Hoodwinked! Quotes

Hoodwinked! is a television program that debuted in 1970 . Hoodwinked! ended in 1970.

It features Katie Hooten as producer, and John Mark Painter in charge of musical score.

Hoodwinked! is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Hoodwinked! is 80 minutes long. Hoodwinked! is distributed by The Weinstein Company.

The cast includes: Cory Edwards as Twitchy, Anne Hathaway as Red, Tom Kenny as Tommy, David Ogden Stiers as Nicky Flippers, Anne Hathaway as Red Puckett, Anthony Anderson as Det. Bill Stork, Glenn Close as Granny, Xzibit as Chief Grizzly, Chazz Palminteri as Woolworth, Andy Dick as Boingo, Kevin Michael Richardson as P-Biggie, Ken Marino as Raccoon Jerry, Glenn Close as Granny Puckett, Tara Strong as Zorra, Joshua J. Greene as Jimmy Lizard, and Tye Edwards as Dolph.

Hoodwinked! Quotes

Cory Edwards as Twitchy

• (The Wolf) "What kind of candles are those?"
• (Cory Edwards) "Dee-na-mee-tay. Must be Italian."

• (The Wolf) "You know, I'm front page material now. I'm about to crack a story about the 3 pigs running a home improvement scam. Houses falling left and right"
• (Cory Edwards) "I've got the wide angle lens for those piggies. You gotta go wide."

• (Cory Edwards) "So when do we eat?"
• (The Wolf) "Sure, you hungry for failure? Maybe a side of unemployment? 'Cause that's what's for lunch."
• (Cory Edwards) "What do we do?"
• (The Wolf) "We go right to the source. We've gotta get to Granny's before the kid does."
• (Andy Dick) "Is it a surprise?"
• (The Wolf) "Surprise for who?"
• (Andy Dick) "You're going over to Granny's house to surprise Red. I mean, is it her birthday, or some kind of shim dig, 'cause I'm great at parties. Watch me pull myself out of a hat."
• (The Wolf) "Yeah, big surprise party. You know how to get there?"
• (Andy Dick) "Oh, yeah. Yeah. In fact, I know a shortcut."
• (The Wolf) "You hear that? He knows a shortcut."
• (Andy Dick) "Over the woods and through the river -- No, you don't wanna go through the river. You'll get all wet."
• (The Wolf) "You see, Twitchy? You get lemons, you make lemonade."
• (The Wolf) "And then that lemonade goes bitter, and ferments, and turns to pig-swill. Never trust a bunny with directions, Twitchy."
• (Cory Edwards) "Sure thing, boss. Never trust a bunny."
• (The Wolf) "Well the bright side is at least I finally dried off."
• (The Wolf) "Why couldn't I write movie reviews? We are in a pickle, and I blame myself. That bunny was worthless, not to mention he wrote the directions on an Easter Egg --"
• (The Wolf) "-- which is very hard to read."
• (Cory Edwards) "Oh, we're gonnadie here."
• (The Wolf) "Come on, that's what they said at the Alamo."

• (Cory Edwards) "The criminal you are looking for cannot be found at the bottom of the mountain; he resides at the top in a cave fortress where my companions are trying to detain him."

• (The Wolf) "I knew it. Never trust a bunny."
• (Cory Edwards) "Never trust a bunny."

• (Cory Edwards) "Say parcheesi."

• (The Wolf) "Whoa. Creepy."
• (The Wolf) "I was starting to have my suspicions."
• (The Wolf) "Question: who does she move the goodies for? Where do they come from? Where are they going? And why the hood?"
• (The Wolf) "Ah. Twitchy, you scared me."
• (Cory Edwards) "Hey boss, I called the taped-I beeped you on your beeper. Did you get my beep?"
• (The Wolf) "Twitchy, you gotta calm down."
• (Cory Edwards) "I got up early and I got the gear; I was watching the girl like you told me to, the girl in the red hood."
• (The Wolf) "Yeah, the girl in the red hood. Did you see where she went?"
• (Cory Edwards) "She went past the porcupines and the red bird's tree and the guy with the long beard and now she's up the creek and she sings everywhere she goes, he's like lalalalalalalalalala --"
• (The Wolf) "Yeah, yeah, I'm way ahead of you. We gotta find out who she's working for. You got the camera?"
• (Cory Edwards) "Got the 220x and a photograb with autofocus. Ooo, look at that; come with a 500 millimeter lens. You want the color or black and white?"
• (The Wolf) "Doesn't matter."
• (Cory Edwards) "I brought a flash."
• (The Wolf) "Ugh, will you put that away. It's covert. No flash."
• (Cory Edwards) "Undercover, got it. Mmm-hm. Nobody sees, nobody knows. Click-click, heh heh."
• (The Wolf) "You ever thought about decaffeinated coffee?"
• (Cory Edwards) "Oh, I don't drink coffee."

