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Green Acres Quotes

Green Acres is a television program that first aired in 1965 on CBS. Green Acres ended in 1971.

Green Acres was on for 6 seasons and 170 episodes. It features Jay Sommers as producer, Vic Mizzy as theme composer, and Vic Mizzy as composer. Green Acres is executive produced by Paul Henning. Green Acres is created by Jay Sommers.

Each episode of Green Acres is 25 minutes long. Green Acres is produced by Filmways and distributed by Filmways.

Green Acres Quotes

  • (Sam Drucker) "Call the sheriff."
  • (Hank Kimball) "OK. Sheriff."
  • (Sam Drucker) "No. On the phone."
  • (Sam Drucker) "How 'bout a dehydrated chicken?"
  • (Oliver Douglas) "A dehydrated chicken?"
  • (Sam Drucker) "Yeah. Just add water and bones, and let it sit for a couple hours, and you might have your own reconstituted chicken."
  • (Oliver Douglas) "That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard."
  • (Lisa Douglas) "Why do you want to irritate your corn?"
  • (Oliver Douglas) "Irrigate. It means put water on it."
  • (Lisa Douglas) "Won't that irritate it?"
  • (Oliver Wendell Douglass) "How can you carry on a conversation with him? I can't understand a thing he's saying."
  • (Lisa Douglas) "That's because you don't LISTEN."
  • (Eustace Charleton Haney) "While yer away on yer trip, I thought you might like to avail yerself of Haney's Farm Mindin' Service."
  • (Oliver Wendell Douglass) "HANEY'S FARM MINDING SERVICE?"
  • (Eustace Charleton Haney) "Yessir, at Haney's Farm Mindin' Service, for a nom-yew-nal fee we will move into yer house, eat yer food, drink yer likker, and turn away any unwanted relatives that might show up at yer door."
  • (Unnamed) "Sure, I remember that kid, he had on the most realistic looking pig costume I've ever seen. He won first prize."
  • (Oliver Douglas) "No, you don't understand, Arnold is a REAL PIG."
  • (Unnamed) "I'll say he is. We had five gallons of ice cream for those kids, and he ate every bit of it himself."
  • (Oliver Douglas) "You mallet head."
  • (Lisa Douglas) "When you married me you knew that I couldn't cook, I couldn't sew, and I couldn't keep house. All I could do was talk Hungarian and do imitations of Zsa Zsa Gabor."
  • (Oliver Douglas) "Who?"
  • (Lisa Douglas) "Could you keep it a secret from my husband? You see, I want to surprise him."
  • (Ralph Monroe) "My lips are sealed."
  • (Hank Kimball) "Now if we could only keep them that way."
  • (Ralph Monroe) "If you weren't so sexy, I'd beat your brains out."

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