Home Movies (TV series) Quotes

Home Movies is a Animated sitcom that debuted in 1999 on UPN, and Adult Swim. Home Movies stopped airing in 2004.

Home Movies was on for 4 seasons and 52 episodes. It features Loren Bouchard, Melissa Bardin Galsky, Carl W. Adams, and Jack Ferraiolo as producer, Brendon Small, H. Jon Benjamin; Melissa Bardin Galsky; Janine Ditullio, and Paula Poundstone doing voices, Brendon Small as theme composer, and Brendon Small as composer. Home Movies is executive produced by Loren Bouchard, Tom Snyder, Bonnie Burns, Mary Catherine Micka, co-executive producers:, Brendon Small, and Carl W. Adams. Home Movies is created by Brendon Small; Loren Bouchard.

Home Movies is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Home Movies is 22 minutes long. Home Movies is produced by Burns & Burns Productions, Tom Snyder Productions, and Soup2Nuts and distributed by Home Video:, and Shout! Factory.

Home Movies Quotes

• (Brendon) "How's it going?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "Well, I just drank pee. How's it going with you?"

• (Coach McGuirk) "I've been all over the world, Brendon, except for Europe. And Asia."
• (Brendon) "Wow."
• (Coach McGuirk) "And South America, I haven't been to there yet."

• (Unnamed) "Rabbit Troop sucks."

• (Brendon) "Hey, Mitch."
• (Mitch) "Hey, how ya doin'?"
• (Brendon) "How's it going?"
• (Mitch) "It's goin' goood."
• (Brendon) "Yeah, you look good."
• (Mitch) "Yeah, I put an extra "o" in the "good" 'cause it's so good."

• (Coach McGuirk) "I actually got into a fight last week."
• (Brendon) "Yeah? Who'd you fight?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "That kid David over there -- yeah, he can't fight."

• (Brendon) "Fenton is -- grateful."
• (Fenton Mulley) "It's not great at all. I want pony rides."
• (Unnamed) "Renting a pony was too expensive, Fenton. Maybe next year."
• (Fenton Mulley) "MAYBE NEXT YEAR? I want pony rides THIS YEAR."
• (Unnamed) "But the magician was supposed to be the --"
• (Unnamed) "HE SUCKS, MOM."
• (Unnamed) "Fenton."
• (Fenton Mulley) "You know what, Mom?"
• (Unnamed) "What, honey?"
• (Fenton Mulley) "I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE."
• (Unnamed) "Oh, Fenton."

• (Melissa Robbins) "Coach McGuirk, what's the matter? You don't look so good. Are you on another bender?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "Where'd you learn that word, Melissa?"
• (Melissa Robbins) "From you."
• (Coach McGuirk) "Oh, right."

• (Unnamed) "Brendon is eating dinner, consisting of a white mush, at Fenton's house."
• (Fenton Mulley) "Do you like it Brendon?"
• (Brendon) "Uh, yeah."
• (Fenton Mulley) "You don't look like you like it. I don't think he likes it, Mom."
• (Brendon) "Um, what is it that we're eating?"
• (Fenton Mulley) "Rice."
• (Brendon) "Yeah, but what's the flavor?"
• (Fenton Mulley) "Rice flavored."
• (Brendon) "That's -- that's what I thought I was tasting --"

• (Coach McGuirk) "It tastes like pee turkey."

• (Coach McGuirk) "Do you wanna know what a real rash is?"
• (Brendon) "No."
• (Coach McGuirk) "I'll tell you. You get a rash somewhere on your body. It hurts so bad that you go blind. That's how bad it is. You blow up like a balloon, you look like a circus freak, you know what I'm talking about?"
• (Brendon) "No."
• (Coach McGuirk) "Next thing you know, you're in the circus, touring, making good money."
• (Brendon) "Wow."
• (Coach McGuirk) "You know my life."

