In the Loop Quotes

In the Loop is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . In the Loop ended its run in 1970.

It features Adam Tandy as producer, Adem Ilhan in charge of musical score, and Jamie Cairney as head of cinematography.

In the Loop is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of In the Loop is 105 minutes long. In the Loop is distributed by IFC Films.

The cast includes: Peter Capaldi as Malcolm Tucker, David Rasche as Linton Barwick, Paul Higgins as Jamie MacDonald, Tom Hollander as Simon Foster, Chris Addison as Toby Wright, Gina McKee as Judy, Alex Macqueen as Sir Jonathan Tutt, James Smith as Michael Rodgers, Enzo Cilenti as Bob Adriano, Mimi Kennedy as Karen Clarke, Olivia Poulet as Suzy, Zach Woods as Chad, Anna Chlumsky as Liza Weld, and Steve Coogan as Paul Michaelson.

In the Loop Quotes

James Smith as Michael Rodgers

• (James Smith) "'PWIP-PIP'? Who wrote that, Charles Dickens?"

• (James Smith) "No, no, no, you needn't worry about the Canadians, they're just happy to be there."
• (James Smith) "Yes, well, they always look surprised when they're invited."

Peter Capaldi as Malcolm Tucker

• (Peter Capaldi) "You sure you're working as hard as I am, 'cause I'm sweating spinal fluid here."

• (Peter Capaldi) "In the words of the late, great Nat King f***ing Cole, unforeseeable, that's what you are."

• (Peter Capaldi) "Christ on a bendy-bus. Don't be such a f***ing faff arse."

• (Peter Capaldi) "Do I look like I've ever set foot in a stationery cupboard? I do all my shagging in five-star hotels."

• (Peter Capaldi) "Right. Was it you?"
• (Tom Hollander) "No, it wasn't. No. What?"
• (Peter Capaldi) "You do know what I'm talking about, don't you?"
• (Tom Hollander) "No. And -- And -- whatever it was, I almost certainly didn't do it."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Was it you, the baby from Eraserhead?"
• (Chris Addison) "No, no."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Then it must have been you, the woman from The Crying Game."
• (Gina McKee) "It wasn't me."

• (Peter Capaldi) "You concentrate on nothing. You stay detached, or else that's what I'll do to your retinas."
• (Tom Hollander) "Can I go to bed now, please?"
• (Peter Capaldi) "Oh no. We're gonna stay here, and you are gonna rehearse saying nothing."
• (Tom Hollander) "-- Am I being tortured?"

• (Peter Capaldi) "Hey, Foetusboy, Lesson One: I tell you to f*** off, what do you do?"
• (Chris Addison) "Eff off?"
• (Peter Capaldi) "You'll go far, now f*** off."

• (Peter Capaldi) "Right, OK. Is it up, have you got it up?"
• (Paul Higgins) "Yeah, it's all fine."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Ok, cut the top paragraph and paste it into page five."
• (Paul Higgins) "Right, yeah, we've done it."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Page six, get rid of the footnotes."
• (Paul Higgins) "Done."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Go to, uh, page nine."
• (Paul Higgins) "Go to page nine."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Highlight from that page right thru the end of the document."
• (Paul Higgins) "Go on -- do it."
• (James Smith) "The caveats."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Right, OK, delete."
• (Paul Higgins) "Right, Ok, we're doin' it. Delete it."
• (James Smith) "You, you can't delete the arguments against the war."
• (Paul Higgins) "Oh, there's a little shake of the head here, Malc. I think he's crashed."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Just give him a thump. That usually works."
• (Paul Higgins) "Let me just try a wee bit of manual override. Let's see if it is possible to delete the arguments against the war. Hey, you could delete it after all. It's done."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Great, right, now attach that to an e-mail."
• (Paul Higgins) "Yes, got it, got it."

