Haggard: The Movie Quotes

Haggard: The Movie is a television show that was first aired in 1970 . Haggard: The Movie stopped airing in 1970.

It features Bam Margera as producer.

Haggard: The Movie is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Haggard: The Movie is 96 min. long. Haggard: The Movie is distributed by 411 Productions.

The cast includes: Vincent Margera as Don Vito, Jennifer Rivell as Glauren, Bam Margera as Valo, Brandon DiCamillo as Falcone, Chris Raab as Raab, Ryan Dunn as Ryan, Brandon Novak as Dooly, Phil Margera as Fat Guy with Watermelon, Missy Margera as Beth, and Rake Yohn as Hellyboy.

Haggard: The Movie Quotes

Brandon DiCamillo as Falcone

• (Brandon DiCamillo) "Don Vito is a whore about his grapes."

• (Brandon DiCamillo) "What are you guys doing, humping on the caboose?"

• (Brandon DiCamillo) "These -- are girlfriend's -- underwears."

• (Brandon DiCamillo) "I like chocolate, I like fudge, I'll make some now or I won't budge."

• (Brandon DiCamillo) "Later on do you wanna go to to the bakery? I can almost taste it with my nose. Ever feel that way?"

• (Brandon DiCamillo) "So how's school going, Raab?"
• (Chris Raab) "Ohh, wow, not so good. I lost my schedule at the beginning of the semester, and couldn't find my classes for like a month and a half. I end up getting three D's and an F, I mean, it's not that bad considering I passed."

• (Brandon DiCamillo) "I will tell you everything, I'll let you know. You'll be so much smarter. Girls are like -- a lake, you know? Like, you can jump right in, get in there, and then you're all used to it and everything's great. But come winter time"
• (Brandon DiCamillo) "that s***'s f***in' frozen. Then you're f***ed. That's why I know the difference: I always pull out of it."
• (Bam Margera) "What are you talking about? This food is making you crazy."

Bam Margera as Valo

• (Bam Margera) "I don't care if it's a car, I don't care if it's a god**** Batmobile. I don't want to drive with him."

• (Bam Margera) "What the hell is wrong with all my friends? f***."

• (Bam Margera) "Seriously, knock that s*** off. I'm going to punch your throat off your body. I'm walking over here. If you follow me, I'm gonna kill you."

• (Bam Margera) "Alright dude, seriously just relax okay? Look at that girl over there. She's reading a book alone. If that's not an invitation, I don't know what is."
• (Ryan Dunn) "What are you talking about, Valo? It's a coffee shop. People like that come here to get away from people like us."
• (Bam Margera) "She is looking for ass, I can see it."
• (Ryan Dunn) "What does it matter? I look like s***."
• (Bam Margera) "Go talk to her."
• (Ryan Dunn) "What do I say?"
• (Bam Margera) "I don't know. Compliment her on that tattoo or something."
• (Ryan Dunn) "Yeah, that'll work. It sounds so f***ing lame."
• (Bam Margera) "Worked for Glauren."

• (Bam Margera) "You've got a f***ing rhinoceros on your chest. What the hell did you do?"
• (Ryan Dunn) "I just got a tattoo --"
• (Bam Margera) "It looks ri-god****-diculous."

• (Bam Margera) "Yeah, well Your f***ing brilliant plan just got me pissed on by Hellboy's sick dick. Thanks."

• (Bam Margera) "Tell him how Hellboy's in for it."
• (Brandon DiCamillo) "You know Hellboy? He's in for it."

• (Bam Margera) "Yo, what was it like though, bein' in jail for the first time? Was it good?"
• (Ryan Dunn) "Just drop it."
• (Bam Margera) "Did you meet any new friends?"
• (Ryan Dunn) "Just drop it, alright?"

• (Bam Margera) "When was the last time you beat off?"
• (Ryan Dunn) "-- What?"
• (Bam Margera) "When was the last time you beat off?"

• (Bartenders) "What the hell?"
• (Bam Margera) "Oh, it's just Naked Dave."

• (Bam Margera) "Some girl stabbed Ryan in the eye, now he's gotta rock a pirate-patch for at least a month."

