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Four Rooms Quotes

Four Rooms is a television show that was first aired in 1970 . Four Rooms ended in 1970.

It features Lawrence Bender as producer, Combustible Edison in charge of musical score, and Rodrigo García; Guillermo Navarro, Phil Parmet, and Andrzej Sekuła as head of cinematography.

Four Rooms is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Four Rooms is 102 minutes long. Four Rooms is distributed by Miramax Films.

The cast includes: Jennifer Beals as Angela, Quentin Tarantino as Chester, Marisa Tomei as Margaret, Bruce Willis as Leo, Paul Calderón as Norman, Antonio Banderas as Man, David Proval as Sigfried, Lana McKissack as Sarah, Ione Skye as Eva, Madonna as Elspeth, Sammi Davis as Jezebel, Alicia Witt as Kiva, Tamlyn Tomita as Wife, Valeria Golino as Athena, and Danny Verduzco as Juancho.

Four Rooms Quotes

David Proval as Sigfried

  • (David Proval) "There's no needles here kid, just a big f***ing gun."
  • (David Proval) "I tie a pretty good knot, don't I Ted?"

Bruce Willis as Leo

  • (Bruce Willis) "Yes, it's my job. Yes, it's my f***ing job, you know that. He wanted to stay out late. I can't f***ing; I went to the Monkey Bar, all right? Don't yell at me; I'm not yelling. I'm not yelling. You're the one that's f***ing yelling. f***. Don't hang up on me. Ellen, please don't hang up on me. Please don't hang up on me. god**** it, I swear to f***ing God, if you hang up on me, that f***in' call better be genuine, 'cause I'm gonna get a f***in' divorce."
  • (Paul Calderón) "Yo, Leo?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "f***."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "Another f***ing "Honeymooners" going on in there."
  • (Bruce Willis) "f***in' s***, man. Man, what the f*** is wrong with this f***in' bitch, man? I'm gonna take the f***in' car, I'm gonna drive up to f***in' Mulholland, I am gonna f***in' drag her f***in' ass and throw it down Benedict f***in' Canyon, man."
  • (Paul Calderón) "You still married, man?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Yeah. I don't f***in' know any more, I swear to Christ, Norman. I f***in' swear to God. What the f*** is wrong? I treat this f***in' bitch like a queen, you know that, man."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "I know that."
  • (Bruce Willis) "So I had a little f***in' too much to drink. It's f***in' New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve. I can't f***in' drive home. Okay, Ellen, I'm sorry, I'm f***in' sorry about that. What am I gonna do? Get in a f***in' car and go run over six or seven f***in' kids? That'd be really f***in' nice. Man, what the f*** is the matter with this bitch? f***."
  • (Bruce Willis) "What the f*** is all this?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Block of wood, bucket of ice and a hatchet, sir."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Get the f*** outta here. Chester, talk to me. Norman?"
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "We now return you to "The Man From Rio" already in progress."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Oh, my f***ing dick is hard already. Tell me, Norman, you're gonna do this s***."
  • (Paul Calderón) "I am gonna do it."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Oh, you are my f***ing hero."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Begin."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "Okay, Ted, pay attention here. I'm going to make two piles on the bar. One pile which is yours. And another pile which could be yours. And what you have to realize is we're gonna do this thing one way -- or the other. Whether it's you who holds the axe or a Mexican maid or some bum we yank off the street."
  • (Paul Calderón) "You could buy a whole lot of soup with that pile."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "Shh. I'm the closer here. All right, I'm a little me; um, I've lost count. How much is on the bar here?"
  • (Unnamed) "Six hundred."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "Okay, Ted, do you know how long it takes the average American to count to 600?"
  • (Jennifer Beals) "It's a rhetorical question, Ted."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "No, sir."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "About one minute less than it takes to count to 700. Now Ted, a person's life is filled with a zillion little experiences. Some which are insignificant, have no meaning, and, you know, you forget them. Others which you remember for the rest of your natural life. Now, since what we're proposing here is so unusual, so outside the norm, this is a good bet that is going to be one of those incidents that sticks. So, since you're gonna be stuck remembering this for the rest of your life, you have to decide what that memory will be. So, Ted, are you going to remember for the next 40 years, give or take a decade, that you refused a $1000 for one second's worth of work? Or that you made $1000 for one second's worth of work?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Time."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "So, Ted, what's it gonna be?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Okay."

Madonna as Elspeth

  • (Madonna) "If she doesn't have his goop in ten minutes, I'm going to go in there and get it myself."
  • (Sammi Davis) "That would be a first for you."

