know what your daily rate is,"
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "but that's everything I've got in my wallet. There's three hundred dollars."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Oh, come on, Tripp."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "It should be good for tonight, especially since we didn't have sex."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Please, Tripp, let me just explain to you."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Get the f*** outta my car."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Do you know that I have a contract? I-I-I have -- I have fiduciary responsibilities to uphold."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "From a fiduciary standpoint, would you say that you had an orgasm?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Oh."

Matthew McConaughey as Tripp

  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Shut up, dude. Don't help him."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Do you have real feelings?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Of course I have real feelings."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "For what?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "For you. And believe me I did not want that because I had a good life before you. Well, not good -- but -- it was okay. Well -- it was empty actually, but at least I was blissfully unaware of how miserable I was. Where as now -- because of you -- I am acutely aware of how completely and totally unhappy I am. Thank you for that."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Dude, did you just drop me from a forty foot cliff? I mean, you want to talk about a friend, man. You went behind my back, and blackmailed your way into getting your girlfriend."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "He's right."
  • (Justin Bartha) "I'm sorry I dropped you from a cliff."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "It's okay."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Granted, he used you, but not out of malice. Look at him. How many chances is he gonna get? He saw a chance for love, Tripp, and he took it. Which is exactly what we wanted for you."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Am I getting advice from my two loser buddies who still live at home?"
  • (Justin Bartha) "Actually, I own my home."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "What?"
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "No, you don't."
  • (Justin Bartha) "I bought it a couple of years ago from my Mom. That way, she has a place to live and I don't get nailed on the inheritance tax."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Smart."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Wow."
  • (Justin Bartha) "And Demo, here, has chosen the life of a wanderer. I mean, sure, he technically still lives at home."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Yeah."
  • (Justin Bartha) "But his permanent address is in his heart. He's a bum."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "I think what we're trying to say is that the two of us are happy, and we're perfectly functional."
  • (Justin Bartha) "And you, Tripp, are not."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "It's over. She's gotta go."
  • (Justin Bartha) "You're dumping Paula?"
  • (Bradley Cooper) "What happened?"
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Same thing that always happens. Everything is going along nice and smooth, we're having a good time, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she gets serious. I hate to say it, boys, but it is time to take the girl home."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "So what do we do now?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Actually, it's -- it's quite simple. You just have to decide. Do you want to spend the rest of your life having fun? Or do you want to spend it with me?"
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Hmm --"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Shut up. Not everything you say is perfect."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "We can have a little bit of fun, can't we? Huh?"
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "We've been out one time. She's a nice girl, I'm a nice guy, we had fun. And I must tell you, son, nothing is doomed."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "I do sleep well at night."
  • (Justin Bartha) "On a twin bed, with Superman sheets that you've had since you were six."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "As opposed to you, who sleeps in a King-sized bed in your mother's basement."
  • (Justin Bartha) "It's orthopedic, and I need it."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "'Cuase it's going to take a stick of dynamite to get me out of my parents' house."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Well, hey there, Ace. Glad you could make it, man. We thought you went home."
  • (Justin Bartha) "I fell into a deep, dark crevasse. I was so scared."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "And the thing is, Mom, Dad, I've lived upstairs since I was three, and it's been great."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "You're all getting what you wanted. Paula, you don't have to pretend to like me anymore. And, Mom, Dad, you wanted me out of the house. I'm out."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Hey, Pop?"
  • (Terry Bradshaw) "Hey. Tripp. What are you doing here?"
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Just came by to get some stuff. What are you doing?"
  • (Terry Bradshaw) "Feeding my fish."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Yeah. I see that. You're naked. In my room."
  • (Terry Bradshaw) "Well, this is my Naked Room. I mean, it's my house. A man ought to be able to do whatever he wants to do in his own house. Wore a suit for forty years."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "So now we got forty years of --"
  • (Terry Bradshaw) "No suit."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "No suit. Alright. I'm gonna let you get back to feeding your fish."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Hey, wait; tomorrow's Saturday."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "-- Sometimes I eat on Saturday."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "You want a treat from the big city boy?"
  • (Bradley Cooper) "He's not a child, Tripp. Look how peaceful he is."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Come here, little boy. You want a little bit of chocolate, baby-boo-boo?"
  • (Bradley Cooper) "You're giving him a Power Bar?"
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Everybody loves chocolate. Baby-boo-boo?"
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Tripp, he's saying no."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Look into my eyes."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "He's saying no, Tripp."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Baby-boo-boo?"
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Aaow."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "I take it you like Japanese food?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Oh, I love it. I'm also gonna order a huge desert, drink too much, and maybe talk about my old boyfriends."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Yeah?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Does that intimidate you?"
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Not at all."

