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Flirting with Disaster (film) Quotes

Flirting with Disaster (film) is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Flirting with Disaster ended in 1970.

It features Dean Silvers as producer, Stephen Endelman in charge of musical score, and Eric Alan Edwards as head of cinematography.

Flirting with Disaster (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Flirting with Disaster (film) is 92 minutes long. Flirting with Disaster (film) is distributed by Miramax Films.

The cast includes: Ben Stiller as Mr. Coplin, Téa Leoni as Tina, Patricia Arquette as Nancy Coplin, Ben Stiller as Mrs. Coplin, Ben Stiller as Mel, Celia Weston as Valerie Swaney, Lily Tomlin as Mary Schlichting, Patricia Arquette as Nancy, Josh Brolin as Tony, Glenn Fitzgerald as Lonnie Schlichting, Alan Alda as Richard Schlichting, and David Patrick Kelly as Fritz Boudreau.

Flirting with Disaster (film) Quotes

Ben Stiller as Mel

  • (Ben Stiller) "The s*** Kings?"
  • (Ben Stiller) "Why is everyone getting worked up all of the sudden? I thought we were gunna talk about getting new carpeting. Taking out this crap and putting in the wall-to-wall."
  • (Ben Stiller) "Have you ever heard of hypospadia?"
  • (Téa Leoni) "Is there something wrong with the plane?"
  • (Ben Stiller) "This woman strikes me as being very dangerous."
  • (Ben Stiller) "Oh, so I'm 'Neurotic Guy', is that my designation?"
  • (Ben Stiller) "Why does he have to do the Roots thing? Aren't we good enough parents?"
  • (Sheriff) "Bobby, take these forms back to the office, these release forms and get these nice people their car keys. This is all over here. This is a Federal agent here, and he just told me the whole story about the Shlytings."
  • (Ben Stiller) "Schlitinooks."
  • (Sheriff) "s***kings."
  • (Ben Stiller) "No, Schlichtings"
  • (Sheriff) "Well, anyway, it's clear that we have the wrong people here."
  • (Ben Stiller) "That's what I've been trying to tell this guy for the last half hour."
  • (Ben Stiller) "Thank God for this Federal agent. And by the way, w-w-why are you not wearing pants?"
  • (Agent Paul) "I had an experience, that's why."
  • (Ben Stiller) "What do you mean?"
  • (Agent Paul) "I resisted at first, and then it evolved and it continues to evolve for me."
  • (Ben Stiller) "I don't know what the hell he's talking about, but I got some jewelery somewhere, if you please."
  • (Ben Stiller) "You made LSD? Is that what you're saying?"
  • (Alan Alda) "We made LSD."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "Yes, yes. We made acid."
  • (Alan Alda) "And we gave it out to people who needed it. You know that there are hundreds of pharmaceutical executives in this country -- that are selling drugs, FDA approved drugs."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "On the open market."
  • (Alan Alda) "Over the counter with incredible side --"
  • (Lily Tomlin) "Horrible side effects."
  • (Alan Alda) "Terrible side effects. And these people are not in jail."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "They're not in prison anywhere."
  • (Alan Alda) "They're, they're, they're in country clubs or playing golf. They're having drinks."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "They're running the country, Mel."
  • (Alan Alda) "You know, LSD shouldn't be a felony in the first place."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "It's not addictive."
  • (Alan Alda) "It doesn't lead to violent crime."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "It's really the only hope for the species."
  • (Ben Stiller) "Did you take acid while you were pregnant with me?"
  • (Lily Tomlin) "You're not gonna bring that thing up, are you?"
  • (Alan Alda) "You know the stuff they tell you about, you know, chromosome damage and all that stuff?"
  • (Ben Stiller) "Yeah, I do."
  • (Alan Alda) "That's government propaganda."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "Total propaganda."
  • (Alan Alda) "They just want to get a hold of your head, that's all."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "I was relieved, though, when you came out in the hospital and you only had one head."
  • (Ben Stiller) "Very funny."
  • (Alan Alda) "She- She kills me."
  • (Ben Stiller) "I'm..uh..abrasive, pushy, defensive -- my husband is -- uh -- food-phobic, passive-aggressive -- eh? -- c'mon."
  • (Ben Stiller) "You got a lot of nerve. You come in here, you lick my wife's armpit. You know -- I'm going to have that image in my head for the rest of my life with your tongue in there."
  • (Patricia Arquette) "You deserve it."

