It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (season 1) Quotes

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is a television show that debuted in 2005 on FX (TV channel). It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia stopped airing in 2005.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia was on for 7 episodes.

The cast includes: Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly, Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds, Rob McElhenney as Mac, and Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Quotes

Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds

• (Glenn Howerton) "Whoa, what's with the spray paint, man?"
• (Charlie Day) "Uhh, what's with your outfit, man?"

• (Glenn Howerton) "All righty. Uh -- You, you, you, you, and you. Come over here."
• (Glenn Howerton) "All right. Now, the rest of you kids can go with those two losers right there."
• (Rob McElhenney) "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell's going on over here?"
• (Glenn Howerton) "I'm picking my team."
• (Kaitlin Olson) "No. No, you-you can't- you can't take all --"
• (Glenn Howerton) "I can't pick the?"
• (Kaitlin Olson) "You can't pick all --"
• (Glenn Howerton) "What should I not pick?"
• (Rob McElhenney) "You know exactly what you've done, sir."

• (Gladys) "What's happening?"
• (Glenn Howerton) "What's happening, Gladys, is we're at the fair and you're gonna act like my grandma, okay?"
• (Gladys) "My grandmother had an affair with Susan B. Anthony."
• (Glenn Howerton) "I-I don't give a s***."

• (College Student) "Whoever it was seems to have been eating newspaper."
• (Glenn Howerton) "All right, well, now we're gettin' somewhere. Which one of you idiots was eating a god**** newspaper?"
• (Charlie Day) "It's gonna go both ways, dude. Sorry."
• (Glenn Howerton) "Really?"
• (Charlie Day) "Yeah. What else? What else?"
• (College Student) "This appears to be a piece of a credit card."
• (Frank Reynolds) "Inconclusive."
• (Glenn Howerton) "How is that not specific to one of you?"
• (Charlie Day) "I wish it was, man, but that's inconclusive."
• (College Student) "Oh, boy, there's a good deal of blood in this stool. Whoever's it is should see a doctor."
• (Charlie Day) "Well, don't give us judgements; just tell us what's in there. What's in there, what else?"
• (College Student) "Is this wolf hair?"
• (Frank Reynolds) "Also inconclusive."
• (Glenn Howerton) "Jesus Christ."

• (Mort) "Frank. Frank. I need some water. My mouth is dry."
• (Frank Reynolds) "Your mouth is dry. Go into the toilet and run your mouth under the sink."
• (Glenn Howerton) "Okay --"
• (Charlie Day) "Yeah, can I? Could I? Can I?"
• (Kaitlin Olson) "I have a --"
• (Charlie Day) "Who's that?"
• (Frank Reynolds) "He's the mortician. I invited him."

• (Glenn Howerton) "Charlie can't read."
• (Frank Reynolds) "He'll adapt."
• (Glenn Howerton) "He'll adapt to reading?"

• (Glenn Howerton) "How much cheese have you eaten today?"
• (Charlie Day) "How much cheese is too much cheese?"
• (Glenn Howerton) "Any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese."
• (Charlie Day) "I had a lot of cheese, I had a block of cheese."
• (Rob McElhenney) "You had a block of cheese?"
• (Charlie Day) "I got really, really nervous I just started eating cheese."
• (Rob McElhenney) "Does that calm you down?"

Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly

• (Jackie) "What is it that you do again?"
• (Charlie Day) "I'm like a janitor at- um, I'm a -- full-on rapist, you know? Uh, Africans, dyslexics, children, that sorta thing."

• (Charlie Day) "Hooooly s***. Is that the ocean?"
• (Glenn Howerton) "Yeah, buddy, that's the ocean."
• (Charlie Day) "What's on the other side of it there?"
• (Frank Reynolds) "Europe."
• (Charlie Day) "Now, how long would it take --"
• (Glenn Howerton) "Do not try and swim to Europe."
• (Charlie Day) "Don't swim to Europe --"
• (Frank Reynolds) "Do not."

• (Charlie Day) "GOOD MORNING, JUAREZ FAMILY."

• (Charlie Day) "Cat in the wall, eh? Okay, now you're talkin' my language. I know that game."

• (Charlie Day) "So, we got ourselves a little Mexican girl here and I'm thinking, well, what does a little Mexican girl love more than anything else in the world?"
• (Glenn Howerton) "Mmm, tacos."
• (Charlie Day) "Tacos, buddy. So, why not make for her a taco bed? You know what I mean?"
• (Glenn Howerton) "Okay."
• (Charlie Day) "She gets to, like, be in a taco every day. So, okay, I got yellow sheets. That's cheese. Green, guacamole. A red little pillow for salsa. And I got these cute little brown pjs so that she gets to feel like ground meat while she's sleeping."
• (Glenn Howerton) "Ah, she's the ground meat in the middle."
• (Charlie Day) "She's the ground meat in the middle."