• (Melissa Robbins) "Listen to me, junior, when I'm finished with you, you'll be the envy of all the idiots on your block."
• (Jason) "Wow. There are a lot of idiots on my block."

• (Brendon) "Freakie."
• (Jason) "Outie."
• (Brendon) "Freakie."
• (Jason) "Outie."

• (Melissa Robbins) "You'll have to wear glasses and people will make fun of you for the rest of your life, they'll call you four eyes and idiot."
• (Jason) "Then forget the glasses. I just won't read anymore."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Then they'll just call you idiot."
• (Jason) "Okay, how about laser surgery?"
• (Melissa Robbins) "Well, that's fine if you don't mind growing an extra arm --"
• (Jason) "I don't mind; it will help --"
• (Melissa Robbins) "-- Out of your eye."
• (Jason) "Oh my god."

• (Coach McGuirk) "Hey, My Swords are worth more than all these foods combined."
• (Unnamed) "Yes, But we do not accept swords."
• (Coach McGuirk) "Why don't you accept swords?"
• (Unnamed) "Let me ask my manager."
• (Unnamed) "Uh Yeah, Leo? mumbles call the cops."

• (Coach McGuirk) "All right, listen up, that was a good game. We all showed up, and I'm proud of that."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Coach McGuirk, I was just wondering how come they cancelled the game after ten minutes?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "Well, because we were losing by 20 goals, Melissa. It's called the Slaughter Rule. You know, Melissa, if we played the full game, we probably would have lost by a hundred goals. I don't know why I'm saying "we". I wasn't out there running around like it was the first time I ever used my legs. Melissa."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Okay."
• (Coach McGuirk) "You know, it's like when they stop a boxing match because the guy's bleeding too much, you know, all cut up. Only this was worse. I mean, fractured jaws get wired shut; broken noses become badges of courage -- Melissa."
• (Melissa Robbins) "-- okay."

• (Cynthia) "Did you just say "Awesome"?"

• (Brendon) "Okay; Interior, unmarked police car, morning. Mulligan and Winooski sit and slurp their coffee. Mulligan is behind the wheel."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Slurp."
• (Jason) "Slurp."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Slurp."
• (Jason) "Slurp."
• (Brendon) "They finish; they finish the coffee."
• (Jason) "Slurp."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Slurp."
• (Jason) "Slurp."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Slurp."
• (Jason) "My head is spinning."
• (Brendon) "Oh, they put that coffee down. Oh boy, that coffee is going downtown --"
• (Melissa Robbins) "Slurp."
• (Jason) "Slurp."
• (Brendon) "Put the coffee down."

• (Paula Small) "I need to refill this prescription. It's for my anxiety disorder and, uh, it's working nicely 'cause, uh -- I wouldn't be able to approach you otherwise."

• (Brendon) "Yes. I, George Washington, born in 1492, freer of the slaves, and the first president of this, our country. Though, savagely impeached for the shooting of Abe Lincoln, I will lead us into the demise of all humans."
• (Jason) "I am Picasso. I cut off my ear with a razor in a major shaving accident, then mailed it off to an ex-girlfriend, just for laughs. And I guess I paint, too."

• (Brendon) "Linda, I don't dislike you, but I dislike being around you."

• (Paula Small) "Hey kids, who wants ice cream?"
• (Unnamed) "Yeah."
• (Paula Small) "Well, get it yourselves."
• (Unnamed) "Oh."
• (Paula Small) "No really, who wants some ice cream?"
• (Unnamed) "Yeah."
• (Paula Small) "Too late."
• (Unnamed) "Oh."
• (Paula Small) "I'm kidding. We're going for ice cream."
• (Jason) "You're mom's funny, Brendon."
• (Brendon) "I know."
• (Jason) "I think it's her timing."

• (Paula Small) "Would you mind setting the table? Dinner's going to be ready soon."
• (Brendon) "Can I do it after dinner?"
• (Paula Small) "Sure."