David Patrick Kelly as Fritz Boudreau

  • (David Patrick Kelly) "I dropped a lotta baby batter in my day; this is the first son I ever met."

Lily Tomlin as Mary Schlichting

  • (Lily Tomlin) "We love you very much. If you were Jeffrey Dahmer, we would still love you."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "You apologize."
  • (Glenn Fitzgerald) "I'm sorry."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "Sorry for what?"
  • (Glenn Fitzgerald) "I'm sorry that I put windowpane in Mel's quail, and I'm sorry that you ate it."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "How do you feel?"
  • (Agent Paul) "Vivid. I'm seeing colors I don't want to see."
  • (Lily Tomlin) "Oh, he was such a cute baby."
  • (Alan Alda) "It would've been kinda nice -- if he had, like, a third eye right there, you know? You know, you know, a third eye is a symbol of enlightenment. You know, he's not- he's not, he's not getting it. He's --"
  • (Lily Tomlin) "Mel -- identity is nothing but a mental construct."
  • (Ben Stiller) "Mental construct?"
  • (Alan Alda) "Have you ever read any Tibetan Buddhism, like Chaos theory?"

Patricia Arquette as Nancy Coplin

  • (Agent Tony) "Do you mind if I look at your armpit?"
  • (Patricia Arquette) "My armpit?"
  • (Agent Tony) "It's my favorite part of a woman's body."
  • (Patricia Arquette) "Where'd you get the pup tent?"
  • (Patricia Arquette) "Does anybody actually own a white Taurus, or are they all rentals?"
  • (Patricia Arquette) "No thanks, I'm not hungry."
  • (Ben Stiller) "Come on, Nance, you're always hungry."

Josh Brolin as Tony

  • (Josh Brolin) "Nancy was saying you were having some tension about oral sex."
  • (Josh Brolin) "Where did you two come down on the whole circumcision controversy?"
  • (Josh Brolin) "Personally, I think a boy's penis should look just like his father's."

Téa Leoni as Tina

  • (Téa Leoni) "Do you worry about the risk factor involved in gay sex?"
  • (Agent Paul) "You know, it may be news to you, but not every gay man has, uh, anal sex. That's where a lot of the HIV risk lies."
  • (Agent Tony) "For example, I'm very anal. Uh, I-I mean, in, uh, in the sense -- that I'm compulsively careful and clean about what touches my body. Not into penetration, at all."
  • (Ben Stiller) "Okay, do we have to talk about this right now?"
  • (Patricia Arquette) "Well, why not? Are you a homophobic?"
  • (Ben Stiller) "No, I --"
  • (Patricia Arquette) "I think it's interesting."
  • (Ben Stiller) "Really? Well, I think in front of the baby we shouldn't."
  • (Agent Paul) "Nancy's just testing the risk factor for sex with Tony, Mel."
  • (Ben Stiller) "What?"
  • (Agent Tony) "Paul, don't patronize her."
  • (Agent Paul) "I'm not patronizing her."
  • (Agent Tony) "She knows that I came of age in the era of AIDS -- and even though I'm bisexual I've been incredibly careful, okay? Tested negative three times in the last seven months."
  • (Patricia Arquette) "Really?"
  • (Agent Paul) "Runway ready for takeoff."
  • (Agent Tony) "If I remember correctly. Yeah, three times."
  • (Téa Leoni) "Every marriage is vulnerable, otherwise being married wouldn't mean anything, would it?"
  • (Téa Leoni) "I guess it's just one of those ex-felon, pro-acid kind of non-smoking homes."

Celia Weston as Valerie Swaney

  • (Celia Weston) "All children break things. All children are forgiven. It's a gift from God."

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