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Helpmates Quotes

Helpmates is a television program that debuted in 1970 . Helpmates stopped airing in 1970.

It features Hal Roach as producer, Marvin Hatley in charge of musical score, and Art Lloyd as head of cinematography.

Helpmates is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Helpmates is 21' 05" long. Helpmates is distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

The cast includes: Oliver Hardy as Ollie, Stan Laurel as Stan, and Blanche Payson as Mrs. Hardy.

Helpmates Quotes

Oliver Hardy as Ollie

  • (Oliver Hardy) "Listen, I'm in a slight predicament. My wife's coming home at noon today unexpectedly. And just look at this house."
  • (Stan Laurel) "What's the matter with it?"
  • (Oliver Hardy) "What's the matter with it? You never met my wife, have you?"
  • (Stan Laurel) "Yes, I never did."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "What do you mean "Yes I never did"?"
  • (Oliver Hardy) "That's my wife."
  • (Stan Laurel) "Isn't she sweet."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "Charming."
  • (Stan Laurel) "Where is your wife?"
  • (Oliver Hardy) "She's in Chicago with her mother."
  • (Stan Laurel) "Is she having a nice time?"
  • (Oliver Hardy) "Sure she's having a nice time, she's been gone for more than a week, I- I don't care whether she's having a nice time or not."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "Hello."
  • (Blanche Payson) "Don't you yell at me. I'm not deaf."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "Oh, hello, honey baby. Where are you?"
  • (Blanche Payson) "Where am I? I'm down here at the railroad station. And if I stay here much longer they'll put me in the roundhouse."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "Where have you been?"
  • (Stan Laurel) "I was here, with me."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "Do you realise that this is the only suit that I've got left? It's enough to make a man burst out crying."
  • (Stan Laurel) "Well, I couldn't help it. I was doing the best I could --"
  • (Oliver Hardy) "Shut up and get this mess cleaned up. Do you know that my wife will be home at noon?"
  • (Stan Laurel) "Say, what do you think I am? Cinderella? If I had any sense I'd walk out on you."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "Well it's a good thing you haven't any sense."
  • (Stan Laurel) "It certainly is."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "What are you doing?"
  • (Stan Laurel) "I'm talking to you. What do you think I'm doing?"
  • (Oliver Hardy) "I know you're talking to me. Hey, come on over. I want to see you. And make it snappy."
  • (Stan Laurel) "QT."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "Why weren't you over to the party last night?"
  • (Stan Laurel) "I couldn't make it. I was bitten by a dog."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "You were what?"
  • (Stan Laurel) "A dog bit me."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "I can't understand you. Spell it."
  • (Stan Laurel) "A dog bit me. B-I-it me. Bit me."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "Where?"
  • (Stan Laurel) "There. And they took me to the hospital."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "Get closer to the phone, I can't understand you."
  • (Stan Laurel) "I said they; I said they took; They took me to the hospital."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "Was it serious?"
  • (Stan Laurel) "Yeah. The doctor said I might get hydrophosphates."
  • (Oliver Hardy) "Hydrophosphates? You mean hydrophobia."

Stan Laurel as Stan

  • (Stan Laurel) "Who do ya' think I am, Cinderalla?"

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