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Fletch (film) Quotes

Fletch (film) is a television show that first aired in 1970 . Fletch ended its run in 1970.

It features Peter Douglas, and Alan Greisman as producer, Harold Faltermeyer in charge of musical score, and Fred Schuler as head of cinematography.

Fletch (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Fletch (film) is 98 minutes long. Fletch (film) is distributed by 3mvideo Universal Pictures.

The cast includes: Chevy Chase as Fletch, Dana Wheeler-Nicholson as Gail Stanwyk, Joe Don Baker as Chief Karlin, Tim Matheson as Alan Stanwyk, Richard Libertini as Frank Walker, Dana Wheeler-Nicholson as Gail Stanwyck, Richard Libertini as Waiter, George Wendt as Fat Sam, Kenneth Mars as Stanton Boyd, and Larry "Flash" Jenkins as Gummy.

Fletch (film) Quotes

Larry "Flash" Jenkins as Gummy

  • (Larry "Flash" Jenkins) "Are you okay?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Yeah. I feel like a hundred dollars."

Chevy Chase as Fletch

  • (Chevy Chase) "Keep ten for yourself. Go and get yourself a nice piece of ass."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Well, the traffic was murder, you know. One of those manure spreaders jackknifed on the Santa Ana. Godawful mess. You should see my shoes."
  • (Chevy Chase) "I saw Alan this morning and you know what I can't figure out?"
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "Alan's in Utah."
  • (Chevy Chase) "I -- can't figure out what I was doing in Utah this morning."
  • (Unnamed) "You're not recording this, are you?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "No, never, never."
  • (Chevy Chase) "You know, what tipped it for me was something your wife said while we were in bed together."
  • (Tim Matheson) "Oh? And what was that?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Curiously, she said we had roughly the same build. From the waist up, I imagine."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Oh, you've remodeled the garage. Must have cost you hundreds."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Can't do that, Frank. Fat Sam isn't the story, there's a source behind him."
  • (Richard Libertini) "Who?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Well, there we're in kind of a grey area."
  • (Richard Libertini) "How grey?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Charcoal."
  • (Pan Am Clerk) "I'm afraid there is someone sitting next to you."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Oh, for -- God dawd dawd. Who is it, Mr. Sinlindin?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Provo, Spain?"
  • (Pan Am Clerk) "Utah."
  • (Chevy Chase) "You're serious."
  • (Joe Don Baker) "Ask anybody."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Can I ask someone right now?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "How about my mom; can I call her right now?"
  • (Joe Don Baker) "I guess not."
  • (Chevy Chase) "(singing)Strangers in the night, exchanging clothing, strangers in my pants --"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Thank god, the -- police."
  • (Chevy Chase) "You using the whole fist, Doc?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "I'm John."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "Ohhhh, John."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "John who?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "John Coxtolstoy."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "That's a beautiful name."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Well, it's Scotch/Romanian."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "That's an odd combination."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Yeah, well, so were my parents."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Look, defenseless babies."
  • (Chevy Chase) "I always use a little chewing gum on these rides. It filters out the pollutants."
  • (Teenager) "Oh s***."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Of course you've got some good grillwork there to keep out the ozone. I gotta get this thing up to 95, uh, check out the fluorocarbon output."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Do you have any caviar?"
  • (Richard Libertini) "Si señor, Beluga, but it is 80 dollars a portion."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Well, then I better just take two portions of that."
  • (Willy) "What the hell you need ball bearings for?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Awww, come on guys, it's so simple. Maybe you need a refresher course."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Hey. It's all ball bearings nowadays. Now you prepare that Fetzer valve with some 3-in-1 oil and some gauze pads. And I'm gonna need 'bout ten quarts of anti-freeze, preferably Prestone. No, no make that Quaker State."
  • (Teenager) "Are you a cop?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "As far as you know."
  • (Teenager) "Are you gonna take me to jail for car theft?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Why? Did you steal the car?"
  • (Teenager) "I sure did."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Well, I'm not even sure that's a crime anymore. There've been a lot of changes in the law."
  • (Chevy Chase) "In case you haven't guessed yet, there's been a lot of drug traffic on the beach. And I'm not talking about Robitussin and No-Doze. I'm talking about the hard stuff, and a lot of it. I've been trying to find out who's behind it. It hasn't been easy. I don't shower much."
  • (Chevy Chase) "I love your body, Larry."
  • (Chevy Chase) "If you're wearing rubbers, leave them outside, would you?"
  • (Unnamed) "Sugar, Mr. Poon?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "No, never, never."
  • (Chevy Chase) "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull rank on you. I didn't want to have to do this. I'm with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses."
  • (Chevy Chase) "If you shoot me, you're liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards."
  • (Dr. Joseph Dolan) "You know, it's a shame about Ed."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Oh, it was. Yeah, it was really a shame. To go so suddenly like that."
  • (Dr. Joseph Dolan) "He was dying for years."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Sure, but -- the end was very -- very sudden."
  • (Dr. Joseph Dolan) "He was in intensive care for eight weeks."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Yeah, but I mean the very end, when he actually died. That was extremely sudden."
  • (Chevy Chase) "As I pulled up to my imitation palatial apartment building, I noticed the familiar red OldsmoBuick of one Arnold J. Pants, esquire, attorney to the former Mrs. Irwin M. Fletcher."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Time to use the service entrance."
  • (Records Nurse) "Oh, Doctor, are you all right?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Where am I?"
  • (Records Nurse) "You're in the records room."
  • (Chevy Chase) "The records room? Oh, then I'm fine."
  • (Records Nurse) "Can I get you something?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Yeah, do you have the Beatles' White Album? Never mind, just get me a glass of hot fat. And bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia while you're out there."
  • (Pathologist) "Ever seen a spleen that large?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "No, not since breakfast."
  • (Unnamed) "May I help you Dr?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Oh, it's me, Dr. Rosenpenis. I'm just here to check out Alan Stanwyk's file."
  • (Unnamed) "Dr. who?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Dr. Rosenrosen, I'm here to get to the records room."
  • (Unnamed) "What was that name again?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "It's Dr. Rosen, I want to check the records room."
  • (Unnamed) "Dr. who?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Dr. Rosen. Where's the records room?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Can't keep me here, chief."
  • (Joe Don Baker) "Maybe I'm not going to keep you in here. Maybe I'm going to blow your brains out."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Well, now, I'm no lawyer, but I do believe that's a violation of my rights."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Excuse you?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Look. Defenseless babies. Fell for the oldest trick in the book."
  • (Madeline) "I'm sorry, who are you again?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "I'm Frieda's boss."
  • (Madeline) "Who's Frieda?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "My secretary."
  • (Chevy Chase) "He draws the foul."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Frank, I need to go to Utah."
  • (Richard Libertini) "Utah?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Yeah, Utah. It's wedged in between Wyoming and Nevada. You've seen pictures of it, right?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "When it came to basketball Gail was a loss, but we had our own version of one-on-one and she thought I was the bravest guy in the world. Which, of course, I am. By the way, I charged the entire vacation to Mr. Underhill's American Express Card. Want the number?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "In the court ruling US vs. Fishbine, a man subjected to potential incineration while wearing another man's suit is entitled to $10,000 worth of airline tickets. It's an obscure ruling, but a very important one to me."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Don't talk to me like that, assface. I don't work for you yet."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Come on Frank, say yes, and I'll buy you some new deodorant."