Zooey Deschanel as Kit

  • (Zooey Deschanel) "Yeah, everyone from work went to T.G.I. Friday's, but I don't really like that place. Or anyone I work with."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Oh good, so then we can stay in and watch one of those drinking movies you like."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "Yeah."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "No."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "It's just coffee. You don't have to marry him."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "First of all, that's the geeky computer guy. It's bad enough I have to go out with a loser who still lives with his mom, but you led me to believe that it was the handsome minimum-wage slacker."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "No, I don't, I don't think that I did that."
  • (Unnamed) "Well for one, there's the book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" --"
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "Oh -- A copy that, too, right here."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "You couldn't be more wrong if you called it a Canadian Goose."
  • (Justin Bartha) "I'll give you a Canadian Goose."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "I smell something. Do you smell something?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Oh, Tripp and I had crab today."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "No, that's not it. I smell -- fun."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "What?"
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "You are a dirty little fun-haver."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "Shut up, you whore."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Oh I'm sorry, was I sipping too loudly for you?"
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "No, you were not sipping too loudly. It's that god**** bird outside my god**** window."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Oh."
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "What the hell kind of devil bird chirps at night?"
  • (Zooey Deschanel) "Look, I don't see why it's so complicated. You like Tripp. Tell Tripp you like him."

Kathy Bates as Sue

  • (Kathy Bates) "I don't know what to tell you, honey, but that strict program of yours?"
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Mmm-mmm --"
  • (Kathy Bates) "You're gonna have to start deviating. He's breaking up with you."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "What?"
  • (Kathy Bates) "The only reason he ever brings girls home to meet us is 'cause he's getting ready to dump them."
  • (Sarah Jessica Parker) "Really? Well, that's not happening."
  • (Kathy Bates) "And your bathroom needs cleaning, so I left the stuff in the hall. And when you're done with the rubber gloves, just remember to turn them inside out. Bye."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Something's wrong with your mom."

Terry Bradshaw as Al

  • (Terry Bradshaw) "Tripp, as long as you're up son -- Oh --"
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Oh, come on, Pop. Whoa, man. Don't you knock?"
  • (Terry Bradshaw) "What? Your momma's -- Snoring like a rhino. And then this music got started -- Hey, you must be Melody."
  • (Katheryn Winnick) "Melissa."
  • (Terry Bradshaw) "Oh. It's Melissa. It's Melissa. Okay. Alright. Y'all have a good time."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Night, Pop."
  • (Katheryn Winnick) "You live with your parents?"
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "Is that a problem?"
  • (Katheryn Winnick) "Are you kidding me?"
  • (Terry Bradshaw) "We ain't buying that chair."
  • (Kathy Bates) "I am getting this polka-dot chair. I've got my own money."
  • (Terry Bradshaw) "Unless you start dancing again, you're broke."
  • (Terry Bradshaw) "What'd I say?"

Katheryn Winnick as Melissa

  • (Katheryn Winnick) "I just feel really close to you."
  • (Matthew McConaughey) "You are really close to me."

Tyrel Jackson Williams as Jeffrey

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Adam Alexi-Malle as Mr. Axelrod

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.

Additional Film and TV Quotes

R.S.V.P. (film) Quotes | Red Sky at Morning (1971 film) Quotes | Dancing at the Blue Iguana Quotes | All Souls Day (film) Quotes | Scooby-Doo! and the Reluctant Werewolf Quotes | Safety Not Guaranteed Quotes | A Very Merry Pooh Year Quotes | Miss Potter Quotes | Dragon Ball: Curse of the Blood Rubies Quotes | Are You Being Served? (film) Quotes | Catchfire Quotes | Le Jour Se Lève Quotes | The Changing Face of Evil Quotes | The Kwicky Koala Show Quotes | Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales for Every Child Quotes | The Greatest Pharaohs Quotes | Everything's Ducky Quotes | Beyond the Break Quotes | The Land Before Time VIII: The Big Freeze Quotes | Cry Danger Quotes | The Bitter Suite Quotes | The Swan Princess Quotes | Kafka (film) Quotes | Strait-Jacket Quotes | The Amityville Horror (1979 film) Quotes |