Valeria Golino as Athena

  • (Valeria Golino) "We need sea salt, a little bit of sea salt. Or kosher salt, if you have no sea salt. A bottle of spring water; French, not that Italian s***."
  • (Alicia Witt) "Um, yes, and could I have some French fries?"
  • (Madonna) "Shut up, Kiva."
  • (Valeria Golino) "Some ginger and some raw meat. Liver, if you have it."
  • (Alicia Witt) "I want fries, you stupid jerks with your dumb f***ing ritual."
  • (Valeria Golino) "Shut up, you little s***."
  • (Madonna) "Hey, don't talk to her that way."

Quentin Tarantino as Chester

  • (Quentin Tarantino) "Ted, what do you think of that tasty beverage?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "It's quite good sir."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "No, no, no. It's f***ing good. Now let's do that again. Ted, what do you think of that tasty beverage?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "It's f***ing good sir."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "Like my old grand daddy used to say, "The less a man makes declarative statements, the less apt he is to look foolish in retrospect.""
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "Let me explain what we're talking about here."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "No, sir, you don't have to explain anything to me. Whatever constitutes a good time as far as you guys are concerned, well, that's your business."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "Well, no, it's your business, too, Ted, because we want you to take part."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Take part in what, sir?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Chester, your way of breaking the news to him gently is scaring the f*** outta him."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "You think so?"
  • (Jennifer Beals) "Just spit it out."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "Okay, you might be right. Okay, here we go, here we go, okay. Thing is, Ted, first off, there's nothing homosexual about what we want you to do. I mean, I was thinking you might be thinking we want you to do some like, weird sex thing, like suck us off, pee on us, s*** like that, you know. Nothing. Nothing could be further from the truth."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "A block of wood."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "Continue."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Three nails."
  • (Paul Calderón) "Why three nails?"
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "That's how many Peter Lorre wanted. Continue, Ted."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "A ball of twine."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "Well, that is definitely a ball of twine. Continue."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "A bucket -- of ice."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "You into it?"
  • (Paul Calderón) "I'm into it."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "All right, go on."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "A donut."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "That's for me."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "Continue."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "A club sandwich."
  • (Jennifer Beals) "That is mine."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "And finally -- a hatchet."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) ""A hatchet as sharp as the Devil himself" is what I asked for."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Well, sir, you be the judge."
  • (Paul Calderón) "No, no, I'll be the judge."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Careful, sir."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "What do you think?"
  • (Paul Calderón) "It's a sharp motherf***er. All right, forget the nails and the twine and bring all this other bulls*** over to the bar."

Marisa Tomei as Margaret

  • (Marisa Tomei) "Hi, Ted. I'm Margaret. You sound down. Is your New Year's not starting off well?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "No, Margaret. This New Year's Eve is not starting off well. This one is going pretty f***ing badly."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "How come?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Well, Betty leaves me to run this entire hotel by myself. And first thing, right off the bat, I get f***ed by a coven of witches."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "You got f***ed by an oven full of witches?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "A coven of witches. Well, one witch in particular."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Ted, was she an old hag with a mole on her face with hair growing out of it?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "No, no, no, she was very beautiful."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Ted -- what's the problem?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Well -- admittedly, that was the best part of the evening. It was pretty bloody good, actually -- but it's still a pretty unnerving way to start off the night."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Sounds like a pretty great way to start off the night to me."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Why don't we just skip over the witches?"
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Skipping the witches --"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Later, in another room, some crazy f***ing maniac sticks a gun in my face and forces me to play out some psychosexual drama with his wife."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "He made you have psycho sex with his wife?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "No, he didn't make me f*** his wife, he thought I'd f***ed his wife. He held me at gunpoint with a loaded gun."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "What kinda gun was it?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "I don't know, I'm not a gun guy. It was big."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Was it like Dirty Harry's gun?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Yeah, sorta like that. Yeah."
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Did it have a real long barrel or a short barrel?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "What difference does it make?"
  • (Marisa Tomei) "Well, for one thing it's the difference between a.44 Magnum and a Magnum.357."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Who the f*** cares whether it was a.44 or a.392? It was a big f***ing gun, it was loaded, and it was pointed right at my f***ing head."