• (Bam Margera) "You paint your face fluorescent yellow and you want a sip of my booze? f*** off."

• (Bam Margera) "He definitely doesn't wear the pants in that relationship."
• (Brandon DiCamillo) "Pants? He wears girl's underwears."

• (Bam Margera) "Don't touch me, or I'll seriously kill your face, it's so hardcore."

• (Bam Margera) "I popped the trunk for you."
• (Brandon DiCamillo) "Yeah, I popped a boner for you, f*** you."

• (Bam Margera) "Yeah, I figured it'd be you, that's why I didn't answer it."

• (Officer) "I gotta take you in."
• (Bam Margera) "Aww, for the love of f***s sake, you CAN'T take him in."
• (Officer) "I gotta make an arrest here; I had a complaint --"
• (Bam Margera) "Whwhwhwh, wait, I got this sports watch, you can have it, here."

Jennifer Rivell as Glauren

• (Jennifer Rivell) "I get all the free games I want. What can you offer me?"
• (Ryan Dunn) "I don't know how I can compete with free games, but how about my UTTER DEVOTION to you?"
• (Jennifer Rivell) "That's so overrated."

• (Jennifer Rivell) "What do you mean no? You said you'd do anything for me the other night."
• (Ryan Dunn) "I think I was drunk -- and rather stupid. So no. And f*** off."
• (Jennifer Rivell) "Me f*** off?"
• (Ryan Dunn) "f*** OFF."
• (Jennifer Rivell) "f*** you."

• (Jennifer Rivell) "Actually, he's got a rhino. Ya' know, I'm a Leo so I like rhinos --"
• (Ryan Dunn) "Yeah, rhino, real cool."

• (Ryan Dunn) "You look beautiful today."
• (Jennifer Rivell) "You look like s***."
• (Ryan Dunn) "Gee thanks, why do you think I'm in here? I'm getting my hair cut. I know I look like s***."

• (Jennifer Rivell) "Teenagers were meant to f***."
• (Bam Margera) "Did she just say "teenagers were meant to f***"?"

• (Jennifer Rivell) "Hellboy f***ing fingered me."

• (Jennifer Rivell) "What I need right now is heavy metal music, hard drinkin, mayhem, s*** you can't offer me right now, okay Ryan?"
• (Ryan Dunn) "Who are you? You don't even like fast music; you don't even drink."
• (Jennifer Rivell) "Yeah. Before I met Hellboy. You know what your problem is? You always want s*** to stay the same, okay? I need to get out there. I wanna play the field; of dicks."
• (Ryan Dunn) "Eww."

• (Jennifer Rivell) "I got a two o'clock."
• (Ryan Dunn) "I am your two o'clock. You're a hairdresser, I got bad hair and I need you to cut it."
• (Jennifer Rivell) "You're an asshole."

Missy Margera as Beth

• (Missy Margera) "I think those are the most innovative people I've ever seen."
• (Bam Margera) "Are you kidding me? I think that's the most asinine s*** I've ever seen apart from that ghetto ass f*** machine."

Vincent Margera as Don Vito

• (Vincent Margera) "No, what are you doin'? Those grapes ain't for you."

• (Vincent Margera) "What're you doin' in there? I've been looking all over for you to -- feed me some grapes."

Brandon Novak as Dooly

• (Brandon Novak) "Bro, why weren't you at the rager last night?"
• (Bam Margera) "What rager? Maybe 'cause you didn't call me up and invite me."
• (Brandon Novak) "Watch your mouth, sweetheart."

Rake Yohn as Hellyboy

• (Rake Yohn) "What the f*** is that? Do I have a camera?"

Ryan Dunn as Ryan

• (Bam Margera) "That was the most pussified attempt I have ever seen."

• (Ryan Dunn) "I'm gonna rip Hellboy a new asshole."
• (Bam Margera) "No, I think Hellboy ripped Glauren a new asshole."

Phil Margera as Fat Guy with Watermelon

• (Phil Margera) "You picked the wrong motherf***er to f*** with."

Chris Raab as Raab

• (Chris Raab) "See you Valo."
• (Bam Margera) "God-damn, I don't know him."

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