• (Charlie Day) "What are you gonna do, hit him? No, that's a terrible idea, I'll tell you why: it doesn't unbang your mom."

• (Charlie Day) "Mac, can an asshole rip in half?"
• (Rob McElhenney) "Like tissue paper."

• (Charlie Day) "So what, you want a maid?"
• (Frank Reynolds) "That's right, a maid. A maid I can bang."

• (Charlie Day) "But I am who I am."
• (Rob McElhenney) "Yeah, but let's pretend you aren't who you are and just try to attract a woman."

• (Charlie Day) "You did your best, no hard feelings. I'm going to grab some of this literature on my way out too."
• (Glenn Howerton) "She didn't do that great of a job."
• (Charlie Day) "I mean, don't beat her while she's down, man."

• (Charlie Day) "Uh, later dudes. S you in your A's. Don't wear a C and J all over your B's."

• (Charlie Day) "Ohhhh s***. Look at that door, dude. See that door there? The one marked "Pirate"? You think a pirate lives in there?"

• (Charlie Day) "When was the last time we played Night Crawlers together, Frank?"
• (Glenn Howerton) "Uhh. What's-what's that?"
• (Charlie Day) "Well, it's -- not about you. Why don't you just write it down?"

Rob McElhenney as Mac

• (Rob McElhenney) "He always puts some like awesome twist at the end of his movies to trick the audience."
• (Charlie Day) "Aw yeah, yeah, like in The Sixth Sense you find out that the dude in that hair piece the whole time, that's Bruce Willis the whole movie."

• (Rob McElhenney) "I have an idea."
• (Frank Reynolds) "Where did you come from?"
• (Rob McElhenney) "Frank, I've been walking next to you this entire time."

• (Rob McElhenney) "Jesus Christ, Frank. Are you cutting your toenails with a steak knife?"
• (Charlie Day) "I suppose you have a problem with that, too?"
• (Frank Reynolds) "Ah. Oh. Oh. Botched toe. I botched that one. Oh, that's a botch job. That's bleeding. I need some trash to plug up the cut."

• (Frank Reynolds) "We gotta definitely write a song about how we do not diddle kids. "Do not diddle kids, it's no good diddling kids.""
• (Rob McElhenney) "There is no quicker way for people to think that you are diddling kids than by writing a song about it."

• (Rob McElhenney) "God, you're disgusting. A disgusting animal."

• (Rob McElhenney) "What do we need a mattress for?"
• (Glenn Howerton) "What do you mean what do we need a mattress for? Why in the hell do you think we just spent all that money on a boat? The whole purpose of buying the boat in the first place was to get the ladies nice and tipsy topside so we can take 'em to a nice comfortable place below deck and, you know, they can't refuse, because of the implication."
• (Rob McElhenney) "Oh, uh -- okay. You had me going there for the first part. The second half kinda threw me."
• (Glenn Howerton) "Well, dude, dude, think about it. She's out in the middle of nowhere with some dude she barely knows. You know, she looks around and what does she see? Nothin' but open ocean. "Ahh, there's nowhere for me to run. What am I gonna do, say no?""
• (Rob McElhenney) "Okay. That -- that seems really dark."
• (Glenn Howerton) "Nah, no, it's not dark. You're misunderstanding me, bro."
• (Rob McElhenney) "I'm-I think I am."
• (Glenn Howerton) "Yeah, you are, because if the girl said no then the answer obviously is no --"
• (Rob McElhenney) "No. Right."
• (Glenn Howerton) "But the thing is she's not gonna say no; she would never say no because of the implication."
• (Rob McElhenney) "-- Now, you've said that word "implication" a couple of times. Wha-what implication?"
• (Glenn Howerton) "The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses to sleep with me. Now, not that things are gonna go wrong for her, but she's thinkin' that they will."
• (Rob McElhenney) "But it sounds like she doesn't wanna have sex with you --"
• (Glenn Howerton) "Why aren't you understanding this? She-she doesn't know if she wants to have sex with me. That's not the issue --"
• (Rob McElhenney) "Are you gonna hurt women?"
• (Glenn Howerton) "I'm not gonna hurt these women. Why would I ever hurt these women? I feel like you're not getting this at all."
• (Rob McElhenney) "I'm not getting it."
• (Glenn Howerton) "god****."
• (Glenn Howerton) "Well, don't you look at me like that. You certainly wouldn't be in any danger."
• (Rob McElhenney) "So they are in danger."
• (Glenn Howerton) "No one's in any danger."

• (Rob McElhenney) "Absolutely."
• (Charlie Day) "Absolutely."
• (Glenn Howerton) "Absolutely."

• (Rob McElhenney) "What's up, bitches?"

Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds

• (Kaitlin Olson) "Your life is way more glamorous than what I was picturing."
• (Roxy) "Yeh, yeh. Now, help me dig these crack rocks outta my ass."

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