• (Brendon) "I dunno, Coach, I just don't like her."
• (Coach McGuirk) "Why, she ugly or something?"
• (Brendon) "Oh, no. No, not at all. In fact, she's gorgeous."
• (Coach McGuirk) "Really?"
• (Brendon) "Yeah, she could be like in a magazine or something."
• (Coach McGuirk) "What, like a DIRTY mag?"
• (Brendon) "Uh, no. More like one of those model magazines."
• (Coach McGuirk) "Oh."

• (Coach McGuirk) "Who wrote the Gettysburg Address?"
• (Brendon) "Nixon."
• (Coach McGuirk) "That's right."

• (Coach McGuirk) "DVD -- DVD --"

• (Brendon) "Let's watch TV."
• (Fenton Mulley) "Very funny. No TV, Mom says."
• (Brendon) "What?"
• (Unnamed) "6:30, boys. Time for bed."
• (Brendon) "What?"
• (Fenton Mulley) "Come on, Bren-Bren, let's do something with our hair."
• (Brendon) "WHAT?"
• (Unnamed) "Get your pajamas on, boys."
• (Brendon) "WHAT?"

• (Brendon) "Mom, no --"
• (Paula Small) "No, Brendon, you're supposed to be resting, the doctor said it was psychosomatic. Or stress related. Or -- menopausal. Something. I wasn't paying attention."

• (Coach McGuirk) "Melissa, get in there and replace Janeane."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Coach, my arm's broken, remember?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "Your arm is protected by a cast. It's safer than it was before, now get in there."

• (Brendon) "All right, uh, so I'll keep it for the first day, Melissa, uh, keeps it for the second day, and Jason will keep it for the third day, and we'll keep doing it like that for -- the rest of our lives."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Okay."
• (Jason) "What if, um, one of us gets hit by a car and then it gets mangled?"
• (Brendon) "Then you miss your turn."

• (Ronald Lynch) "The question was "Who wrote Hamlet?" You wrote "The Pope's cousin, Count Pope-ula, a magical monster with pencils for arms"."
• (Brendon) "I'll be honest, Mr. Lynch. I made that one up."

• (Jason) "What's detention?"
• (Brendon) "It's where they make you sit in a room and; that's about it."
• (Jason) "So it's like therapy."
• (Brendon) "Kind of."

• (Brendon) "Coach, do you think I'm stupid?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "Of course you're stupid, Brendon, all kids are stupid."

• (Coach McGuirk) "I love this kid. He's like a chipmunk with a disease."

• (Coach McGuirk) "I've been to the can a few times, Brendan. That's what we call it, the can. So when you're there, you call it the can, all right?"
• (Brendon) "What do you call cans in prison?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "You mean like actual cans? Like food; cans of food?"
• (Brendon) "Yeah."
• (Coach McGuirk) "Those are still cans."

• (Melissa Robbins) "You had an affair? And now she's trying to kill us? How could you?"
• (Brendon) "I'm sorry."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Who is she?"
• (Brendon) "Just some woman."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Is it because I'm fat?"
• (Brendon) "No -- In fact, she's fat too."

• (Brendon) "Oh, no. I think I'm turning into a monster."
• (Jason) "AAAAAAAGGGGH. AAAAAAGGGGH. I'M A MONSTER."
• (Brendon) "HEY. He's Using TELEKINESIS."
• (Jason) "THAT'S RIGHT. I'M USING TELEKINESIS. I'LL BURN YOU UP AND MAKE YOU CRISPY."
• (Melissa Robbins) "My flesh is getting hot."

• (Brendon) "We are artists --"
• (Melissa Robbins) "Yes, we are."
• (Brendon) "Doodle-e-doo."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Yes, we are."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Watch us paint, and sculpt, and write."
• (Brendon) "We're so creative we just might; sit in cafés and drink cappuccino."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Philosophize and swat mosquitoes."
• (Jason) "Sit around and eat burritos."
• (Brendon) "To be an artist sure is neato."
• (Melissa Robbins) "We are artists and we're blessed; by; Zeus."