• (Peter Capaldi) "Linton. Linton."
• (David Rasche) "Mr Tucker, isn't it? Nice to see you again."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Are you f***ing me about?"
• (David Rasche) "Is there a problem, Mr Tucker?"
• (Peter Capaldi) "I've just come from a briefing with a nine-year-old child."
• (David Rasche) "You're talking about AJ. AJ is one of our top guys. He's a Stanton College Prep, Harvard. One of the brightest and best."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Well, his briefing notes were written in alphabetti spaghetti. When I left, I nearly tripped up over his f***ing umbilical cord."
• (David Rasche) "I'm sorry it troubles you that our people achieve excellence at such an early age. But could we just move on to what's important here? Now, I understand that your Prime Minister has asked you to supply us with some, say, fresh British intelligence, is that true?"
• (Peter Capaldi) "Yeah, apparently, your f***ing master race of highly-gifted toddlers can't quite get the job done --"
• (David Rasche) "All right."
• (Peter Capaldi) "-- between breast feeds and playing with their Power Rangers. So, an actual grown-up has been asked to f***ing bail you out."

• (Peter Capaldi) "Y'know, I've come across a lot of psychos, but none as f***ing boring as you. You are a real boring f***. Sorry, sorry, I know you disapprove of swearing so I'll sort that out. You are a boring F, star, star, c***."

• (Peter Capaldi) "Hi. BBC News Desk, please. Malcolm Tucker. Hi, Ben. Listen, I hear that you might be preparing a story that we might not like. Yeah, please. I just wanted to say, please, this garden-wall story, don't run with that. Simon Foster's constituency office wall. That's what you've got, haven't you? Oh, s***. I haven't let the cat out of the bag, have I? Please, don't run with that. My reputation will be in tatters."
• (Peter Capaldi) "And he is gone."

• (Peter Capaldi) ""Climbing the mountain of conflict"? You sounded like a Nazi Julie Andrews."

• (Peter Capaldi) "Simon, I don't like finding out about people employed by this government via the news unless they've just died. Be here, now,"

• (Peter Capaldi) "I will marshal all the forces of darkness to hound you into an assisted suicide."

• (Peter Capaldi) "All right now, my lovely friends, the bottom line is --"
• (James Smith) "Oh, God, I hate that phrase. "Bottom line." I mean, we're not in retailing."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Sorry. Michael's quite right. I won't use that again. The bottom line is the President is going to the UN. This will be the vote to commence military intervention. And the Prime Minister has decided that we should join him. Rob, Innis, Little Bo Cock Jockey and the Leakey f***ing Mingebox, go back to your desks and prepare to start briefing now."
• (Tom Hollander) "Michael, do you mind if we use your office?"
• (James Smith) "What?"
• (Tom Hollander) "For a couple of minutes?"
• (Peter Capaldi) "Yeah. Michael, sorry. Bottom line is, can you come out again?"

• (Peter Capaldi) "f***ity bye."

• (Peter Capaldi) "You, hey, put the snifter out there that if the BBC ambushes a minister with another surprise question about the war, I'll drop a bomb on them."
• (Gina McKee) "I can't do that, can I? That's political."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Does that not fit within your purview, Marie Antoinette? Why don't you just scuttle off back to f***ing Cranford and play around with your tea and your cakes and your f***ing horse cocks. Let them eat cock."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Hey, you. Ron Weasley, you do it."

• (Peter Capaldi) "This is the minister of international development here, he should be talking about -- food parcels -- not -- f***ing, arse-spraying mayhem."

• (Peter Capaldi) "You say nothing, okay? You stay detached. Otherwise that's what I'll do to your retinas."
• (Tom Hollander) "Right, can I go to bed now, please?"
• (Peter Capaldi) "No, no, no, no. We are gonna stay here, and you are gonna rehearse saying nothing."
• (Tom Hollander) "Am I being tortured?"

