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Grandma's Boy (2006 film) Quotes

Grandma's Boy (2006 film) is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Grandma's Boy stopped airing in 1970.

It features Allen Covert; Adam Sandler; Nick Swardson as producer, Waddy Wachtel in charge of musical score, and Mark Irwin as head of cinematography.

Grandma's Boy (2006 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Grandma's Boy (2006 film) is 94 minutes long. Grandma's Boy (2006 film) is distributed by 20th Century Fox.

The cast includes: Allen Covert as Alex, Peter Dante as Dante, Nick Swardson as Jeff, Shirley Jones as Grace, Doris Roberts as Grandma Lilly, Joel David Moore as J.P., Jonah Hill as Barry, Kevin Nealon as Mr. Cheezle, David Spade as Shiloh, Kelvin Yu as Kane, Jonathan Loughran as Josh, Todd Holland as Mover #2, Todd Holland as Mover #1, Rob Schneider as Yuri, Linda Cardellini as Samantha, Shirley Knight as Bea, and Abdoulaye N'Gom as Dr. Shakalu.

Grandma's Boy (2006 film) Quotes

Rob Schneider as Yuri

  • (Rob Schneider) "Alex, you forgot smoking lamp."
  • (Rob Schneider) "I'm sorry, was that expensive piece?"

Nick Swardson as Jeff

  • (Nick Swardson) "That was a good idea."
  • (Kelvin Yu) "No it wasn't. I'm a piece of s***. I suck."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Relax, Kane. You're not a piece of s***."
  • (Nick Swardson) "I can't believe you came on my mom."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Do you have bathrooms here, or do I have to s*** in a plant?"
  • (David Spade) "BAHAHAHA. Stupid f***ING idiot. Red-shirted ASS. You guys think you're so f***ing cool, it makes me sick. "Oh, let's go make fun of the vegans, and their crazy lifestyle." We're not hurting anyone. Go eat a hamburger and choke on a cow dick."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Does someone have a light? I found this weed."
  • (Linda Cardellini) "Oh, I do."
  • (Nick Swardson) "I wanna smoke it."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Dude, jerking off on my mom is one thing. But banging your grandmother and her roommates? That's like -- legendary."
  • (Allen Covert) "You're an idiot."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Grace -- I have something to confess."
  • (Shirley Jones) "What's that?"
  • (Nick Swardson) "You were my first."
  • (Shirley Jones) "Really? Oh, that's sweet. You were my --"
  • (Shirley Jones) "3,000-something."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Word up."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Dude, jerking off on my mom is one thing. But sleeping with your Grandma and her two roommates -- that's LEGENDARY."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Hey look, it's Bono's brother."
  • (Nick Swardson) "I'm the cookie monster."
  • (Nick Swardson) "My roommates said they were gonna get me rims for Christmas, or a CB radio so I could talk to other car beds."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Crap that's Alex's intercom."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Yello?"
  • (Receptionist) "Delivery at the front desk for you, Alex."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Cool. I hope it's a naked dude with a boner."
  • (Receptionist) "What?"
  • (Nick Swardson) "Nothing."
  • (Nick Swardson) "I should have worn a condom."
  • (Nick Swardson) "What's up Douche Bigalow?"
  • (Allen Covert) "Hey Speed Racer. What'd you do, valet your bed?"
  • (Nick Swardson) "No, but I'll self park it in your asshole."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Hey, Alex. Can we go back to your grandma's house? I gotta pee."
  • (Allen Covert) "Why don't you just go to the alley and pee?"
  • (Nick Swardson) "I gotta pee out of my ass."
  • (Allen Covert) "Well I guess we could go by."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Emergency."
  • (Nick Swardson) "You're the reason Alex has been tired all week?"
  • (Shirley Jones) "Well, we have been sort of rough on him. But, he is kind of soft if you know what I mean."
  • (Doris Roberts) "We're not used to having a man in the house, so I guess we ride him pretty hard."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Ohh, that is so gnarly."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Come in. Hurry up."
  • (Allen Covert) "Are you sure this is OK?"
  • (Nick Swardson) "Yeah, it's totally cool. Just keep your voice down; my roommates are sleeping."
  • (Allen Covert) "You mean your parents?"
  • (Nick Swardson) "Yeah, same thing."
  • (Allen Covert) "-- Nice jammies."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Thanks. They're a present from my roommates."
  • (Allen Covert) "That's cool."
  • (Nick Swardson) "What's up, s***lips."
  • (Allen Covert) "Hey, I need a huge favor."
  • (Nick Swardson) "You're not jerking off on my dad."
  • (Allen Covert) "Funny. No, I was wondering if you could do some of my levels."
  • (Nick Swardson) "No, why can't you do them?"
  • (Allen Covert) "It's my roommates. They won't stop watching -- porn. I can't get any work done."
  • (Nick Swardson) "You're dead to me. Over."
  • (Allen Covert) "Well, Jeff's a good friend."
  • (Nick Swardson) "So Barry sucked on his first boobie last night."
  • (Jonah Hill) "For 13 hours."
  • (Unnamed) "A NEW HIGH SCORE."
  • (Nick Swardson) "What does "high score" mean? New high score, is that bad? What does that mean? Did I break it?"
  • (Bobby, Co-Worker #1) "Challenge."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Not now Bobby, Alex's not taking challenges right now. Can't you see he's sleeping?"
  • (Bobby, Co-Worker #1) "No, I challenge you Jeff."
  • (Nick Swardson) "To what game?"
  • (Bobby, Co-Worker #1) "A little Dance Dance Revolution."
  • (Nick Swardson) "That's great Bobby, but we don't have Dance Dance Revolution so -- you're dumb."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Eat that frog dick Timmy."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Hi I'm Jeff -- I have a bush too. It's not grey."
  • (Allen Covert) "Hey."
  • (Nick Swardson) "What?"
  • (Allen Covert) "My bush isn't really grey."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Well, not according to my mom."
  • (Allen Covert) "I thought I told you to quit talking about that."
  • (Nick Swardson) "People keep asking me about it."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era?"
  • (Nick Swardson) "This chick's p***** smelled like the great depression."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Your s***'s weak. Wizzeak."

