George Lopez (TV series) Quotes

George Lopez is a Sitcom that appeared on TV in 2002 on American Broadcasting Company. George Lopez completed its run in 2007.

George Lopez aired for 6 seasons and 120 episodes. It features Papa Dee Allen; Harold Ray Brown; B. B. Dickerson, Gerald Goldstein, Lonnie Jordan, Lee Levitin, Charles Miller (musician), and Howard E. Scott as theme composer, and W. G. Walden (season 1) as composer. George Lopez is executive produced by Bruce Helford. George Lopez is created by Bruce Helford; George Lopez; Robert Borden.

George Lopez is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of George Lopez is 22 minutes long. George Lopez is produced by Sandra Bullock and distributed by Warner Bros. Domestic Television Distribution.

George Lopez Quotes

• (George) "At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom."

• (Brooke) "So this is the first wedding you've ever planned?"
• (George) "Yeah, and you're wearing a white dress, so we both stretched the truth a little."

• (Veronica Palmero) "You only gave me $40 to live on. How else am I supposed to get nice things."
• (George) "Get a damn job."
• (Veronica Palmero) "You're just jealous because you're poor."
• (George) "Oh, no she didn't."

• (George) "Rotisserie attachment. Do I need it? No. Do I use it? No. Happy I got it? You bet your ass."

• (Benny) "You have fun spooning Ernie?"
• (George) "At least I can keep a man in my bed."

• (Carmen Lopez) "Dad, do we have bubbly water?"
• (George) "Yeah. It's called beer and you can't have any."

• (Carmen Lopez) "Dad, it's just a crop top."
• (George) "Yeah, well the crops are growing too fast."

• (George) "Ta Loca."

• (Walter) "Excuse me, nurse. I'm ready for my sponge bath."
• (George) "Keep it in your pants, Orville Redenbacher."

• (George) "Carmen, we need to talk. Come on, let's go for a ride."
• (Unnamed) "Am I coming back?"
• (George) "As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house."

• (George) "Whapah."

• (Angie Lopez) "Remember Sammy the Skater, the little penguin with the little helmet."
• (Angie Lopez) "You can still be rad when you wear your helmet and your elbow pads."
• (George) "You know what else Sammy the Skater sings, Angie?"
• (George) "Shut up. Shut up. You're makin' it worse, now meet me in the kitchen."

• (Unnamed) "Where are we going?"
• (George) "I just want to talk. And the first thing I want to say is I should've punished Max a lot more than I did."
• (Unnamed) "Well, I should call the newspaper. "George Lopez Admits When He's Wrong.""
• (George) "Be the adult, be the adult."
• (George) "Ok look, maybe I went easier on Max because I know why he peeped. I was a boy. I get that. I don't get you anymore. I did when you were a little girl 'cause you were just like a little boy except you never got caught on your zipper."
• (Unnamed) "Well, I'm not a little boy or a little girl anymore. I'd like a little privacy. And I'd like some respect."
• (George) "That's fair."
• (Unnamed) "And I'd like my feelings listened to."
• (George) "Ooh, that's a tough one."
• (Unnamed) "Why?"
• (George) "Because everything's a crisis with you. There are no small problems."
• (George) "I'm on overload, Carmen. I mean, I thought teenagers were supposed to lock themselves in their rooms and never talk to their parents. I was kinda looking forward to that."
• (Unnamed) "Well, I'm sorry I tell you all my problems."
• (George) "No, you shouldn't be. I have to get better at this."
• (George) "Look, I promise to start listening to your feelings if you promise not to have so MANY of them."
• (Unnamed) "Deal."
• (George) "And don't ever think I love Max more than I love you. 'Cause that's not right."
• (Unnamed) "Okay."
• (George) "Why are you crying?"
• (Unnamed) "I'm happy."
• (George) "I got you this cellphone to make up for everything. Stop crying."
• (Unnamed) "Oh my god. It's a cellphone. (hugs George)"
• (George) "Hey, what are you looking at? We're feeling in here."
• (George) "Go, man. The light's green."

• (Unnamed) "I don't know what to do about Max, Angie. Last yeah he was up waiting for Santa, and this year him and his little friends on the roof jacking his sleigh. God knows what Carmen will do with the elfs --"

• (George) "This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus."

• (George) "How could you shoplift sexy underwear that are Angie's size?"
• (George) "Keep these."

• (George) "Aye way."

• (George) "Okay, I'm here. Have you found Carmen yet?"
• (Unnamed) "No, And I'm worried sick. It's her first day at a new school, and she should've been home an hour ago."
• (George) "Come on, it's an hour. She's got no money. She's got no friends. She's probably walking around the mall crying."

• (George) "Sabes Que. I'm gonna solve this the Lopez way."

• (Unnamed) "Hahhhh."
• (Unnamed) "Carmen, it's okay, you're beautiful on the inside, they all don't hate you, you'll find something you're good at, there'll be other boys, you probably need some time alone, see you tomorrow morning honey."
• (Unnamed) "Dad, I went to, like, fifteen stores at the mall. Nobody wants to give me a job."
• (Unnamed) "Since when are you looking for a job?"
• (Unnamed) "Well, I just got my learner's permit so I'm trying to save up for a car."
• (Unnamed) "My baby's growing up."
• (Unnamed) "Seems like just yesterday you were my little girl on the tricycle. Now you're gonna be a young woman in a car, running over a little girl on the tricycle."