• (Peter Capaldi) "When you go to America, talk to Karen Clark at the State Department, yeah?"
• (Tom Hollander) "Right, OK. I'll give it a whirl."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Keep away from Linton Barwick. He's pushing the war for Caulderwood's lot. I'll deal with him. He uses a live hand grenade as a f***ing paper weight. That's a true story."

David Rasche as Linton Barwick

• (David Rasche) "'PWIP-PIP'? What is that, a report on bird-song?"

• (David Rasche) "My golly, I can't see why anyone would choose to work in a glass office, huh? Glass offices, in my opinion, are for perverts."
• (Enzo Cilenti) "I could request the glass be frosted."
• (David Rasche) "Frosting is on cakes, huh? Now, what else happened in London?"
• (Enzo Cilenti) "Ah, generally positive, two glitches --"
• (David Rasche) "Really, what?"
• (Enzo Cilenti) "Karen flagged a report by one of her staffers. She's obviously trying to use it as some kind of roadblock. It's called PWIP PIP."
• (David Rasche) "PWIP what?"
• (Enzo Cilenti) "PWIP PIP."
• (David Rasche) "What is it, a report on bird calls? What does it even stand for?"
• (Enzo Cilenti) "I can't recall. It's factish. Intel for and against intervention."
• (David Rasche) "We have all the facts on this we need. We don't need any more facts. In the land of truth, my friend, the man with one fact is the king. You said there was something else, what is that?"
• (Enzo Cilenti) "In the meeting with the Foreign Office, the committee was accidentally and briefly alluded to."
• (David Rasche) "Which committee?"
• (Enzo Cilenti) "The --"
• (Enzo Cilenti) "The war committee, sir."
• (David Rasche) "All right, Karen is not to know about this, huh? She is an excitable, yapping she-dog. Get a hold of those minutes. I have to correct the record."
• (Enzo Cilenti) "We can do that?"
• (David Rasche) "Yes, we can. Those minutes are an aide-memoire for us. They should not be a reductive record of what happened to have been said, but they should be more a full record of what was intended to have been said. I think that's the more accurate version, don't you?"

• (David Rasche) "It's early days, my friends. All roads lead to Munich."
• (Peter Capaldi) "'All roads lead to Munich -- ' What the f*** does that mean?"
• (Tom Hollander) "Well, I think it means, uh -- actually, no, no, I don't know what it means."

• (David Rasche) "I can't stand to see a woman bleed from the mouth. It reminds me of that Country & Western music which I cannot abide."

Paul Higgins as Jamie MacDonald

• (Paul Higgins) "See that fax?"
• (James Smith) "Yes."
• (Paul Higgins) "That is your career. And I think it might be f***ed, but let's just check. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty f***ed. Now, I hope you can play the spoons, because you're too old to go back to being a gentleman's fluffer."

• (Paul Higgins) "Well, if it isn't Humpty Numpty."
• (Tom Hollander) "What is this? Surround bollocking?"
• (Paul Higgins) "Hey, with due respect, I hadn't finished. If it isn't Humpty Numpty sitting on top of a collapsing wall like some clueless egg c***. Now, I'm finished."
• (Tom Hollander) "Hi, Jamie, this is Toby."
• (Chris Addison) "Oh, um -- Toby Rice, I'm Simon's aide."
• (Paul Higgins) "Hi, Toby, Toby. Very pleased to meet you. Please sit down. Now, right, that's enough of all the f***ing Oxbridge pleasantries."
• (Chris Addison) "What's Oxbridge about saying hello?"
• (Paul Higgins) "Shut it, Love Actually. Do you want me to hole punch your face?"
• (Peter Capaldi) "Right, I'm off to deal with the fate of the planet. Be gentle with them."
• (Paul Higgins) "Oh, you know me, Malc. Kid gloves -- but made from real kids. Right, Butch and Gaydance, this wall story is playing badly. There's a cartoon of you in here as a walrus."
• (Tom Hollander) "A walrus? I'm not fat, I don't even have a moustache. f***, they've given me tusks."
• (Paul Higgins) "Wal-rus. You get it? Wal-rus, wal-rus."
• (Chris Addison) "We called some builders. They didn't turn up when they said they would."
• (Paul Higgins) "What did you expect? They're builders. Have you ever seen a film where the hero is a builder? No, no, because they never f***ing turn up in the nick of time. Bat-builder? Spider-builder? Huh? That's why you never see a superhero with a hod."