Jennifer Beals as Angela

  • (Jennifer Beals) "How can I stop talking about something that's so HUGE?"
  • (Jennifer Beals) "Unfortunately, you don't have the balls to back up the actions of your huge cock."
  • (Jennifer Beals) "I'm gonna go back to my room."
  • (Quentin Tarantino) "I'll see ya."
  • (Jennifer Beals) "Everybody starts out as strangers, Ted. It's where we end up that counts."
  • (Jennifer Beals) "I could go on and on about his cock, his bone, his knob, his bishop, wang, thang, rod, hot rod, hump mobile, oscar, dong, dagger, banana, cucumber, salami, sausage, kielbassa, schlong, dink, tool, big ben, Mr. Happy, Peter Pecker, pee-pee, wee-wee, wiener, pisser, pistol, piston joint, hose, horn, middle leg, third leg, meat, stick, joystick, dipstick, one-eyed wonder, junior, little head, little guy, rumple foreskin, tootsie roll, love muscle, skin flute, roto-rooter, snake, hammer, rammer, spammer, bazooka, rubber, chubby, sticky, stubby, schmeck, schmuck, schvantze, ying-yang, yang --"

Lana McKissack as Sarah

  • (Lana McKissack) "Ted."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "What do you want now, for Christ sakes? Who died?"
  • (Lana McKissack) "I don't know, but she's in my bed."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "What?"
  • (Lana McKissack) "There's a dead body in my bed."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Nonsense. That's just your brother sound asleep."
  • (Lana McKissack) "No. There's a woman's dead body inside the bed in the mattress."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "You saw the body?"
  • (Lana McKissack) "Yes."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Impossible. You've got the ointment on your eyes. You can't see s***. Now go to sleep."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Go to sleep."
  • (Lana McKissack) "I washed it off."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "The mentholatum?"
  • (Lana McKissack) "Yeah. Didn't you ever think to do that? Get your ass up here and call the police, because there's a dead body in my bed, and it smells like s***, and it looks even worse. And if you don't help us, my dad is going to lay you down right next to her, I swear to f***ing God."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "I am coming up there right this minute. And if there isn't a dead body in that room by the time I get up there, I'm going to make one. You --"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Little bitch."
  • (Lana McKissack) "There's a dead body in my bed and it smells like s*** and it looks even worse. And if you don't get your ass up here now, my Daddy's gonna lay you down next to her. I swear to f***ing God."
  • (Lana McKissack) "Did you ever open your eyes?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Yes. And look at me now."
  • (Danny Verduzco) "We can't."

Antonio Banderas as Man

  • (Antonio Banderas) "All right. You want five hundred bucks?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Sure."
  • (Antonio Banderas) "How about three?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Three hundred dollars?"
  • (Antonio Banderas) "Yeah."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Three's Fine."
  • (Antonio Banderas) "Good. My children are staying here tonight watching TV. I want you to check up on them every thirty minutes."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Check up on them?"
  • (Antonio Banderas) "Yeah, make sure they're all right. Make sure they're fed. Make sure they go to bed. You know, these things."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Sir, I can send out for a baby-sitting service."
  • (Antonio Banderas) "No. I don't trust baby-sitters. My children are safer alone than with some f***ed-up pedophile baby-sitter I don't know from the man in the f***ing moon."
  • (Tamlyn Tomita) "What about him? What makes you think you can trust him?"
  • (Antonio Banderas) "Tell me that's not a face you can trust."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "I'd love to help you with your problem, sir, but unfortunately I'm here alone tonight."
  • (Antonio Banderas) "Hmm."
  • (Antonio Banderas) "One hundred, two hundred, three hundred. Here you are."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "I thought you said five hundred."
  • (Antonio Banderas) "No, I said three hundred."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "No, sir. I distinctly heard you say five hundred."
  • (Antonio Banderas) "Are you calling me a liar?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "No, sir. What I'm saying is that you accidentally forgot that the first thing you said --"
  • (Antonio Banderas) "But what I last said was three hundred, and what you say last is what counts."
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Well, then, if you say five hundred one last time, we have a deal."
  • (Antonio Banderas) "You f***ing with me, pendejo?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "No, sir, but I'm by myself, and looking after your kids is a pain in the ass I don't need."
  • (Antonio Banderas) "Are you calling my kids a pain in the ass?"
  • (Ted the Bellhop) "Why, no, sir, not the kids. It's the situation that is a pain in the ass."
  • (Antonio Banderas) "No, you were right the first time. They're a pain in the ass. All right. You win, tough guy. Five hundred."
  • (Antonio Banderas) "Did they misbehave?"

Ione Skye as Eva

  • (Ione Skye) "Goddess Diana, fail you I will. / I was to bring you fresh sperm from my Bill. / I had him erect and his semen would follow. / Alas, I was hot. So hot that I swallowed."
  • (Ione Skye) "We did it right there in the big cauldron."

Paul Calderón as Norman

  • (Paul Calderón) "I'm gonna tell ya what the f*** I'm talking about. I drive a motherf***ing Honda that my sister sold me, ya hear what I'm saying? A little white motherf***ing Honda Civic."

Alicia Witt as Kiva

  • (Alicia Witt) "You're not my mother."
  • (Madonna) "Yes I am."
  • (Alicia Witt) "Then why are we sleeping together?"

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