• (George) "I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants."

• (Ernie) "Hi, I'm Len. I'm the chunky assistant, and I'll be doing your fitting. Oh, and don't worry if you get naked 'cause I'm gay."
• (George) "Beat it, Rosie O'Donnell."

• (Angie Lopez) "If you wanted people to think you had a girlfriend, wouldn't you want to take her out and show her off?"
• (Ernie) "Hey, I don't know how gay men think."

• (Unnamed) "Hey, how was church?"
• (Unnamed) "Fine. Father Rick called you "one of the angels among us" 'cause you're donating a kidney to your dad."
• (Unnamed) "I like that. Y'know Angie, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I'd go to church every Sunday."

• (George) "My God, Mom. You swallowed a bouncy house."

• (George) "Look, I made a commitment to corn 17 years ago. Sure, I'm a man. I like to go to a barbecue and see beans that I like: baked beans, red beans, black beans, big plump garbanzos. But in the end, I always come home to my sweet, sweet corn."

• (George) "Orale."

• (Ernie) "Golly."

• (Unnamed) "Hey, I'm gonna be a good driver, but I really need my own car."
• (Unnamed) "Y'know, look, if you really want a car that bad I could help you find a job."
• (Unnamed) "Really? Where? Please tell me it's the record store, the clothing store. Oh my god, is it a receptionist at a male modeling agency?"
• (Unnamed) "Well, I could make a phone call. Y'know after I stopped modeling, I did keep up my contacts."
• (Unnamed) "And Travis, so, owes me."
• (Unnamed) "Dad."
• (Unnamed) "Daaaad."
• (Unnamed) "Huh?"
• (Unnamed) "Where's the job?"
• (Unnamed) "I'll talk to Mr. Carillo."
• (Unnamed) "Mr. No. Not Mr. Carillo. I don't wanna work in some crappy dive folding burritos."
• (Unnamed) "Hey, I work there all through high school, okay. You'd be lucky to have a boss like Mr. Carillo."
• (Unnamed) "What if one of my friends see me working there?"
• (Unnamed) "Hey, it'd less embarrassing than being a senior and rollerskating to all the parties."
• (Unnamed) "Okay, I'll do it."

• (Ernie) ""Ask me how I endangered my grandchildren's lives." Turn around so I can see the answer."
• (Benny) "Bend over. I'll give it to you."

• (George) "We're gonna start with a different game tonight. It's called "Bombshells." In the suburbs, it's called "You might wanna sit down for this. It's a shocker." In the hood, it's called "Oh, no you didn't.""

• (Carmen Lopez) "You said we're not allowed to watch TV."
• (George) "Well, this is different. This is for Jason's baseball career."
• (Carmen Lopez) "Well, what if there was something about poetry on TV and I wanted to watch it."
• (George) "We watch something about poetry on TV every year. It's called How The Grinch Stole Christmas."
• (Carmen Lopez) "What?"
• (George) "It rhymes."
• (Jason) "I like the dog with the antlers."
• (George) "I know. It's classic."

• (Unnamed) "How can I hell you? -- You like a fren frie? -- One minute plee -- Que es fountain drink? A soda? Why you no say soda, stupid?"

• (George) "I decided not to introduce her to my mom."
• (Angie Lopez) "So, you're already treating your sister better than you treated your wife. Gah."

• (Junior) "Don't mess with me homes."
• (George) "Homes? Look. It's Casper the Friendly Chicano. What are you brother besides confused?"

• (George) "I don't wanna be the bigger person. I wanna be small and mean -- like a scorpion. I'll be like that"
• (George) "Then I get you all distracted by my pincers. Oh, but you forgot about my tail. WHAPAH."
• (Angie Lopez) "-- when you sting her, your tail's gonna fall off and you'll die."
• (George) "That's bees. You don't know nothin'. I win."

• (Max Lopez) "What's a fatty?"
• (Unnamed) "One of Ernie's girlfriends, now go to bed."

• (George) "Only I know the secret password."
• (Max Lopez) "Is it "Whapah?""
• (George) "Not anymore."

• (George) "From now on, we're home schooling you. Whatever we don't know, you don't know. When did the Korean War start? I don't know, and neither do you."

• (George) "Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years?"
• (Benny) "We Lopezes are a proud people --"
• (George) "You have a birthday lunch at Denny's every month. We're not that proud."

• (Unnamed) "You think your only contribution to this family is a paycheck?"
• (George) "That's my job in this family, Angie. When I was a kid my mom always complained about how there wasn't a man around to help her with the bills. Look, a man isn't a man unless he's a provider. I'm a hunter. I'm a provider."
• (Unnamed) "A hunter? You can't even give the dog eye-drops."
• (George) "If he looked away I could."

• (George) "I can be Italian."
• (George) "Da dada dada dada dada. Try the cannolis. Forget about it. I know a guy. Watcha. Bada Bing. Hoooe."
• (Linda Lorenzo #2) "That's a stereotype."
• (George) "You're Mexican. What do you care?"

• (George) "Dammit, I can never do nothing."

• (George) "One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair."

• (George) "Smell your program. SMELL IT."

• (George) "OK. Hear me out. We have eight hours 'til she comes to. We can get her deep into Mexico. We'll put her in a Pikachu costume. We'll leave her with a stick and a note that says "Beat me. I have candy inside.""

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