• (Paul Higgins) "Ah, right, Frank and Nancy Sinatra. I've got good news for you. You're NOT fired. That's great news, isn't it?"
• (James Smith) "Well, it sounds ominous."
• (Paul Higgins) "We want to get Liza Weld's PWIP PIP out there properly, in the public domain. We just need to refine it a bit."
• (James Smith) "What do you want to refine?"
• (Paul Higgins) "Just mess it up. Move the paragraphs. Change the name of the main informant."
• (James Smith) "Well, that's a complete fabrication."
• (Paul Higgins) "Changing his name doesn't matter. Do you think he's really called Ice Man? Huh? "To Mr and Mrs Man, a son -- Ice." So, change it to another name. What's the name of the f*** with the fiddle?"
• (James Smith) "This happens to be Debussy."
• (Olivia Poulet) "Debussy."
• (Paul Higgins) "Well, we'll change it to Debussy, then."
• (James Smith) "No, we will not."
• (Paul Higgins) "Now, your prints are gonna be all over this, Michael, but that's the only way you can save your job, you leaky f***."
• (James Smith) "Don't make me do this."
• (Olivia Poulet) "It wasn't him."
• (James Smith) "Somebody must have come in there and used the fax machine. It could have been anyone."
• (Paul Higgins) "Fax machine? Ah, no. Don't worry about that. No, I made that up. No, the document was leaked by e-mail. It's just, the fax machine was there, and it's easier to kick. Come on, Thick White Duke. Come with me."

• (Paul Higgins) "OK. Your phone is off, but there's been a catastrof*** here. Someone's leaked Liza Weld's PWIP PIP paper to the BBC. I reckon it's going to be on the six o'clock news, one o'clock your time. That is going to f***ing fist your UN vote to death. Right. Missing you loads. PWIP PIP toodle-oo."

• (Paul Higgins) "You think that's his real name? Iceman? To Mr. and Mrs. Man, a son -- Ice?"

• (Paul Higgins) "All right, that's enough with the f***ing Oxbridge pleasantries."
• (Chris Addison) "Wh -- What's Oxbridge about saying hello?"
• (Paul Higgins) "SHUT IT, Love Actually. You want me to hole-punch your face?"

Mimi Kennedy as Karen Clarke

• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "So you're not resigning?"
• (Mimi Kennedy) "Are you still playing the hawk?"
• (Tom Hollander) "Well, in -- in a way I'm playing a much cleverer game than that -- I'm a fake hawk."
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "A what?"
• (Tom Hollander) "-- Fake hawk?"
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "You're an idiot. Or are you a -- fake idiot?"

• (Mimi Kennedy) "I am gonna go into Linton's office and I'm gonna pull the little pin on that f***ing grenade."
• (Anna Chlumsky) "Don't do that."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "I'm f***ing joking. I'm not gonna do that."

• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "You're beautiful."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "Oh, thank you. I'm sure you say that to all the girls."
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "Yes, I do -- And some of the soldiers, too."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "That's why you shouldn't run for office, bimbo eruptions."
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "Come on, don't believe that s***. I'm not gonna run for office. I'm just trying to do something different."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "It's one of the reasons I like you. I know your passion about education and housing and --"
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "Lingerie."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "There you go."
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "Bestiality."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "I'd forgotten about that. Are you still allergic to the dog?"
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "Yes, yes, I wake up and my eyes are closed and my head is swollen and I look like a giant ball sac."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "Oh, my God. You know, they do have modern medication for that sort of thing. Beautiful ball sac, though."
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "Thank you very much."