• (Cory Edwards) "Caffeine. Yeah baby."

• (The Wolf) "I can't believe I'm saying this but -- drink up."
• (The Wolf) "We may want to stand back."
• (Cory Edwards) "Yee-hoo-hoo-hoo. Wahooo. Caffeine. Yeah baby. Whoa."
• (The Wolf) "Go get 'em boy."
• (The Wolf) "What -- have I done?"
• (Glenn Close) "Now the rest's up to us."
• (The Woodsman) "Can I have coffee?"

Kevin Michael Richardson as P-Biggie

• (Kevin Michael Richardson) "Yo, Triple-G. What's up, baby?"
• (2-Tone) "Granny. What's happening?"
• (Glenn Close) "What up, my homies?"

Anne Hathaway as Red Puckett

• (Anne Hathaway) "What big ears you have."
• (The Wolf) "All the better to hear your many criticisms."

• (Anne Hathaway) "Huh? What's this?"
• (Glenn Close) "Oh, it says "World's Greatest Grandma"."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Grandma, I can read. It says "Battle of the Iron Cage Gladiators"."

• (The Wolf) "You got the loot?"
• (Anne Hathaway) "Whoa, what big hands you have."
• (The Wolf) "Oh. All the better to scratch my back with."
• (Anne Hathaway) "And what big ears you have --"
• (The Wolf) "All the better to hear your -- many criticisms. Old people just have big ears, dear."
• (Anne Hathaway) "And Granny -- what big eyes you have."
• (The Wolf) "Are we just gonna sit around here and talk about how big I'm getting?"
• (The Wolf) "You came here for a reason, didn't you? So tell old Granny what you've got in the basket."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Ugh. Granny. What bad breath you have."
• (Anne Hathaway) "You again. What do I have to do, get a restraining order?"
• (The Wolf) "Settle down, little girl."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Hi-yah."
• (The Wolf) "Save it, Red fu. You've been dodging me all day, you might as well just give up."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Ha. You crazy Wolf. What have you done with Granny?"
• (The Wolf) "I'm taking Granny down and you're next."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Granny."

• (Anne Hathaway) "You're crazy."
• (Andy Dick) "Maybe so, but I'm top of the woods now baby."

• (Anne Hathaway) "Who are you ?"
• (The Wolf) "I'm your grandma."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Your face looks really weird, granny."
• (The Wolf) "I've been sick, I -- uh --"
• (Anne Hathaway) "Your mouth doesn't move when you talk."
• (The Wolf) "Plastic surgery. Grandma's had a little work done."

• (Anne Hathaway) "You again. What do I have to do, get a restraining order?"

• (Anne Hathaway) "Granny?"
• (Glenn Close) "Huh, who's that?"
• (Anne Hathaway) "It's Red. I'm on my way over to see --"
• (Glenn Close) "Oh, my dear, I-I'm not prepared. I've got to -- put down fresh doilies. Ugh."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Granny. Granny. What's wrong?"
• (Glenn Close) "Gotta go, munchkin. Bonsai."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Oh, no."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Mr. Goat, my Granny's in trouble. I've got to find a way around the mountain, fast."
• (Japeth the Goat) "Well you came to the right goat."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Oh, good. More singing."

• (Unnamed) "Watcha readin', Red?"
• (Unnamed) ""Far Away Places"? Are you going somewhere far away?"
• (Anne Hathaway) "No. The world is too dangerous for me."
• (Unnamed) "Ahh. Can't see. Danger. Turn into the skid."
• (Unnamed) "I'm okay. I'll walk it off."
• (Unnamed) "You can't go away. Who's gonna ride the goody bike?"
• (Anne Hathaway) "If I had wings like you, I'd fly all the way past that mountain, and the next one and the next one, but I can't. I am just a kid."
• (Unnamed) "I'm just a woodpecker."