Doris Roberts as Grandma Lilly

  • (Doris Roberts) "Oh listen, your father tells me that you need a place to stay."
  • (Allen Covert) "Yeah --"
  • (Doris Roberts) "Just so you know, Sophie left us two weeks ago, so her room is available if you need it."
  • (Allen Covert) "Oh? Where'd Sophie move to?"
  • (Doris Roberts) "Heaven."
  • (Doris Roberts) "I can hear my -- hair growing. You want some soup?"
  • (Doris Roberts) "I hate violence, but drugs ARE bad."
  • (Doris Roberts) "Grace you remember my grandson Alex; our new "roommate.""
  • (Shirley Jones) "How long you stayin'?"
  • (Allen Covert) "Um, just until I find a new apartment."
  • (Shirley Jones) "Have a girlfriend?"
  • (Allen Covert) "No."
  • (Shirley Jones) "How old are you now?"
  • (Allen Covert) "I'll be 36 in October."
  • (Shirley Jones) "My grandson's gay, too. I'll give you his number."
  • (Allen Covert) "I'm not gay, but, thank you?"
  • (Shirley Jones) "Denial."
  • (Doris Roberts) "Ohhh -- I died on the floor -- and nobody helped me."
  • (Allen Covert) "You have got to be f***ing s***ting me."
  • (Doris Roberts) "Ohh it's so cold -- when you're dead --"
  • (Allen Covert) "I swear to God, I would've helped you, Sophie. Please don't kill me. Please don't kill me. I would've helped you. I just wasn't here --"
  • (Doris Roberts) "Gotcha."
  • (Allen Covert) "Ahh. Oh my God."
  • (Doris Roberts) "You scaredy cat."
  • (Allen Covert) "What the hell are you doing, Grandma?"
  • (Doris Roberts) "I told you we were going to have fun."
  • (Doris Roberts) "Once you got to high school, you just seemed to lose focus. It was probably just puberty."
  • (Allen Covert) "Yeah, I'm sure it was puberty."

Kevin Nealon as Mr. Cheezle

  • (Kevin Nealon) "I had a dream last night. I dreamt I was a dove flying over the sea. And then I dove into the ocean -- And I swam with the dolphins. I was two animals joined as one -- which meant; good things are coming. Good things."
  • (Kevin Nealon) "Very Miyamoto."