• (Mimi Kennedy) "Hey, listen, the war committee. What you have to do is you've got to look for the ten dullest-named committees happening out of the executive branch. Because Linton is not going to call it "The Big Horrible War Committee". He's gonna hide it behind a name like "Diverse Strategy", something so dull you're just gonna want to self-harm."

• (Mimi Kennedy) "Yes, Assistant Secretary, on point six, it feels like there's already been an assumption that we're invading and don't you think that we should discuss the practical implications? I mean, this is, after all, the War Committee."
• (David Rasche) "This is the Future Planning Committee."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "Well, unofficially, it is called the War Committee."
• (David Rasche) "Well, Karen, unofficially, we can call anything whatever we want. I mean, unofficially, this is a shoe, but it's not, Karen, it is a glass of water. And this is the Future Planning Committee."
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "Well, unofficially, this appears to be bulls***."

• (Mimi Kennedy) "Linton has set up a secret war committee. I just know it. I mean, Linton is an absolute lunatic, Liza. He is dangerous. The voices in his head are now sing barbershop together."

• (Mimi Kennedy) "I was going to eat lunch in here. Can you digest? Do you want some food?"
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "Oh, yes, I can digest, yes."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "Chinese OK?"
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "Why don't you order me some little mammals? A little bunny and a little puppy, and a little cat, so I can twist their f***ing neck off and drink their blood."

• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "I'm a voracious reader. I'm the Gore Vidal of the Pentagon."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "Gore's gay."
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "No, he's not."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "I beg to differ, but --"
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "He's gay? 'Cause I've been saying that Gore Vidal line."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "He is gay."
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "Guess I'd better stop saying that then."

• (Mimi Kennedy) "Has a decision already been made in principle to advocate invasion?"
• (David Rasche) "I would refer you to the recent comments of our colleague from the UK, mister Simon Foster, in that regard."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "Yes, I think that mister Foster would have something to say to that."
• (Tom Hollander) "I'm certainly hearing both sides. In England we have a saying for a situation such as this, which is that it's difficult difficult lemon difficult."

• (Mimi Kennedy) "What's going on there, Simon?"
• (Tom Hollander) "It's -- It's departmental business. It's about a wall."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "Oh, Gaza?"
• (Tom Hollander) "Uh-huh."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "I'm wondering where you were in committee, Simon. I called for back-up and you sat there like a dumb sack of s***. Only maybe worse, because, actually, on a molecular level, s*** is probably fizzling with energy."
• (Tom Hollander) "I have to say, Karen, I do have a clear strategy on this, which is I'm playing the long game."
• (Mimi Kennedy) "They've bounced us into a short game, and you just sat there like a -- What do you call it in England? A wanker."

Enzo Cilenti as Bob Adriano

• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "12:30."
• (Enzo Cilenti) "Hold on. General? Yeah -- Secretary Linton Barwick asked me to let you know that his last meeting looks like it's overrunning, he sends his apologies."
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "When will he be here?"
• (Enzo Cilenti) "I don't have that information at this moment."
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "What the f***? Huh? Did he stand me up?"
• (Enzo Cilenti) "No, no, sir. You're more than welcome to wait."
• (Lt. Gen. George Miller) "Do you know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to take a nice big s*** on his desk, just to let him know that I was here. Is that OK with you?"
• (Enzo Cilenti) "I don't think he'd like that too much, sir."