• (Anne Hathaway) "Hello?"
• (Anne Hathaway) "Hello."
• (Anne Hathaway) "I'm looking for Granny Puckett's house?"
• (Japeth the Goat) "Graaaaaaaanneeee Puckeeeet --"
• (Anne Hathaway) "Could you stop singing for one moment?"
• (Japeth the Goat) "No I can't, wish I could, but a mountain witch done put a spell on me, 37 years agoooooooo, and now I gotta sing every thing I saaaaaaaaayyyyyy --"
• (Anne Hathaway) "Everything?"
• (Japeth the Goat) "That's right."
• (Anne Hathaway) "You just talked. Just now."
• (Japeth the Goat) "Oh, did I?"
• (Japeth the Goat) "Did I? Dididididodadidididoooo --"

• (Anne Hathaway) "Mr. Flippers."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "I see you all got my message. Glad you could make it."
• (Glenn Close) "What's going on?"
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Well, I was wondering if you'd like to come and work for me? I could use some fresh talent like you."
• (The Wolf) "What kind of work are we talking about?"
• (David Ogden Stiers) "You'd be under cover, on impossible missions, to far away places. There's a lot of stories out there that need a happy ending. I'm part of a secret organization that makes sure that happens."
• (Anne Hathaway) ""Happily Ever After Agency"?"
• (David Ogden Stiers) "The woods don't go 'round by themselves."
• (Cory Edwards) "Yeah. Alright. Okay we fight the bad guys, we ride the ski boats, climb the walls, and swing the windows secret agent style. Right. Yeah."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "So what do you think?"
• (Glenn Close) "Bring it honey."
• (Anne Hathaway) "I always did like happy endings."

• (Anne Hathaway) "With the Goodie Bandit on the loose, recipes were becoming an endangered species. I decided to call Granny. If anyone knew what to do, she would."
• (Glenn Close) "I don't know what to do. I'm just a tired old lady."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Your recipes are the most famous in the whole forest, Granny. What if they get swiped? It could wipe you out. Maybe I should bring you the recipe book, just for safekeeping."
• (Glenn Close) "A trip up the mountain is too dangerous for a little girl."
• (Anne Hathaway) "I'm not so little anymore."
• (Glenn Close) "Please, dear, you just keep the recipes there and everything will be fine."
• (Anne Hathaway) "But --"
• (Glenn Close) "I have to go now. My program's on. Kisses."

David Ogden Stiers as Nicky Flippers

• (David Ogden Stiers) "I wanna know more about this fellow with the axe. How does he fit into all this?"
• (Anthony Anderson) "Maybe you should AXE him yourself. Ha ha ha ha haaa ha haaa. You-haha-see haa ha haaa. Axe-haaa ha ha. He he hee --"
• (Anthony Anderson) "I'll bring him in."

• (David Ogden Stiers) "What do you do for a living, Mr. Wolf?"
• (The Wolf) "I'm a shepherd."

• (David Ogden Stiers) "I think it's safe to say that our thespian friend here knows the least about anything of anyone in this room."

• (David Ogden Stiers) "It would seem that all of you came together tonight by mistake."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Maybe you naughty neighbors butted heads so we could get to the real truth."
• (The Wolf) "The Goody Bandit"
• (David Ogden Stiers) "That's right. The Bandit's still at large. There's been a lot of finger pointing tonight, but now all fingers point to the Bandit."
• (The Woodsman) "Not my finger."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Oh no, you were just out damaging forest property, cutting down the redwoods we all call home."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Big guy like you, you could probably take whatever you want from little goody-loving creatures, couldn't you?"
• (The Woodsman) "But someone robbed me. Have we lost track of that?"
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Thats right, someone did. Maybe a snack food competitor. Right Granny?"
• (Glenn Close) "Now hold on a pea-picking minute. I may lead a double life full of secrets and deception, but that's no reason to be suspicious."
• (The Woodsman) "Huh?"
• (David Ogden Stiers) "A woman like you could have a lot to gain stealing all those recipes."
• (Xzibit) "And that's how she makes her goodies so good. Eh?"
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Or she could just be another victim -- of a hungry Wolf"
• (The Wolf) "Ah, the wolf did it. Talk about profiling."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Why should we trust someone who wears disguises for a living?"
• (Xzibit) "Maybe he's not a wolf at all."
• (The Wolf) "You got me. I'm a poodle. I just haven't been to the barbershop in a long time."
• (Xzibit) "Is this all just a big joke to you?"
• (The Wolf) "I just followed the girl here."
• (Glenn Close) "You leave my granddaughter alone."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Yes, now we get to Little Red, the girl with the basket on the run."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Where is she anyway?"

• (David Ogden Stiers) "Who taught you how to drive?"
• (Xzibit) "Almost hit a squirrel"

• (David Ogden Stiers) "Red Riding Hood, you probably know the story."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "But there's more to every tale than meets the eye. It's just like they always say, you can't judge a book by its cover. If you want to know the truth, you've gotta flip through the pages."