• (Coach McGuirk) "I can't sleep, I have insomnia."
• (Melissa Robbins) "What's that?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "You don't know what insomnia is?"
• (Melissa Robbins) "No."
• (Coach McGuirk) "It's when you can't sleep."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Did you try lying on your bed and, you know, having your eyes closed and just relaxing?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "Oh, that's genius Melissa. What a great idea. Let me write that down. So you're saying what I have to do to fall asleep, is go to sleep. Right? Is that what you're saying, Melissa? Good. 'Cause it's brilliant. You should write a book. You should give seminars, all right, you'll make millions of dollars. Attention all insomniacs, all you have to do to fall asleep,"
• (Coach McGuirk) "is lie in your bed."
• (Melissa Robbins) "All right. Coach, I was just trying to help."
• (Coach McGuirk) "I'm sorry, Melissa, I didn't mean to snap at you, all right? It's just that I haven't slept in four nights, all right? Then I've got you peeping in my ear about stretching."
• (Melissa Robbins) "I'm just trying to help."
• (Coach McGuirk) "Like every other woman in my life."

• (Coach McGuirk) "You wanna know something? Anyone can become a soccer coach. Like, they don't regulate. Like you have to get a degree, right? So you're qualified."
• (Nurse Kirkman) "Yes -- I do have a degree."
• (Coach McGuirk) "Yeah, I'm not. You can become coach, of a sport that you don't care about, you don't know how to play, you're not good with kids. But I have had the job for three years. You'd think that they would check up but they don't."

• (Coach McGuirk) "Brendon there's nothing wrong with lying to women. Or the government. Or parents. Or God."

• (Paula Small) "I'm getting a raise."
• (Brendon) "That's great."
• (Paula Small) "Well, I'm going to ask for a raise."
• (Brendon) "Well, that's, um -- practically great."

• (Brendon) "This sucks. I look like a magician."
• (Andrew Small) "Oh, you look good."
• (Brendon) "No, I look like a magician."
• (Andrew Small) "No -- you look like a waiter at a restaurant that has no child labour laws."

• (Coach McGuirk) "Lady, you can come on to me all you want. I'm gonna say no every time."

• (Coach McGuirk) "Brendan, let's get out of here."
• (Brendon) "Why? I have to study --"
• (Coach McGuirk) "'Cause they're not like us here. Brendan, we're different, we're not studiers. We're not the worker ants. We're the queens. You and me are the queen bees."

• (Coach McGuirk) "There's a tornado coming. So I'm gonna stay down here with the baby, you guys go upstairs and play."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Shouldn't we stay down here with you?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "No, it's not safe for everybody to be in the same place during a tornado, Melissa."
• (Melissa Robbins) "But I thought you're supposed to go together."
• (Coach McGuirk) "No. The rule is, Melissa, you separate."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Are you sure?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "Yeah. If you get sucked into the funnel and everyone's separated it's just like a fun ride. But if you're all in a group, in a cluster, you start banging into each other, then your heads collide and you die."

• (Brendon) "Therefore, I shall resign the presidency effective at noon tomorrow."
• (Unnamed) "Tomorrow's Saturday."
• (Brendon) "Okay, noon today."
• (Unnamed) "It's 2:30."
• (Brendon) "All right. Uh -- 2:31. I shall resign officially at 2:31 today."

• (Coach McGuirk) "Life sucks, Brendon. That's your lesson. Go enjoy it."

• (Dixie Smithley) "Excuse me -- hi. Hi. I'm Dixie Smithley from Channel 1 News and I wanted to congratulate you kids on your award."
• (Brendon) "Oh --."
• (Dixie Smithley) "I'd love to do a piece on you three kids."
• (Jason) "You mean, um -- beat us up?"