Tom Hollander as Simon Foster

• (Tom Hollander) "Tobes, I don't want to have to read you the riot act but I am going to have to read you some extracts from the riot act, like section one, paragraph one: don't leave your boss twisting in the wind and then burst in late, smelling like a pissed seaside donkey."
• (Chris Addison) "Look, alright, I was late for the meeting, Simon, I am sorry, but it's not like I threw up in there, is it?"
• (Tom Hollander) "No, you're right, I'm being unfair. I should be thanking you for not throwing up. Well done, you're a star. You didn't wet yourself, did you? You're in the right city. You didn't say anything overtly racist. You didn't pull your cock out and start plucking it and shouting "Willy Banjo". No, I'm being really unfair. You'd got so much right, without actually being there in the beginning of one of the most important moments of my career. Thanks, you're a legend."

• (Tom Hollander) "Come in. I just wasn't expecting to see you here. Well, not physically here. You're always in my heart."
• (Peter Capaldi) "I'm here. I'm there. I'm f***in' everywhere. I'm the eggman."
• (Tom Hollander) "Have you come to insult me in a different time zone?"

• (Tom Hollander) "So, this is all going to spin along from here. We're going to have a vote and go to war. We'll fight people, kill them. Our children will get killed. This is exactly the sort of thing that I didn't want to do when I went into politics. This is the opposite of what I wanted to be doing."
• (Peter Capaldi) "That's why you have to stay in Government, to influence things. In here, you can influence things, you can delay things. Out there, you're just another f***ing mouthy, f***ing shouty mad f***er who people don't want to make eye contact with. Remember Mary? Remember what happened? She took a stand on health. Everybody decided that she was mental."
• (Tom Hollander) "Because The Sun showed a picture of her with wide eyes and her head on a cow."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Well I happened to find that a particularly powerful image. Look, the Prime Minister of this country, he's not a f***ing Viking, is he? He doesn't drink blood. He doesn't go around biting tramps."
• (Tom Hollander) "I know the Prime Minister isn't a Viking, Malcolm."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Unlike me, he abhors physical violence."
• (Tom Hollander) "Where is the intelligence, the hard evidence?"
• (Peter Capaldi) "We have got the f***ing intelligence."
• (Tom Hollander) "I haven't seen it."
• (Peter Capaldi) "The intelligence we've got is so deep, so f***ing hard, it'll f***ing puncture your kidneys."
• (Tom Hollander) "Where's it coming from?"
• (Peter Capaldi) "There is an informant. Ice Man."
• (Tom Hollander) "Ice Man?"
• (Peter Capaldi) "I don't name them. Ice Man. Yeah. And the fact is, the stuff that he's given us is -- I've seen it. It would make your blood run cold and clot and turn your insides into f***ing black puddings. But certain box lickers are sitting on it, but you're going to see it, because the PM regards you as a key player in this now."

• (Tom Hollander) "That's not supposed to be out there --"
• (Peter Capaldi) "Well, it is out there, it's out there now, lurking like a big hairy rapist at a coach station. You know, if I could, I'd punch you into paralysis."

• (Tom Hollander) "Come on, Malcolm, he asked me for a personal opinion."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Why didn't you say? He asked you. f***, of course, that explains it. If he'd asked you to f***ing black up, or to give him your PIN number or to s*** yourself, would you have done that?"
• (Tom Hollander) "I would have blacked up, yes. It was radio, nobody would've known."

• (Tom Hollander) "f***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***. Why didn't we nail the line?"
• (Gina McKee) "Simon, I did try to warn you --"
• (Tom Hollander) "Yes, you tried to warn me, but you didn't actually stop me, did you --"
• (Gina McKee) "Well I can't tackle you to the ground --"
• (Tom Hollander) "-- by shouting 'train' at somebody as they get hit by a train. You should go 'train. there's a f***ing train.'"

• (Tom Hollander) "Okay, off you go."
• (Chris Addison) "What do you mean?"
• (Tom Hollander) "I've got this covered. Go and find the next thing. Talk to that Chad boy, the boy from "The Shining." He knows things."
• (Chris Addison) "Don't make me pump Chad."
• (Tom Hollander) "No, I'm making you pump Chad. It'll be easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy."
• (Chris Addison) "No, it won't. It'll be difficult-difficult-lemon-difficult. That is what it will be. Have a lovely afternoon. Stop a war for me."