• (David Ogden Stiers) "Well. Someone hibernated on the wrong side of the cave."

• (David Ogden Stiers) "And bring in a police sketch artist. No, make it a cartoonist."

• (David Ogden Stiers) "What are you hiding, old girl?"

Tom Kenny as Tommy

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Anthony Anderson as Det. Bill Stork

• (Anthony Anderson) "What is it boy? Truck. Trouble at the mill. Is the barn on fire? The barn's on fire. The well. Timmy's stuck in the well."

Andy Dick as Boingo

• (Andy Dick) "Hey, you're a delivery girl, right? Then could you do me a favor? Could you take this down the mountain? 'Cause it absolutely, positively has to be there TONIGHT."

• (Andy Dick) "Oh you best be fearing the ear, baby."

• (Andy Dick) "You've been Hoodwinked, baby."

• (Andy Dick) "Dolph, tie up the brat; Liesel, hold the book; Vincent, get the truck; and Keith -- darn it change your name, please. That's not scary and I'm embarrassed to say it. Boris, try that. Keith, ya know, OOOO Watch out for Keith."

• (The Wolf) "Let me level with you, you're an evil genius, right?"
• (Andy Dick) "Well, I don't know if I'd say "genius," you know. I was asked to join Mensa."
• (The Wolf) "Well, you got yourself an evil lair in a mountain cave. That's standard, but see, most masters of evil that we deal with are up to evil genius code. Are you familiar with the code?"
• (Andy Dick) "You know, I'm more of a do-it-yourself kind of guy. Yeah."
• (The Wolf) "I understand. Are you thinking about puttin' in a laser?"
• (Andy Dick) "I don't know. I don't -- Do you think I should?"
• (The Wolf) "Well, it's standard equipment for a cave lair. I'm not saying you're going to zap someone with it today, but you gotta think about the future. Those things have gotta be calibrated."

• (Andy Dick) "Oh, you'd best be fearing the ear baby."

• (Andy Dick) "I smell hairspray"

• (The Woodsman) "Uh, Mister Rabbit --"
• (Andy Dick) "Dolph. Where have you been? You nimwitted Eurotrash with the -- what is that, a ski mask?"
• (The Woodsman) "Uh, I, um, yah --"
• (Andy Dick) "I like that. See, that's scary. Yeah that's good --"
• (The Woodsman) "Um, b-boss --"
• (Andy Dick) "WHAT? Say it. Spit it out. What's goin' on?"
• (The Woodsman) "Um -- boss, uh,"
• (The Woodsman) "Paul's bunion cream/has the soothing formula --"
• (The Wolf) "Hi there. What he means to say is that I'm the building inspector."
• (The Woodsman) "Yah, yes."
• (The Wolf) "I just need to tap the pipes; see if your wiring's up to par."
• (Andy Dick) "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it, you're not -- no, you can't touch anything in here."
• (The Wolf) "Let's walk."

• (Andy Dick) "Hey, Red."
• (Andy Dick) "Ohh, nice outfit. Always red with you. You must be in autumn."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Hey, Boingo. Aren't you helping the Muffin Man today?"
• (Andy Dick) "Na, he closed up shop. Someone stole all his recipes last night, and now I'm out of a job."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Oh, geez, Boingo, I'm really sorry. Are you still working the cable car?"
• (Andy Dick) "Yeah, yeah I am but it's not as fun as making goodies all day."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Would a carrot crumpet make you feel better?"
• (Andy Dick) "Oh boy. Oh boy. Thanks, Red, I can always count on you to deliver, you little rascal -- devil."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Yeah, well, the woods don't go 'round by themselves."

Xzibit as Chief Grizzly

• (Xzibit) "All right, get a muzzle on that guy."
• (The Wolf) "Hey, I can explain everything."
• (Xzibit) "Well you can explain it to the judge."
• (Xzibit) "Shouldn't you be at school?"
• (Anne Hathaway) "Shouldn't I have a lawyer?"

• (Xzibit) "Pretty thin Wolf. You say the old lady was already tied up. How did that happen?"
• (The Wolf) "I don't know, maybe to make herself look innocent. I just write the news Chief, I don't make it."
• (Anne Hathaway) "For a reporter, you sure have a strange way of doing your job."
• (The Wolf) "What can I say? I was raised by wolves."

