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How to Steal a Million Quotes

How to Steal a Million is a television program that was first aired in 1970 . How to Steal a Million ended in 1970.

It features William Wyler as producer, John Williams in charge of musical score, and Charles Lang as head of cinematography.

How to Steal a Million is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of How to Steal a Million is 123 minutes long. How to Steal a Million is distributed by 20th Century Fox.

The cast includes: Audrey Hepburn as Nicole Bonnet, Peter O'Toole as Simon Dermott, Hugh Griffith as Charles Bonnet, and Edward Malin as Insurance Clerk.

How to Steal a Million Quotes

Audrey Hepburn as Nicole Bonnet

  • (Audrey Hepburn) "You wouldn't dare."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Fear not. I'm off duty."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Now how do I get home?"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "You see, you never can tell when you might need a friend."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Well, it was pitch dark and there he was. Tall, blue eyes, slim, quite good-looking -- in a brutal, mean way, Papa. A terrible man."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Papa, I caught a burglar."
  • (Hugh Griffith) "Of course you did."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "I can't drive a stolen car."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Same principle, four gears forward, one reverse."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "I didn't think there'd be this much togetherness."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Well, it's the height of the tourist season. Everything was book up. It was the best I could do."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Marvelous."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "No applause, please."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Your arm is much better."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Oh no no, it hurts, it hurts."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "It's the other arm."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "The infection is spreading."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "I would like to remind you, Mr. Dermott; ours is a business relationship."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Turn around."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "What for?"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "They go on over the clothes."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "I feel like I'm going to faint."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Don't, there's no room."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Oh dear havens. I'll call you a taxi. And pay for it is that alright."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "That's fine. However, if the police find my car parked outside your house. It could mean questions. I'm wanted you know."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Alright, I'll drive you home, is that alright?"
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Don't be such a baby, it's only a flesh wound."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Happens to be my flesh."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "You really are the smuggest and most hateful man."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "I didn't want to keep you waiting, so I got engaged to him. Is it alright? Am I on time?"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Perfectly. In fact, we have ten more minutes, so if you want to go back and marry him?"
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "I keep telling you, Papa, when you sell a fake masterpiece, that is a crime."
  • (Hugh Griffith) "But I don't sell them to poor people, only to millionaires."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Is this how you normally work, by the mile?"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "I'm thinking. Look at my forehead: all wrinkled."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "All right, where to?"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "The Ritz."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "The what?"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "The Hotel Ritz. It's in the Place Vendôme."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "I know where it is. You're a very chic burglar."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Mmmhmmm."

Peter O'Toole as Simon Dermott

  • (Peter O'Toole) "Oh don't you dare cry."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "I"m not I've got something in my eye."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "There's nothing wrong with your eye. You're crying to try and soften me up."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "It's not true."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "It won't work. I'm too tough."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "I want you to take a long look at the trees, the blue sky, and the river, all of which I personally loathe, which is why a juicy stretch in a French prison doesn't bother me at all."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Yes, that's fine. That does it."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Does what?"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Well, for one thing, it gives Givenchy a night off."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "It's a fake, isn't it?"
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "I --"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "No long drawn out stories at this time of night. Just simply nod your head yes or no."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "I tossed a coin on the way over. You lost."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "GO."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "And meet me at the museum at five-thirty sharp. And don't ask me why or I'll hit you with a bucket."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Who's that?"
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Papa's cousin -- from South America."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "You know for someone who started lying recently, you're showing a real flair."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Oh thank you."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Well, we made it here alive."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "I'm the one that's bleeding."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "I know about their so called tests."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Papa, they aren't so called they are."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "That thing isn't loaded is it?"
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Course it is."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Are you armed?"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Yours is a capricious nature. Do you always blow hot and cold like this?"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Our telephones may be tapped, so I'll conduct this entire conversation in Swahili. How are you?"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Just one more tiny favour: like an idiot I forgot to wear gloves on the job. I may have left some fingerprints. Be an angel. Before you go to bed, just give the frame of the painting a little wipe with a clean cloth, ok?"
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Certainly. Anything else? You wouldn't like a forged passport or some counterfeit money or --"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Oh, no no no."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "You're mad. Utterly mad. I suppose you want to kiss me goodnight?"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Oh, I don't usually, not on the first acquaintance, but you've been such a good sport --"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "38, Rue Parmentier, drive carefully."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Get a good night's sleep."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Look, it's early, why don't I show you the real Paris?"
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "That's very kind of you, but I live here; I was born in Paris."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Oh, that's right, I forgot. Well why don't you show me the real Paris."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Good morning. We meet under the most artistic circumstances."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "There's the bathroom. Take off your clothes."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Are we planning the same sort of crime?"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "You're quite safe. It's dress rehearsal time. That's why we bought all this lovely junk."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "This should keep me out of action for a week."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Why must it be this particular work of art?"
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "You don't think I'd steal something that didn't belong to me, do you?"
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Excuse me, I spoke without thinking."
  • (Peter O'Toole) "Where precisely were you in the early part of the sixteenth century?"
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "I don't know but that's not how I was dressed."

Hugh Griffith as Charles Bonnet

  • (Hugh Griffith) "Don't you know that in his lifetime Van Gogh only sold one painting? While I, in loving memory of his tragic genius, have already sold two."
  • (Hugh Griffith) "My dirt."
  • (Hugh Griffith) "What have I done? I've given the world a precious opportunity of studying and viewing the Cellini Venus."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Which is not by Cellini."
  • (Hugh Griffith) "Ahh, labels, labels. It's working with the Americans that's given you this obsession with labels and brand names. I wish you'd give up that ridiculous job."
  • (Hugh Griffith) "American millionaires must be all quite mad. Perhaps it's something they put in the ink when they print the money."
  • (Hugh Griffith) "I doubt very much if Van Gogh himself would have gone through so much trouble."
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "He didn't have to. He was Van Gogh."
  • (Hugh Griffith) "This tall, good-looking ruffian with blue eyes, he didn't, er, molest you in any way, did he?"
  • (Hugh Griffith) "Well, did he?"
  • (Audrey Hepburn) "Not much."

Edward Malin as Insurance Clerk

  • (Edward Malin) "By the way sir, would you like to be present at the technical examination?"
  • (Hugh Griffith) "Tech-technical examination?"

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