Allen Covert as Alex

  • (Allen Covert) "Anyway, I was wondering if maybe I could crash here for a while."
  • (Peter Dante) "Whoa, I don't know, man. I got a business to run. This is like my office as well as my home. Plus, the lion comes in a couple days."
  • (Allen Covert) "You're getting a lion?"
  • (Peter Dante) "Yeah."
  • (Allen Covert) "Why?"
  • (Peter Dante) "To protect my s***."
  • (Allen Covert) "Never heard of a dog?"
  • (Peter Dante) "Dude, you can get past a dog. Nobody f***s with a lion."
  • (Allen Covert) "Yeah, that's true."
  • (Allen Covert) "Hey, uh, Sophie didn't die on the bed, did she?"
  • (Doris Roberts) "No."
  • (Allen Covert) "Good, good, good."
  • (Doris Roberts) "She fell out of bed and died right here."
  • (Allen Covert) "Eww."
  • (Allen Covert) "Don't slit your wrists, Kane. I'm here."
  • (Allen Covert) "That's quite a buffet you have there."
  • (Shirley Knight) "Thank you, Mr. President."
  • (Allen Covert) "We're not in the jungle any more, Doctor."
  • (Abdoulaye N'Gom) "My beef strong."
  • (Peter Dante) "Your beef wrong."
  • (Allen Covert) "Wow. That Grace sure makes me feel warm and welcome."
  • (Doris Roberts) "Well, you'd be bitter too if you had four husbands die on you."
  • (Allen Covert) "Probably suicides."
  • (Allen Covert) "It was a joke."
  • (Allen Covert) "Where did you get this vase?"
  • (Doris Roberts) "Oh, I found it in your laundry when I was cleaning up. It smelled awful, so I cleaned it. Doesn't it look nice?"
  • (Allen Covert) "I thought you were good at this, man."
  • (Allen Covert) "Flies. I'm a frog. I'm eating flies, a lot more than you."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Eat that frog dick Timmy. Eat it."
  • (Joel David Moore) "I'm sorry you had to see this. It's all these poor knaves have to look forward to everyday."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Yea. Your s***'s weak. s***'s weak."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Yea. Your s***'s weak. W-izz-eak."
  • (Allen Covert) "You never had a chance Timmy."
  • (Timmy) "I'll get you eventually "Grey Bush". Time is on my side."
  • (Allen Covert) "Hey, at least I have a bush."
  • (Nick Swardson) "s***'s weak."
  • (Allen Covert) "Where is your monkey?"
  • (Peter Dante) "He's upstairs putting his nun-chucks away."
  • (Allen Covert) "So, ladies, I kind of need to use the televis --"
  • (Shirley Jones) "Shh. Go read your Playgirl or something."
  • (Allen Covert) "Dude, why don't you pick up your phone? I've been calling for the past half hour."
  • (Peter Dante) "Sorry bro, I was putting up my Christmas tree."
  • (Allen Covert) "Dude? It's the middle of July."
  • (Peter Dante) "Get the f*** outta here. It is?"
  • (Allen Covert) "Dude? Why are you naked?"
  • (Peter Dante) "Ooohhh s***. I am naked. Come in."
  • (Allen Covert) "Your ass is tanner than my face."
  • (Peter Dante) "It's not tan, kid, it's bronzed."
  • (Allen Covert) "Ever hear of a dog?"
  • (Peter Dante) "Anybody can get past a dog. But NOBODY f***s with a lion."
  • (Allen Covert) "Come on Lara. My cock is lost in the jungle and it's up to you to find it. Oh Lara you dirty dirty adventurer. Let's see what's under you skirt. Lara, no panties? You know I like that."
  • (Allen Covert) "Dude -- you have to give me a ride."
  • (Peter Dante) "I'm way too baked to drive to the devil's house."
  • (Allen Covert) "Dude, your bed is a car --"
  • (Nick Swardson) "Yeah, but it's a f***ing sweet car."
  • (Allen Covert) "Don't judge me Monkey."
  • (Allen Covert) "Cocksucking f***."
  • (Allen Covert) "Hey, Timmy, any chance I can crash on your couch tonight?"
  • (Timmy) "Why? So you can jerk off on my mom?"
  • (Allen Covert) "Jeff's a f***ing liar, Timmy."
  • (Allen Covert) "Who wants a piece of the grey bush?"
  • (Allen Covert) "You know, I think I forgot something."
  • (Jonah Hill) "What?"
  • (Allen Covert) "This."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Oh my God. Are you serious? I think he f***ing shattered it."
  • (Allen Covert) "And to you, Doctor -- clk clk cluk clak."
  • (Allen Covert) "Oh. Sorry."
  • (Allen Covert) "You remember Lara?"
  • (Nick Swardson) "Yes I do, and she already has a cold sore. What a surprise."
  • (Allen Covert) "Marathon? f*** me."
  • (Allen Covert) "My grandma drank all my pot."
  • (Nick Swardson) "That's awesome."
  • (Allen Covert) "What?"
  • (Nick Swardson) "I mean, how many people can say that in a lifetime?"