Richard Libertini as Waiter

  • (Richard Libertini) "Excuse me, Señor. You are a member of the club?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "No, I'm not, I'm with the Underhills."
  • (Richard Libertini) "They already left, Señor."
  • (Chevy Chase) "It's all right, they'll be back. He went out for his urinalysis."
  • (Richard Libertini) "Would you like some drinks, Señor, while you wait? I will put it on the Underhills' bill."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Yes, very good. I'll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich and -- a steak sandwich, please."
  • (Richard Libertini) "Gracias, señor."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Tierra Del Fuego."

Tim Matheson as Alan Stanwyk

  • (Tim Matheson) "I don't know if you know anything about bone cancer -- Mr. Nugent, but it eats you up inside. Bit by bit."
  • (Tim Matheson) "If you reject the proposition, you keep the thousand; and your mouth shut."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Does this proposition entail my dressing up as Little Bo Peep?"
  • (Tim Matheson) "It's nothing of a sexual nature, I assure you."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Yeah, I assure you."
  • (Tim Matheson) "One thousand just to listen? I don't see how you can pass that up, Mr?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Nugent. Ted Nugent."
  • (Tim Matheson) "You'll be wearing rubber gloves. Do you own rubber gloves?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "I rent 'em. I have a lease with an option to buy."

Dana Wheeler-Nicholson as Gail Stanwyk

  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "Are you always this forward?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Only with wet, married women."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "I really should change."
  • (Chevy Chase) "No. I think you should stay the same wonderful person you are today."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "I mean, put clothes on."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "She looks like a hooker. Look at her. Look at her. Could you love someone who looked like that?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "What are you talking about? Of course not. Five, ten minutes tops, maybe."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "I didn't know you knew the Underhills."
  • (Chevy Chase) "Yeah, well, I saved his life during the war."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "You were in the war?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "No, he was. I got him out."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "What are you doing here?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "I ordered some lunch."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "You ordered it here?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Well, I knew this is where my mouth would be."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "I'm very flattered, but I'm also very married. You are trying to hit on me, aren't you?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "How did you guess? I'm such a heel. I don't know what came over me."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "If I had a nickel for every one of Alan's flyboy buddies who tried to pick me up, I'd be a rich woman."
  • (Chevy Chase) "You are a rich woman."
  • (Dana Wheeler-Nicholson) "See what I mean?"

Joe Don Baker as Chief Karlin

  • (Joe Don Baker) "So, what's your name?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Fletch."
  • (Joe Don Baker) "Full name?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Fletch F. Fletch."
  • (Joe Don Baker) "I see, And what do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "I'm a shepherd."
  • (Joe Don Baker) "Officers, could you excuse us for a few moments?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Yeah, why don't you guys go down to the gym and pump each other."
  • (Joe Don Baker) "Why are you doing this, Mr. Fletch?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "I like men. I like to be manhandled. I like you."
  • (Joe Don Baker) "Dips***. You go back on that god**** beach and you won't live to regret it. All right?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Hey, you and Tommy LaSorda."
  • (Joe Don Baker) "Yeah."
  • (Chevy Chase) "I hate Tommy LaSorda."

George Wendt as Fat Sam

  • (George Wendt) "I got some reds."
  • (Chevy Chase) "You don't mean communists, do you, Sam?"

Kenneth Mars as Stanton Boyd

  • (Kenneth Mars) "What kind of a name is Poon?"
  • (Chevy Chase) "Comanche Indian."

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