Alex Macqueen as Sir Jonathan Tutt

• (Alex Macqueen) "Let me tell you the process here, Malcolm, and why that's not possible --"
• (Peter Capaldi) "Just f***ing do it. Otherwise you'll find yourself in some medieval war zone in the Caucasus with your arse in the air, trying to persuade a group of men in balaclavas that sustained sexual violence is not the f***ing way forward."

• (Alex Macqueen) "So, you must be Simon. I'm the British Ambassador to the UN, Sir Jonathan Tutt. Well, this is it, ladies and gentlemen. This is the United Nations. We, sir, are in here. So, if there's anything you need, just give me a whistle. You know how to do that, don't you Malcolm? What do you do? Hm? That's right. You put your lips together and you blow. I'm going to head up to this delegates' reception. I hope there's some nibbles, because I'm ravenous."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Nibbles. Who still says "nibbles"?"
• (Chris Addison) "f*** the nibbles. What was with the homoerotic tension?"

Chris Addison as Toby Wright

• (Chris Addison) "Liza Weld. She did the Kennedy Scholarship at my college. I had a little thing for her at the time."
• (Gina McKee) "I can imagine, yeah."
• (Chris Addison) "Don't think she remembered me, to be honest."
• (Gina McKee) "That is one of the side-effects of Rohypnol."

• (Chris Addison) "What if our meeting has finished? What if Karen comes back and then we're still sitting here? It's going to be embarrassing, isn't it? We're going to look like groupies."
• (Tom Hollander) "What if the meeting hasn't finished? And she comes back and we've disappeared?"
• (Chris Addison) "Maybe I could call Judy? She could --"
• (Tom Hollander) "Please can we try and just do one thing without Judy? I think we've drawn long enough from that -- teat."

• (Chris Addison) "I know you're worried. But don't. Don't worry."

• (Chris Addison) "See that? Pull that out, America deflates."
• (Peter Capaldi) "Yeah, it's very easy to mock. The closest you'll ever get to one of those is buying a f***ing Toblerone. I'll wait in the car."
• (Tom Hollander) "So what are we going back to, apart from a nice cup of tea and some knife crime?"
• (Chris Addison) "Constituency surgery in Northamptonshire."
• (Tom Hollander) "Oh, great. Meeting my constituents. It's like being Simon Cowell, only without the ability to say, "f*** off, you're mental"."

• (Chris Addison) "Suzy, this is probably going to sound a bit odd under the circumstances, but --"
• (Olivia Poulet) "A quickie?"
• (Chris Addison) "No. Thank you, but no. It's about Liza. Liza wrote a paper, it's called PWIP PIP."
• (James Smith) "PWIP what?"
• (Chris Addison) "PWIP PIP."
• (James Smith) "Who wrote that? Charles Dickens?"
• (Chris Addison) "Post War Planning Implications --"
• (Olivia Poulet) "Yeah, all right."
• (Chris Addison) "Right. I think, it could, if it was leaked, stop this kind of rush towards a war, you know, too quickly, that sort of thing. Just if it was leaked."
• (Olivia Poulet) "You are such a coward. Take your backlog of Mojo and your s*** clothes and your eighth of dope and your flute and piss off."

Steve Coogan as Paul Michaelson

• (Steve Coogan) "Am I calm? I'm f***ing ZEN."

Zach Woods as Chad

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Gina McKee as Judy

• (Gina McKee) "I'll just leave you to your thoughts, OK?"
• (Tom Hollander) "I haven't got any thoughts. I'm just staring vacantly into space while a distant voice in the back of my head goes, "Oh, s***." like a car alarm in the middle of the night."

• (Gina McKee) "You know they're all kids in Washington? It's like Bugsy Malone, but with real guns."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.