• (Xzibit) "You got a way to back this up?"
• (Cory Edwards) "I got these pictures developed, Mr. Flippers."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "That so? Let's have a look --"
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Hmmm -- these are good -- Ha --"
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Here's a nice one of you, Wolf."
• (The Wolf) "Grrph --"
• (Cory Edwards) "I wanna do an expose' sometime; a gallery show. And maybe a coffee table book, 'course, I don't drink coffee. Maybe a china tea/latte book."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Photos don't lie, Chief."
• (The Wolf) "Good work, Twitchy."
• (Xzibit) "Grrph."

• (Xzibit) "Yep, that settles it. We've got our bandit."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Ah, could be. I'd like to count my chickens after they hatch."
• (Tom Kenny) "Chickens?"
• (Anne Hathaway) "You've gotta admit, a wolf stopping kids in the middle of the forest? That's pretty creepy."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Yes, right. But we don't arrest people for being creepy."
• (Tom Kenny) "Yeah Bruce, you know that guy we got in the tank?"
• (Unnamed) "Uh -- the creepy one?"
• (Tom Kenny) "Yeah, better let him go."
• (David Ogden Stiers) "So you went on to Granny's?"
• (Anne Hathaway) "I found an old trail up the north side of the mountain."

• (Xzibit) "This looks pretty open and shut. Little miss rosy-capes making covert deliveries to the goodie-tycoon. Wolfie tries to eat 'em both, then crazy flannel-pants with the axe here busts in, swinging vigilante-style. Take 'em downtown boys."
• (Anthony Anderson) "Ah, it's the woods chief, we don't have a downtown."
• (Xzibit) "You know what I mean. Just book'em."

• (Xzibit) "This guy's a loon."
• (Anthony Anderson) "Watch it, chief. My mama's half-loon."

Ken Marino as Raccoon Jerry

• (Ken Marino) "What did you say your name was?"
• (The Wolf) "Shaw. Rick Shaw. Came in from Japan."

Tye Edwards as Dolph

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Joshua J. Greene as Jimmy Lizard

• (The Woodsman) "Arrrgh. Paul's Bunion Cream has the soothing formula --"
• (Joshua J. Greene) "Whoa, whoa, whoa, no. Hold it, hold it."
• (Joshua J. Greene) "Ho, ho, stop -- Look, "Argh"?"
• (The Woodsman) "Uh-huh --"
• (Joshua J. Greene) "What -- what are ya, some kinda German pirate or somethin'?"
• (The Woodsman) "I just got the script, like, five minutes ago -- I'm trying --"
• (Joshua J. Greene) "Okay, sure, sure, um -- you're not gettin' it --"

Chazz Palminteri as Woolworth

• (Chazz Palminteri) "Little Red? Processing -- yes, I know her. Good kid. Not like that Bo Peep. Girl put up an invisible fence, tasted metal fillings for a week."

• (The Wolf) "You're lookin' pretty tasty --"
• (Chazz Palminteri) "Why you gotta be like that?"

Glenn Close as Granny

• (Glenn Close) "It's true, I'm not like other grannies. I never did like the quilting bees and the bingo parlors. I'd rather live life to the EXTREME."

• (Glenn Close) "Ooh, almost forgot. I made you kids some snicker-doodles."
• (2-Tone) "Yo."
• (Kevin Michael Richardson) "Tight. Oh yeah, snicker-doodles, snicker-doodles. Give it up, give it up."
• (2-Tone) "Gimme one of those."
• (Tara Strong) "Yeah, snicker-doodles. Those are my favorite."
• (2-Tone) "Snickadeedoo."

• (Glenn Close) "Honey, don't look at your granny like that."
• (Anne Hathaway) "I'm sorry, I thought you were Triple G. Or are you the Bandit?"
• (Anthony Anderson) "Awkward."
• (Glenn Close) "You're being ridiculous, Red."
• (Anne Hathaway) "I'm being ridiculous? You're off living -- La Vida Loca, risking your life for some dumb thrills. And I'm supposed to stay home and be your happy little delivery girl?"
• (Tom Kenny) "I, have a --"
• (David Ogden Stiers) "Coffee break, anyone?"
• (Xzibit) "Uh, yeah."
• (Anthony Anderson) "Whose got my keys?"
• (Ken Marino) "You think Granny would mind if I went through her garbage?"
• (Xzibit) "Excuse us."
• (Glenn Close) "I thought you were happy."
• (Anne Hathaway) "Open your eyes. I've never even been outside of the forest. Don't you think I'd want more than that?"
• (Glenn Close) "Of course you do. You're a Puckett."
• (Anne Hathaway) "I don't know what that means anymore."

• (Glenn Close) "Sweet tea and cookies, we've got to do something."
• (The Wolf) "I know. The song was catchty, but choreography was terrible."

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