Family Portrait (Modern Family) Quotes

Family Portrait (Modern Family) is a television program that was first aired in 1970 . Family Portrait completed its run in 1970.

Family Portrait (Modern Family) Quotes

• (Unnamed) "Look, it's the 'Kiss-cam'. Wouldn't it be great if they put the camera on us and we had to kiss?"
• (Unnamed) "No. We're related."
• (Unnamed) "Not by blood."
• (Unnamed) "Touch me and there will be blood."

• (Unnamed) "Usually, I'm a rule follower, but when someone tells me that I can't bring my own snacks into their stadium, that's when I get a little --"
• (Unnamed) "-- nuts. It's a free country, right? Let's just say it --"
• (Unnamed) "-- Ruffles me when some --"
• (Unnamed) "-- Goobers tell me I have to spend half my --"
• (Unnamed) "-- Pay Day on their --"
• (Unnamed) "-- hot dogs."

• (Unnamed) "Gloria. How do you turn off the sprinklers?"
• (Unnamed) "Sure, just because I'm Latina, I should know everything about gardening and landscaping."
• (Unnamed) "You were here the day they put it in."
• (Unnamed) "Oh, yes. It is that little box on the other side of the yard."

• (Unnamed) "Wouldn't it be funny if the Kiss Cam fell on us and we had to kiss?"
• (Unnamed) "We're related."
• (Unnamed) "Not by blood."
• (Unnamed) "Touch me and they'll be blood."

• (Unnamed) "Hello?"
• (Unnamed) "There's a pigeon in the house. What do I do, what do I do?"
• (Unnamed) "Who is this?"
• (Unnamed) "Not funny, not funny now."
• (Unnamed) "Relax, I was around animals as a kid. One time, a rooster got inside, my mother wrung its neck and we had it for dinner."
• (Unnamed) "Not the time for an anecdote."

• (Unnamed) "Where's my good underwear?"
• (Unnamed) "The question is, why isn't all your underwear good, Jay? You make a nice living."

• (Unnamed) "How do you turn off the sprinklers?"
• (Unnamed) "Ay, of course, because I'm Latina I have to know everything about gardening and sprinklers."
• (Unnamed) "You were there when they install it."
• (Unnamed) "Ay, yeah."

• (Unnamed) "So you don't like small talk. That's how I met Gloria. You remember what I said?"
• (Unnamed) "Yes. "I like candy and I like fruit, but not together.""
• (Unnamed) "You couldn't come up with that, Ivy League?"

• (Unnamed) "So Chamberlain comes in one day with a friend, and it's Elvis. Best singer in the world after Sinatra, and I'll fight anyone who says different."
• (Unnamed) "Dad says the best singer in the world is Peabo Bryson."
• (Unnamed) "Then I'll have to fight your dad."

• (Unnamed) "The new maid keeps mixing up my underwear with Manny's. Put on the first thing I grabbed. It was like a crotch tourniquet."

• (Unnamed) "When you're young and dreaming of your family, you think of this perfect family; perfect wife, perfect kids. Look at me, I got this sorry bunch. But you know I wouldn't trade them for anything."

• (Unnamed) "Back in '68, when I was sweeping up hair in that barbershop, I had this mental picture of the family that, if I was lucky enough, I would end up with. Perfect wife, perfect kids -- Well guess what? I didn't get any of that. I wound up with this sorry bunch. And I'm thankful for that every day. Well, most days."

• (Unnamed) "I didn't want to kiss her, it was her idea."
• (Unnamed) "Wait a minute; who did you kiss?"
• (Unnamed) "Gloria; but it was her idea."
• (Unnamed) "Was this before or after you ignored phone calls from your wife?"
• (Unnamed) "What, you kissed Gloria?"
• (Unnamed) "It was the Kiss Cam.It was no big deal."
• (Unnamed) "You kissed Cam?"
• (Unnamed) "No, Phil; he told me I had to."
• (Unnamed) "No. No I didn't."

• (Unnamed) "All right, we get it. You don't like small talk and birds. You're lucky that pigeon didn't want to chat about the weather."

• (Unnamed) "It's more afraid of you then you are of it."
• (Unnamed) "Pigeons aren't afraid of anything. They stand on electrical wires."

• (Unnamed) "What people do in the privacy of their sports stadium should be their own business."

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