Kelvin Yu as Kane

  • (Kelvin Yu) "He gives me a reason to live -- him and those stank-ass hos."

Shirley Knight as Bea

  • (Shirley Knight) "I want to eat the TV."
  • (Shirley Knight) "Spaceshuttle."
  • (Shirley Knight) "At the drive-in, in the old man's Ford, behind the bushes, till I'm screamin' for more. Woo."
  • (Shirley Knight) "I'm an antique."
  • (Shirley Jones) "Yes you are."

Joel David Moore as J.P.

  • (Joel David Moore) "Please sit on my face"
  • (Joel David Moore) "All I've ever cared about was video games and they made me a millionaire. So maybe I don't know what the Civil War was, or who invented the helicopter even though I own one, but I did beat The Legend of Zelda before I could walk. I'm thinking about getting metal legs. It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it."
  • (Joel David Moore) "How do you two know each other?"
  • (Linda Cardellini) "I woke him up here this morning. He fell asleep working late last night."
  • (Joel David Moore) "Yeah. Well, that's what old people do. They fall asleep."
  • (Allen Covert) "Wow J.P, that is a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in The Matrix?"
  • (Joel David Moore) "So funny I forgot to laugh. Ehehe."
  • (Joel David Moore) "Adios, turd nuggets."
  • (Joel David Moore) "Are you afraid of it?"
  • (Kelvin Yu) "No I just don't like techno."
  • (Joel David Moore) "You would if you had robot ears."
  • (Joel David Moore) "How do you two know each other?"
  • (Linda Cardellini) "I woke him up here this morning. He fell asleep working late last night."
  • (Joel David Moore) "Yea, well that's what old people do, they fall asleep."
  • (Allen Covert) "Wow, JP that is a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in the Matrix?"
  • (Joel David Moore) "So funny I forgot to laugh."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Hi, I'm Jeff. I have a bush too. It's not grey."
  • (Allen Covert) "Hey, my bush isn't really grey."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Well, not according to my mom."
  • (Allen Covert) "I thought I told you to quit talking about that."
  • (Nick Swardson) "People keep asking me about it."
  • (Linda Cardellini) "Um, I'm really sorry to have to leave this conversation, but, I will see you guys later."
  • (Joel David Moore) "Get back to work, testers."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Hey Samantha, don't take the red pill."
  • (Joel David Moore) "Back to work, testers."

David Spade as Shiloh

  • (David Spade) "You guys think you're so f***ing cool, it makes me sick. "Let's go make fun of the vegans and their crazy lifestyle." We're not hurting anyone. Go eat a hamburger and choke on a cow dick."