• (Brendon) "Whos writing this down?"
• (Melissa Robbins) "I am"
• (Brendon) "So read that last thing to me and really sell it big."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Okay Jason comes in and says you're acting like a barbarian."
• (Jason) "That was not even nearly what"
• (Melissa Robbins) "Cause thats where I think the joke is. Cause thats where I think the joke is"
• (Jason) "It seems edited by you Melissa"

• (Brendon) "Why aren't you coaching?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "I'm letting Drew run the practice. That's what assistant coaches are for, running the practice."
• (Brendon) "Yeah, I guess."
• (Coach McGuirk) "Assistant coaches are also for doing my laundry."
• (Brendon) "You know, the team really seems to like him."
• (Coach McGuirk) "And getting me food --"
• (Brendon) "Right."
• (Coach McGuirk) "Buying me lottery tickets --"

• (Paula Small) "Mom. Dad's heartbroken."
• (Unnamed) "Oh, please. The only way to break that man's heart is to whack it with a shovel. Or, take away his anti-depressants."
• (Unnamed) "Let's get something to eat; I'm starved."

• (Judge) "What I'm doing is deciding an appropriate punishment. That's the phase of the trial right now."
• (Coach McGuirk) "Your honour, might I suggest a spanking; on his tush-tush?"

• (Coach McGuirk) "Uh, this is a poem I call "New York Times". New York Times. / New York Times. / You think you're better than us? / Us? / U-S? / USA? / No Way. Thank you."

• (Coach McGuirk) "Brendon, Melissa -- Jason?"
• (Melissa Robbins) "Yeah?"
• (Brendon) "Yeah?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "Is that his name?"
• (Melissa Robbins) "Mmhmm."
• (Coach McGuirk) "A tornado is coming."
• (Brendon) "Coach, are you crying?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "No I'm not crying."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Wait, Coach, a tornado is really coming?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "Yes, that's what the radio said, "There's a tornado coming." So I'm going to stay down here with the baby; you guys go up stairs and play."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Shouldn't we stay down here with you --"
• (Coach McGuirk) "No. It's not safe for everybody to be in the same place during a tornado Melissa."
• (Melissa Robbins) "But I thought you're suppose to go --"
• (Coach McGuirk) "No. The rule is Melissa, you separate."
• (Melissa Robbins) "Are you sure?"
• (Coach McGuirk) "Yeah, you get sucked into the funnel and everyone's separated then it's like a fun ride. But, if you're all in a group, in a cluster, you start banging into each other and then your heads collide and you die."

• (Coach McGuirk) "So I said to her "You want it clean? HUH? You want it CLEAN? YOU CLEAN IT. CLEAN IT YOURSELF. CLEAN IT YOURSELF." -- and I haven't spoken to my mother since."

• (Jason) "Will you be staying with us for business or pleasure?"
• (Melissa Robbins) "Both."
• (Jason) "That would be bleasure. Or plusiness."

• (Brendon) "Fenton is -- thoughtful."
• (Unnamed) "Do you like my new sweater?"
• (Fenton Mulley) "Is it supposed to be UGLY?"

• (Coach McGuirk) "Remember what I told you about Area 51."
• (Brendon) "Yeah, it's where they store the frozen bodies of the aliens that landed on earth."
• (Coach McGuirk) "What about Area 52?"
• (Brendon) "It's where they store the frozen bodies of the illegal aliens."
• (Coach McGuirk) "Very good. It's also a porn movie."

• (Coach McGuirk) "What is going on in Mexico?"

• (Brendon) "Any questions? Anybody -- have any -- .uh -- requests?"
• (Unnamed) "Can we get pizza more?"
• (Brendon) ""Pizza more". I have no idea what that means. Next question."
• (Unnamed) "Is ketchup a vegetable?"
• (Brendon) "Very good question. Ketchup is actually a fruit. It's a magical fruit."

• (Brendon) "Fenton is -- generous."
• (Fenton Mulley) "It's MINE."
• (Perry) "I just want to look at it."
• (Fenton Mulley) "I don't care. It's MINE. Don't look at it."
• (Perry) "WALTER? W-where ARE you?"

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