Peter Dante as Dante

  • (Peter Dante) "That is pure f***ing insanity."
  • (Allen Covert) "Yeah, I know. He got addicted to hookers."
  • (Peter Dante) "No, I'm talking about the guy who threw your bong. You should never throw a bong, kid. Ever."
  • (Peter Dante) "Whoa, chill bro -- You know you can't raise your voice like that when the lion's here."
  • (Peter Dante) "Drive, monkey, drive."
  • (Peter Dante) "Dr. Shakalu brought my some crazy Zimbabwe weed that turns you into a deer."
  • (Allen Covert) "You do know that lions eat deer, right?"
  • (Peter Dante) "Thats true kid. Doctor, we gotta be careful."
  • (Peter Dante) "Wow -- where do you get your weed?"
  • (Kevin Nealon) "From you, Dante."
  • (Peter Dante) "Oh -- THAT'S RIGHT. What's up, Mr. Cheezle."
  • (Peter Dante) "Does anyone want to try this weed? It's called the Brown Bomber."
  • (Allen Covert) "Why is it called that?"
  • (Peter Dante) "Because when you smoke it you get so stoned that you s*** your pants. Hahahaha."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Uh, I don't wanna do that."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Yeah, I already s*** my pants this month."
  • (Peter Dante) "What is that ringing?"
  • (Peter Dante) "Do I have a tumor?"
  • (Peter Dante) "Hello?"
  • (Nick Swardson) "Dante is Alex there?"
  • (Peter Dante) "The phone's for you. I think it's the Devil."
  • (Peter Dante) "That's right monkey, play my head."
  • (Peter Dante) "Looking back, the lion was a bad idea. That's why Dr. Shockla is gonna hook us up with a monkey. I'm gonna teach it taekwondo."
  • (Jonah Hill) "Yeah, karate monkey, yeah, that's probably safer."
  • (Peter Dante) "I'll smoke it with ya bro, we'll go to the loony bin together. I don't give a f***."

Shirley Jones as Grace

  • (Shirley Jones) "I once gave Charlie Chaplin a handjob."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Wow, was he silent?"
  • (Shirley Jones) "Not after I got through with him."
  • (Shirley Jones) "So how much time do we have?"
  • (Nick Swardson) "At least enough time to 69."
  • (Shirley Jones) "Thanks, Alex. Maybe tomorrow you can introduce them to heroin."
  • (Shirley Jones) "Oh, you can stay as long as you like and love any man you choose."

Linda Cardellini as Samantha

  • (Linda Cardellini) "Whoa, Alex, what happened?"
  • (Allen Covert) "There was a fire, and I was, I was trying to save it from this baby, and uh --"
  • (Linda Cardellini) "Do you always sleep here, Alex?"
  • (Allen Covert) "No -- uh -- I was working late -- I love work -- I love life."
  • (Linda Cardellini) "Alex, I need you to deal with 10 through 15 because those are the real problem levels and --"
  • (Linda Cardellini) "Is he sleeping?"
  • (Nick Swardson) "Yes, and possibly s***ting his pants."
  • (Nick Swardson) "Wake up, dude."
  • (Allen Covert) "No chores, Grandma."
  • (Linda Cardellini) "Nice rip, Alex."
  • (Allen Covert) "Rip what?"
  • (Linda Cardellini) "What's in here?"
  • (Joel David Moore) "It's just the kids and their break room. Or as I like to call it, the stupid idiot room full of jerks. Mine's the biggest office over --"
  • (Linda Cardellini) "Let's check it out."

Jonathan Loughran as Josh

  • (Jonathan Loughran) "f***. Stop hitting me."
  • (Allen Covert) "This is like if Tyson fought an infant."
  • (Jonathan Loughran) "I love them so much --"
  • (Allen Covert) "You love who?"
  • (Jonathan Loughran) "The Girls at Madam Camae's Filipino Palace --"
  • (Allen Covert) "You've been spending our rent money on Filipino hookers?"
  • (Jonathan Loughran) "They're not hookers, they're massage therapists."
  • (Todd Holland) "Yeah, that'll massage your cock for money."
  • (Todd Holland) "There is a word for that -- I think it's hooker."
  • (Jonathan Loughran) "You're a hooker."
  • (Allen Covert) "Whoa. Wait."
  • (Rob Schneider) "Alex I make you special deal, I'll give you five minutes to grab all the s*** you don't want thrown out, but if you take one extra minute, my friends will take your testicles and remove them, through your anus."
  • (Jonathan Loughran) "Eat it whore."

Jonah Hill as Barry

  • (Jonah Hill) "Hey Dante- My girlfriend and I caught you on the news the other night --"
  • (Peter Dante) "No s***? And by "Girlfriend" do you mean that piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick everynight?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "-- yes --"
  • (Milk Maid) "Baby want some milk?"
  • (Jonah Hill) "Baby loves milk."

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